They laughed with howls and yowls and shrieks, They laughed all day, they laughed all week, They laughed until they had a fit, They laughed until their jackets split.
The laughter spread for miles around To every city, every town,
Over mountains, 'cross the sea,
From Saint Tropez to Mun San Nee.
And soon the whole world rang with laughter, Lasting till forever after,
While Cloony stood in the circus tent, With his head drooped low and his shoulders bent.
And he said, "THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT--
I'M FUNNY JUST BY ACCIDENT
."
And while the world laughed outside, Cloony the Clown sat down and cried.
75
TRYIN' ON CLOTHES
I tried on the farmer's hat,
Didn't fit.
A little too small--just a bit
Too floppy.
Couldn't get used to it,
Took it off.
I tried on the dancer's shoes,
A little too loose.
Not the kind you could use
For walkin'.
Didn't feel right in 'em,
Kicked 'em off.
I tried on the summer sun,
Felt good.
Nice and warm--knew it would.
Tried the grass beneath bare feet, Felt neat.
Finally, finally felt well dressed, Nature's clothes just fit me best.
[illustration: Under a large triangular-shaped floppy hat sits a person in shorts; all that can be seen of the person is her seat, legs, feet and hands. She's putting a ballet slipper on one foot; the other already has a slipper on it. ]
76 SHAPES
A square was sitting quietly
Outside his rectangular shack
When a triangle came down--kerplunk!--
And struck him in the back.
"I must go to the hospital,"
Cried the wounded square,
So a passing rolling circle
Picked him up and took him there.
[illustration: Rolling along is a circle with a smile on its face; on top of it is a square, also smiling, and on top of i
t
,
resting on its point, is a right triangle,
also smiling.]
77 TIRED
I've been working so hard you just wouldn't believe, And I'm tired!
There's so little time and so much to achieve, And I'm tired!
I've been lying here holding the grass in its place, Pressing a leaf with the side of my face, Tasting the apples to see if they're sweet, Counting the toes on a centipede's feet.
I've been memorizing the shape of that cloud, Warning the robins to not chirp so loud, Shooing the butterflies off the tomatoes, Keeping an eye out for floods and tornadoes.
I've been supervising the work of the ants And thinking of pruning the cantaloupe plants, Timing the sun to see what time it sets, Calling the fish to swim into my nets, And I've taken twelve thousand and forty-one breaths, And I'm TIRED!
[illustration: Sticking out from a lot of tall grass we see the legs and bare feet of a person, apparently sitting; a small butterfly is flying nearby.]
[78] PREHISTORIC
These lizards, toads and turtles, dear, with which you love to play, Were Dinosaurs and Plesiosaurs in prehistoric days.
They fought the armored Ankylosaurs and wild Brontosaurus, Glyptodons and Varanids and hungry Plateosaurus.
Sharklike Ichthyosaurs and flying Pteranodon, Tyrannosaurus, Kronosaurus and treacherous Trachodon.
Shrieking Archaeopteryx, Triceratops as well, And those that I cannot pronounce, nor even try to spell.
But anyway, they slowly turned to lizards and turtles and snakes.
And all the brave and wild and woolly prehistoric people--
They turned into us, for goodness' sakes!
[illustration: a bald small boy is sitting on top of the skull of a
giant prehistoric skeleton. The hands and feet of another small person, apparently inside the skull, are sticking out of its eye and nose sockets.]
86
[illustration: a guitar with arms and hands and a wide-open mouth, apparently singing.]
MY GUITAR Oh, wouldn't it be a most wondrous thing To have a guitar that could play and could sing By itself--what an absolute joy it would be To have a guitar . . . that didn't need me.
80
SPELLING BEE
I got stung by a bee
I won't tell you where.
I got stung by a bee
I was just lyin' there,
And it tattooed a message
I can't let you see
That spells out . . . . . . . . . . .
[illustratio n: a person whose pants are down by his/her
ankles is looking over his/her
shoulder at the reader. On his/her bottom is HELLO. YOU'VE BEEN STUNG BY A BEE ]
87
[illustration: We see a person from the waist up with a lot of hair who is sprinkling pepper on his/her head.]
ALWAYS SPRINKLE PEPPER Always sprinkle pepper in your hair, Always sprinkle pepper in your hair.
For then if you are kidnapped by a Wild Barbazzoop, Who sells you to a Ragged Hag
Who wants you for her soup,
She'll pick you up and sniff you, And then she'll sneeze "Achooo,"
And say, "My tot, you're much too hot, I fear you'll never do."
And with a shout she'll throw you out, And you'll run away from there,
And soon you will be safe at home a-sittin' in your chair, If you always, always, always,
Always, always, always, always,
Always, always sprinkle pepper in your hair.
82
PECKIN'
The saddest thing I ever did see Was a woodpecker peckin' at a plastic tree.
He looks at me, and Friend, says he, Things ain't as sweet as they used to be.
[illustration: a woodpecker sitting on a tree in a pot, looking very sad.]
83 IT'S HOT!
It's hot
!
I can't get cool, I've drunk a quart of lemonade.
I think I'll take my shoes off
And sit around in the shade.
It's hot!
My back is sticky, The sweat rolls down my chin.
I think I'll take my clothes off And sit around in my skin.
It's hot!
I've tried with 'lectric fans, And pools and ice cream cones.
I think I'll take my skin off
And sit around in my bones.
It's still
hot!
[illustration: a person with sweat dripping from his face sitting droopingly in a chair. His body, except for his face, is just the bones. There is a fan in front of him and a glass, empty except for ice cubes and a straw, behind the chair.]
84 TURTLE
Our turtle did not eat today,
Just lies on his back in the strangest way And doesn't move.
I tickled him
And poked at him
And dangled string in front of him, But he just lies there
Stiff and cold
And sort of staring straight ahead.
Jim says he's dead.
"Oh, no," say I,
"A wooden turtle cannot die!"
[illustration: a turtle on its back]
85 CROWDED TUB
There's too many kids in this tub.
There's too many elbows to scrub.
I just washed a behind
That I'm sure wasn't mine,
There's too many kids in this tub.
[illustration: a bathtub, with a shower pole and dripping shower head at the left is stuffed with people, with arms and legs sticking out of the tub. On the floor are puddles of water, a bar of soap, and a frog looking at the tub.]
86 CHANNELS
Channel 1's no fun.
Channel 2's just news.
Channel 3's hard to see.
&n
bsp; Channel 4 is just a bore.
Channel 5 is all jive.
Channel 6 needs to be fixed.
Channel 7 and Channel 8 --
Just old movies, not so great.
Channel 9's a waste of time.
Channel 10 is off, my child.
Wouldn't you like to talk awhile?
98
[illustration: On a hill is a very large hippopotamus with wings and aviator's goggles.]
HIPPO'S HOPE There once was a hippo who wanted to fly--
Fly-hi-dee, try-hi-dee, my-hi-dee-ho.
So he sewed him some wings that could flap through the sky--
Ski-hi-dee, fly-hi-dee, why-hi-dee-go.
He climbed to the top of a mountain of snow--
Snow-hi-dee, slow-hi-dee, oh-hi-dee-hoo.
With the clouds high above and the sea down below--
Where-hi-dee, there-hi-dee, scare-hi-dee-boo.
88
(Happy ending)
And he flipped and he flapped and he bellowed so loud--
Now-hi-dee, loud-hi-dee, proud-hi-dee-poop.
And he sailed like an eagle, off into the clouds--
High-hi-dee, fly-hi-dee, bye-hi-dee-boop.
(Unhappy ending)
And he leaped like a frog and he fell like a stone--
Stone-hi-dee, lone-hi-dee, own-hi-dee-flop.
And he crashed and he drowned and broke all his bones--
Bones-hi-dee, moans-hi-dee, groans-hi-dee-glop.
(Chicken ending)
He looked up at the sky and looked down at the sea--
Sea-hi-dee, free-hi-dee, whee-hi-dee-way.
And he turned and went home and had cookies and tea--
That's hi-dee, all hi-dee, I have to say.
89
WHATIF
Last night, while I lay thinking here, Some Whatifs crawled inside my ear And pranced and partied all night long And sang their same old Whatif song: Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow taller?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems swell, and then The nighttime Whatifs strike again!
90
SOUR FACE ANN
Sour Face Ann,
With your chin in your hand,
Haven't you ever been pleased?
You used to complain
That you had no fur coat,
And now you complain of the fleas.
[illustration: a chubby girl sitting on the floor, wrapped in a fur coat, with her head in her hand, looking unhappy.]
91 THE CLIMBERS
A mountain climbing exploration
Took us to these distant peaks
Where no one's ever been before.
Was it my imagination?
Did I feel this mountain move?
Did I hear it snore?
[illustration: pages 92 & 93: a mountain with people crawling up and sliding down the other side. On the upside one person is pulling another, and two people are pulling a third. On the top of the mountain, one person is standing. On the downslope, one person is sliding down; one person seems to have fallen headfirst into the side of the mountain; one person is standing looking at another who is wedged between rocks at the bottom of the mountain and a cliff. One person is on the top of the cliff helping up another person who has climbed up the cliff.]
92 & 93 ROCKABYE
Rockabye baby, in the treetop.
Don't you know a treetop
Is no safe place to rock?
And who put you up there,
And your cradle too?
Baby, I think someone down here's Got it in for you.
[illustration: a baby in a basket on a tree branch]
94 THE LITTLE BOY AND THE OLD MAN
Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."
Said the little old man, "I do that too."
The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."
"I do that too," laughed the little old man.
Said the little boy, "I often cry."
The old man nodded, "So do I."
"But worst of all," said the boy, "it seems Grown-ups don't pay attention to me."
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.
"I know what you mean," said the little old man.
95
SURPRISE!
My Grandpa went to Myrtle Beach
And sent us back a turtle each.
And then he went to Katmandu
And mailed a real live Cockatoo.
From Rio an iguana came,
A smelly goat arrived from Spain.
Now he's in India, you see--
My Grandpa always thinks of me.
[illustration: pages 96 & 97: a girl is hugging her little brother who is afraid to look at the huge box, which is standing on 6 tall legs and is marked HANDLE WITH CARE; AIR MAIL; POSTAGE DUE; SPECIAL DELIVERY; FRAGILE; PERISHABLE; THIS END UP; OPEN HERE. The box looks like a large square animal and two eyes seem to be looking at the children.]
96 & 97 TICKLISH TOM
Did you hear 'bout Ticklish Tom?
He got tickled by his mom.
Wiggled and giggled and fell on the floor, Laughed and rolled right out the door.
All the way to school and then
He got tickled by his friends.
Laughed till he fell off his stool, Laughed and rolled right out of school Down the stairs and finally stopped Till he got tickled by a cop.
And all the more that he kept gigglin', All the more the folks kept ticklin'.
He shrieked and screamed and rolled around, Laughed his way right out of town.
Through the country down the road, He got tickled by a toad.
Past the mountains across the plain, Tickled by the falling rain,
Tickled by the soft brown grass, Tickled by the clouds that passed.
Giggling, rolling on his back
He rolled on the railroad track.
Rumble, rumble, whistle, roar--
Tom ain't ticklish anymore.
[illustration: a boy rolled up in a ball with a big smile on his face]
127
[illustration: the top half of a bald man with his fingers in his mouth]
THE NAILBITER Some people manicure their nails, Some people trim them neatly,
Some people keep them filed down, I bite 'em off completely.
Yes, it's a nasty habit, but
Before you start to scold,
Remember, I have never ever
Scratched a single soul.
99
THE FLY IS IN
The fly is in
The milk is in
The bottle is in
The fridge is in
The kitchen is in
The house is in
The town.
The flea is on
The dog is on
The quilt is on
The bed is on
The carpet is on
The floor is on
The ground.
The worm is under
The ground is under
The grass is under
The blanket is under
The diaper is under
The baby is under
The tree.
The bee is
bothering
The puppy is bothering
The dog is bothering
The cat is bothering
The baby is bothering
Mama is bothering
Me.
100
STRANGE WIND
What a strange wind it was today, Whistlin' and whirlin' and scurlin' away Like a worried old woman with so much to say.
What a strange wind it was today.
What a strange wind it was today, Cool and clear from a sky so grey And my hat stayed on but my head blew away--
What a strange wind it was today.
[illustration: the top half of a man, dressed in jacket, vest and shirt, with tie flying and hat on top of where a head should be but isn't - just a blank space.]
101 ONE TWO
One two, buckle my shoe.
"Buckle your own shoe!"
Who said that?
"I did. What are you doing with those silly buckles on your shoes anyway?"
Three, four, shut the door.
"You shut it--you opened it."
Er . . . five, six, pick up sticks.
"Why should I pick them up-do you think I'm your slave? Buckle my shoe, shut the door, pick up sticks, next thing you'll be telling me to lay them straight."
But it's only a poem. . . . Nine, ten, a big fat . . . oh never mind.
102
TUSK, TUSK
The Walrus got braces,
And that's why his face is
A tangle of wires and steel.
He'll sit and he'll wait
Till his tusks are both straight--
And then think how happy he'll feel!
(But meanwhile, they're ruining his meal.)
[illustration: a walrus sitting atop an iceberg with wires and braces around his tusks.]
103 CAPTAIN BLACKBEARD DID WHAT?
The sea is a-roarin', the sea gulls they screech, The bosun he rants and he raves.
And the whole scurvy crew
Says, "It's true, yes it's true, Ol' Captain Blackbeard's shaved."
We had buried some treasure (and bodies as well) And was just sailin' back from the cave, When he calls fer boiled water
And stomps down below
An' gor' but he comes up shaved.
There's a chickenish stubble, and fishbelly skin On that face, once so blazin' and brave.
And his ol' faithful parrot
Can hardly bear it
Since ol' Captain Blackbeard shaved.
When he shouts, "Board and sink her!"
It sounds like a clinker
And gets lots of laughs from the slaves.