“Gabriella, what were you thinking?” he asks though it sounds like a demand.
I shrug out of his hold and take in his slightly disheveled appearance. “What are you talking about, Dorian?”
“You went to see the Light? Are you insane? Did you forget that there is a fucking killer after you? You could have been slaughtered on the spot!”
I roll my eyes, kicking off my shoes and flinging them across the room. “Oh, like I could have been the moment I laid eyes on you?”
Dorian glares at me with vehemence yet my stance doesn’t falter. “Where is this coming from? What did she say to you? I told you I wouldn’t hurt you.”
“You didn’t know that then! You weren’t even sure what you were doing with me! This was all a ploy, remember? An illusion,” I sneer, conjuring Solara’s words. “Tell me, Dorian- the first time we kissed, was that real for you? Or were you just playing along to see how close you could get to me?”
He steps forward, boldly cradling my face in his palms. “Is that what you think?” His blue eyes sparkle as they earnestly search my face for understanding. “You think it was meaningless to me? That I wasn’t forever altered the moment my lips touched yours? That I didn’t obsess every second of every minute of every day until I could feel them again?”
His words strip away my tenacity and my body relaxes under his touch. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to think any more. But I do know that I’ve been a fool. I trusted you with everything in me. I trusted you with my life, my heart. And you’ve played with both.”
Dorian brings his face closer to mine, close enough that I can smell the cool sweetness of his breath. “I never meant to. If you never believe a word I say again, you have to believe that. That I would rather die a thousand fucking times than hurt you. Believe me. Just please be patient, little girl. Just wait…for me.”
“Wait?” I shriek jerking my head back. “You want me to wait? For what? Until you are done with your little sham of a marriage?”
Dorian’s eyes dart around the room in suspicion. “My words are not safe. You told me you trusted me. That you loved me and wouldn’t be afraid. I need that from you now. I need you to trust me wholeheartedly, no matter what. Just believe me, ok?”
“You seriously want me to wait for you? Why? You can’t ask this of me and not explain. Shit, Dorian, you are immortal. Hell, I’m immortal! I could be waiting for centuries!”
“I’ve waited for you for centuries, Gabriella. When you have eternity, decades pass in a blink of an eye.”
I shake my head turning away from his hypnotic gaze. “You can’t ask that of me. You didn’t even know me then. You had no idea who you were waiting for. I can’t stand by and watch you marry another woman and potentially…have a family with her.” I catch a glimpse of the little blue anchor on his hand that he and I share. “And how is it that you can even do that in the first place? We’re both marked,” I explain, holding up my own marked hand.
Dorian reflexively brings his hand up to his chest and rubs it with his other. “But it was me who did it.”
“So what? You’re exempt? The rules don’t apply to you?”
He reaches a hand towards mine and intertwines our fingers so that our anchors are side by side. “Gabriella, if you were able to do it, I would gladly wear your mark. It would be my honor. But you can’t until you ascend. And if you will have me, I want you to claim me as I have claimed you.”
The fuck?
“Claim me? Did you just say you claim me?” I ask dropping my hand from his.
“That is what the mark means. You know that.” I can see the exasperation in his weary eyes. He looks older, as if he hasn’t slept or eaten in days. The sight causes me to abandon my previous question.
“Dorian, are you ok? You don’t look so good.” He looks like he could drop from exhaustion at any moment. I grab his hand and lead him to sit on the bed. “You’ve been using?”
He shakes his head and looks away, refusing to let me see him up close. “No more than usual.”
“Then what’s wrong?” I know I’ve seen better days but with last night’s senseless murder still fresh in my mind and Dorian out of my life, it’s hard to muster up the strength to care too much about trivial girl worries.
“It’s just been…difficult,” he mutters still looking away. I pull his face towards mine and though I know he doesn’t want me to see him, he doesn’t fight.
“What happened to you? Tell me. Please,” I whisper, taken aback by the obvious wrinkles at his eyes.
Dorian sighs in defeat. “You, Gabriella. I lost you. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I was addicted to you. I need you to live. You sustain me.”
“You need to breathe me.” It’s not a question; it’s a fact.
“Yes,” he replies casting his eyes downward in shame.
“You’re dying?”
Dorian nods. “Slowly but surely. Unless I breathe another source or acquire a life. I don’t want to do either.” His eyes finally meet mine, and they are filled with so much regret and pain that my chest aches for him. “I would never ask that of you. It’s…personal. Intimate. And I know I don’t deserve that of you.”
“But you’ll die, Dorian,” I nearly beg. This world isn’t meant for me and neither is a world without Dorian.
He shrugs and looks away again. “I deserve much worse for how I hurt you. You have no idea how much I hate myself for putting you through all of this. For being so selfish that I need you to live.”
A long moment passes between us as we both fight the questions in our heads. “Do you want to?” I finally ask.
Dorian whirls his body to face mine faster than I can see. “Of course, I want to. I have never wanted anything or anyone so badly. But I wouldn’t ask that of you. I can’t guarantee my restraint.”
“Restraint?” I ask with a raised brow.
His eyes are on my lips. “Sexually.”
“Oh,” is all I can reply with wide eyes. Just the reminder reignites the fire deep in my belly. It’s been so long, and my body craves him just as much as my heart does.
We sit in silence, unsure of what to say next. “Do you want to try?” I ask after a beat.
Dorian’s lips curl into a smirk, his eyes settling into his sexy smolder. I can almost feel my panties melting right off me. “Are you sure?” he asks already inching towards me, preparing to strike.
“The breathing, Dorian. That’s it. Nothing more.”
He fails at hiding his disappointment yet agrees, taking my hands in his and putting them to his lips. “Thank you,” he sighs between tender kisses. Then he breathes the inside of my palm, his chest rising and falling with an audible “Mmmm.” But he doesn’t stop there. He moves up the length of my arm, leaving another kiss on the inside of my elbow. Then his hands are on my shirt, unbuttoning stealthily.
“Ummm, what are you doing?” I ask pulling back a bit, but not bothering to retract my arm. Ugh, the flesh is weak!
Dorian’s intense gaze falls on me, his eyes already awakening with his arousal. “Gabriella, as much as I want to lie you down right here and make love to you until you pass out with immeasurable pleasure, I’m not going to try. It’s just easier this way. More…potent.” He carefully finishes unbuttoning my shirt before sliding it off my shoulders. Then he removes his own. Minutes tick by as we take in the sight of each other, both of our expressions tortured and hungry for more.
“Lay back,” he whispers, easing me down. “I want you to be comfortable. I promise I won’t do anything you don’t want me to.”
I nod and comply, not even bothering to cover up the cleavage sitting atop my black lace demi bra. Dorian settles beside me, propping himself up on an elbow as he admires my nearly trembling frame.
“Are you cold?” he asks frowning.
I shake my head and try to swallow, my mouth going dry. “No. Just a little…nervous.”
Dorian gently splays a warm hand on the width of my stomach. “I told you I won’t hurt
you. And if you want me to stop, I will. Do you believe me?”
“Yes,” I nod breathlessly. The rise and fall of my chest perks my nipples and they ache against the thin fabric. I am almost certain Dorian takes notice though he is trying to be a gentleman.
“I want you so bad, little girl. So bad it hurts me just to look at you, so unbelievably stunning. But if this is what I must endure just to be near you, than I gladly accept this torture. I happily burn for you.” He places a soft kiss on my navel, then another right above it. Before I can react or object, he is kissing a trail up through the middle of my breasts and I fail to stifle my contented sighs. He really is trying to rein in his passion, and all I feel are his soft lips, not the rousing tingles that usually accompany his touch. He wants to make this moment as innocent and tender as possible.
By the time Dorian’s lips are at my neck, I am a writhing, panting mess. I want him on top of me, all over me, and inside of me. And the fact that he is restraining himself, refusing to touch me in all the ways I know he wants to, is driving me insane.
He buries his face in my neck and inhales, groaning his relief. The visceral sound rumbling his chest stimulates my already damp sex and I squeeze my thighs together. He does it again, brushing his lips against my collarbone. The feel of his skin on mine, his intoxicating scent, the feather-soft tickles of his hair, pushes me to a place where all I know are my carnal instincts. I can’t fight them. And a part of me, the impulsive part that shuts down all logic and reasoning, doesn’t want to.
“Dorian,” I breathe, my eyes tightly shut as sensation takes over me. He doesn’t stop yet his actions don’t go any further. Dammit! I just want him to touch me. “Please.”
Dorian lifts his head from my neck, his now sparkling eyes meeting mine. “Please what, little girl?”
“Kiss me,” I find myself saying before I can change my mind.
Without the slightest indication of movement, Dorian is on his back and my lace covered breasts are pressed against his hard, bare chest. “You have to do it, Gabriella. You have to take control. Because the moment I feel your lips, the second I taste your sweet tongue, I won’t be able to stop. If you want this, you need to show me. I need you to take it.”
The look of sheer need and passion on his face resembles my own and I know that I am a goner. I don’t even bother to argue with myself about all the reasons this is not a good idea. I crush my lips to his and let his flavor nourish my body and soul after over a month of famine. His taste- all eroticism and freshness- scream of comfort and healing. As our tongues slide together, our hands roam the bare skin of our torsos. I feel like he could very well shatter me in this moment with just a kiss. And if it were to happen, I wouldn’t object.
The gravity of our actions hit me like a ton of bricks and I pull away begrudgingly. “Wait!” I command, my palms pushing my body from his chest. “What are we doing? With everything that happened…with you and me. You are engaged. What about Aurora?”
Dorian’s primitive growl vibrates my breasts, perking my nipples. “Fuck Aurora!” he grits before pulling my face back down to his.
Well…can’t argue with that.
Our bodies remain fused together for what seems like hours. I hadn’t had a make out session like this since…ever. Any and all things involving him completely surpass any experience I could ever imagine. And while I can feel the strain in his taut muscles, struggling to not take this too far, the bulge in his pants clearly wants to.
As I relish in our skin to skin contact, the doubt, the frustration, the sheer confusion seem to evaporate. I know this is wrong; I had never been the cheating type. But this is Dorian. And like he has always told me, we were not meant for this world. I need to stop trying to fit into my human mold. And when it comes down to it, knowing that I can share this with him and it is me whom he desires- not Aurora- gives me a sliver of triumph.
After kissing ourselves stupid, I lay in Dorian’s arms, tracing little circles on his chest as he plays with my hair. This feels so right, so real. It’s as if the last month or so was a terrible nightmare and this is my reality. And even with Solara’s words still ringing in my head, telling me I was not meant for this, urging me to turn away, I let myself savor the stolen moments with the man I so desperately love. Lord knows if I could turn it off, I would. Because my true reality, the one that keeps trying to resurface from the depths of my denial, is that Dorian still isn’t mine. He will return to his world- a world that I am not destined for. A world where he belongs to Aurora. A world where the sad little boy inside him still wants his father’s approval. I know I have to choose; I either have to let him go for good or choose to wait for him to return to me.
Chapter Twenty One
I never understood how people got hooked on drugs. It just seemed pretty stupid to me. Like, why would you take something that you knew could fuck up your life and turn you into something that you don’t even recognize? Like the shriveled carcass of yourself? Now I understand. I could relate. Because since Dorian came to my room where I let him breathe me, allowing the moment to turn into a searing, endless kiss, I knew I was addicted. Just as he, evidently, was addicted to me.
Dorian is my drug. I am a freakin’ fiend.
That was over a week ago, and I still can’t swallow the taste of him from my mouth. I told myself that I would be strong and not call for him. But every time my cell phone signaled a call or text, I wished like hell it was him. Every time I stepped into my room, I prayed he would be there waiting for me. I knew it was a dangerous game we were playing and I didn’t care. My body craved him, just like it did the very first time I saw him. And every day that ticked by without him, it felt like I was crawling towards death.
“You got it bad, baby girl,” Niko says shaking me from my depressing thoughts.
“Huh?” I ask with glassy eyes. I drop my hand from the diamond pendant around my neck that I had been absentmindedly fiddling with while lost in thought.
“You wanna tell me why you got me over here on a Friday night and we’re not naked?” he chuckles.
I look back at the devastatingly handsome Warlock on my couch. “You’re the one who showed up at my doorstep. And what makes you think I would get naked with you on any day of the week?”
He shrugs. “I’m just usually not fully clothed at a woman’s house. Or a man’s, for that matter.”
My eyes nearly bulge right out of my head. “What? Are you trying to say that you’re bisexual? That you play for both teams? That you like to double dip?”
Niko smirks, and I shudder at how much he resembles Dorian when he does that. “We don’t put a label on sexuality, Gabriella. We aren’t limited by human taboos. We do what we feel. We, the Dark, are free to express ourselves intimately with whomever we please.” He runs his hand through his blonde highlighted perfectly messy hair and gives me a mischievous grin. “But no, I’m not bisexual. I was just seeing if you were paying attention. I’ve experimented but it was never my thing. I prefer the tight, warm feel of a woman.”
“Oh,” is all I can say in response. His words make my face flame and I look away to mask my discomfort.
“Geez, girl, you are easy to ruffle!” he laughs. “So what movie are we watching? Got any popcorn?” He stretches his arm across the back of the couch and kicks his feet up on the coffee table.
“Ummm, what are you talking about? Who said anything about a movie?”
With a wave of his hand, the TV flickers to life. “Well, I’m not leaving and you already turned down my offer of the best sex of your life,” he snickers, “so I figured a movie would be appropriate for two platonic- although amazingly sexually attracted- friends to engage in. What kinda stuff are you into? Chick flicks, action, drama?”
I roll my eyes at his statement and shake my head. “Fine. Anything funny. And don’t try to put on some porn to try to trick me!” I say heading to the kitchen to make some microwavable popcorn.
“Damn! You’re no fun!” I hear him exclaim behind me.
As we are enjoying the insane comedic delights of Will Ferrell and munching on Jiffy Pop, I turn to Niko who seems overly comfortable reclining on the living room sofa. “Niko, what made you come tonight?”
“What do you mean?” he asks not even bothering to turn to look at me.
“I mean, why did you just show up? Last time I saw you it was Halloween and Dorian instructed you to watch me. Now you’re here. What’s up?”
Niko exhales and turns down the volume before turning towards me. “Father’s here.”
“He is?” I ask, my voice laced with shock and horror. “Why?”
He ponders his words carefully before answering. “Preparations. And your little meet and greet with the Light hasn’t set well with him.”
“Is he really gonna be a hypocrite like that? I mean, he sent his own son to seduce me then tried to do it himself. Your dad’s hot and all but he’s a real asshole,” I let slip out, clamping a hand over my mouth.
“You think Father’s hot?” he replies with disgust. “Yet, you turn me down? Really, Gabs? He’s like 6oo years older than me!”
“I didn’t mean to say that. And it isn’t the age thing, obviously. Just be glad that I actually like you, Niko. Your father is a fucktard though.”
Niko breaks into guffaws over my assessment. “Yeah, I guess you’re right about that. But he’s the king. What can you do, ya know?”
“So you don’t agree with the way he is?”
“No,” he shakes his head. “I think what he did to your dad and to Dorian is unforgivable. He’s done a lot of crazy shit but everything he’s put D through is just heinous.” He winces at the memory.
I nod. “Is that why you do it? Why you watch over me?”
“No. I watch over you because D asked me to. He’s my brother and I owe him as much. He’s saved my ass enough times to span a human lifetime. And I do it because I like you and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
I can’t stop myself from smiling at my new, albeit unlikely, friend, though I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t hesitate if I agreed to sleep with him. But having him here actually does put me at ease. Just as much as the Dark, along with other paranormal beings, seem to be drawn to me, I feel as if I am just as attracted to them.