“No, stay and punish me, you have not said enough to me and I deserve more. Shout at me, hit me and beat me down until I’m nothing more than a shell but please don’t leave me!” He was begging and there was not one ounce of pleasure in it at all but I knew I couldn’t make it stop. It was too late for that wish.
“Then I will ask you, Dominic please let me go.” This time I did look up at him and when I saw the tears in his eyes for the very first time a sob broke free from my trembling lips.
“I am sorry but I cannot do that Catherine.” He spoke like he was truly sorry for not giving me what I needed. I broke down completely then and fell into his arms and cried until I felt empty. His strong hold wrapped around my torso and one hand held my head against his chest.
“Ssshhh, My little sweetheart.” He soothed back my hair and the gesture was making it harder for me to find control over my feelings. It was only when he took my hand in his and said the next words that I pulled myself back to our desperate situation.
“Come Keira, come with me.” He pulled gently on my hand but I pulled back.
“No, I can’t..I..”
“Keira you’re exhausted and freezing, you need rest and warmth. Let me give you that, let me take care of you.” He was trying so hard to lead me away with him, back to the place I still couldn’t go. It would have been so easy, like breathing, to just let him take me away to his tower. It was so tempting, knowing he would lay me down and encase me in his warm arms until sleep took over my mind and let me escape this turmoil. But I couldn’t do it. I wrenched my hand free and almost stumbled backwards.
“NO!” I shouted holding my hands up at him, like you would have an approaching wild animal.
“Ok...ok, look we can stay out here a little longer but...” I didn’t let him finish and he noticed me walking backwards.
“I’m leaving and you’re not going to stop me.”
“The hell I’m not!” He said angrily but also certain.
“Draven, I want you to do something for me.” I was still moving backwards but now he was moving forwards like at any minute he would scoop me up and carry me to his room whether I resisted or not.
“Go on,” he nodded cautiously.
“Prove to me how you feel,” I said in flurry of emotion and before he could speak I had to say one last thing, to get it out before he gave me no option. I was taking quicker steps now and he was about to reach out to me.
“Because, if you love me Draven, you will let me GO!” I cried out the word “go” causing his arms to drop to his sides and his face wince in pain. This was the last image I saw because I turned and started running as fast as my cold limbs would carry me. And I didn’t look back. I couldn’t give into the need. I ran like never before, not even thinking about what was making me move so fast. The world around me became a dark blur. I just kept going until I was far along the main road and out of breath.
Thankfully the moon was full and was lighting my way, otherwise this getaway would have ended abruptly. I bent over to catch my breath, holding my waist like that would help the stitch that burned there. It took me a while to get past that and I realised why, I hadn’t stopped running until I was half way home. I wasn’t the fittest person at the best of times, not having the muscle strength for more endurance but I couldn’t believe it. I started back up and continued at the dull pace of walking. Soon after my body’s energy was spent from running, I got very cold. My pounding heart wasn’t making my skin hot like it had done but now it beat so slowly it was like I was asleep. All my body wanted to do was shut down but my mind was punishing itself by keeping it moving. My muscles were now screaming in protest, my feet felt blistered and painful. But I had to keep going, only half way to go.
I almost hoped Draven would ignore my proof of love and come flying in to get me. I was just so tired it hurt just keeping my eyes open. My body shook in vain at its feeble attempts at keeping itself warm. My fingers were numb and my toes little cubes of ice. My lips had been bouncing against one and other as my teeth chattered uncontrollable and my thin, black cotton top clung to my skin as though it was trying to help. The bottom of my trousers were dripping and the damp was making its way up to my knees. I was a cold and broken mess. But I kept moving. I kept moving with the only knowledge warming my heart was that Draven had proved his love. He had not stopped me from leaving, he had not even followed. He had... just simply...
Let me go.
This was the one thing that kept my unsteady legs moving and my frozen heart beating. I couldn’t even tell if I was crying anymore because my cheeks were numb to any feeling. But nothing mattered because Draven loved me. He had done the hardest thing in letting go of an eternity of control and given it to me.
And what had I done with it? I had left.
I had simply walked away and all for what? Just to find myself walking down this icy road of heartache and despair. Is this how far I would let fear negate my actions in life. Is this how weak I had become or was it strength? I know one thing that might answer that question...leaving Draven was one of the hardest things I ever forced myself to do. So now all was left was for me to start praying it was for all the right reasons.
The sound of an engine behind me, made me try to focus enough of my dwindling energy to turn. When I did I was quickly blinded by high beamed headlights. I shielded myself using my arm over my face to hide the light. I moved over so as I wouldn’t get run over, at least I had enough mental power left over for that idea. I felt my foot catch on some uneven surface beneath the snow and lifted my eyes just in time to see the world differently. I must have been flying because the icy wind whipped out my hair and cut into my face.
“Draven?” I asked just before my dream ended and I discovered that I wasn’t flying at all. I was falling....
Then darkness invaded me.
Chapter 56
Yes, It Could Get Worse.
“Keira!” A voice brought me to and only then did I realize I had fallen down in the snow and passed out. Arms pulled my head up and the snow clung to the side of my face.
“Keira! Open your eyes girl!” A male voice sounded so strained speaking over me. It was so angry and upset.
“Oh come Kazzy, please...” Now a female voice mixed with heavy breathing spoke from a distance. I forced my eyes to open but they didn’t want to focus on the figure now standing over me.
“Come on Frank, just get her in the car and we will take her to hospital.” At that point my eyes made the distinction between shapes and faces. Frank was stood over me and forcing his arms under me. He lifted me with care and hitched me up a few times to get better grip. It felt strange to be carried by someone other than Draven and the differences between the two were easy to distinguish. It had always seemed effortless to Draven and now that was not the same case with Frank. Although he was strong, he struggled at being graceful about it. At that moment I missed Draven so much it was like having a jagged edge ripped down my chest that allowed for my heart to coming spilling out.
“My God, she’s like ice!” Frank complained getting closer to my sister who was stood anxiously by the car door, holding it wide open, ready for Frank to place me.
“We need to hurry and get her to the ER.” My sister’s voice told me she was giving way to panic and I needed to put a stop to it before I ended up strapped to a hospital bed with a familiar beeping next to my head for the night. I knew how this worked, I had been there and didn’t wish to ever go back. Besides I knew there was nothing really wrong with me that a hot bath and a good night’s sleep couldn’t cure. And some food wouldn’t have gone amiss, I was starving.
“Li..Lib..by I’mm...ooo..kk” I couldn’t speak for my teeth chattering that sounded like pebbles rolling around in a tin can.
“NO, you’re not!” She sounded angry and who could blame her. I grabbed her hand as Frank put me in the car and she screamed at the icy touch.
“Jesus! You’re freezing Kaz! What the hell were you thinking?” She was shouting at
me now and as crazy as it sounds, I felt like laughing. It was just the absurdity of it all. If only she actually knew what I had been thinking! What horrors lay there for her to find. She would have run a long time ago and I would have her now scolding me for not running faster, further...sooner!
“Pleeaase nno hosspiiital” I stammered out and her eyes filled with tears. The last thing I saw before she slammed the door closed was her shaking her head. I must have closed my eyes for a few seconds because they flew open when we hit a bump in the road. Can you really do that? Sleep for seconds and have it feel like a small lifetime. My eyes just made out the cross roads that we had stopped at, the red light making me squint in the darkness of the backseat.
“Well which is it Lib’s, home or hospital?” Frank asked flashing me a look in his rear view mirror, catching my deathly, white face pleading.
“Please Lib’s, take me home,” I whispered without a hiccup thanks to the heating in the car bringing some life back to my numb lips.
“It’s just one night.” She looked down, avoiding my painful memories.
“Olivia, I’m begging you, please don’t take me there. They will see my scars, they will ask questions...they will see me a suicide and think that’s what I was trying to do again. I can’t...I can’t answer their questions...I won’t!” It felt like my night for begging but if that was what it would take then I would face hell’s fire to avoid those memories! I was afraid I would never make it through it all again, I couldn’t relive it all and survive. Thankfully I didn’t have to wait to find out.
Frank turned left and started driving towards home without waiting for Libby’s response. It was the nicest thing Frank had ever done for me and I would forever be eternally grateful for a gesture I doubt he knew the full meaning of. It had been a lifeline and I mentally thanked God for him. Neither of us said another word.
By the time we pulled up outside the house, my strength had come back to me and my body had started to thaw. Frank opened my side door and reach inside for me. I was about to protest when he abruptly spoke. Which coming from Frank sounded unnatural.
“Don’t!” I knew that emotion well enough, he was worried, upset and pained at seeing someone he considered as a sister in this situation. The brotherly love I felt from him was staggering. See, all the time through my breakdown he had been the one to remain the same. There was no putting on a soft voice and handling me with velvet gloves. There had been no fake smiles and whispered concerns behind my back. No wincing at the sight of my bloody bandages and broken body. He had just been him. The only one that had remained the same. And one look at a man like Frank made you realize that no matter what evil lived among us, no matter what pain they inflicted and no matter what nightmares they created, there was still good in the world because men like Frank existed. It was that simple. And so was letting him put his arms under me and carry me in the house like I was something dear to him. Because I was. I was his sister.
That night there were no more words between us, just deep meaningful gestures. Libby ran me a bath without a sound. She helped me shed my wet clothes and waited with me until I sank into the comforting, most loveliest feeling ever. She got up and left me to soak myself in the warmth of the water until I felt my skin wrinkle. Well at least I was a healthier colour. I would have smiled if I didn’t feel so lost and empty inside. I was sat up, head rested on my knees and holding myself so tight I felt if were to let go I would break into pieces. I looked down the curve of my knees and watched little beads of liquid flow down them into the murky water that once held soapy bubbles on the surface. I didn’t think it possible for me to have any tears left to cry but there they were, flowing down my body and escaping my grievous situation.
Finally, I made my head move, my legs straighten and my arms heave myself out of the bath like I was some dead weight. I found a steaming mug of tea outside the door and thought I would start crying again. I picked up the mug with one hand and held on to my towel with the other but as I made my way along the hall the sound of Frank’s voice made me stop. I made the decision to make myself listen to this and took a few steps down before sitting down.
“No, no, like I said, she seems to be alright.” It wasn’t his usual friendly, easy going tone, this was his serious voice that only came out when ‘Pissed off Frank’ rarely showed. I could tell he was on the phone to someone and I could tell by his manner, thankfully it wasn’t my mother.
“Dom, I’m telling you she’s fine! But what on earth did you do to her? And why the fuck would you let her walk home in this weather?” Frank was losing his cool and my mouth dropped at the sound of it being with Draven. I wished I had supernatural hearing at that point because Frank was only making a few acknowledged responses which gave very little away.
“Oh... Oh right, I see, No, no, I don’t think you had any other choice. She’s damn stubborn for sure.” He seemed a lot calmer now which made me wonder what had Draven told him?
“No, just half way until we found her and of course she refused to go to the hospital.” This was so frustrating only hearing one side and having it keep stopping for the questions I couldn’t hear.
“I couldn’t make her Dom, I’m not her father and you should know that by now, the girl has a will of iron! Besides I didn’t want to add to her...her... well her misery by bringing up shit with her past!”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, she doesn’t want to see anyone at the moment, let alone any doctors! Look me and Lib’s will keep an eye on her tonight...yes, yes, we will keep checking for that but do you really think she will go that far? She’s not going to just get up and leave without saying anything to us.” So Draven thought that I was going to run. I wouldn’t be surprised if I looked out of the window and saw it surrounded with guards! I would put money on Ragnar being out there at the very least.
“We will lock the doors and hide the keys if you really think it’s an issue but to be honest Dom, the girl is exhausted and just needs rest. I think you will find once she’s had some sleep, she will see things differently in the morning.” I was in two minds to go down there and ask him outright what Draven had told them because in no way could it have been the truth.
“No, you did the right thing calling us. I think you’re right about her reactions to involving your family and like you said, I think you coming to get her, would have just made it worse.” So Draven had called them. Not only had he done as I asked by letting me go, he had also had a backup plan of seeing to my safety.
“Ok we will do and yes I won’t forget, I will tell her now, before she goes to bed, I think she is still in the bath...”
“NO Dom she isn’t a child, she wouldn’t fall asleep in the bath!.... Ok, ok, we will go and check on her but honestly man stop worrying!” Frank was muttering the next bit and when I heard the phone being placed back in its jack I gathered the muttering had been a goodbye.
“So, what did he say?” I heard Libby ask.
“He did nothing wrong Lib’s, this was Keira’s choice.” Frank answered in a neutral tone. Nothing wrong! I don’t bloody think so. I wanted to march right down there and put them right but after a nanoseconds thought, I knew that wouldn’t be very productive. For starters it wasn’t like he could have told them the truth but come on, making it out like it was all me! Man, it was infuriating but what could I do? I did the only thing I could, I got up and went into my temporary room to hide myself away.
I quickly changed into some old sweat pants, a black vest and my dad’s old college sweater for added comfort. It was huge on me but I liked that. I also loved that no matter how many times it had been washed it seemed to smell like my dad. I brushed my hair with a lot more force than necessary, which was probably causing a year’s full of split ends. It was only when it started to squeak that I plaited it still damp and flung it back over my shoulder to hang down my back like a rope to nowhere.
My activities must have been heard downstairs as soon enough I heard a light tapping at my door. The mood I
was in I just wanted to be left alone but I gathered my sister had hit her limit on being kept in the dark.
“Come in,” I whispered, half hoping she wouldn’t hear and think I was asleep already. That didn’t happen but neither did my sister. It was Frank.
“Hey...do you feel better?” He looked awkward stood in the door way, like it was too narrow for his large frame but he looked unsure about coming in further. Like I was catatonic or something.
“Yeah, I do...well warmer at least.” I tried to smile, not from wanting but more like needing, I didn’t want Frank to feel uncomfortable.
“Come in Frank,” I said quietly and for a second I thought he was going to say no and flee the room thanks to his sullen expression. Instead he ducked once and came over to sit opposite me on the bed. We sat facing each other without speaking for a few moments and Frank looked deep in thought as though trying to find the right words. I decided to kick start this or he would be waking me up by the time he found them.
“Look Frank, I want to apologise. I am sorry that you both got dragged out to get me in the middle of the night and I’m more sorry that you were both worried.” Frank frowned at this, which wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for.
“Aren’t you tired of saying sorry, Keira?” His question caught me off guard and I shook my head lightly in confusion.
“People don’t think I take much notice because I stand on the sidelines and keep quiet but I find that is the best place to see things clearly. Lib’s likes to get more involved, like your folks, but I realised from the start that all you needed was time to figure things out for yourself. I could see how exhausting it was for you, always having to put on that act, like you were fine all the time. Like you would be shitting fine after what you had just been through!” He clenched his fists at the memory and my tears misted at his confession of feelings that had obviously been on his mind for quite some time.