“Come closer and say that shit again. I dare you,” I growl. Hell yes, I growled.
Aurora laughs again, her sing-song voice piercing my eardrums like nails on a chalkboard. “Aw, how cute! You really are like your mother. She was just as naive and hopeful as you! Not to mention stupid. Aw, poor, poor pathetic Gabriella.”
That’s it! I. Am. Done.
I push Dorian aside, somehow launching his hard, muscular body across the room with ease. He goes flying several feet towards the dining room, skidding to a stop before smashing into the grand table. As I take the few quick steps towards Aurora’s shocked expression, he reappears beside me, calling my name repeatedly yet avoiding contact. I don’t hear him; I can’t. My frenzied temper won’t let me.
Pulling my fist back, I conjure every ounce of strength, anger and revulsion at Aurora’s words and thrust it directly into her face, propelling her into a mahogany hutch standing yards away against the wall. She flies into it, breaking the glass doors and splintering the wood with a loud crash. Before I know it, she’s on her feet again and in my face, though her clothing has been ripped to shreds and her hair is all over her face, chunks of broken wood and glass sprinkled in her dark waves.
“You bitch! I will enjoy watching you die! Just like your whore of a mother!” she screeches, spewing strings of saliva. Her delicate features begin to morph into something monstrous, her eyes ablaze with white flames. Her tan skin melts into a gruesome pale, almost skeletal form and I instantly recognize my parking lot phantom. Aurora’s darkness.
“Enough!” Dorian shouts, the authoritative tone of his voice demanding both our attention. I hadn’t even noticed that his own darkness had overcome him, transforming him into something almost unrecognizable and even more frightening than Aurora. I suck in a breath and give him my attention though my fists are still ready to strike.
Dorian shouts an order in their shared secret language, telling her to leave. Reluctantly, the Dark seductress pulls her shoulders back after taking a long, menacing glare at my violent expression before stalking out of the suite. I’ve won this round but I highly doubt it will be our last standoff.
Slowly, Dorian’s beauty falls back into place, confining his demon. Piece by piece he returns to me and I will myself to release the teeth-clenching anger that binds my own body. Only then do I become aware of throwing him several feet into the air and causing him to narrowly miss the dining room table. I can’t even begin to explain how I was even capable of that, let alone almost launching Aurora through the wall. Had they been regular humans, I would have surely severely injured, if not killed, them. And the thought of that, realizing just how powerful I will be, doesn’t repulse me. I can’t help but feel somewhat strengthened by it.
Finally the tremors begin to cease and the lights return to normal as we both cage our inner monsters. Dorian looks to me warily, the tiny lines around his eyes indicating how much this ordeal has aged him. He reaches his hands towards me but still doesn’t touch me.
“Gabriella, I…” he begins, unsure of how to begin and maybe a little nervous. “I’m sorry. This isn’t what I wanted.”
“Isn’t it?” I gasp, the tightness of my chest constricting my labored breaths. I try to swallow but my mouth feels like sandpaper. “Isn’t this what all of you wanted from the beginning?”
He shakes his head, his shoulders slumping in defeat. “No. Not me. But I had no other choice.”
“You had a choice, Dorian. I’m the one who wasn’t given one. You took it upon yourself to choose for me.”
Again, Dorian reaches towards me, finally resting a hand on my shoulder. The contact instantly soothes me but I hold on to my steely expression. He tries to meet my gaze with his ice blue eyes, desperately trying to extinguish my rage but I refuse him access.
“I know you’re upset, but-”
“Upset? You think I’m upset?” I shriek, shrugging out of his touch. I won’t let him distract me with head games this time. “Dorian, you are getting fucking married! I have completely put my life in your hands. I am linked to you. Hell, I let you mark me for Christ’s sake!”
“I know,” he murmurs, dropping his gaze to the floor. He runs his hand through his tousled black locks. “And I am grateful. But you have to know that Aurora means nothing to me. And we can still-”
“We can still, what? Mess around? Hook up whenever you need a fix? Hell no! I am not like that! And how dare you think I’d be cool with something like that!” I take in a sharp breath of air and close my eyes trying to reel in my temper.
“How can you stand there and act like I did this for any other reason but to protect you?” Dorian scoffs. “I don’t want her, Gabriella! I don’t want any of this! But I can’t- I won’t- be without you. It is physically impossible for me. And don’t you pretend like you don’t feel the same.”
“You don’t mean that, Dorian. You only think you do, remember? You. Don’t. Love. Me.” Just saying the words nearly brings me to my knees and I fight to keep the hurt, angry tears at bay. No. I won’t let him hurt me. Not again. “I’ve ignored a lot of shit- you not telling me who you were, you breathing and nearly fucking Aurora right in front of me- because I thought that what we had was destiny. I thought we’d get through it all together. But this- you marrying Aurora- I can’t ignore. I can’t be your fool anymore. I won’t let love make me weak.”
“This is destiny, Gabriella. Your destiny is with me. We were meant to be together. I love you,” he urges.
“Stop it! You don’t think this shit is killing me right now? Just stop! You don’t love me, Dorian!”
“Don’t fucking say that,” he grits angrily. “Don’t try to tell me what I feel.”
“Come on, Dorian! Call a spade a spade. You played me. All of you did. And I’ll admit, I was dumb as hell for choosing to see past your betrayal. But I’m done! I. Am. Done! Do you hear me? I asked you to kill me before because I was too weak and blinded by stupid, fucking love. Not anymore. I’m done with being a victim.”
Dorian flinches, taking a step back. “Why are you acting like this? You know I did this for you. For us.”
“I didn’t ask you to!” I yell, my voice cracking with unshed emotion. “You know, I’m pretty sure I lost my best friend tonight. And I come here only to find that I lost the man I love too. All because of shit that just had to be done to save me. I’m so fucking done with losing. I’m done with needing to be saved all the damn time!” I bend down to collect the scattered contents of my purse that has been strewn about during the scuffle.
“What are you saying?” I hear Dorian whisper above me.
I stand and face him, even though it feels as if every bone in my body is breaking just to look at him. I love him so much it destroys me from the inside out. Agony paints his face, his eyes gleaming with his own stubborn tears. The sight causes me to shudder and a radiating ache attacks my chest.
“I’m not trying to say anything, Dorian. I said I’m done. I won’t be your dirty, little secret. Your little abomination to breathe whenever you see fit.”
“You know damn well I don’t see you like that! Don’t be callous, Gabriella,” he warns sternly. He rakes his fingers through his mussed black locks.
I divert my eyes from him, fighting the overwhelming urge to fold my body into his arms and let him make it all better. But I know I can’t do that. Not now. Not ever. “It’s not about being callous, Dorian. It’s about being honest. Aurora was right; I’m not fit to be with you. I’ve realized that from the jump. Maybe it’s time you did too.”
“Don’t say that,” he growls, his lips tightening into a scowl. “Your place is with me. It’s our destiny. We need each other.”
I shake my head, my eyes wincing with my pained realization. “No, Dorian. You only think you need me. And what you truly want isn’t me at all. It’s my power you want.” I reach my hand out to him and rest it on his cheek. Dorian nuzzles his face into the touch and kisses my palm, letting his lips linger on my skin. “All I ha
ve left is me. No Jared. No you. I can’t let you break me, Dorian. Because if I do, it will sincerely demolish the tiny bit of strength I have left. And I need that to survive. I need it to survive the catastrophe that is my life. To survive without you.”
He shakes his head furiously. “No. No…just don’t. I…I...” A single, glistening tear rolls down his cheek and soaks into my hand. Knowing Dorian as the composed, stoic man that he is, the sight of his pain causes my own tears to fall rapidly down my flushed cheeks. I have to go; I have to get out of here before I change my mind and surrender to him.
“I’m sorry, Dorian,” I whisper through a sob. “But we can’t do this.”
“No…please,” he begs hoarsely. “I need you. I’ve waited for you for so long.” He brings his hands up to cup my face, wiping away my tears with his thumbs. “I love you so much, little girl. So much.”
“I love you, too,” I choke out.
“Then stay. Don’t leave me. I won’t be without you, Gabriella. I can’t be without you.”
I shrug out of his touch and I let my hand fall from his cheek. Then I step back from him, drinking in Dorian’s beautifully anguished face before forcing my legs to carry me away from him completely. This is it; the end of us. The end of what I thought would have been the most epic love story ever told. I truly thought Dorian was my destiny. I thought the Divine created us to overcome all these obstacles and be living examples of love and resilience. And now that I see how easily Dorian folds when things get tough, how quickly he runs away from adversity, I know that he is not the man I thought he was. Yet, that revelation does nothing to ease the strangling pain assaulting every part of me. It doesn’t make me love him any less.
Chapter Seventeen
There is an inexplicable peace that comes with numbness. There’s no hurt, sorrow, or anguish in it. No reason to cry or scream. No more fear. No more fight.
No more him.
I’ve tried like hell to get here and stay here with a bottle of tequila. Feeling simply hurts too damn much. And though I used to relish the pain, this time, knowing that this particular brand of hurt will swallow me whole, I’ve pushed it into the dark corners of my mind and refused to acknowledge it.
Just keep drinking. Just keep breathing. It’s the only two things I can manage right now.
Tap, tap, tap.
I hear it but I am too far gone for its meaning to register in my clouded mind.
Tap, tap, tap.
“Hey, Gabs?” Morgan says softly, cracking open my bedroom door. She spies me lying on top of the bed, unmoving and dazed. “Holy shit, Gabs, are you ok?”
My lips part reflexively to fashion a response but the numbness takes over, leaving me speechless. I can’t answer that question without feeling. Because I am anything but ok.
Morgan makes her way towards me and sits on the edge of my bed. The bed he bought me. For the room he furnished. In the apartment he owns. Shit.
Breathe. Drink. Repeat.
I take a hefty gulp to drown the anxiety trying to claw its way to the surface and look at Morgan blankly. My throat doesn’t even suffer the burning affects.
“Gabs, um, I’m worried about you. You’ve been in here since yesterday. And it’s been so…quiet. Like eerily quiet. Miguel got a call late last night from Jared. He told him about what happened. Do you wanna talk about it?”
My eyes are on her but her face is unfocused. I force myself to look past her, not able to meet her worried eyes. If I do, I know I’ll crumble.
Breathe. Drink. Repeat.
I take another swig, my eyes still fixed on my best girlfriend but not really seeing anything at all.
“Ok…well, I can see you’re not going to work today. But at least call Carmen. She’s been blowing up the house phone all morning. At least let her know you’re not coming in today or something. And damn, open up a freakin’ window. How much of that shit did you drink? It smells like you took a bath in it.”
I smirk, looking away, the first crack of emotion I’ve shown since last night. Since I left him.
“Anyway, I got a client coming in at 11 so I gotta go. Try not to drown, ok. And call me when you’re feeling up to it.” Morgan stands and makes her way out of my room, stopping before she leaves the doorway. “It’ll be ok, Gabs. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but it will be ok.”
After I am once again alone in my dejection, I grab my cell phone and turn it back on, only to be met with a chorus of alerts and chimes. I ignore the missed calls, texts, and voicemails, unable to muster the strength to return to the living just yet.
To Carmen, 10:42 A.M.
-Sorry about that. I’ve been sick. You should call Mr. Skotos if you need anything.
Just typing his name makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry until I’m too weak to move. I take a gulp of tequila.
From Carmen, 10:43 A.M.
-K. All good. Y would I call him?
-Cuz he’s the boss.
-Um, no, Gabs. He told us last week that U R now the new owner of Cashmere. He sent us all letters w/ the deets. Did you forget?
What the hell?
No…this can’t be true. There’s got to be some mistake. How the hell can I be the owner of a store when I know absolutely nothing about running one? And how did he manage to do this behind my back? And the most obvious question- Why? A consolation prize for leaving me for Aurora?
Wow. What a considerate fucker.
I sigh and tap out another text, pushing the questions into the farthest, darkest corners of my mind, packing it away with the rest of my confusion and pain.
To Carmen, 10:50 A.M.
-Oh yeah, sorry. Been out of it. Just call the girls to see if they can take on an extra shift this weekend. You’re in charge ‘til I get back Monday. Sorry again, Carmen. I owe you one.
-No prob, Gabs. Feel better. I’ll take care of everything.
With a huff, I toss my phone on my comforter just as it lights up with another message. Thinking it’s Carmen, I pick it up to look. I am so very wrong, and the dull ache in my chest overrides my alcohol-induced numbness. It hurts so bad that I gasp for my next breaths, the ache evolving into a staggering stab. My eyes fill with agonized tears while I read the blurry words on the small screen.
From Dorian, 10:52 A.M.
-I love you so much, little girl. More than my own existence. I would do anything for you, even lay down my own life. I need you to breathe.
I close the text, seeing that there are several more. Knowing I am just torturing myself, I open the first at the bottom of the list. Maybe there will be an explanation somewhere in it. A reason for this pain.
-Please come back to me, Gabriella. We need to talk. I can’t let you go.
-At least let me know you made it home safely. I am trying to give you space but I am worried about you.
-Little girl, I need to see you. I need to hold you. Let me make this better. I love you.
-Please at least send me a text to let me know you’re ok. I am going out of my mind.
-I did this for you, my love. I couldn’t bear the thought of a world without you. Even if you don’t want me anymore. All of this is for you.
-Dammit, Gabriella! Answer your phone! Your voicemail is full and I need to talk to you! Don’t shut me out!
-I’m fucking losing it! You don’t want to see what I am capable of. You have no idea what I would do to get through to you. Call me, dammit!
-Gabriella, please.
-I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll never stop needing you. YOU. It’s YOU that I want. I love you, in life and in death.
Unable to control my trembling hand, I let the phone slide out of my grasp. My throat has been completely consumed by the large knot of emotion lodged in it. I can’t do this; I can’t shed one more tear for fear that I won’t be able to stop. Snatching the nearly empty bottle of tequila off my dresser, I down every drop. Then I race to the kitchen for more, grabbing the first thing I see and screwing off the cap. I don’t even taste
it. I just pray the toxic elixir burns away that horrid knot so I can breathe again and take me back to oblivion.
When I stir awake, it’s dark outside. My alarm clock displays that it is after 9 P.M. I’ve slept the entire day away. Good. Better than living it.
A knock at the door startles me and I realize why I awoke in the first place. Before I can get up to answer it, it creaks open, streaming light into the pitch darkness of my bedroom. A tall, masculine shadow steps in and closes the door behind him.
“You know, you really should answer your phone,” Jared says, flicking the light on. I shield my tired eyes, my aching head throbbing at the intensity. “Holy shit, Gabs, you look how I feel.”
Jared walks over and sits at the foot of my bed, assessing my ragged appearance. I haven’t bathed since yesterday morning, let alone looked in a mirror. I can only imagine what kind of rat’s nest sits atop my head.
I shrug, unable to formulate a response. I’m not even sure I can talk after downing so much of the searing liquor and my mouth tastes awful. Then I remember vomiting before passing out this morning. I hold up a finger and stagger to my bathroom to freshen up. No need to kill Jared with my breath just because I feel like death.
“So I take it you found out,” Jared murmurs once I reemerge.
I nod, clearing my throat. “Yeah,” I reply hoarsely.
“Guess you were right.” He runs his hands through his messy hair and snorts, shaking his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe I didn’t see what was going on right in front of my eyes. They were messing around this entire time. And here I thought we had unresolved feelings,” he says gesturing between the two of us.
I shrug, still at a loss for words. He’s right. Even after meeting…him, I never stopped caring for Jared. I think I’ll always be attracted to him. However, after last night and the way he dug into me at the restaurant, I don’t think he and I will ever be the same. He said I was a miserable obligation, a burden to him and the rest of our friends.