“And the irrational part?” I hold my breath awaiting his answer.
Dorian’s eyes find mine, flashing white hot before settling into crystal blue. They are full of confusion and loathing. Reluctantly, he nods. “That part of me- the pure, incomprehensible evil- wants to slaughter you right here and now and be done with it. I want to drain every ounce of life from your body, strip you bare of the essence deep inside you. Then discard your pitiful carcass like garbage.”
He swallows then cringes, as if his mouth tastes of bile. “I’m Dark, Gabriella. It’s my nature to feel those things, to want you dead. I can never change that. The very thing that draws me to you is the very thing I hate.”
“You don’t mean that,” I find myself whispering.
“Yes, I do. And you have to accept that. I’ll never be anything other than Dark. No matter how much I wish I could be.”
“So what, then? What does this mean?” His indecisiveness is maddening. And here I thought I wore that crown.
“It means that you have a choice. Align with us; ascend into the Dark. Or I will kill you. And I’ll like it.”
Of all uncontrollable reactions to have at his ominous confession, I laugh. A crazed, delusional laughter that bends me over at my waist, howling as tears stream down my face. I can’t explain it; I can’t even stop it. And judging from the scowl that creeps onto Dorian’s face, he is not pleased with my outburst.
“That’s insane, Dorian!” I breathe between guffaws. “All of this is insane! Shit, maybe even I am insane. Because here I am, in your hotel room listening to you describe killing me like it’s a fucking sport, and I am seriously trying to make sense of it. Like I can’t even accept that you really are a heartless, disgusting animal. Unbelievable!” I howl.
“Calm down, Gabriella,” he warns.
“Why? Why calm down? I’m dead anyway. Hell, why not make it even easier for you?” I screech, throwing up my hands. My laughter begins to shift into rage. “Do it, Dorian. Get this shit over with. All those times you had me sprawled out, naked, while you played with my mind- my heart, for Christ’s sake- you could have just done it. Why wait? Why continue the charade?”
Dorian sets down the glass in his hand and takes a small step toward me, his expression tortured. “That’s not what it was.”
“No? Well, what the hell was it?!” I scream. “You know what, never mind. Just do it, Dorian. I’ll never side with you Dark fuckers. Ever. So don’t waste your time. Besides, you have already killed me a thousand times over with your lies so let’s just get this shit over with. Unless you can’t; unless you are too pathetic to actually do what you came here for.”
“Watch it, Gabriella,” he seethes between gritted teeth.
I am taunting the beast inside him, but my slain pride has taken the reins. He has hurt me, and in turn, I want to hurt him. It’s the only way I know how to deal with this pain. It’s what I’ve always done when my heart has gone into defense mode.
“You are a coward. My father trusted you. He thought of you as a brother. And this is how you repay him? By fucking his daughter, you sicko?” I stare him down, disgust etched in my face. “I pity you, Dorian. You are a pathetic waste of power. All you had to do was kill a defenseless girl, and you can’t even get that right!”
As if I have flipped some imaginary switch, all humanity drains from Dorian’s frame, his body transforming into something dreadfully wraithlike. The bones in his body crack and contortion, wisps of grey vapors writhing around him. His face, pale and ashen, resembles something out of a horror movie- deep set, icy eyes, menacing snarl, razor sharp teeth. Even the air around him trembles in response. His skeletal form lurches towards me, stopping inches from my terrified face. I’m too petrified to even fix my lips to scream.
“Is this what you want?!” Dorian seethes. “You want to see me like this? You want me to hurt you? You want me to end you right now?”
I take in the daunting apparition before me, swirls of blackish smoke enveloping him like a toxic cloak. He is beyond my worst nightmares, encompassing all things evil and cruel that exists in this world and beyond. But even I know that this is a different brand of darkness. This is no ordinary nightmare. He truly is the epitome of Dark.
“No, Dorian,” I choke out in a whisper. “This is what you want. What you need. You killed me the moment I found out the truth. So just do it.”
I feel my eyes pool with fresh tears, unable to blink them away. And why would I? This is the end. There’s no use in trying to stifle my agony. It’s true; I am dead inside. Without Dorian, without the beautiful illusion of love and true happiness, I am but an empty shell. Even the mirage of my life that pacified me for twenty years cannot pull me back from the ledge. I can’t go back to that. Meeting Dorian- loving Dorian- has altered my entire being. Life without him is death.
At the sight of my crack of emotion, Dorian releases a bit of the anger that feeds the beast within him, though his darkness is still prevalent. He reaches a pale, spiny hand toward me, plumes of charcoal writhing around it. The sharp pads of his fingertips slide down my cheek, leaving a trail of frigid cold prickles. I bite back the urge to cringe at the chilling sensation.
“I don’t want that,” he mutters hoarsely. “But you’ve left me no choice. I’m sorry, little girl.” With a sigh, he stows his darkness entirely, his body settling back into its original magnificent form. The olive tone of his skin returns and the ominous grey smoke dissipates, the ice blue of his eyes the only sign of a supernatural threat.
I hear his words but the peril still doesn’t register. There is no room left in me to feel anything else but immense pain. I can literally feel my heart splinter into several jagged pieces, the ache radiating in my chest and spreading throughout my body like a cancer. I don’t even notice the tears streaming down my hot cheeks until Dorian brushes them away. I resist the urge to burrow my face in his hand.
“So this is it? You’re going to do it?” I whisper with a weak, wavering voice. My brash and bold nature has completely abandoned me. I was defeated from the start.
“Yes.” The look on his face is pure agony and regret. Why? This is what he’s wanted all along, toying with my heart just to get close to me. Yet this is not the face of a cold-hearted paranormal killer. This is the face of a man tormented by his own demons.
I let my eyes close, before allowing myself one last glimpse of his beautiful face. Dorian. My very own angel of death. “Ok. I’m ready.”
I feel his fingers brush a trail from my cheek down to my collarbone, resting there to trace small circles with his thumb against my throat. His warm lips touch my forehead and I ease into the touch. A final kiss goodbye. I allow myself to savor it.
Dorian quietly mutters a few strangled words against my flushed skin in his secret, unnamed language. A language I’m not supposed to know, yet this time I understand every word. Words that I have craved to hear from his lips. Words that grip my shattered heart, trying to piece the jagged shards back together.
My eyes flutter open just as Dorian takes a step back, looking down at me in anguish. I let my hazels plunge into his glossy pools of azure as I offer those same words to him in my last dying breath.
“I love you, too.”
Chapter Two
We stand in silence, staring at each other, an array of tortured emotion etched on our faces. Dorian said he loves me. He knows I can understand his language, the sacred tongue of the Dark. And he knows I love him too. We are both jolted with these revelations, unsure of what to do next. I should be dead right now, but instead, I am gazing up at the most beautiful man ever created. At the Dark Warlock that I love so much it’s bound to kill me.
Tension swirls around us, the heat of our bodies mingling with the sexual electricity that neither of us can deny. Seconds ago, I was ready for Dorian to end my life in order to save his own. There was nothing I could do to fight him, and a big part of me didn’t want to. Knowing that he has deceived me in the worst way possible was like taki
ng a bullet to the chest. I don’t think I could ever survive his betrayal.
Dorian’s brow furrows, bewilderment flashing in his eyes. He drops his hand from my throat and cocks his head to the side, causing me to stifle a giggle. I’ve always found the gesture incredibly cute and endearing. Even now, knowing what he is, he still looks like my Dorian. And I will always view him as such.
I open my mouth to speak, but realize I don’t even know what to say. What words could possibly sum up my confusion in this moment? I lick my dry lips in exchange, noticing how parched my mouth has grown.
“Fuck, Gabriella,” Dorian hisses.
Before I can even respond, his mouth is on mine, urgently moving against my lips. I gasp at the sudden assault and Dorian easily slides his tongue inside, tasting my impassioned desperation. He pulls me into him, pushing our bodies as close as they could possibly be. Feeling the rigidness of his artfully muscled physique, his hand on my lower back, the other at the nape of my neck, I completely lose myself and just feel. Even after kissing him countless times, even after learning his intentions, his touch completely disarms me. I am putty in his skilled hands, his to mold and shape however he sees fit.
Dorian’s tongue explores my mouth with perfect precision, tasting refreshingly sweet as always. I drink in his intoxicating flavor, my head swimming with illusions of hope and redemption. I try not to overthink it and just let myself get lost in the passion radiating from his soft lips. He playfully nips my bottom lip before sucking it into mouth. I sigh against his lips, letting my hands grab soft handfuls of his silky black hair.
God, I’ve missed him. Even though it’s only been a mere 24 hours since I kissed his lips, it feels like it’s been months. For a moment, I lost him. My Dorian left me, leaving a horrific beast in his wake. But he came back; he uttered those three little words that completely altered my resolve. And now, as I melt into his arms, our mouths joined in a slow yet heated embrace, hands kneading and stroking generously, I know that I have surrendered to him wholeheartedly. In life and in death.
Dorian sucks my tongue into his mouth once more before reluctantly pulling away from me. He runs his hand through his tousled hair, making my desire for him burn even hotter.
“You amaze me, you know that? I am completely enraptured by you in every way. So much so that I am about to commit suicide,” he says, eyes twinkling in the dim light of the room.
“What does that mean?” I breathe, my voice hoarse from shouting and struggling to choke back sobs.
Dorian strokes my cheek with the back of his hand reverently then chews his bottom lip. “It means that I can’t do it. I can’t hurt you; I won’t. I’d rather die than harm you, Gabriella.”
I nuzzle into his touch and kiss his palm, as he does with me whenever I touch his face. “I can’t let you do that, Dorian. I meant what I said. And even if you were to lay down your life- which is ridiculous, by the way- what is stopping the Dark from sending someone else? Someone that doesn’t give a damn about me?”
“You’re right,” he says with a resigned sigh. “But there is no defeating or deceiving them. We can’t win.”
We? Is there still a we?
“Let’s back up, Dorian. You lied to me. You purposely deceived me and made me believe that we had something real. How can I ever trust you? How do I know you won’t change your mind and decide that I’m disposable?”
Dorian’s eyes are on my lips as he runs his fingers through my dark waves. “I never lied to you, little girl. I may have deceived you- and for that I am truly sorry- but I never lied. I can’t.”
“What do you mean, you can’t?”
He leads me to the plush black and gold filigree couch, easing me down. I crumple into the cushion, suddenly realizing how fatigued I am after missing dinner, not to mention the emotional roller coaster of events this evening.
“Gabriella, I cannot lie. Ever. I was cursed, unable to ever deceive the Dark, or anyone else, again. So when I tell you that I love you, that I could never hurt you, I mean it. I would gladly lay down my life for you, and that is the realest, truest thing I have ever felt.”
I’m rendered speechless at his declaration. He loves me. Even the words passing his lips leave me utterly breathless. And now more than ever, I know that I cannot live without him. He is willing to give up everything for me. He is willing to die for me. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.
“I can’t let you do that,” I whisper. “I won’t let you do that. I…need you. That day in the restaurant, you were absolutely right; I am just now living. And that’s only because I met you.” I take his hands in mine and relish in the contact, letting it motivate me. Touching him always soothes me. “You changed me, Dorian. You awakened something in me that I never knew existed. And now I can’t go back to the life I had before. It wasn’t a life at all. Not until I met you.”
Dorian gazes at me in wonder, completely taken aback at my earnest confession. “You really mean that?” he asks, clearly perplexed.
I nod and give him a reassuring grin. “Yes. I do. I love you, Dorian.”
His eyes are on my lips again, as if he is struggling with the urge to kiss me. He smirks, and shakes his head in disbelief. “I’ve never done this before, Gabriella. I’ve never…loved. We aren’t taught to, even as children.” Dorian brings his eyes to mine and they are filled with so much intensity, it startles me. “But what I feel for you- this…love- is real. I never thought it was possible for me to feel this way. But now that I have it, I never want to let it go. I never want to let you go. And I will do whatever it takes to keep you alive.”
I don’t stop myself from brushing my hand against his cheek, feeling tiny prickles of stubble along his jaw. Dorian turns his face into my palm and inhales before exhaling his serenity.
I raise an eyebrow with question. “When you do that…?”
“I breathe you,” Dorian answers with a sigh, finishing my thought. “You intoxicate me, Gabriella. I told you that. Breathing you has become somewhat of an addiction for me.”
I pull my hand back and frown. “But can’t that…kill me?” I think back to the passage in Natalia’s journal, warning me against those that may seek my presence in order to steal my essence. Part of me always knew that Dorian’s ritual was no coincidence.
“It can, if I’m not careful. I try to be. My affections for you are the only way I’m able to show an ounce of restraint,” he chuckles.
I plaster on a strained grin, slightly daunted by Dorian’s buoyancy at my fragility. I hate feeling so helpless, so feeble. But I know what he’s saying is true. He could kill me easily, even accidentally.
“I won’t let myself do it. I won’t lose control,” he mutters, reading my discomfort. “Look at me.” Dorian’s finger lifts my chin to meet his solemn gaze. “You know that, right? That I won’t hurt you?”
I nod weakly, trying not only to convince him but myself as well. “I think so. I hope so.”
“Remember, I can’t lie to you, Gabriella. You are safe with me.” He gives me a forced half-smile laced with pain. “For now.”
My eyes cast down to his mouth, unable to look him in his eyes. I focus on the curve of each lip, the tiny dots of black stubble just breaking the surface of his skin. Anything to distract my mind from the inevitable.
Eventually, one of us will have to die.
“Why the sudden change of heart, Dorian? Come on, five minutes ago, I was a goner. You were ready to do it. I need to understand why you didn’t carry out your plan a long time ago.”
Dorian sighs, and leans back into the sofa, pulling me into his arms. The contact is immensely comforting, and I find myself nuzzling into the patch of bare skin above the collar of his shirt. He’s still fully dressed in his suit and I’m tempted to loosen his tie and unfasten the buttons of his dress shirt.
“I told you, I felt it too,” he begins in a quiet voice. “The shift when we first met. From that moment, I couldn’t get you off my mind. It was maddening, and I was liter
ally sick with myself for feeling so…drawn to you. I wanted to resist you completely. But there was this intense magnetism between us that made it impossible.”
“I know,” I nod against his chest. The moment I laid eyes on Dorian, I knew there was something uncanny about him that drew me to him. I, too, knew that I couldn’t resist him from that point on.
“I told myself that once I spent some time with you, got it out of my system, the allure would fade. That I could focus on what I needed to do.” Dorian brings my hand up to his face and gently brushes the back of it with his lips. “But then I tasted your lips. I couldn’t stop myself from doing it. And I knew I couldn’t leave you alone.”
“That’s all it took? A kiss?” I ask doubtfully. “And just like that, you’re off the hook?”
I feel Dorian’s jaw shift into a smirk. “Not exactly. When I left after that, I went to Greece. To my home. To try to buy you- us- more time. I told them that I could possibly persuade you to align with the Dark. And if you did, there would be no reason to kill you.”
My eyes grow wide with a mixture fright and understanding. I sit up and turn to Dorian. “The messages…It was you?”
“No,” he shakes his head. “Not me personally. But I knew.”
“Something tells me you knew about everything,” I mutter with an accusing tone, my eyes piercing the layers of his obscurity.
Dorian doesn’t respond. What could he possibly say to make me feel better about his deception?
“I had to, Gabriella. To save your life,” he finally says, answering my unspoken question. “I needed more time to figure things out. I’m sorry if it frightened you.”
“Are you the killer, Dorian?” I ask, growing tired of dancing around the question.
“No. Of course, not.” Dorian pulls me back into his embrace and I let him, despite my uncertainty. “I have no need to kill innocents, Gabriella.”
“Not even for…power?” I ask with a wavering voice.