When I came to, I was lying on our bed, with John leaning over me. Pain penetrated deep into my skull, as if someone was sticking knives through my brain. But my fear of John was more powerful than anything else.
“Forgive me, Estelle. I promise I’ll never do it again. But you also have to promise you won’t provoke me anymore.”
I tried to sit up, but my head was as heavy as lead. I couldn’t move it even an inch. “I didn’t do anything to provoke you.” With every word I spoke, I felt a stabbing pain through my brain.
“You let Patrick kiss you. You’re my wife, for fuck’s sake. I took your virginity. I’m your first and I’ll be your last.” He knitted his eyebrows. “Only over my dead body will another man be able to have you. Patrick’s jealous of me, can’t you see it? He envies me, because you’re young and his wife has grown old.”
Dear God, this man was going insane. Cecilia was a very attractive woman. She’d put on a bit of weight after having three children, but Patrick liked her that way and didn’t keep it a secret. Their marriage was something to be envious of, not ours. They had three healthy children and we couldn’t even have one.
“Patrick and I were merely saying our goodbyes,” I countered in an attempt to defend myself. What the hell was he talking about?
I groaned when a sharp pain penetrated my temple. “I think I need to see a doctor. I don’t feel well.”
John stood up from the bed and walked to the door. “No doctors. I’ll bring you a painkiller. I’m sure I’ll find something in the medicine cabinet.” He turned to me, giving me a warning look. “Oh, and as for what just happened… You’re not allowed to tell anyone. Am I making myself clear?”
I didn’t have the strength to respond. It was a shock to finally realize he didn’t give a damn about me, not even slightly. I could’ve died.
Was John trying to get rid of me?
“Is that clear, Estelle?” he asked, raising his voice.
“Yes,” I replied quietly, closing my eyes.
I hoped this was just a nightmare, but knew it was reality. God, is this what our marriage will be like? Spending every day in fear of my own husband?
“If you learn how to be the perfect wife, the wife I want you to be, we won’t have any trouble.”
His voice made me open my eyes again. “I’m trying, John. I really am. You know I have morning lectures in college every day. I study to pass my exams and at the same time, keep the house in perfect order, yet you’re always unsatisfied. Sometimes I wonder why you married me. But the question I ask myself more than anything is, why did you change? Before we got married, you weren’t aggressive to me.”
His sinister laughter filled the entire room. Shaking his head, he replied, “God, Estelle, you’re so naïve. I treated you nicely so you’d marry me. Hell, you’re even dumber than I thought.” His words stabbed me in the chest. Why was he doing all this to me? I simply couldn’t understand.
“You’re rich, John. Why didn’t you just pick a woman who you don’t think is stupid, who’d do everything better than me, and who’d satisfy you?” Why had he proposed to me? Surely he hadn’t simply done it to make his friends and coworkers jealous?
John gripped the door so tight his knuckles whitened. “You’re just eighteen years old. With you being so young, I hoped you’d have no problem getting pregnant. But as you know full well, we can’t have kids anyway.” His voice was full of reproach.
Okay, he was right on that point. It was my fault we couldn’t have kids. But I’d often asked myself why he always refused to get himself checked out by a doctor. I’d noticed his semen was very thin. Not that I had a proper base for comparison, given that he was the only man I’d had sex with. Still, I could see the difference in the porno films John always wanted to watch during sex.
Was the reason…
“Where’s your head at?” His strict voice startled me.
In the clouds, I got the urge to say, but I knew that would just provoke him and I’d get a beating. My husband wasn’t into jokes. It’d be nice if I could soar through the clouds, but unfortunately I was on Earth, or to be more precise, in hell.
“Do you want to divorce me and find another woman who could bear your child?” I hoped he’d say “yes.” Jesus, how I hoped.
John walked over to me in big strides and grabbed me by the neck. But he didn’t grip me tight and didn’t cause me pain like I thought he would.
“Never! I’ll never agree to divorce you. You need to get that through your head. I won’t let you leave me or run away. And God is my witness, if you do, I’ll find you and make you sorry you weren’t a good wife to me.”
His terrifying eyes burned through me. “Don’t forget your wedding vows, Estelle. We’ll always be together till death do us part. I’ll teach you how to be the perfect homemaker. You make a lot of mistakes, and I punish you for them. And I’ll keep punishing you until you become the wife I want. Sooner or later, it’ll happen. I trust you that far. Tomorrow, when I come back from work, I want to find the closet in perfect order. It’s been a complete mess of late.” John let go of my neck and walked out of the bedroom.
My greatest suffering was still to come.
10
Nick
Nick: When are you coming over?
I fired off a quick text to Estelle. I hadn’t seen her since yesterday due to my latest business trip and was now dying to kiss her. I’d discovered I couldn’t sleep properly when she wasn’t beside me. I needed to glue my body to hers like a sticker. Only then could I get a good night’s sleep.
Estelle: I’ll be with you within half an hour.
When I returned to the office late in the afternoon, I was disappointed to find she wasn’t there. She’d gone to see Jeremy in the hospital. I understood her concern for him. But I couldn’t wait to put my arms around her.
Nick: What are you wearing?
It felt like an eternity had passed before she replied.
Estelle: A tight black dress with a zip on the front, which presses quite hard against my breast. Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. I’m not wearing any underwear.
My jaw hit the floor. How could she go to work without panties, for God’s sake? I was going to explode with jealousy.
Nick: Are you trying to kill me? Or are you begging for a spanking?
The thought of that made my dick tremble with pleasure. Estelle wasn’t into kinky spanking games, but enjoyed the occasional slap on the ass while I fucked her from behind. God, the thought that I’d lose myself in her tonight was so arousing. I was really looking forward to it.
I was certain she’d rolled her eyes when she’d read my comment. She’d already had run-ins with my jealous nature.
Estelle: Chill, I was only kidding. You know I never go to work without panties. I only do that when I’m alone with you.
Nick: Estelle…
Estelle: Yes?
Nick: Get your sweet ass to my office more quickly. I can’t fucking wait to see you.
Estelle: Neither can I.
She sent me emoticons of a smile, kiss, and heart, and I gawped at the screen of my phone, my heart overflowing with happiness. Fuck, I needed to get it together. Since when did pictures of hearts delight me?
“Come on, Nick. Enough with the texts. That silly smile has permanently occupied your face. Who’s the girl you’re chatting to?” Ron, one of my close friends, had dropped by my office. For the last fifteen minutes, he’d been sitting in one of the chairs in front of my desk, trying to convince me to go out and party like in the good old times.
I glanced at him sideways to let him know it was none of his business.
“Nick, put down the fucking phone and give me a straight answer. It’s been a while since we last went out and had fun. You know Mateo’s parties are always filled with hot chicks. We’ll have a great time.”
I, however, had no intention of going back to my old life. For the last month, the only woman who interested me was Estelle.
Slipping the ph
one into my jacket pocket, I looked up at him. “Forget it, Ron. I plan to spend this evening with my girl. I’m not interested in any parties or other women.”
Nothing was sweeter or more enticing than Estelle’s naked body wrapped around mine. I wouldn’t trade spending nights with her for anything else in the world. And not just the nights, because I wasn’t with her just for the sex. I loved conversing with her, holding her in my arms, and inhaling her lovely, intoxicating scent.
The corners of Ron’s eyes narrowed. He shook his head in disbelief as he loosened his tie. “I never thought I’d hear these words from you. You’ve fallen deep for this girl, my friend. Very deep, it seems. So, aren’t you finally going to introduce me to this mysterious woman? You’ve been hiding her just for yourself. Are you, by any chance, afraid I might take her from you?”
I laughed at his comment. Nobody could take what was mine from me. I wouldn’t allow it. But I had no intention of sharing my feelings with him. When Ron found the right woman, a woman who made him think only about her, he’d understand me.
It was eight in the evening, and most of my employees had gone home, including my personal assistant. This was why there was no one to announce the arrival of Cassandra Milson, with whom I’d been having fun just before I’d met Estelle.
Seeing Cassandra walk into my office without even knocking, as if she owned the place, really annoyed me. I hated pushy women, and she wasn’t just pushy, but dead proud to boot. But I won’t lie, sex with her had been very satisfying.
“I decided to remind you of me so you don’t forget me anymore,” Cassandra said and, swaying her hips provocatively, approached my desk.
Scowling, I regarded her while I considered how exactly I should get rid of her.
Sporting a bright orange dress with a V-neckline plunging down to her navel, which left nothing to the imagination about her huge tits, she looked very tempting. Still, no matter how sexy she was, Cassandra couldn’t hold a candle to sweet Miss Klide. Those two were as different as fire and water, not just in terms of looks, but also character. Cassandra was bossy, arrogant, and wouldn’t stop at anything, whereas Estelle was kind, nice, and disarming. Just what I needed.
Cassandra shook her blonde hair. Sitting on my desk, she shamelessly lifted her legs and placed them between my thighs, showing her bare pussy for everyone to see. I wasn’t surprised in the slightest that she wasn’t wearing underwear.
“We’re not alone,” I warned her, glancing at Ron, who was staring at us with open interest.
Cassandra turned to him and replied in a drawl, “Hi, Ron. You want to join us? I think all three of us will be left very satisfied. Nick can have my pussy, so that leaves my ass for you.”
Her words didn’t shock me. Anything could be expected from Miss Milson. As far as I was aware, she didn’t stop at anything when it came to fulfilling her sexual needs.
Ron laughed at her reply and shook his head, but then someone at the door attracted his attention. The look in his eyes revealed that the person was a woman who interested him. But I couldn’t see her, because Cassandra was in my way.
“Thanks, but no thanks, darling. I’ve just spotted a lovely creature I’ve never tasted before.” The lecherous look in Ron’s eyes made me move to the side, and I saw none other than Estelle, her svelte figure standing at the open door.
Great. Just great. Fuck!
Her eyes met mine, and I saw pain and sadness in them—feelings I’d never wanted to elicit in her. I had no intention of dealing with sluts like Cassandra. All I wanted was my sweet Estelle, but seeing her run out into the corridor, I realized I’d fucked everything up.
Pushing aside Cassandra’s legs, I stood up from my chair and quickly strode after Estelle to explain the situation. I couldn’t let her leave with the wrong impression. Since I’d been with her, I hadn’t slept with another woman and had neither the intention nor desire to do so.
“Nicholas Frey running after some skirt. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own two eyes.” Ron’s voice made me stop and turn in my tracks.
“Shut your fucking mouth, Ron,” I warned him and increased my pace. I didn’t give a shit what he thought. Let him laugh at my expense. But sweet Miss Klide was mine, and if he preferred having fun with women such as Cassandra, then so be it.
Estelle entered the elevator, but I was quick enough to catch up to her before the doors closed. Grabbing her by the elbow, I turned her to face me and then keyed in the code used to stop the elevator. I didn’t want anyone to walk in on us. Not at this critical moment.
God, I hope I can manage to get out of this clusterfuck.
I pushed her gently against the metal wall and whispered, “She means nothing to me, darlin’.”
“I don’t want to know. I’m not interested in who you fuck. I want to go home.” Her violet-blue eyes revealed her pain. They were filled with tears, which she barely managed to suppress. “You don’t owe me an explanation.”
Jesus, what nonsense was this? Of course I owed her an explanation.
“Estelle.” I put my hands on her shoulders and leaned forward to meet her eyes.
“Nicholas,” she replied, imitating me, but I sensed hurt in her voice.
She had the full right to be pissed. I shouldn’t have let Cassandra put her legs between my thighs, as if I was her possession. In my mind, I’d known I wouldn’t let things get any further. We’d fucked like rabbits once, and that was enough for me. But why the hell had I taken such a risk, especially since I expected Estelle to walk through the door any minute? Estelle didn’t have a father or older brother to defend her, to kick my ass for the idiotic thing I’d done. She had to tackle all difficulties on her own. Always alone. I felt sorry for her, because I loved her. But instead of taking care of her, what had I done? I’d fucked everything up.
“We’ve been together for a month. You’re mine, my woman. No other woman interests me. Cassandra and I fucked once. But you and I make love. Only you make me feel like this.”
She tried to get out of my grip, but didn’t succeed. I wasn’t going to let her go before we’d cleared everything up.
Cupping her face between my palms, I pressed my forehead against hers. “Tell me you won’t leave me.”
She closed her eyes, and her lips trembled. “Right now I feel very confused. All I can think is that I don’t want to have anything to do with you.”
Oh, no. That didn’t sound promising.
“Please, you can’t do this to me. I love you, Estelle Klide. Only you and none other.”
I’d known I was in love with her for quite a while, but I’d been stupid enough not to admit it to her. And saying it now… I was certain she’d take it the wrong way, that is to say, she’d think I’d declared my love for her only to convince her to stay with me. But that wasn’t the case. I loved Estelle with my whole damned soul and heart.
Large teardrops started falling down her face. I leaned in and wiped them with my kisses. Fuck, I hadn’t meant to make her cry, and it looked like I may have made things even worse.
“Don’t say it just because you know I want to hear those words. You’re making me hate you. I don’t need your lies. I’ve been lied to my entire life. I won’t let anyone make a fool out of me ever again,” she whispered, hammering the truth home. She didn’t believe me. She couldn’t understand how much she actually meant to me.
“Why do you think that what I said isn’t true? Yes, I know this was the first time I told that I love you…just as I know that you love me too, babe. What you give me can’t be mistaken for anything else. I can’t promise you that I won’t fuck up occasionally. So help me God, I’m just a man. But I can tell you one thing with certainty—I don’t want what we have between us to ever end. Our being together is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You make me dream of a life I’d never thought I wanted to lead. Isn’t this proof of how much I need you?”
We’d only been together for a month, but this was already the m
ost serious relationship I’d ever allowed myself to have. Estelle was my other half, a part of me I hadn’t even imagined existed, and now I was complete. I hadn’t known this side of myself, because the only women I’d ever loved before were my mother and sister. But this was a different kind of love. My love for Estelle was something wholly new to me, something as pure and beautiful as her.
She put her hands on her face and started to cry inconsolably. I didn’t get why she was doing it. But I couldn’t stand watching her in such a sad state. My heart was breaking.
“What did I do now? Talk to me… If you still think I told you I loved you just to get out of the situation, you’re dead wrong. I love you like I’ve never loved another woman.” She was the one. Before her, I’d never had feelings for a woman I was fucking. To me, all women had just been objects of fun.
I held Estelle tight against my body and kissed her on the head. I was trying to gain an insight into how she felt, but she wouldn’t let me. She’d put up a barrier and it was killing me. There were still so many things about her past I didn’t know yet. It was high time she started sharing them with me.
“Nobody has ever loved me. As pathetic as that sounds, it’s true. I so wanted to hear ‘I love you’ from my parents or at least feel their love.” She paused to take a breath. “‘Parents’… This word sounds so foreign and bitter coming out of my mouth. Because I never saw them as such. Pamela and Mason didn’t love me, not even when I was little. Nobody’s ever told me they loved me.” Her delicate arms embraced me.
At that moment, I felt the urge to protect her from the entire world.
For fuck’s sake, what kind of monsters raised her?
How was it possible for such heartless people to exist? Every child needs to be loved and needs to hear those three simple words.
“Shush, calm down. It’ll be okay.”
She wiped her tears and looked at me. “I’ve never said it to anyone, other than my doll Millie, but I don’t think she counts.” A smile appeared on her face, the kind that made my heart melt. She took a deep breath and said, “I love you too, Nick. More than you can imagine.”