“I’m so sorry, Jared. I’m so, so sorry.”
Though he couldn’t understand the words Dorian uttered just moments ago, the intense longing in our eyes was undeniable. He saw it…felt it. He knows he could never compete with that magnitude of need. He knows that I could never look at him the way I look at Dorian. I can’t lie to him; I won’t. He deserves so much better than that. He deserves better than me.
Without another word, Jared turns and stalks out of the ballroom, leaving me standing alone on the dance floor, a few remorseful tears dripping onto my dress. While the surge of emotion is rare for me, I can’t contain my pain. Silently and unapologetically, I cry those tears for Jared, the man I loved since he was a boy. The man I wish I could love again.
Chapter Twenty Seven
I stare at the half empty bottle of Jack sitting on my desk. It’s the last of my post-breakup stash that I kept here at Cashmere. And while I hadn’t needed the numbness it brought in months, I am thankful for it today. Today was a different beast. It would be my last day as a twenty year old, semi-regular girl. It would be the last day I could even consider myself remotely human. And it would be the day that my heart would stop beating. The day that I would forever remember with loathing.
Dorian’s wedding day.
I know it’s no coincidence that he and Aurora would be getting married the day before my ascension. It’s just another way for Aurora to take a jab at me. My fists clench reflexively. It would take more than just a jab if she even dared to come near me. Apparently she knew that because physically she had kept her distance.
I unscrew the bottle and set it on my desk, still unsure if I want to go back down this road. It’s only late morning after all. I had planned to just come in to finish up some paperwork in the event that my ascension goes terribly wrong then spend the rest of the day with my parents. It could be my last day with them. Neither of us knew what the future held in the next twenty four hours. They had done all they could do up to this point. Now it was time for me to make a choice.
I take a deep breath and pick up the bottle, the scent of the strong liquor burning my nose. I know it would help ease the rising anxiety of the unknown. It would help me forget the last year, not to mention the next hours. I just can’t decide if that’s what I truly want. I had made peace with the fact that I would probably be alone forever. Not in the pathetic ‘whoa-is-me’ kinda way. But in the ‘it-is-what-it-is’ kinda way. Normal, healthy relationships were reserved for normal, healthy girls. That no longer applied to me. Not after today.
Before I can bring the bottle to my lips, my computer chimes, indicating a new email message. I put it down and open the application, more out of distraction than anything else. I can’t help but smile when I see the name of the sender.
----------
SUBJECT: Happy Birthday, Beautiful
Baby girl,
Since I can’t be there to celebrate your birthday with you, I thought this may be a close second to gracing you with my actual presence. I pulled a few strings and recovered some info that I’m sure you will find interesting. I know you don’t like to talk about it, but I was able to find the original of the video that was sent to you. Of course, Aurora was the one who sent it…heartless bitch. But more importantly, the original had a time and date stamp.
Gabs, that video was recorded in March of 2012. Exactly a year ago. And I swear to you, it didn’t go any further than what you saw. I told you…Dorian would never do that. You have no idea what he has already been through with that woman. He wouldn’t let himself get hurt again. I actually think she created that file for a different purpose, maybe to gain leverage for another one of her convoluted plans. I don’t know. But whatever the reason, Dorian didn’t betray you. He loves you.
I have attached the original video in case you wanted to see for yourself, though I doubt you do. But just know, he was telling the truth. He never did anything with her other than what you saw. As hard as that was to stomach, it wasn’t how it seemed.
I have half a mind to send you a plane ticket to come stop this bullshit wedding. But we both know how that would end. Father still has a stick up his ass about the last encounter. Did I ever tell you I fucking love you for that?
Well, I better let you go and enjoy your last day as ordinary. Get fucked up, stir up some trouble, make some bad decisions, and oh yeah…think of me the entire time.
See you on the other side of forever,
Niko
----------
I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding and slump back in my chair, letting myself process what I’ve just learned. My heart told me that Dorian was being honest, that he had not betrayed me. But after playing the fool for so long, after being beaten down and broken, I felt like I could no longer trust my own instincts. I had turned a blind eye for so long. I let denial blanket my rationale. I have never been so happy to be wrong.
But it doesn’t matter. None of it does. Sure this information gives me peace of mind but that’s as far as it goes. Dorian is getting married today. It’s too late to change the inevitable.
I screw the top back on the bottle and shove it back into the bottom drawer of my desk. I don’t need to be numb. Not when this may be the last time I feel human. And it’s ok. I’m…ok.
But there is something I do need to do. I need to make things right with Jared. I need him to know that I never meant to hurt him. I don’t know how much time I actually have left. What if something goes…wrong…and I’m never able to see my friends and family again? What if the consumption of power completely alters who I am?
I finish up what I came for, writing down important contact info, securing legal documents, and recording account numbers, before placing everything in the safe for Carmen. The task is almost morbid, as if I am getting my affairs in order, waiting for death. Maybe on some level I am. My human life must end so my destiny can begin.
I decide to walk down to Luxe before trying to find Jared. I need Morgan’s opinion. For weeks, since he stormed out of the Broadmoor ballroom, he’s avoided me. I tried to give him space and time to heal but even after a few days, he still refused to take my calls. I had really destroyed him. But no matter what I did, Jared would have ended up hurt. If I went along with it, if I just tried to make it work with him, I still would have eventually crushed him. Either my love for Dorian would have floated back to the surface, tainting the relationship we were trying to build, or my ascension would have made things too difficult to try to carry on normally. Even if I would have been honest from the start, I still would have hurt him. There was no painless way to do this.
“Hey chick,” I say, greeting Morgan with a smile. I wave over at Carlos and the rest of the stylists who look like they’ve seen a ghost. I don’t fault their surprise; I haven’t stepped in the salon since Dorian and Aurora got engaged. It doesn’t even feel like it’s been over six months, but at the time, it felt like an eternity of loneliness and grief.
Morgan narrows her brown eyes. “Everything ok?”
I give her a warm smile and nod. “Yeah, everything is fine. I just wanted to stop by and see you before I went over to see the parents. And I was thinking I would go by the campus and see Jared.”
Morgan turns from her station where she is sanitizing a collection of combs and brushes. “Really?”
“Yeah. I gotta make this right before it’s too late. Before I lose him for good.”
Morgan claps a hand on my shoulder giving it a little squeeze. “I think that’s a great idea. Tell him how you feel. Fight for your friendship. I know he has to miss you.”
I perk into a half-hearted smile. God, I hope he does.
“Thanks, Morg.” I wrap my arms around her and pull her in for a tight hug. “You’re my best friend, you know that? And I owe you so much. Thank you for always looking out for me. I hope I can do the same for you…one day.”
Morgan slowly wraps her arms around me, taken aback by my bizarre display of affection. I’m not exact
ly the warm-and-fuzzy type.
“Sure, of course, Gabs.” She pulls my body away from hers to gauge my expression. “Are you sure everything is ok?”
I blink my glazed eyes rapidly, dispelling the rush of vulnerable emotion. “Of course. I just want you to know…just in case I never told you.”
I smile away the awkwardness and make my way to the other stylists, embracing them as if I’ll never see them again and earning quite a few questioning glances. Just minutes ago, I had done the same with my own employees, even getting a bit choked up while hugging Carmen. I couldn’t help it. It felt like goodbye and I couldn’t let the moment pass without acknowledging it.
I pull out my phone as I exit Luxe, eager to dial Jared and tell him that I want to see him. Need to see him. Something inside me can’t let his avoidance go another second.
“Oh shit!” I shriek, running right smack into a hard chest and dropping my phone. I had been so intent on scrolling through my contacts that I hadn’t been paying well enough attention to what was right front of me.
“Gabs?” a surprised voice says from above me.
Embarrassed, I flick my gaze up to twin chocolate brown eyes and perfectly styled brown hair. “Xavier?”
“Hey, long time no see!” he says, smiling brightly, causing his eyes to sparkle in the sunlight.
I give him a quick, friendly grin before bending down to scoop up my phone. I cringe after seeing the cracked screen. Shit.
“Are you walking back to Cashmere?”
“Yeah,” I reply, still frowning at my destroyed cell phone. I take a deep breath and give him a weak smile.
“Ok, cool, I’ll walk with you.”
We walk the couple blocks to Cashmere, Xavier catching me up on all the guys’ wild trysts. “So Carlos goes home with the man and…OMG, his wife jumps out of the closet with a baseball bat!”
“You’re kidding!” I laugh.
“No. I shit you not. What makes it worse, is that I knew him from somewhere. I couldn’t put my finger on it until I ran into him again at the mayor’s office. He’s the chief of police!”
“Oh my God!”
We laugh the entire way to Cashmere, my foul mood at my broken cell phone screen completely forgotten. I’m thankful for the distraction. Xavier’s goodhearted nature and easy humor have somewhat restored my faith in humanity. He’s probably faced adversity every day of his life because of his sexuality. Yet he is able to laugh and smile through it all. If he can overcome hatred and pain, maybe so can I.
“Well, this is me,” I say waving towards the parking lot. I move in to give Xavier a hug when a buzz from my cell phone startles me. Whew! At least it works. After an awkward wave as I try to answer the call without slicing off my finger, I fumble for my keys, making my way to my little Honda. Unfortunately, the caller hangs up before I can answer and I curse under my breath.
“Oh, Gabriella?”
I whip my head around to see that Xavier has followed me to my car and stands only a foot away.
“Yes?” I ask with narrowed eyes.
Xavier gives me another bright, beaming smile that lights his eyes with flecks of gold. “Happy Birthday.”
And before I can process the words, let alone respond, staggering, unimaginable pain grips my entire frame before plunging me into the dark, frigid depths of unconsciousness.
Chapter Twenty Eight
I hurt.
God, I hurt. All over. But the pain in my head is by far the worst. Just the tiniest flutter of my eyelids causes excruciating pain to rip through my skull. It feels like a hatchet has been embedded in my brain, the pressure pushing on the vital bundle of cells that controls all movement. I can’t move. I’m not sure if it is out of immense pain or if there really is a hatchet crippling me.
Oh God, am I paralyzed?
No. I can feel pain. Shit, it’s all I feel. But my leaden body won’t move. Maybe it’s out of complete and utter fear. Or maybe I’m being bound by restraints. I urge myself to crack open an eyelid, fighting through the agony with a clenched jaw. I stifle the whimper building in my throat, resorting to biting the inside of my cheek. Great. More pain.
I try to peer through the tiny slit of my lid for any clue of my location. The room is unlit yet a small stream of dim light floods from a high window. From that, I can see that the dank, stuffy room is barren. Cement floors, bare cinderblock walls, all grey and desolate. It’s depressingly silent except for the annoying sound of a leaky faucet somewhere. Every drop feels like a stab to the temple. I inwardly groan. If I could cry, tears would be streaming down my face. But it hurts too much. It’s all…too much.
I try to swallow but the saliva in my mouth feels too thick. Even my tongue seems swollen. The metallic taste on it makes my stomach roil. If my aching body could withstand the heaving, I would vomit.
“Oh good,” a haunting voice says from somewhere out of my line of vision. “You’re awake.”
I feel my already sluggish blood freeze in my veins, my dry lips parting fractionally in my attempt at a gasp. I know this voice. It’s one that I considered friendly and warm. A voice that was always attached with a smile.
Xavier steps into my line of vision, moving silently in the shadows. He grins adoringly, scanning the length of my body with rapt fascination. When his eyes flick to mine, I nearly choke on a labored breath and my sore eyelids pop open widely.
He’s Light.
Golden irises twinkle brightly in the dim, drab room as he continues to gaze at me with wonder. He doesn’t seem hostile at all. He still looks like the warm, sweet man I always thought he was. And he’s Light. He’s the embodiment of goodness and healing. I just don’t understand.
“Oh, don’t look so surprised, sweetheart,” he says taking a step towards me. “You are one hard little thing to find. I had to kill all those poor, helpless girls yet you were right under my nose the entire time. Ha! Could you really not sense me?”
Again I try to swallow, my eyes darting around frantically. Even the horrific ache dulls in comparison to the concentrated panic binding my body.
“You can speak, darling. I have many questions for you and I need you to be cooperative. Your compliance will be the determining factor in what happens next.”
“What’s that?” I choke out in a raspy, broken voice. The vibrations of my voice rip through my throbbing head, causing tears to spring to my eyes.
Xavier smiles again, tilting his head to one side. “Whether or not I kill you quickly or torture you until your human body eventually gives into an agonizing death.” He takes another step towards me and looks down at the ground. “But judging by the amount of blood you are losing, your death may be quicker than I originally planned. But I think we are still on schedule.”
Blood? I take a deep breath through my nose and let it out through my mouth, tasting the metallic ting in the air. I try to give myself over to my senses and focus on my hearing. The dripping nose magnifies as I concentrate and I inhale again, this time through my mouth. It’s not a leaky faucet. It’s blood. My blood. And judging by the mere second between drops splattering to the ground, I’m losing a lot of it.
“What do you want from me?” I whisper. I can’t even think about the pain it brings. Soon I may not be able to feel pain, or anything else, ever again.
Xavier slowly extends a hand towards me, causing my already weak heartbeat to sputter frantically. “Shhhhh, love,” he coos. He strokes my cheek lovingly then cradles my head, raising it up a few inches. I can’t even fight against it. I still can’t move.
After gazing at me adoringly and causing my tears to spill, he gently eases my head back down on what feels like a concrete slab. When he removes his hand from underneath my head, it’s covered in bright, red blood. He rubs his fingers together, working it into his hand like a balm, before wiping it clean with my shirt. Bile rises in my tight throat.
“Isn’t it obvious what I want? Isn’t it obvious what everybody wants from you?”
Of course I know t
he answer, but I want to keep him talking until I can figure out what to do. What can I do? I am brutally injured and I am pretty sure he is manipulating my body so I can’t move. But I have to do something. I can’t- I won’t- lay here and die without a fight. I’ve come this far. I’ve fought through heartache, confusion, denial, and fear just to get here. The finish line is in sight. I have to make it. I have to survive.
“What is it?” I croak.
“Dear Gabriella…Did you know I knew your mother?” he asks, halting all thoughts of escape with his change of subject.
I take in a sharp breath, choking on the thick saliva that I am sure is mixed with more blood. “My…mother?” I sputter between raspy coughs.
“Yes,” he smiles, tilting his head up to the ceiling in remembrance. “She was very strong. Very efficient and talented. Fierce. And beautiful. What a beautiful woman she was,” he remarks breathlessly. His expression suddenly turns dark and contemplative. “I envied her. She was better than the rest of us and she knew it. She felt invincible. I hated her arrogance.”
Xavier swallows laboriously and runs a hand through his neatly styled brown hair. He takes a deep breath before letting his shoulders slump. “But I loved her. I loved her so much,” he says in a broken voice.
I almost feel sympathetic at the sight of his pain when a tangible shift in the atmosphere steals my breath. The shell containing his immense power, his human form, falls away piece by piece, unleashing a ghostly form. This is different from anything I’ve ever seen from Dorian or even Aurora. It’s bright, blindingly so, and nearly translucent, more like a premonition. A whisper of a body.
He convulses as he shifts, fighting against his rage, trying to put himself back together again. He wants to remain in control. Once he’s got his emotions in check, and the pieces of his humanity have fallen neatly back into place, he scowls at me, as if I am to blame for his momentary lapse.
“She couldn’t love me, though! She couldn’t give me her heart. Because of him!” he screams pointing at me. Wind whips through the desolate space causing my blood-matted hair to fall into my face. The cement slab under me rumbles with his sudden outburst.