“Okay, I get that,” I said, “but why did you stay here? Why didn’t you come home, or ring to let us know where you were?”
Dad reached out for my hand. “I just got this idea fixed in my head that if I disappeared your mum would realize how upset I was. It seemed like the only way to make her understand how crucial it was to carry on lying. I know how cowardly that sounds now, and I’m not proud of it, but Aidan could see how serious I was and he agreed to let me stay, and more importantly, he agreed it was right to keep quiet.”
“Until now,” I said, dropping Dad’s hand and standing up. “I know it’s a massive risk and that it might be awful for all of us, especially for you and Aidan, but it’s time to stop lying, Dad. It’s time for the truth to come out.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
I stared at Bee, amazed. I couldn’t believe how brave she sounded and how sure of herself. She had that same determined look in her eyes that I’d seen on the bus. I tried to clear my mind, to decide what I should do next, but I was trembling all over. It was hearing Aidan describe the night Luke died. The way Luke forced Aidan to drive the car – threatened him – it made him sound like such a bully. And yet Aidan insisted Luke was the best friend he’d ever had. But why would you want to be friends with someone who treated you like that?
I stared at the photo of Luke with the orange-peel smile; my funny big brother – down on all fours with a slice of orange in his mouth, trying to make me laugh. It was like there were two Lukes: the lovely big-brother Luke and Luke the monster. “There’s still something I don’t get,” I said to Aidan. “If you took this photo the day before Luke died, how did it end up at our house, in Luke’s bedside table?”
Aidan crossed the room to sit next to me on the couch. “I came round,” he said. “It was a few weeks after we got back from Spain. I was wracked with guilt; it was literally tearing me apart. I wanted to tell your mum and dad the truth, explain what really happened. I wanted to give them the photo and tell them how sorry I was.”
I couldn’t believe it. “You actually went round to my house? After Luke died?”
Aidan nodded. “Your mum answered the door but she was too scared to let me in. She said if your dad came home and found me there he’d go mad. She was in a terrible state, it was awful. She started to cry, really cry. I wasn’t sure what to do. She became hysterical, sobbing and tearing at her hair. I knew I should leave but I couldn’t move. In the end she ran into the downstairs toilet, shouting through the door that I should go, but I didn’t go. I went up to Luke’s room...” He paused, remembering.
“What happened? My dad didn’t come home, did he?”
He shook his head. “No, I didn’t see your dad. I sat on Luke’s bed for a bit and then I opened the drawer in his bedside table to find a pen, and I scribbled the message on the back of the photo. I felt close to him in his bedroom. It was the first time since the accident that I stopped shaking. I sat there for as long as I dared, and then, before I left, I slipped the photo in a study guide that happened to be in my bag and left it in his drawer. I know it sounds crazy but I just wanted him to know how sorry I was.”
We all sat there for a moment, lost in our own thoughts. Aidan was crying again. Silent tears trickled down his face. “If only I’d refused to get in the car,” he said eventually, his voice a whisper. “Or refused to take the keys in the first place. I go over and over what happened, but I always come back to the same point. We did take the keys and I did drive the car – and somehow, I killed Luke.”
“It wasn’t anyone’s fault, Aidan,” I said, standing up. “You shouldn’t blame yourself. I’m going home now,” I said, “to tell my mum and dad.”
I walked straight out of the flat, without looking at Bee or her dad. I didn’t want him to try and make me change my mind. I had no idea how Mum and Dad would react, but I had to tell them what really happened to Luke. It suddenly felt very important. As if the truth might finally set us all free.
As soon as I got off the bus I could feel my courage start to drain away. Dad would already be furious with me for running off with Bee. It had taken me so long to stand up to him, but I was still scared. The closer I got to home, the harder it became to put one foot in front of the other. My legs felt heavy, weighed down. Running off was one thing – but going back was something else altogether.
He was waiting for me in the kitchen. I could see him as I came up the path. Mum was standing next to him, peering anxiously through the window. My arm twitched by my side and I nearly waved, as if it was a normal day. But Dad’s lips were set in a thin hard line, his mask firmly back in place. They were both at the front door before I could knock. Dad reached out to grab hold of me, but Mum pushed past him, wrapping me in her arms.
“What the hell do you think you were doing, going off like that?” Dad barked, trying to pull me away from Mum. I’d never seen him so angry; he looked as if he was about to explode.
“Leave her alone,” said Mum. “Please, Michael, shouting isn’t going to help.”
“Look, I need to talk to both of you,” I said, pulling back from Mum. “Inside.”
Mum and I sat at the kitchen table. Dad stood by the door, glowering.
“What have you got to say for yourself then?” he said. “This had better be good. We had all this nonsense with Luke. Going off without permission. Mixing with the wrong sort of people.”
“It’s Luke I want to talk about,” I said, trying to hold my nerve. “It’s about the night he died.”
Mum’s hand flew to her mouth.
“What the hell are you playing at, Lizzie?” snapped Dad. “What could you possibly know about the night Luke died? You were a baby!”
I took hold of Mum’s hand, rubbing it, leaning into her. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I know this is horrible for you, but I need to tell you what really happened.”
“What do you mean?” she whispered. “What are you talking about?”
“It was Aidan who was driving the car that night, not Bee’s dad,” I said, not daring to look at either of them. “It was Aidan driving the car because Luke forced him to. I’m not making it up. Aidan told me himself.”
Mum squeezed my hand, her nails digging into my palm. I could’ve stopped there, but I didn’t. I told them the whole story. I told them Aidan was scared. That he didn’t want to drive the car. I told them how Luke threatened him, forced him into an impossible situation. I told them about Bee’s dad. How he found them because Aidan had texted him for help. Why he lied. How desperate he was to protect Aidan. And I told them about Aidan. About how desperate he’d been to tell the truth. How much he missed Luke, even now, after all these years. How he said Luke was the best friend he’d ever had.
Mum began to cry.
“I’m going to kill him!” said Dad, when I’d stopped talking. He was pacing round the kitchen, clenching and unclenching his fists. “Lying for all these years. Protecting his son while our son was lying dead in the road. I’m going to tear him limb from limb.” He stormed out of the kitchen and then ran back in, grabbing his car keys.
“But, Dad, wait, don’t you see?” I was desperate to make him understand. “Bee’s dad was just trying to protect his child, like you try to protect me. There’s no difference, not really.”
“No difference,” hissed Dad, pushing his face close to mine. “No difference? Are you out of your tiny little mind?”
Mum leaped up. “Stop it,” she said. “You’re not going anywhere. This ends right here.”She stood at the kitchen door, blocking his way.
“I’m warning you, Suzie. I’m going to kill that man and there’s nothing you can do to stop me!”
I shrank back in my chair, fear clawing at my throat.
“No, Michael. STOP!” It was the first time I’d ever heard my mum shout. “It’s your temper that’s got us here, not Aidan and certainly not Phillip. It’s the way you throw your weight about, scaring me, scaring Lizzie, scaring poor Luke when he was a little boy.”
I
stared at her, amazed. Her eyes were blazing, her face bright red. She was standing up to my dad, finally, after all these years.
“Just sit down,” she said firmly. “Charging out of here in a state is only going to make things worse. If you want to blame anyone for Luke’s death, you need to take a good hard look in the mirror.”
Dad took a step towards her, his face a mixture of fury and confusion. Mum had never spoken to him like that. I don’t think anyone had ever spoken to him like that.
“Get out of my way, Suzie,” he said. “Don’t make me say it again.”
Mum shook her head. “No.”
Dad hesitated for a moment as if he wasn’t sure what he should do and then he let out a roar. It was like the cry of a wounded animal. I closed my eyes, a scream freezing on my lips. I wanted to get away from him, get away from that awful sound, but I was too frightened to move.
And then I heard something. Someone was banging on the front door. And a second later the bell rang.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
We heard Lizzie’s dad roar as we came up the garden path. I grabbed Dad’s arm and pulled him towards the door, my heart racing. She must’ve told them.
“Quick, Dad, ring the bell,” I said, banging my fists against the door. “Hurry up! We’ve got to save her.”
Dad rang the bell and we stood back. Everything went quiet, but it wasn’t a good kind of quiet. Then something caught my eye through the kitchen window.
“Look, they’re in there.” I dragged Dad towards the window. Lizzie was sitting on a chair with her knees tucked up and her arms over her head. Her mum was standing in the doorway and her dad was bent over, as if he was in pain. It was a horrible scene. They were all frozen but, even so, I could almost feel Lizzie’s fear pouring off her in waves.
Dad leaned forward, over the flower beds, and banged his fist on the window. The reaction was instant, as if he’d brought them back to life. Lizzie’s dad looked up, turning to face us, and in the same moment her mum slipped out of the room. Only Lizzie stayed frozen, her legs tucked up, her arms tight over her head. The front door swung open and Lizzie’s mum stood there, breathing very fast, her face covered in a thin film of sweat.
“Suzie,” said Dad, pulling me back from the window and towards the door. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she said, but she started to shake, tears rolling down her face. “It’s not me, it’s Michael...”
“Hey, it’s okay,” said Dad, reaching out to comfort her. “We’re here now.”
Lizzie’s dad appeared behind them. I shrank back, trying to hide behind Dad.
Dad breathed deeply before he spoke. “Michael. I know you’re upset, but please hear us out. We just want to talk.”
Lizzie’s dad stood there for a long time. I felt sad for him suddenly. It didn’t matter how angry he got, he could never bring Luke back.
“You lied,” was all he said in the end.
“Yes,” said Dad. “I lied to protect Aidan.”
“But what about Luke?” said Lizzie’s dad, his voice breaking. “What about my Luke?”
Dad took another deep breath. “I’m sorry, Michael. I did what I had to do to protect Aidan.”
Lizzie’s dad slumped against the door frame, as if all the fight had drained out of him.
“Come on,” said Dad firmly. “We need to talk. It’s something we should’ve done a long time ago.” He gave my shoulder a squeeze to reassure me and then walked past Suzie and into the house. My eyes stayed fixed on Lizzie’s dad. He didn’t move for a moment but then, with what seemed to take a monumental effort, he straightened up and followed Dad inside. Just at that moment Lizzie appeared from the kitchen, her face deathly pale. She stumbled towards me and collapsed into my arms.
“I told them what really happened,” she said into my hair. “But I was so scared, Bee; I didn’t know what my dad was going to do and then...it all sort of seemed too much for him, as if he couldn’t bear it any more.”
I stroked her hair, holding her tight. “You were so brave, Lizzie, honestly. I can’t believe you went through with it.”
“You made me brave,” she said. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”
We stood there hugging each other until Lizzie’s mum came over and put her arms round both of us. “Well done,” she said, squeezing tight. “No more secrets and that’s all down to you two.”
She went inside and Lizzie and I sat down on the doorstep to talk. We cuddled up close, going over everything that had happened since the last night of the holiday.
“Genius idea to swap the cases, by the way,” I said.
“Genius idea to go round to Dilan’s,” she said back. “I need to speak to him, actually,” she added shyly. “I need to say thank you.”
“You do realize he’s crazy about you,” I said. “Like, head over heels.”
“Shut up,” she said. “No he’s not.” But her face broke into a smile for the first time all day.
CHAPTER FORTY
It took me ages to stop shaking. I kept expecting Dad to storm out or do something terrible to Bee’s dad. He’d said he was going to tear him limb from limb and now they were shut in a room together. I still wasn’t sure if I’d done the right thing by bringing everything out into the open. Mum seemed okay about it, but Dad would never forgive Bee’s dad for lying.
“Why is it taking them so long?” I said to Mum, staring up at the kitchen clock. We’d come inside and she was fussing round us, making sure we had lots to eat and drink.
“It’s been ten years, Lizzie, my love. They’ve got a lot of catching up to do. I thought we could try to put the past behind us this summer in Spain, but it didn’t really work out.”
“My mum wanted to come to the ceremony,” said Bee. “I’m sure she did. That’s why we came to Spain in the first place.”
“I know, love, but she had a note delivered to our hotel on the first day of the holiday saying she couldn’t go through with it. We were just checking in when this chubby man came over – he said he worked at the Bay of Caves. I sent a letter back the next day, saying I understood but that if she changed her mind she’d still be welcome, but I didn’t hear anything, and then we bumped into each other in the market...”
“The second letter,” murmured Bee. “The second pink envelope that I saw in Mum’s bag.”
“I’ve got something to give you, actually,” I said to Mum, reaching for my bag. “I found it in Luke’s bedside drawer but it’s actually from Aidan.” I took the orange-peel photo out and handed it to her.
“He said he came round just after Luke died,” explained Bee. “I don’t know if you remember. He was desperate to tell you how sorry he was.”
Mum nodded slowly, staring at the photo. “Of course I remember,” she said quietly. “But it was all so raw. I couldn’t cope. I couldn’t deal with Aidan’s grief as well as my own.” She clutched the photo to her chest. “Thank you,” she said. “Please tell him I said thank you. It means so much.”
Bee and I were still sitting in the kitchen, talking, when our dads finally emerged from the front room. They looked completely wrung out, as if they’d both run a marathon.
“We’re going round to see Aidan,” said Bee’s dad. “Bee and I dashed out and left him and he’s been texting non-stop.”
Dad didn’t say anything. He looked confused, as if he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to behave. I couldn’t believe he was going with Bee’s dad to see Aidan. It was like a miracle. Mum went over to him and wrapped her arms round his neck.
“I’m so proud of you, Michael,” she said. “So is Lizzie, aren’t you, Lizzie?”
They sort of turned to face me and I nodded. I half wanted to get up and put my arms round Dad too. I wanted to trust him, but I was still scared he might flip.
I waited until they’d left for Aidan’s flat and then told Mum I was going round to see Dilan. It was the weirdest feeling ever, to tell her I was going somewhere and then just walk out of the door. I
felt like running, or flying even. I was free for the first time since Luke died.
Bee walked with me down to the end of the road.
“This probably sounds crazy after everything that’s happened, but I hope you don’t mind that I read some of your diary,” she said when we were standing outside Dilan’s house.
“Don’t be stupid, that was the whole point of swapping cases. And anyway, I read your poems: ‘The Friendship Rock’ and the one about saying goodbye. They were amazing.”
Bee groaned, her face turning red.
“Don’t be embarrassed!” I cried. “I honestly don’t think you realize how talented you are. I wish I could write like that. I’m still trying to write a poem about Luke...” I trailed off.
“I’ll help you if you want,” said Bee. “Maybe we could write it together.”
I gave her a big hug. “I’d love you to help, but I really think it’s something I’ve got to do by myself.”
She hugged me back and then skipped to the corner and stood there waving while I walked up the path to Dilan’s. “Have fun,” she called out. “Let me know what happens!”
Dilan was home alone. He answered the door with headphones on and a can of Coke in his hand.
“Hi,” he said. “How did it go?”
I nodded. “Good, I think. Well, scary but good.”
We went into the kitchen and he grabbed another drink out of the fridge.
“I always knew you had a brother,” he said, opening the can and handing it to me. “I just didn’t remember his name, or anything about him.”
“He died when I was really young. It was before we ever started our lessons together. There are photos of him all over the house.”
“Yeah, I know, but it was such a long time ago. I do remember sliding down the stairs in your duvet cover though, and making that dragon.”
“No way!”
He nodded, half-blushing, half-grinning. We stood there awkwardly for a minute.