Granddad raised his hand and gently caressed my cheek with his knuckles. The gesture surprised me, because I couldn’t recall when he’d last done something like it. Still, I was glad to see he’d softened up in his old age.
11
Ryan
“How long do you intend to hide in the office, pretending you’re working? Everyone knows all you do is stare at Emily’s picture,” said Benjamin Reiss, my closest friend out of the Blackstone guys and the only person who had the courage to tell me the truth to my face. Given my nasty demeanor lately, everybody else I worked with was afraid they’d end up on the street.
“Fuck off,” I growled, but he paid me no mind and sat on the leather chair opposite my desk.
My thoughts were constantly occupied by Emily, seriously disrupting my sleep. My need for her continuously pulsed through my veins. I repeatedly asked myself how I could make her come back to me but had no viable plan.
As for work, I’d managed to write a new ballad I was sure my fans would like.
“This shit can’t go on,” Benjamin added, narrowing his brown eyes. He was dressed in worn jeans and a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. With his athletic figure and bulging muscles, he was a real chick magnet. And he took advantage of female attention any way he could.
Benjamin meant well but talking to him wouldn’t help me. Consumed by despondency, I wasn’t in the mood for small talk. “I told you to fuck off.”
Why wouldn’t he just leave me be?
“No matter how much you stare at Emily’s photo, she won’t jump out of it and land on your lap.”
Glaring at him, I snapped back, “Why don’t you keep your dumb advice to yourself?”
He raised his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay, sorry. I know you feel shitty because you two can’t be together, but you have to do your damnedest to lock your feelings in a box—”
“What do you know about feelings?” As far as I was aware, he’d never been in love.
“Don’t bark at me. I’m only trying to help. It’s great having both my heart and head in the right place.”
“Since you only think with your dick, I assume that’s the head you’re referring to.”
He rolled his eyes. “You were also doing just fine until you met Emily.”
I snorted in disgust. “Bullshit, she made my life complete.”
“But now you’re suffering, so don’t tell me how great it is to be in love. Anyway, where was I? Fuck… I lost my train of thought.” He paused momentarily and then resumed his verbal onslaught. “So, the best cure for getting rid of these fucking feelings and moving on is to find some hot piece of ass. As you know, Tom is having a private party at the bar, and if you only knew how many hot chicks he’s invited, you’d start drooling.”
Yeah, right, as if I didn’t know what to expect—beautiful airheads with fake tits and asses. I don’t know who decided that ass implants were a good idea, but this current trend wasn’t my thing.
Benjamin continued, “Looking at you, you’ll still do well. Your beard gives you a manlier appearance. Your muscles are bigger than ever—”
“Don’t tell me you’re playing for the other team now.” The last thing I needed now was to come up with a way of dealing with a recent out-of-the-closet bisexual.
Grinning, he shook his head and said, “Not a chance, man. I love pussy too much. All I meant was that you look pretty damn good for someone who just had a breakdown. As I was saying, you’ll still do well with the ladies. So, go and enjoy life.”
“Fucking anyone who walks won’t give me the satisfaction I need.” I locked my eyes onto Emily’s picture once more. No other woman could take her place.
While we’d been together, the ground beneath my feet steadied. However, I’d fallen into an abyss and there was no way out.
I needed to get drunk. I grabbed the bottle of cognac on my desk and scowled at its emptiness. “If you’re such a good friend, why don’t you go to the bar and bring me a fresh bottle?”
“Ha, why don’t you get your ass of this chair and come with me. Come on now, pal. You need to have a bit of fun,” he said and stood up.
* * *
I didn’t know why on earth I listened to Benjamin. Tom’s party definitely wasn’t my scene. The moment I entered the bar, two sluts threw themselves at my neck and another two at Ben’s. My randy friend had a grin from ear to ear, his eyes alternating between the girls’ tits. I already knew where this evening was heading: a wild orgy. But that wasn’t my plan for the night.
Even though Emily was forbidden fruit, I couldn’t imagine spending the night with another woman, let alone two, so I tried to ditch the groupies hanging from my neck.
“Girls, I think you better find someone else. Not in the mood tonight.”
One of them slid her fingers between the buttons of my shirt and stroked my belly. “We know thousands of ways to make you relax, right, Alexa?”
Alexa nodded and rubbed her silicone breasts against me. Her tight blouse had such a plunging neckline that her nipples were in danger of popping out at the slightest sudden movement. “You don’t have to make any effort. Just lay back and relax – we’ll do all the work,” she said, licking her painted, bright red lips.
In different circumstances, I probably would’ve let them do their thing. It was clear they both had plenty of experience. But since I was devilishly in love with my petite Frenchy, I couldn’t let anyone else touch me.
“I need a drink.” I pushed them away and sat at the bar to order a whisky. Alcohol was my only solace.
While I was waiting for my beverage, someone grabbed my shoulder, saying in a familiar voice, “Do you have any idea how worried Susan is about you?”
I looked over my shoulder to meet Mike Falkers’ icy stare. I didn’t pay him any attention. I still couldn’t accept he was now part of my mother’s life.
The barman, Ron, handed me the double whisky. I took a sip, hoping the liquor would release some of my tension. But it couldn’t fill the hole inside me.
Mike continued, “Have you tried calling Emily?”
“I don’t think that’s any of your business.”
He sat on the empty bar stool beside me. “Actually, it is very much my business, especially when I see how many people are suffering. Susan is beside herself, blaming herself for everything. You don’t rehearse with the guys, and we have a tour coming up. Instead of getting your shit together, you just sit around getting wasted.”
I lunged at him and grabbed him by the neck. “I don’t need your advice on how to live my fucking life!”
I had to give it Mike—he was no coward. He didn’t even blink at my frenzied stare.
I didn’t actually want to fight Mike, so I released him from the chokehold.
He rubbed his neck and growled, “Fuck you, Ryan. Go meet Emily and have a fucking DNA test to make sure. Get a hold of yourself and fight for your happiness, because it’s unbearable being around you.”
Sensing she wouldn’t get anything out of me, Alexa wrapped her arms around Mike and meowed, “Honey, don’t get so fired up. Surrender to pleasure with me instead.”
He grabbed her wrists and gently pushed her away. “Sorry, doll, but I’m practically married.” He threw me an angry look and melted into the crowd.
Married? My mother getting hitched with my manager was the last thing I needed right now. Fuck this shitty life.
* * *
It was almost 5 am when I got home. I went into the bathroom and ran the shower. I undressed and stood under the hot stream. I needed to release the tension that was about to erupt from me. I closed my eyes and the image of my sweet Emily appeared before me. Her beautiful body, thick lips and those blue eyes in which I lost myself.
I was hard. Painfully hard. And my soul cried out for healing.
I took hold of my cock and started to slide my hand up and down, from the base to the head, picturing the delicate hands of my French girl touching me.
I didn?
??t care if it was wrong. I didn’t care if she was my sister. For fuck’s sake, when I’d first met her, she’d been just a beautiful stranger. Now she was my other half, and I couldn’t live without her.
The thought of her hungry sexy mouth sucking me off insatiably filled my mind and I growled in pleasure. Her delicate fingers massaged my balls, while her tongue was licking me tirelessly, giving me pleasure.
Powerful water jets sprayed my back. My body was burning in desire for release.
I opened my eyes and rested my hand on the wall for support. I continued rubbing myself with the other hand. My thigh muscles tensed up. My lips parted for a breath of air. I closed my eyes and could almost sense Emily’s sweet aroma, her tight pussy gripping me hard while I fucked her, her nails digging into the skin of my back, her long legs wrapped around my waist.
“Oh, God, give her back to me,” I whispered, jerking myself off furiously.
My need for her turned into agony.
“I love you, Ryan, and always will,” she whispered softly in my ear.
The first wave washed over me and I screamed her name, repeating it while I came.
“Emily… I miss you. I need you.”
12
Emily
Days turned into weeks. I couldn’t stop thinking about Ryan. I hadn’t seen him in almost three months. God only knew how much I missed him. I was yet to decide whether to stay in France for good or go back to the States. My emotional volatility prevented me from making the decision once and for all. I had to look deep inside myself and find out whether I had the strength to face the man who’d captured my heart.
I’d recently started teaching ballet at a local school. It all began when my childhood friend Brigitte called and asked me to sub for her. She’d suffered the misfortune of breaking her leg. The school urgently needed a substitute teacher, so there wasn’t much time to consider my options. I thought what the hell and went for it. The work at the school couldn’t compare to the career I’d been building at Wild Angels, but was a welcome distraction from my depressing thoughts.
Anyway, I needed some variety in my life. Staying at home, doing nothing was slowly killing me. Having experience as a teacher might become useful in the future, so I took advantage of the opportunity. Because what would I do once I could no longer dance on stage? I hoped to save up enough money to open my own dance studio.
The kids and I quickly got used to each other. It gave me joy seeing how enthusiastically they absorbed everything I showed them. The experience gave me courage, so on some of my days off, I’d try to reach my mother. However, every time I dialed her number, it went straight to voicemail. Unfortunately, my new-found confidence didn’t extend to leaving a message.
The kids’ dance session had ended and the school was now empty, the rooms and corridors nearly dark in the twilight. By this time, I’d usually be on my way home, but today I was held up helping one of the girls. She was having trouble getting the pirouettes right. The girl’s mother patiently waited for her to improve her technique. I had no problem using some of my leisure time. Seeing improvement in the kids brought me a certain sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
Eventually the girl left, so I made my way to the changing room. As I walked down the corridor, the karate coach tried to chat me up, as he did whenever he saw me. Gabriel Gayet was an attractive man. Under different circumstances I may not have turned him down, but I wasn’t ready for a new relationship. My heart was locked behind the bars of a dark prison. Ryan Wilder was a no-go-zone, a place I could never go back to. Even so, he still had power over my body and soul.
When Gabriel asked me out to dinner, I had no choice but to decline the offer. “Sorry, but I’m really tired today.”
He tried to hide his disappointment behind a faint smile, casually suggesting, “Let’s postpone it until tomorrow… or whenever is good for you. I’m always available.”
“Honestly, I don’t think that’d be a good idea.” I didn’t want to lead him on and waste his time.
“Emily, just think of it as dinner between two colleagues, rather than a date.”
Gabriel’s words sounded convincing, but his eyes gave him away. As he gazed down at my legs, I saw his true intentions.
He realized I’d caught him red-handed and smiled dejectedly. “You have great legs.”
Tilting my head, I replied, “Is that how a professional man is supposed to speak to his female colleague?”
Embarrassed, he paused briefly and raised his hands defensively. “Okay, you got me. One point to you. But, please, let me take you out to dinner. I promise I won’t touch you.”
Gabriel was short-to-medium height, but quite muscular, so I’d stand no chance if he decided to cross the line. I didn’t want to put myself in risky situations.
I shook my head and said, “Have a nice evening.”
Going into the changing room, I heard my phone ring. It was Misty. I was just about to accept the call, when it stopped buzzing. I sat on the bench and called her back on WhatsApp.
Her pretty face appeared, wearing a big grin. “I miss you, gorgeous.”
Heartache pierced my chest. “I miss you too. How are you? And Travis?”
Misty looked to the side and, seconds later, Trav’s messy hair entered the screen. He examined me, his eyes narrowing in disapproval. “I can’t see your ass, but you don’t seem to have put on any weight. Didn’t I tell you that you have to eat?”
Misty furrowed her eyebrows. “Why are you scolding her, don’t you realize how bad she has it?”
Forgetting they were supposed to be talking to me, they got into an argument.
“She should take better care of herself… She—”
“You men just don’t understand anything. How can she eat when her heart is broken?”
I tried to butt in, “I hope you haven’t forgotten I’m still on the line.”
“Sorry!” They said in unison and looked back at me.
“Have you found a roommate?”
They fell silent, clearly wondering what to say. What were they hiding, dammit?
“Will one of you two answer my question?”
“Er…” Trav started to say. Misty must’ve elbowed him in the ribs, because he frowned and gave her an annoyed look. “We have to tell her.”
“What do you have to tell me?”
“Ryan won’t less us find a new roommate,” he finally spat out.
“What?” I didn’t understand what was going on. “But why? I don’t even know if I’ll ever come back.”
“He’s covering your rent. You’ve made a deal with the devil and there’s no getting out of it.”
Misty nudged him on the shoulder. “Don’t talk like that. Ryan’s no devil.” She made a face at him but smiled when she turned to me. “He loves you very much, Emily, and hopes you’ll return one day. When I went in the other day to discuss the orders—”
“What orders?”
“I’m the new assistant manager at the Wild Angels restaurant.”
“Great, why didn’t you say something earlier? Congrats. I’m so happy for you.” If you needed someone to manage things with a flourish, Misty was the right person for the job.
“I probably wouldn’t have got the job if it weren’t for you.”
“What do you mean by that? I don’t have any influence on Ryan’s decisions. We haven’t been together since—”
“I know, but Ryan asks me about you whenever he sees me. I think he hired me, so he can get easy access to the latest info about you. He always asks me if you’re okay. God, Emily, he really does love you. The other day, I went in his office and found him staring at a picture of you two. It was in an expensive beautiful frame. It’s probably not right my telling you all this given the circumstances, but I think you ought to know.”
Tears ran down my face. “I love him too and it’s killing me that we can’t be together.”
“I know, which is why you should come back to Florida. Please! That way, you can bot
h have a DNA test to find out once and for all if you’re siblings. I read somewhere that the DNA of brothers and sisters with the same biological father is 50 percent identical.”
My blood exploded like gunpowder touched by a spark. “Why does everyone think Elise would lie about my father? She’s not a monster, for God’s sake. What would be the point? Why didn’t she lie about my brother’s father? Instead, she said she didn’t know for sure.”
God, how I hated talking about my mother! I’d lost pretty much all respect for her. While we’d been living together, I felt she was trying to pay attention to us. Whenever she had to choose between herself and her children, she chose herself. That choice resulted in her getting wasted and fucking the latest great movie producer or director. I don’t know why, but I was certain she hadn’t lied about my father. Or maybe I was afraid of accepting the ugly truth? That the stranger on the photo I always kept close to me wasn’t actually my father.
“Emily, please don’t be mad at me,” Misty pleaded with me.
“I’m not mad. It’s just that… Elise wouldn’t mislead me. Please, let’s not talk about her. Tell me how you guys are doing instead.”
Trav grinned from ear to ear and kissed my friend on the neck. “Better than ever.”
“I love you, babe.” They must’ve kissed because the view moved from their faces and the next thing I could see was Trav squeezing her breast.
I was happy for them but didn’t need to see any more.
I coughed and said, “It’s getting late and I have to get home.”
Their face reappeared on the screen. “We’ll call you again next week.” They blew me kisses and disconnected.
I changed from my sports gear into jeans and a T-shirt, and just as I’d put on my boots, the changing room door opened and in came Gabriel.
Startled, I jumped and squealed, “God, couldn’t you knock before coming in. This is the ladies’ changing room. You scared me half to death.”