I easily caught her hand in a tight grip. Before she could try to break free, I pushed her back. Off-balance, her knees gave out and she fell. I should have known she wouldn’t go down without a fight. She hooked her foot behind my calf and pulled me with her. Now that, I hadn’t expected.
Together we landed on her bed. For one long moment we merely lay there, too stunned to move. I didn’t dare remove her blindfold, afraid I’d see the attraction in her gaze and wouldn’t be able to help myself. Her warm breath fanned across my face, her sweet scent swirling around me.
“Very good,” I said softly, knowing I had to say something.
Her heart pounded against my chest, showing her nerves, although her voice came out steady. “Not very good, you caught me.”
“Still, you were able to sense my approach.”
God, we were making asinine conversation, avoiding the truth of the situation. She shifted and I became uncomfortably aware of her warm body under mine. She reached for the blindfold at the same time I did. My hands rested over hers, the blindfold still in place as we froze. Bloody hell, it was too intimate. I couldn’t be next to her without wanting to kiss her.
“Emma,” I said, my voice strained. “We can’t—”
“Kiss me,” she whispered.
I stiffened, my fingers curling around hers. For one moment, I thought about rejecting her. Knew I needed to escape before this became too serious. But my body betrayed me and slowly I shifted, lowering my head. My lips touched hers softly, savoring her sweet mouth. I wanted to sink into her, to kiss her forever.
My conscience wouldn’t let me.
Just as she placed her hands on my shoulders, I pulled away, my forehead resting against hers, our harsh breaths mingling. “I can’t stop,” I whispered. “If I keep kissing you, I won’t be able to stop and we can’t do this. We can’t.”
“Why, Owen?”
I moved away from the bed as she tore the blindfold from her eyes. How the hell was I going to protect her when I couldn’t be near her? I grabbed my jacket and shoved my arms through the sleeves.
“Why?” she demanded, sitting on the edge of her large bed, looking confused and frustrated.
“We can’t, Emma,” I said, repeating the mantra like a good soldier.
She surged to her feet, her hands fisted in anger. “Why?”
She wouldn’t let it go. Why couldn’t she let it go? “Damn it, Emma, why can’t you just leave it alone?”
She started toward me, that determined glint in her gaze. She wouldn’t relent. “Why!”
Frustrated, angry, I said the one thing I knew I shouldn’t. “Because you can’t, Emma. A Matchmaker can’t know love.”
********
Emma
It took me two hours to find Owen. After searching the many halls, after mentally calling for him, after even biting the bullet and asking Petunia, who had assured me in a cold manner that she had no idea…a maid had finally taken pity on me and suggested I try the library. The conference room was empty and the door to the library had opened automatically for me, as if I were now part of the house and welcome to go anywhere I pleased.
Even though it was my second visit, the place was still majorly impressive. The rows and rows of shelves overwhelmed me. The area was so large, the light couldn’t even reach the far corners of the domed ceiling. How would I ever find him? Usually he was the one who found me. I started down an aisle of biographies, feeling confused…almost lost. He couldn’t just do that to me, damn him. He couldn’t kiss me, tell me I could never find love, and then disappear. What the heck did he mean by it anyway?
Love in general? Or love with him? Heck, we’d just kissed. That was all. Not like I was buying the latest issue of Bridal Weekly. But even as I thought the words, I knew better. Eternity. I had eternity with the guy. How could I keep my feelings for him under wraps? Then again, eternity was a freaking long time; most likely I’d grow sick of him by next week.
I turned a corner, starting down yet another endless row. The place seemed deserted, desolate, empty, much like how I felt. I didn’t believe in love, did I? Yet I couldn’t mistake the euphoria I’d experienced after setting up Paula with Tony. The feelings I’d experienced when I’d told that French woman she could find her true love in Lyon. Love…pure, simple, freeing…exactly what love should feel like. Love shouldn’t make you desperate and needy, as it had with Mom. It should make you happier, better in some way.
But believing in true love and soul mates went against everything I’d ever known. Even my own mother hadn’t loved us enough, had she? No, she’d given in to her own selfish need for attention and followed some guy half her age across the country. Wasn’t a parent’s love supposed to be the purest of all? I hadn’t even experienced that, so how could I possibly believe in true, unflinching, uncompromising love?
I paused, leaning back against a smooth polished-walnut shelf, my gaze going to the ceiling above, so high that it faded into darkness. How could I possibly believe in love? Yet, when Owen pressed his lips to mine with such strength and assuredness, I could almost believe in him. Maybe not love…but him.
I closed my eyes, remembering the feel of his mouth on mine. Just like that, a whispered indication of where he was called to me. I opened my eyes. Owen. An unmistakable feeling that told me to turn right. I turned and followed the aisle farther into the darkness, not having a clue where I was headed but trusting my instincts as Owen had wanted me to all along. At the end of the aisle I turned left, and found a softly glowing lamp on a table. Just over the stack of books I spotted Owen, his head resting upon the tabletop, his eyes closed.
Slowly, quietly, I went to him, my heart pounding harder with each step closer. I could love him. Oh God. My steps faltered, my heart stopped for one brief moment. This man I’d only known for a month, this guy who protected me when no others had, this man who took my pain even if it was a small scratch, this man who was so serious and so intent on rescuing me even though I didn’t need it. I could love him. And that scared the hell out of me.
My hands curled as I resisted the urge to reach out to him. Slowly, my gaze moved down his face to his shoulders, down his arm to his hands. His sleeves were rolled, showing off those intricate tattoos. I’d noticed them on Josh as well, which meant they must have been some sort of Protector initiation ritual. I started to reach for his hand, unable to stop myself, when I noticed the books piled haphazardly about the table.
The Secret life of a Matchmaker.
Curses and Cures.
Bemused, I pushed aside the books to reveal more journals about Matchmakers, Protectors, and curses. He was researching…but why? Shouldn’t he already know everything? I pulled the book closest to him toward me and read.
Throughout time, no Matchmaker has ever had a successful relationship. Because Matchmakers are being punished by the gods, the curse states that they are not to know love of their own. Any attempt to forgo your duties, especially in a relationship, always ends in disaster. If a Matchmaker falls for a human, that human will most likely meet a fateful death.
A cold weight sank into my gut. Never know love. Never date. Never marry.
Owen shifted, lifting his head, but I didn’t move, merely continued to stare at that passage. I couldn’t seem to breathe. Irony. How ridiculous. I couldn’t experience love. Only a few weeks ago I hadn’t wanted love. But now…
“Emma,” Owen’s voice was husky. “Bloody hell, did I actually fall asleep? I never sleep.”
I jerked my gaze toward him. “I can’t get married?”
He was silent, watchful, wary as he reached for his glasses.
“I can’t have kids?”
He put his glasses on. “Did you want kids?”
Of course I hadn’t wanted kids, had I? But still, the realization that I could match others but not myself didn’t sit well. I sank onto the empty chair next to his, staring unblinkingly at the open book. I hated the fact that I had no control over my own life. What right did this book ha
ve to tell me what I could and couldn’t do? Who was anyone to decide my fate?
“Emma, I’m sorry—”
“Did you know this the entire time?”
He nodded. Not even a pause.
I sank back against the chair, the legs creaking with the movement. I didn’t know how to feel. Oddly I felt cold…empty. All this time he’d known. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Would you have come with me if I had? Would you have even believed me?”
My anger flared. “Don’t give me that. You’ve had plenty of opportunities since we arrived here.” I surged from my chair, too annoyed to sit. “How do you know it’s true? Just because some stupid book says—”
“Sebastian.”
I shook my head, confused. “Who?”
“Seb…you met him at the airport.” Owen raked his hands through his hair, leaving it mussed. He took off his glasses again, tossing them to the tabletop. He wore them less often now, for some reason. “I told him about the curse, but he didn’t care…he couldn’t help himself.”
“What happened?”
“He fell in love with his Matchmaker and…she ended up dying. When he tried to save her, he almost died as well.”
It sounded so final. No getting around it. Jotham had warned me that day in town. Even Owen had repeatedly told me we couldn’t have a relationship, but I had just thought it was Owen being Owen.
“Happened to Petunia too.”
Unwillingly, I felt sorry for her. So we were all fated to be alone. “If you knew all of this, then why are you researching?”
He looked away this time, focusing on the lamp resting on the table. “Because you should be able to have a life, a family, like a normal person.”
My heart warmed. He was trying to help, which made the fact that he’d kept this from me a little easier to take. “Okay.” For a moment I merely sat there, mulling over everything, trying to understand his feelings for me, trying to understand the situation. “So then we keep it professional.”
He released a wry laugh.
Yeah, easier said than done. It was obviously what he’d been trying to do all along…keep us apart. But maybe, just maybe if I kept it professional too, then we could get past this attraction.
If I fell for Owen, he could lose his powers…or worse.
I couldn’t let that happen. He lived for those powers, for his job. He’d be miserable without this stupid Consulate. Petunia suddenly appeared, standing across from us. I hoped it was a mirage; unfortunately I wasn’t that lucky. Freaking perfect timing.
She wore tight skinny jeans and a V-neck T-shirt that showed off her massive double D chest. Wasn’t she violating some Protector dress code? Shouldn’t she wear some sort of shapeless suit? I resisted the urge to curse her out, trying to remember the heartache she’d apparently gone through. But it was hard to believe she even had a heart.
She didn’t bother to look my way, but focused on Owen. “Jotham is asking after you. Says it’s important.”
Owen slid me a glance. “Later?”
I nodded.
He disappeared, leaving me alone with Pain-in-my-ass Petunia.
She reached forward and picked up his glasses. “He always forgets them.”
She glanced at me, an odd look in her gaze as if she knew something I didn’t. I had to resist the urge to gag. I got it…she knew him better than I did. What’d she want, a trophy?
“You’re in love with him,” she stated boldly. “Owen, you’re in love with him.”
I scoffed, crossing my arms, praying my face didn’t flush. Who the heck was she to come in here proclaiming ridiculous statements? “I don’t believe in love.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You can’t…oh my God, you’re serious?” She released a sharp laugh, shaking her head. “Unbelievable.”
I didn’t bother to respond. She pulled out a chair and sat at the table across from me, my silence not hint enough. “I understand why. He’s amazing. He’s courageous. Loyal. Gorgeous. Brave. And when he laughs, the entire world lights up.”
Laughed? I realized with a start that Owen rarely smiled around me, let alone laughed. Of course, I wasn’t going to divulge that information.
“But to him, you’re just a job. You’ll always be just a job.”
Her words stung, although I showed no outward reaction. “Don’t worry, I have no plans to fall in love with my Protector. I’d never do something so stupid.”
I honestly hadn’t meant to imply that she’d been stupid to fall in love with her Matchmaker, but I realized too late that’s how she took it. I ignored her flushed face and turned, heading back down the aisle. I didn’t care, because my thoughts were centered on Owen.
Did I make him laugh? No. Did I make him smile? No. Did I make him happier? Apparently not. I paused at the end of the aisle, and leaned against a bookshelf.
Maybe, just maybe, I was starting to fall in love with Owen. But maybe, just maybe, he would never love me back.
Chapter 16
Emma
“Better, but you still need to concentrate.”
“I am!” I snapped, glaring at Owen. He’d woken me up at six a.m. only to lead me into the training room while I’d still been half-asleep. And he expected me to be on my toes, in tip-top shape? For almost two weeks he’d been relentless, determined to teach me how to protect myself. The attack had obviously sent him teetering toward the edge. But frankly, I was tired, hungry, and sick of him telling me what to do.
“Why don’t you find Petunia? I’m sure she’d love to train with you.”
Over the days, it had become more and more apparent that although Owen didn’t feel anything for Pet, she certainly felt something for him. Of course, being the guy that he was, he hadn’t just come out and told her to back off. No, he remained friendly, giving her hope.
I wanted to pull her aside and tell her to get over him, that it wasn’t going to happen. But there was a tiny part of me that wondered if maybe he was still friends with Petunia because he was attracted to her. And why wouldn’t he be? She was gorgeous, while I looked like, well…me.
He crossed his arms over his chest, the gray T-shirt he wore stretching across his broad shoulders. In that T-shirt—with his hair mussed and his glasses gone, and those tattoos entwining up his arms—he looked more like the kind of guy I’d see at the bars I used to frequent, not the Owen I knew.
“Not a bad idea,” he said. “Pet’s brilliant in hand-to-hand combat.”
“I bet she is,” I muttered.
Apparently my joke had fallen flat. There was no mirth in his gaze, only a cold relentlessness I didn’t like. “Close your eyes.”
I threw him one last glare before complying. Slowly, he moved around me. I could feel his energy, could just hear the soft fall of his footsteps as he traveled…then…nothing. He’d disappeared. I frowned, annoyed that he’d used his powers again, but I knew better than to complain after he set me straight last time.
You think demons and vampires won’t use theirs?
I hated when he acted the aloof teacher, so determined to do his job. When he was like this, it was hard to remember he’d kissed me, hard to remember we were friends, and…more.
“What if we talk about our issues instead?”
His warm breath whispered across the back of my neck, sending a shiver down my spine. “What issues?”
He was playing dumb in order to avoid the topic. “Owen, if I fall in love, that person dies. I’d say that’s an issue, a big one.”
I could sense him at my left. “You don’t believe in love, so it shouldn’t be a problem.”
“Don’t,” I snapped, forcing myself to keep my eyes closed, not wanting to see the arrogance in his gaze. “Don’t turn this into a joke.”
He sighed, standing in front of me now. “Listen to me.” He stepped closer, so close his warm breath whispered across my lips. “Tonight is the Consulate meeting. They have one every month. They’ll be busy, so it will be the perfect time to escape.?
??
I opened my eyes, stunned. “We’re leaving?”
He nodded. “It was a mistake coming here, but I felt like I had no other choice.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I demanded in a harsh whisper.
“Because there are spies everywhere, and you wear your emotions on your face.”
“I do not!”
“You do.” He stepped back, putting distance between us, and obviously trying to put an end to the conversation. “Now…concentrate.”
“Where will we go?”
He moved toward the wall where a variety of weapons hung. “The only place that’s protected…the cottage. Fortunately, your aunt had the good sense to have a fairy set a spell on the property. Only a select few can find it. Now, relax. Concentrate, you must concentrate.”
Was he kidding? “You just drop the news that we’re escaping tonight, and then you expect me to train? I don’t want to concentrate!”
“We have to act normal.” He pulled a saber from the sheath pinned to the wall, the swoosh of metal against metal echoing across the training room. “And normalcy is we train.”
So that’s why we were in the training room and not in my bedroom…so everyone would see us; just a typical day. But I didn’t want to act normal, and I knew one thing that would throw him off his game, the only thing. I was about to step closer and kiss him senseless, just to get him to drop that cold facade, when I heard the unmistakable thump of footsteps.
“Owen,” Josh called out.
Surprised, I jerked my gaze toward the open door. He moved quickly into the room, his long legs eating up the parquet floor. Perfect timing. Had Petunia sent him? But no…he looked serious, so dang serious that I knew instantly something was up.
“What are you doing here?” Owen asked, his tone edged.
You could say they despised each other, these boys and their egos. And yeah, I’d realized pretty quickly that they didn’t get along, and I’d even flirted with Josh knowing it would annoy Owen. But I was tired of the games, tired of the conspiracy.
Josh glanced my way and smiled. I flushed, feigning sudden fascination with the hem of my tank top. Yep, really shouldn’t have flirted with him. Owen shifted, stepping closer to me like a good caveman claiming his woman. But he hadn’t really ever claimed me, had he? Heck, I wasn’t even sure if he was actually dating Petunia or not. He said they weren’t, but I wondered if Petunia realized that.