I walked through, scanning the faces of those around me, until I saw Stu having what appeared to be a heated argument with two other men.
“Put a leash on your brother, would ya? He’s been on the sauce since midday.”
“Oh, fuck off,” someone shouted, and I turned to see Lee making a jerk-off motion with his hand, blind drunk and very clearly angling for a fight.
The man looked at Stu again. “I mean it — we don’t want any trouble.”
“He’s been having a bad night. I’ll make sure he behaves,” said Stu, and the men seemed relatively appeased as they returned to their booth.
“Yeah, that’s right, piss off back to where you came from,” Lee slurred, and Stu scowled at him.
“You trying to start a war?” he hissed, disgruntled.
Lee let out a derisive laugh. “Like we’re not already in one.”
Finally getting my feet to move, I approached them, directing my question at Stu. “What’s going on? What’s wrong with him?”
“Snap,” Lee said, blinking like he thought I wasn’t real.
“He’s drowning his sorrows, that’s what, and trying to get us both killed,” Stu answered. “You see that bloke over there? That’s Ade Fowler. He just got out of prison for manslaughter. Killed the man who’d been having it off with his wife, and this dumb bugger,” he says, gesturing to Lee, “rolls right on up and asks him how his Mrs is doing, big smarmy fucking look on his face.” He paused, taking in my appearance properly. “Jesus, Karla, you could’ve at least gotten changed.”
“I was working, and I thought it was an emergency.”
Before he could respond, Lee was in front of me, his scent invading my senses as he grabbed my wrist and pulled my body to his. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered, alcohol heavy on his breath. “Let’s get out of here.”
I tried to steady myself, placing my hand on his chest and pushing him back. “What are you doing to yourself? This isn’t you,” I said, my voice half angry, half sad.
“Yeah,” he said, riled. “Well, this is what happens when I have to be without you.” He paused for a second, his expression turning tortured. “Life is shit without you, Karla.”
My eyes went to Stu, who was looking at me like it was all my fault his brother was acting like an alco. “Let me talk to him in private for a minute.”
“By all means,” said Stu, lifting his hands in the air.
“Come with me,” I said, focusing back on Lee. Putting his arm over my shoulder, I led him from the crowded pub and into the ladies’ toilets, which were thankfully empty. His face was in my hair, inhaling deeply. I tried to ignore the butterflies scattering around inside me at his touch. I’d missed him, too, desperately.
His hands went to my neck, his thumbs rubbing softly at my throat as a deep groan escaped him. I could feel that he was hard, his erection grinding into my hip.
Fingers fumbling at the collar of my shirt, he urged me, “Take this off.”
I caught his hands to stop him. “No, Lee, look at me. What’s going on with you?”
He lifted his head, his eyes a little bloodshot. “Everything’s going to shit, and I can’t sleep when you’re not there. I need to feel your skin, just for a minute,” he pleaded, and I swallowed tightly. His hands returned to my buttons, but this time I didn’t stop him. I knew I was supposed to be the strong one, but I couldn’t summon enough willpower. I wanted to be touched just as much as he wanted to touch me. His hands slid inside my shirt, gliding over my collarbones and caressing the rise of my breasts.
“So perfect,” Lee groaned, and I breathed raggedly.
One hand sank into my hair, and he growled in frustration when he couldn’t get it out of the bun. “Don’t,” I whispered. “I have to go back to work in a minute.”
His face rose then as he looked me square in the eyes, and even though he was blind drunk, he still managed to look sexy and predatory. “Fuck work. I want to be inside you.”
A second later his lips seized mine, his tongue invading my mouth as my entire body turned to mush. I needed this, needed him. He was still kissing me when his hands dropped from my hair and began fumbling at my belt. Before I knew it, his hand had disappeared inside my pants and his fingers were sliding along my folds, feeling how wet I was.
A deep, masculine noise rumbled up out of his chest, and his mouth went to my neck, kissing me feverishly below the ear. “Fuck, I love you,” he swore, and I went utterly still. My pores tightened, and my hands pushed at him harshly.
“What? What did you just say?” I asked in panic.
“Shhh,” Lee hushed me in a lazy voice. “No talking now.”
I tried to get my heart to beat normally but it was no use. He’d just said he loved me, but he was drunker than I’d ever seen him, and he clearly wasn’t thinking straight. He was horny and full of beer, and though they said that alcohol was truth serum, I wasn’t quite sure that was the case in this instance.
People often mistook lust for love, and that was clearly what was happening with Lee. He wanted me, yes, but love? How could Lee love a woman who stood for everything he didn’t?
He stroked at my clit, while two fingers dipped inside and I let my head fall back in pleasure. His mouth caught mine again, and I savoured how he devoured me, how he acted like I was the only thing in his entire world.
It was just as I was about to come that my conscience began to niggle at me. I was being a selfish bitch, letting Lee get me off when I knew full well I was going to have to leave him after. I’d walk right out of the pub and get back in the patrol car with Tony, go back to the job that meant nothing would ever be right between us.
“Lee,” I breathed, grabbing his wrist and pulling his hand from my pants. “Stop.”
“Why?” he asked, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. “You were almost there. I could feel you swelling for me.”
I blinked, bit harshly at my lip, and gathered all my courage. “Because it isn’t right. You’re drunk, and I’m taking advantage of you.”
He laughed loudly, his face so handsome when he smiled. “You can’t take advantage of someone who wants it.”
I looked at the floor. “Yeah, well, there are lots of different ways to take advantage. Whatever way you want to look at it, I’m a cop. I’m in a position of power over you, and just being here is reckless behaviour on my part.”
Lee leaned closer and tapped at my forehead. “You’re thinking too much.”
Now it was my turn to laugh. “No, actually, I’m not thinking at all. If I was, I wouldn’t be here.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, not this shit again. Sometimes I feel like I just go around in circles with you.”
“That’s because we keep trying to ignore what’s right in front of us,” I argued.
At this he placed his hands on either side of my face, lifting my head so I was looking directly at him. “I’m ignoring nothing. I see what’s right in front of me, and it’s fucking perfect. You’re perfect. Come back to me, Karla.”
My eyes flickered between his, my mouth falling open as his terribly romantic statement washed over me. My heart pounded, my lungs filled with air, and all at once I wondered if I’d ever feel this way for any man ever again.
Before I could respond, the door to the ladies swung open, and I winced at the idea of being caught in a clinch by some random woman. It was only when I turned my head and saw Tony standing there that I wished that had been the case.
Seventeen
Tony’s eyes flared wide as he took in the scene: me with the front of my shirt splayed open, my bra exposed, the fly of my trousers undone, Lee’s hands cupping my face.
After just a second, his expression darkened, and he levelled me with a hard look. “Fix yourself up, Constable, and meet me outside. I’ll be waiting in the car.” With that he turned and left the bathroom, and I flew into a panic.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I swore, backing away from Lee and right up into the opposite wall.
&n
bsp; “Hey, it’ll be okay,” he tried to reassure me. “I’ll go and talk to him.”
“You won’t do anything of the sort. This is my mess. I’ll fix it. Just…just help me set my uniform back to rights.”
Silently, he came forward, redoing my belt as I buttoned up my shirt and tried to straighten out my hair. Glancing in the mirror, I saw that my lips were red and swollen, my cheeks flushed. This was so, so bad. There was no way of convincing Tony that what he’d seen hadn’t been what it looked like.
“I have to go,” I told Lee, stepping away from him and heading toward the door.
“Wait,” he said, grabbing my wrist.
I turned back, our gazes locking, and a sense of despair washed over me. All my recklessness had finally reached its climax. Either Tony was going to report me for seeing a man currently under police investigation, or he was going to keep my secret, and I had no idea which option was for the better.
“I’ll come see you tomorrow,” Lee promised.
“Yes, fine,” I replied, flustered. “Right now I just need to go and deal with Tony.”
With that I yanked my wrist from his hold and walked out of the ladies’. When I climbed into the car beside Tony, I found him staring straight ahead, his mouth a firm line. A moment of quiet passed before he spoke.
“How long’s it been going on?”
Guilt and remorse roiled within me. We were supposed to be friends. Friends didn’t deceive each other like I’d deceived Tony. “I never meant for any of this to happen. You have to believe me when I say that.”
“How long, Karla?”
“Two months, maybe a little more. The first time I met him was six months ago, but nothing happened between us for a long while.”
Tony shook his head and let out a slow breath. “You know what? I should’ve seen this coming. Looking back, all the signs were there. I just never expected this from you. You’re supposed to be one of the good ones. Fuck knows there’s so little of us left as it is.”
“I am one of the good ones. My relationship with Lee is entirely personal. It’s never had anything to do with my work.”
Tony gave me his fatherly stare, the one that made me wither in place. “So you’re telling me the time we searched his garage and came up empty, it had nothing to do with you?”
I turned to him, my expression agonised. “Okay, yes, but that was the only time, I promise. He was with me when you called and overheard the conversation. I never told him anything. It was just bad timing.”
“Can you even hear yourself right now? You’re having a relationship with a known felon. Christ, your own father is working on the case that will put him behind bars. You’re one of my closest friends, Karla, so please listen to me when I say this. You need to get out now before everything implodes around you.”
My voice was barely a whisper when I replied, “I’ve tried to get out. It’s not that easy, especially when feelings are involved.”
Now he looked concerned. “Do you love him?”
“No!” I exclaimed. “Of course not.” A pause. “I don’t know. I’ve never been in love.”
He was quiet for a long minute, and I could tell that his temper was dying down a little as he contemplated things. His voice turned softer. “Look, I get it, believe me, I do. The bloke is charismatic, and, from speaking with him in the interview room, I get the sense he’s out to set his own version of justice on the world. There’s an appeal to that, and in a certain way I can respect it. But when it comes down to brass tacks, that boy lives in a different world from us, Karla, with an entirely different set of rules.”
“I know that, but it’s not been easy for him. He practically raised his brothers all by himself. That family had nothing. If either one of us were born into that, we’d be living by a different set of rules, too.”
Tony stared at me sadly, his breath leaving in a heavy rush. “You do love him.”
I focused on my lap. “Maybe.”
He reached over and took my hand in his. “Listen, I have your best interests at heart. You’re young. I look at you like I would one of my own daughters, so when I say this, it’s with the utmost care. You need to step away and put this in the past. There’ll be other men, ones who don’t hold the ability to wreck your life, your career. You’ll just have to go through the heartache before you can come out the other side.”
I stared at the hand he was holding, completely deflated. Tony was talking sense, and I knew he’d never give me bad advice. He cared about me, and he was right. I had to be the strong woman I always claimed to be and stop seeing Lee for good.
“Are you going to report me to Jennings?” I whispered into the quiet of the car.
Tony let out a gruff breath. “If you promise to end it, then no. I’ll forget this night ever happened.”
“Thank you,” I said, looking him in the eye, and I meant it. This was my final chance, and I had no intention of screwing it up.
***
The following day I was off work. It was late evening and starting to get dark, and I was on my way back from the corner shop, where I’d gone to pick up a few things. I was walking alongside a row of storage compartments, where some of the locals kept their cars and household tools. There were lots of them around London, because most people lived in flats and didn’t have anywhere to keep extras like ladders and lawnmowers. I kept thinking I could hear feet pounding from above my head, but maybe I was imagining things. Why would anybody be running along the roofs?
Reaching the break between one row and the next, I looked up just in time to see Lee leap through the air, bridging the six-foot gap and making a perfect landing on the next row of compartments. For a second I stood there in awe. The sight was just so completely unexpected, and something about the way he moved niggled at my memory, like an odd sense of déjà vu.
“What are you doing up there?” I called, stopping in my tracks to peer up at him.
When he saw I’d spotted him, he stopped, shooting me a cheeky grin before backing up a few steps, then taking a run and jump to the ground. Whoa. He crouched when he landed, and I couldn’t hide that I was impressed.
“I thought it was only Trevor and Liam who did…all that stuff.” I motioned with my hands, pretending like I hadn’t known.
Lee rose to standing, the grin still on his face as he dusted himself off. “Who d’ya think taught them?”
“Oh,” I breathed, unsure what else to say. I wanted to ask him where he learned, if he ever got scared that he might fall and really hurt himself, but I didn’t. Now wasn’t the time. “What are you doing here?”
“Came to see you, like I said I would,” he replied, stepping forward and taking my hand, his fingers intertwining effortlessly with mine. He was already tugging me forward, relieving me of my shopping bag before I could try to stop him.
“Let go, Lee.”
He glanced at me over his shoulder. “Just give me half an hour, okay? Then I’ll leave.”
Knowing he wasn’t going to take no for an answer, I allowed him to lead me inside the block of flats opposite mine. We climbed almost fifteen flights of stairs before we reached an emergency exit and Lee pushed it open, leading me onto the roof of the building. I pulled my hand from his, not too thrilled to be up so high. I didn’t have a fear of heights, but there wasn’t any proper sort of railing around the edge of the roof, which would make anyone a tad nervous.
Folding my arms across my chest, I shot him a wry look. “You’re not going to try to push me to my death, are you?”
Lee smirked and came to pull me forward once more. I noticed somebody had left an old couch up here, and there were a bunch of cigarette butts on the ground alongside a few empty beer cans. Lee plopped down onto the couch, but I resisted when he tried to pull me down with him.
“I’m not sitting on that.”
Without a word he stood, unzipped his jacket and laid it down for me, leaving him in only a grey long-sleeved T-shirt. Finally, I sat, inhaling his scent on the fabric almos
t against my own will.
“Well, this is romantic,” I said, heavy on the sarcasm. We were both staring at the view beyond us. It was twilight, not quite day, not quite night, and there were rooftops and buildings as far as the eye could see. Smog hung thick in the sky, another day in the city drawing to a close.
“Glad you approve,” Lee replied. “So, how’d the old guy take it last night?”
“Tony’s forty. He’s not old,” I told him grumpily. Lee slid his arm around my shoulders, and I bristled at his touch.
“You took my jacket. The least you can do is let me snuggle close for warmth,” he flirted, trying to charm me.
Letting out a long sigh, I finally explained, “He didn’t take it well, but he’s not going to report me.” I paused, cocking my head and sliding my eyes to his. “On the condition that I stop seeing you.”
Lee’s expression gave nothing away. “I thought you already had.”
“So did I. But you seem to keep turning up like a bad penny,” I elbowed him in the side.
“Ouch,” said Lee, putting his hand to his chest like he’d just been wounded. A quiet passed.
“Why did you drink so much yesterday? I’ve never seen you like that before.”
His breath came out in a heavy whoosh. “A combination of reasons.”
“Such as?”
Rubbing at his jaw, he answered, “It was the anniversary of Mum’s death. It’s always been a shit day, but it was shittier than usual this year.” With his arm still around my shoulders, he picked up a strand of my hair and rubbed it between his fingers. “For one, I was missing you, and for two, I was dealing with the fallout from discovering who beat Liam.”
I let out a quiet gasp. “Who was it?”
Lee looked away and into the distance. “My boss.”
I gaped at him in disbelief. His boss was Tommy McGregor. Lee made a lot of money for the man, so why on earth would he do such a thing? As though he could read my thoughts, Lee continued, “He got an inkling I was fixing to get out, didn’t like that, didn’t like the money he’d lose if I left. So he decided to send a message, showed how he’d hurt my family if I ever fucked him over.”