For the first time Abby noticed her mother was wearing slippers. “I’m saving my feet for dancing at the reception. I did tell you I talked your father into taking ballroom dancing classes, didn’t I?”
“Daddy?” Her father was the last person Abby would have expected to agree to dance classes.
“I never thought it’d happen but we got hooked on that television show, rooting for our favorite couple each week.”
Abby watched the program herself, but the idea that it would influence her parents to take dancing classes was hard to take in.
“Your father is no slouch on the dance floor. He loves it.”
Wow, things had changed.
Her mother straightened and then arched her back. “We’re not that old, you know.”
“Speaking of being old, I’m parked on the far side of the parking lot,” Abby remembered. “Why don’t I go get the car and bring it around front and you can meet me there.”
“Are you sure, sweetie? I don’t mind walking out that way.”
“No problem, Mom.”
Abby had started toward the door when her mother stopped her. “Sweetie. I hope I didn’t embarrass you by bringing up grandchildren. Your father said I need to be more sensitive.”
Abby reassured her with a smile. “You didn’t embarrass me.”
“Oh, good. I wouldn’t want anything to ruin this day. Your father and I are so happy for Roger. We’ve waited for our children to marry for a very long time.”
Abby hugged her mother and left the room. She was rummaging inside her purse for her car keys when she nearly bumped into a man who was hurrying down the hallway. He rammed into her shoulder. Abby would have been spun off balance but the man grabbed her by the upper arms.
“I’m so sorry!” He paused and looked straight at her. “Abby?”
“Yes.” She barely managed to get the word out. Abby didn’t need to ask who he was. She recognized him immediately.
“It’s me, Steve. Steve Hooks.”
“I … know.” Her mouth felt as dry as an abandoned well. She’d wanted to ask her brother about Steve, but she never had. She supposed she hadn’t wanted to hear that he was happily married and had completely forgotten her. She’d certainly given him reason enough.
“So you remember me?”
Oh yes, she remembered him. “It’s … good to see you again,” she finally managed, although it felt as if the words had flowed from her lips like molasses.
He dropped his hands from her shoulders, although he seemed reluctant to do so. “You look great.”
“You’re here for the wedding?” That was probably the stupidest question she could have asked.
“Yes, Roger asked me to be one of the ushers.”
“You weren’t at the rehearsal last night,” Abby blurted out before she realized it would be obvious that she’d been looking for him.
“No, my flight got delayed and I didn’t land until after the dinner.”
“I’m glad you made it.” She wanted to talk more, but with her mother waiting she didn’t feel she should linger. Hopefully she’d be able to catch up with him at some point later on in the day.
He took one step back, in retreat, seeming as hesitant as she was to end their conversation. “I’ll see you later this afternoon, then.”
“At the wedding,” Abby said unnecessarily. Her cheeks flushed with color. The night she and Angela had gone shopping her friend had told her how excited she was to meet Steve. And Abby had droned on and on about how wonderful he was.
Roger had invited Steve to join their family for Thanksgiving because Steve’s family lived on the East Coast and he couldn’t afford a second ticket home within a few weeks of Christmas. Abby and Steve had been emailing back and forth nonstop since their initial introduction. Angela had spent Thanksgiving with her grandparents in Spokane.
Abby had fallen hard for Steve. Following the accident, he’d sent flowers and notes and letters, but she hadn’t answered him because it felt wrong for her to have a great guy in her life when her friend was dead. The kicker came when a young man Angela had been dating stopped by the hospital. Abby had still been under sedation and in a lot of pain. He’d sat by her bedside, and pressed his forehead against the side railing and wept. He hadn’t shouted the way Angela’s mother had, but his grief had pained her in ways that angry words never could. He left soon afterward and she never saw him again.
Caught up in her thoughts, Abby nearly walked into the glass door leading to the parking lot.
“Get a grip,” she muttered to herself as she headed toward the rear of the lot where she’d left her car. Following her release from the hospital and a period of recuperation, it’d taken real courage for her to get behind the wheel of a car again. In fact, it’d taken almost a year.
After unlocking the door, she slid into the driver’s seat and placed her hands on the steering wheel. So Angela wanted her to visit her parents while she was in town.
That was an impossible request. She couldn’t face them. She’d tried, but they’d been too caught up in their grief to find it in their hearts to forgive her. According to Angela, the years had done little to change their attitude.
Abby gave herself a mental shake. “You don’t know that,” she said aloud. What woman in her right mind listened to voices coming from beyond the grave? Enough of this silliness.
Enough.
The entire scene at the cemetery had been a figment of Abby’s imagination. She’d waited far too long to visit her friend’s grave site and as a result she’d mentally built it up to this huge event. The result was that she’d become delusional.
And hadn’t her own mother just said she didn’t want anything to ruin this perfectly wonderful day? Her brother was about to wed his bride. This was not the time or the place for Abby to step back in time in an effort to right past wrongs. The best way for her to handle this situation was to go to her brother’s wedding and enjoy this special time with family. And then she would leave Cedar Cove; pack up her suitcase and simply put all this anxiety and pain behind her.
She waited, half expecting Angela to express her opinion on the matter. How silly she must look, sitting behind the wheel of her car, waiting for someone who was dead and buried to argue with her internal monologue.
Abby started the engine and drove around to the front of the hotel. Her mother stepped outside as soon as she appeared. Linda’s face broke into a wide smile as she opened the passenger door and climbed inside.
“You will never guess who I just saw!”
“I bet I can,” Abby returned.
“Steve Hooks!” Her mother cast Abby a meaningful glance.
“I saw him, too. We almost ran into each other in the hallway outside your room. Well, actually, we did run into each other.”
“His plane got delayed,” her mother went on to explain. “I … I’m glad he made it in time.”
“Me, too. By the way, Roger mentioned that Steve isn’t married.” Again her mother looked pointedly in Abby’s direction.
“Oh?” Her heart instantly started to beat at double time, although it was ridiculous to think they could pick up where they’d left off all those years ago.
“Roger said Steve had asked about you, too.”
Abby decided to ignore that comment. “Mom, you need to put on your seat belt.”
“Oh, right.” She reached behind her and stretched the strap across her body and clicked it into place.
How Abby wished she’d insisted Angela put on her seat belt. Even now, all these years later, her mind shouted out the warning.
After she’d finished, Linda returned her gaze to Abby. “Well, sweetie, what did Steve have to say?”
“Unfortunately we didn’t get much of a chance to talk.”
“But you will later, right?”
“Yes, I imagine we will.”
Her mother didn’t say anything for a long moment, and then with a soft sigh she added, “That’s a start.”
A start. Y
es, indeed it was.
Chapter 26
Josh took his time rinsing out the two mugs and placing them in the dishwasher while Michelle went to check on Richard.
The door to Richard’s bedroom opened and closed and Michelle joined him. Josh glanced up expectantly. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for from her but she met his gaze and quietly went to sit in the living room.
“How is he?” Josh asked, tucking the tips of his fingers in his jeans pockets.
“The same; sometimes a little better, sometimes a bit worse. At this point it’s difficult to tell.”
Josh nodded, unsure of what he should say. The tension between Michelle and him was stretched thin. While he was reluctant to wade into the emotional quagmire of their shared kisses, it seemed unavoidable.
“Perhaps we should talk about … what happened,” he suggested.
Michelle gave him a quizzical look.
“You know,” he insisted, wishing he was more experienced in these kinds of conversations. “I want to make sure you aren’t reading anything into what happened … between us.”
“I shouldn’t?” she asked.
“No,” he said quickly, thinking that he’d probably made a big mistake.
“Have you always avoided emotional entanglements, Josh?”
He blinked, definitely sorry that he’d said anything. “That’s not what’s going on here.”
Her responding smile challenged him, but he wasn’t looking for an argument or a confrontation. “Forget I said anything. I’m sorry I brought up the subject.”
“If that’s what you want, Josh, then I’m okay with it, but one day you’re going to need to confront this issue.”
She was probably right, but that time wasn’t now. “Can we drop the subject?”
“That’s fine with me. I didn’t bring it up in the first place.”
He felt an immediate sense of relief. “Good.” Soon he’d be out of here and for all intents and purposes he never planned to return. And yet when he looked at her all he wanted to do was hold her close. This was crazy. One minute all he could think about was getting away, and the next he was overwhelmed with the urge to wrap this beautiful woman in his arms and hold on for dear life.
Michelle returned to the kitchen.
Not sure what he was thinking, Josh followed her.
She brought down a fresh coffee mug and when she turned around, Josh was standing directly behind her. For an awkward moment all they did was stare at each other. Josh didn’t know what to say. He knew she was right. He had avoided emotional intimacy and he wasn’t sure why. His job had always been a convenient excuse.
Without a word Michelle retrieved her coat and started out the front door.
Josh wanted to stop her, but every time he opened his mouth he seemed inclined to say something stupid. It was probably best just to let her go.
The front door made a soft clicking sound as it closed. So he was alone with Richard. The knowledge unnerved him. When Richard died, Josh would be truly alone.
Depressed now, he sank into a chair and closed his eyes.
Leaning forward, he braced his elbows against his knees. He wasn’t any good at this relationship business. Never had been. Michelle had hit the proverbial nail on the head. Josh was afraid of making a commitment, afraid of what the future might hold. He felt like he’d lost everyone he’d ever loved, and he wasn’t sure that he could risk his heart again. His father had abandoned him and then his mother. That had been the first strike. The second had been his mother’s death, followed by Dylan’s. He didn’t like to think about his stepbrother’s death. It’d hit him hard, and Josh had never taken time to deal with the loss.
Perhaps it was fear of the unknown, fear of more loss that kept him trapped in this no-man’s-land. He’d always assumed he’d marry one day, but he was quickly coming to realize that one day might mean never. It was far too easy to shove everything into the future.
Unexpectedly the front door opened again and Michelle came back inside the house. Josh leaped to his feet, his heart instantly glad to see her. She’d left without a word and he’d assumed that she wouldn’t return. He’d wanted to follow her, talk to her, but he’d worried it would only make matters worse.
“You’re back,” he said, which was actually a pretty stupid comment. Thankfully she didn’t say so.
Michelle held a box clenched in her hands. She set it on the kitchen countertop and then removed her coat.
“What’s that?” Josh asked.
“Your mother’s Bible.”
“You have my mother’s Bible?” Josh couldn’t believe it. “How’d you find it?”
“Richard told me.”
“He told you? You mean just now? Today?”
“Yes, just a few minutes ago, actually. He said it was in the garage and told me exactly where.”
A realization dawned on Josh. “He said he wanted you to have it, didn’t he?” Richard would naturally try to take away anything that he might possibly want.
“Me?” she repeated.
He nodded.
“No,” she countered. “He wanted you to have it.”
Josh’s head shot up. “He said that?”
“Yes, don’t look so shocked.”
For one wild instant it actually felt as though his legs were about to go out from under him. Josh sank back down into the chair. “What happened?”
“You mean what changed Richard’s mind?”
“Yes … just yesterday he seemed dead set against me getting that Bible, simply because he knew I wanted it.”
“You’ll have to ask him. Later though. He’s sleeping now.”
Josh reached for the Bible and opened it to the front page. Inside his mother had written her name in fountain pen. For as long as he could remember she had used a fountain pen. She said it was more distinctive. She’d certainly had beautiful handwriting that had lent itself to it. Her letters were filled with delicate loops and a gentle flourish. It was as if she’d studied cursive from the men who’d signed the Constitution.
Staring down at her name, Josh felt sadness descend upon him. He missed his mother as much as he ever had since she’d died. He raised his hand and ran his finger over her name.
Turning the page, he saw that she’d listed the dates of her two marriages and Josh’s birth date as well. Richard—it could only be him—had entered the date of her birth and death. His abrupt, sharp-angled handwriting was in stark contrast to Teresa’s.
Turning through the pages of the Old Testament, he saw that many of the verses were underlined, with notes written in the margins.
“I wish I’d known her better,” Michelle whispered.
Josh had almost forgotten that Michelle was in the room. He wished he had known his mother better, too, but when she died he was a typical teenager, self-absorbed and selfish. He hadn’t fully comprehended what losing his mother meant. He did now, and the loss was tremendous.
He wondered if that was the way he’d feel at some point in the future when it came to Richard, and doubted it. For all the bad blood between them, it would take more than the return of his mother’s Bible for him to let go of the past.
Michelle sat down across from him and he offered her a weak smile. He paged through his mother’s Bible for a few more minutes and then decided to look in on Richard.
The bedroom door creaked softly as he opened it. Richard’s eyes fluttered open and when he saw it was Josh, he rolled his head to the side as though to avoid eye contact.
Josh entered the bedroom and stopped at the foot of the bed. “I suppose I should thank you.”
“Your mother would have wanted you to have it.”
Josh bit his tongue to keep from saying that Richard could have given it to him a long time ago.
“Why give it to me now?”
Richard looked at him. “I loved her. You can hate me if you want—I know you do. I suppose I’ve given you reason enough.”
“You have,” Josh said. They were long
past the point of sugarcoating the truth. “I needed a father and you were so cold, so unfeeling toward me—it was worse than not having one at all.”
Richard briefly closed his eyes and said, “I may have failed you … I guess I did, but your mother was everything to me.”
For Richard to admit his shortcomings stunned Josh, but he said nothing.
“I had a bad first marriage. Dylan’s mother …” the rest faded as if he no longer had the strength to speak. “Teresa … was my soul mate.”
Josh longed to ask the old man why he hated him so much, but he already had the answer. In retrospect it was perfectly clear, perfectly understandable. Josh had been competition for Teresa’s attention. She loved them both and each one had wanted, needed her to love them first and foremost. His mother had been in a no-win situation, loving her husband and her son and left to deal with this battle of wills between the two of them.
“Thank you for the Bible,” Josh whispered.
“I kept it because I wanted to hold on to a piece of her.”
Josh understood that.
“I’d left instructions for it to be placed in the casket with me … but I just dictated a note to change that. You can take it.”
Josh planned to do exactly that, instructions or not. This Bible belonged with him, not in the cold ground with Richard.
Richard closed his eyes again. Whether it was because talking had exhausted him or he was asleep, Josh didn’t know. He had what he wanted, or at least part of what he’d hoped to collect, and for now that was enough. Turning, he left the room, quietly closing the door behind him.
Michelle looked up when he emerged from Richard’s bedroom.
“He didn’t plan to give it to me,” Josh told her. “He said he’d originally planned to have it buried with him.”
“I know,” she returned. “He had me write out a statement for him to sign that said he’d had a change of heart and wanted you to have the Bible.”
“Big of him,” Josh murmured.
“Yes, it was,” she countered swiftly, heatedly. “What is it with you?” she demanded. “Don’t you appreciate anything?”
“Apparently the fact that the Bible should rightly go to me in the first place doesn’t mean anything,” he shot back.