“You’re wrong.” Worry switching to ire, my voice turned as firm as his. “You have no idea how over the line you are.”
“Leave with him and I will not follow.”
I cocked my head, realising he did the same thing I did. Repeating the same words hoping they’d stick. “Don't throw down an ultimatum. I can't give you the answer you want. I've told you everything I can.” I bit my lip. “You say you love me. Prove it. Trust me.”
“Trust.” Breandan gripped my chin and tipped it up. His eyes bored into mine. “Oh yes, this is a matter of trust. After all I have done, you ask I prove my love? Fine. I will stay at the Wyld, but I ask you to do the same. Trust me. Stay with me. Tell me what Ana has seen and we will figure out what to do together.”
Unable to tell him what he needed to hear, my lashes lowered and obscured my view.
Body thrumming with energy, his mouth snapped open angrily then froze.
He blinked and gradually closed his mouth.
Exhaled.
When he met my gaze, my stomach lurched. He’d stopped fighting. The lines of tension in his body eased, and the atlas of his face changed. The contours softened with acceptance, and his mouth bowed in acknowledgment of defeat. “Your answer pains me.” He brushed his lips across mine. “How badly I wanted you.”
I wildly shook my head. “Don’t say stuff like that.” I cupped my throat with icy fingers. Numbed by shock. “You’ll regret it.”
Sad. He looked sad. “I wanted us together. You make it so hard for me to love you.”
We stared at each other.
I’d gotten what I wanted, he’d stay, but him setting me aside altogether was not the plan.
Breandan falling out of love with me wasn’t a future event I’d contemplated because the possibility of a notion never crossed my mind. Impossible. Utterly unfeasible, yet I stood, my ears ringing and face blanched to the colour of bone, listening to him talk in the past tense as if we were over.
My mind raced trying to remember if Ana warned me of this.
My vision turned fuzzy, and my lungs burned. “I–”
“Enough.”
I licked my lips. “It sounds as if you’re saying–”
“I am done. Go.” Breandan waved his hand tiredly. “This time watch me walk away.”
Hands laced at the nape, Breandan spun and left. His hurried stride lacked the natural grace innate to our kind and was my only clue as to his brittle state.
Shadows settled on the ground he left. The emptiness of the space distressed me. Troubling in its significance.
He walked away.
I am done.
I blinked, fully expecting the space filled, for Breandan to stand there as always.
An owl hooted.
Heavy-eyed with distraction, I swayed as the wind buffeted my side.
You make it so hard for me to love you.
I peered into the murk unseeing. A hysterical sob echoed through the night. It took another shrill keening for me to realize the ugly sound ripped from my throat.
I slapped a hand over my mouth, cold sweat beading my upper lip as saliva flooded it. My skin felt too tight, clammy and chilled.
A lurching wave of nausea rose, and I doubled over to vomit the blackness burning my insides.
How badly I wanted you.
A phantom’s darkness swarmed at my back.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Breandan
Pathetic. Weak. That was all I’d be if I looked back. I am done. Finished. I’d forsworn oaths. Watched my sister die. Shamed my family. I endured my Elder suffering as his people lost faith.
All this was nothing when she smiled at me, but she’d gone too far.
“Breandan, wait.” Ana ran up beside me, out of breath. “I was talking to Conall when I saw–”
“You think you see so much but all you are is meddlesome.”
“You’re upset.” She paused. “I help more than I hurt.”
“Hurt? I’m not hurting I’m in agony.”
Her step faltered. “I promise if it all goes to plan it’ll be fine.”
“And if it doesn’t?”
“What?”
“If Rae is harmed or ends up dead because of this plotting what then?”
“The future looks perfect,” she argued. “Rae returns with my father.” Her voice lifted higher with excitement. “The Loa are destroyed and all of us are safe. Happy. No more death.”
“There is balance?”
“Is there ever really balance? Can the divide between good and evil honestly be equal when a single decision on either side can tip the scales?”
My stride quickened, but my tone stayed low and accusing. “Well, you tell me what you said to Rae that made her believe going off alone with a phantom to talk sense to her insane brother was in any way a good idea. Tell me what you saw that was so important, Ana.”
She skipped every other step to keep pace with me. “Are blaming me for your argument? For trying to help save your life?”
Hissing, I invaded her space. “Tell me you didn’t send the love of my life into that viper den in some misguided attempt to protect me.”
Ana tilted her head. “Rae wants you safe.” Her eyes were solid white with a pearlescent sheen, but they focused intently on me. If you’d gone you’d die.”
“It’s my choice if I die protecting her. Mine. It’s not for you or Rae or anybody to decide that my existence is worth more than the love we share.” I clenched my fists and raised them to press against my temples. “I wish you kept your mouth shut.”
She blinked away tears. “Breandan–”
I held up a hand and walked throwing an angry bark of, “Just stay away from me,” over my shoulder.
I was furious at her but more so at myself. I’d alluded to Rae our relationship was over to scare her into staying, but it didn’t work, and now it was worse than if I’d kissed her and told her I’d be waiting for her when she returned.
Fuming and lost to thought, I never felt the threat stalking me.
The fist connected with my cheek and the knee to my side doubled me over. A large, magically gloved hand smothered my war cry.
This attacker knows of the changes to my power.
Dragged off the path into the trees, my tension eased. Destroying me would be no easy thing. Any demon would know to strike the fatal blow as soon as they subdued me. Quelling my apprehension, I expanded my senses.
The healing aura that abutted my destructive one drained the last of my fear.
Repressing the deadly magics itching for release, I huffed in exasperation. Using magics wasn’t seductive anymore. I no longer needed to draw from the Source because I was a Source, a river of magics once connected to Rae’s would become an ocean. Yet I seethed from the argument, and I’d considered wielding it mindlessly.
Willingly submissive in a headlock, I glimpsed a flash of bare skin at my captor’s ankle. Weighing the odds of causing him deadly harm and finding it slim, I shrugged since he was clearly able to heal as Rae could.
I grazed my fingers with as light a touch possible across his skin.
Conall released me with a curse. His energy quickened and healed the skin I’d withered with the brief scrape. Dressed in armoured trousers, his hair was loose around his shoulders and his eyes sleepy. A day’s beard growth shadowed his jaw.
The fairy looked dishevelled.
Lonely.
Irritating as it was, I wanted to ease his troubles.
Rae’s Elder openly disapproved of our relationship and tried to hinder it whenever possible. Admittedly, he had a right to protest our union. I hadn’t asked him to bless the courtship, or my intention to handfast with her. I grimaced. First at my thoughtless disrespect for the head of Rae’s family then for already hoping she’d come back.
Gods, I am wholly weak and pathetic.
I scrubbed a hand over my face and faced Rae’s kin. “What are you doing, Conall?”
“You,” he stabbed a finger at me, “
will not let my sister think you do not love her.”
“This is what you wanted.”
He glowered.
I arched an eyebrow then slumped, not in the mood to play games. Tired didn’t begin to explain how I felt. Conall didn’t understand Rae and I hadn’t just quarrelled, but that she left. My head hurt enough, and I hadn’t the heart to tell him that she’d gone without speaking to him.
“Move.”
“You are going to make me say it.”
“Please step aside, Conall. I head home.”
“To sulk.”
“Yes,” I snapped. “I am going to my dwelling where I may find peace. There, I will curse you and your family’s name as does everyone else.”
Conall rubbed his beard looked skyward then shrugged. “Help me thrash the Pride Alpha instead.”
My indignation wavered. Grudgingly, I was intrigued. “Why?”
“Maeve. Lochlann was not so distracted by the vampire that he did not see them.”
Careless, sister. Too bold too soon considering whom your Elder is. “I fought Alec before.” And I’d bested the shifter then. He was an Alpha now, but I was a godling.
There was no challenge. Venting my frustration on a demon I felt proud to call friend wasn’t honourable. If I did tag along, a scuffle meant no more than a playful caution to me. From Lochlann and Conall’s perspectives, it was a warning for the Alpha to abandon his Claim.
“I recall.” Accepting I wouldn’t be running after his sister – as is my usual gambit – Conall turned on his heel. “Well?”
Tempting, so tempting.
I shook my head joining him back on the pathway. It was better for all if I overlooked how he’d manhandled me. The strain between our families was serious enough with Lochlann and Rae at each other’s throats. “Alec is cool-headed for a shifter, they are a fiery, passionate race. The male is a good choice in mate for someone as reckless as Maeve. As for separating them….” I shook my head. “Lochlann is wrong in this.”
Conall sniffed. “She is too young.”
“Not much younger than Rae.”
His gaze sharpened. “Exactly. Too young for a commitment that means forever.”
In the interest of harmony between us, I ignored his hidden meaning. The closer we drew to Lochlann’s dwelling the louder a duo of angry voices drew.
Conall sped up in concern.
I held out an arm to halt him. Shaking my head, I motioned him to wait for me on the path. I recognised the voices and knew my sister wouldn’t wish the argument witnessed.
Reaching the edge of the High Lord’s private glade, I was alarmed to see Maeve hysterical. She was a quiet soul, not used to tantrums or outbursts.
Lochlann scowled at her. His taller height loomed over her willowy frame. “You will listen. The shifters are leaving because they need to protect their land.”
“Liar.”
“Don’t be foolish, Eve.”
“You threatened Alec with death if he touched me again.”
Lochlann glowered coolly. “And?”
“Continue to act unreasonable and this conversation becomes pointless.”
“The Tribe will not accept a shifter as the life mate of their High Priestess.”
“You’re eager to give up on love. I’m not.”
Lochlann’s face twisted. He swept a look of disappointment over her as if he’d never seen her before. “What happened to duty? The sister I know would never be so unwise.”
“Why is it, I’m the only one in this family not allowed to follow their heart?”
He gripped her shoulders. “Breandan is an exception.”
“He flaunted his relationship with Rae, and you did nothing.” Maeve’s eyes flashed. “You let him. Why did you let him be an exception? Where was the honour in what he did? He stole your betrothed without any consequence.”
“He suffers enough for his choices.”
“That is a matter of opinion.”
Head dipping, Lochlann nodded. “I understand it seems unfair to you as the details are known to few. I am glad of that.” He seemed to dig within himself for fortitude then straightened. “Rae never agreed to be my betrothed. I was,” he cleared his throat, “wrong to force her hand. To let the Tribe think she was mine.”
“Interesting. You changed your mind. I never thought you weak willed.”
“Careful.” Lochlann’s eyes narrowed. “You do not know as much as you think you do.”
“Neither do you. Is your affection is misplaced? If the Tribe can accept your unusual choice why not mine?”
“What nonsense are you speaking now?”
“The vampire.”
He shoved her back a step then released her shoulders as if she burned him. Damning truth flickered in the depths if his eyes. “If you cannot talk sense you should be silent.”
“Did you want Breandan take Rae off your hands all along?”
“Be quiet.”
“I wondered why after Daphne arrived every oath and law he broke became unimportant. Is that why it took you so long to return to us before? You disappeared for weeks.” Appalled, her voice was shrill. “Did she ensnare you then?”
Lochlann’s eyes bulged.
The guilt streaking across his face had me stiffening.
Had he known Daphne before Rae and I brought her to the Wyld?
The idea would have been preposterous, but Lochlann didn’t deny it, and so intrigued me. I’d noticed his preoccupation with Daphne. I’d mentioned it, but his refusal had been so vehement I assumed he repressed any attraction felt.
Catching this flicker of shame, Maeve barrelled on. “Admit you want her.”
“Enough.”
“You left us for so long. Devlin was crazy. You knew that. Yet you dallied. Was it because of her?”
Face flaming red, Lochlann lowered his head to hers. “I. Said. Be. Silent.” His hiss became a thunderous bellow.
A flock of nesting birds took off into the pre dawn light.
Rocking back on her heels, Maeve’s chin lifted. “Hypocrite. Breandan breaks his oath and takes the High Priestess to wife–”
“Wife?”
“Yes, brother. Wife. Breandan will tie Rae to him in every and any way possible.” Over her shoulder she said, “Is that not right?”
“Yes,” I replied, stepping off the path and from the shadows into the clearing. “A handfast.”
“Marriage is not our way. A human thing.”
“Rae understands the commitment,” I said. “Your blessing is not requisite but desired.”
A smile teased the corners of Lochlann’s mouth. “You’ve earned it.”
“We must earn our love now?” Maeve asked.
He turned reproachful eyes on her. “You purposefully take my words out of context.”
“Though you refuse to say it aloud you consider a blood drinker your Lady,” Maeve continued through gritted teeth, “A vampire. Yet I cannot consider the Pride Alpha my consort until he Claims me, and I make him my life mate? I cannot pursue the love my heart has chosen?” Her eyes welled and spiked her burgundy lashes. “Why must I suffer for tradition to make up for the shortcomings of my family?”
Paling, Lochlann darted a look at me. “I never wanted this … this confusion. Not for any of us.”
“I followed you because you are my Elder. I love you, brother, but I want more.” She dragged in a breath. “I’ve been given a second chance at life. I wasted the first and I refuse to make the same mistakes following you blindly. What Breandan has with Rae, I want that.”
“You are meant to marry a Knight, Eve, a male from a titled family who will honour you. As Priestess, you must guide the spiritual wellbeing of our people, now more than ever. Their faith is weak.”
“Do not take him from me.” Maeve trembled. “Being High Priestess was not my destiny. I accept I am needed, but I shouldn’t have to sacrifice what is mine to assume a responsibility his choices,” she stabbed a finger at me, “thrust upon me.”
“This union with Alec will cause unrest.” He cupped her cheek. Apologetic. “That I cannot allow.”
She stared at him. “You will not let me be with him and stay?”
“Stay? Where else can the High Priestess go? I will not bless this match.”
Defiance passed over Maeve’s face. “I thought you were fair. Just.” She spun from him, whipping her hair around her shoulders. When her gaze lifted to mine, it was beseeching. “Breandan?”
My sister hurt, but there was nothing I could do to help. I reached to offer her comfort then clenched my hand to a fist. Dropped it. “I cannot interfere. The right is no longer mine.”
“I’m not asking you as Wyld guardian. I ask my brother to stand beside me.”
This lesson will be a hard one. “As you stood for Rae? As you stood for me?”
She recoiled as if slapped. “But I-”
“You are not a child.” I motioned to our brother who looked as if he’d aged under the strain of the last few days. “You know what must be done. Be brave enough to do so. Stand for what you believe in. Do not expect others to do so. Why should they? It is you who veer off course.” I smiled grimly. “It is not as easy as it looks, is it? Not when your family look down on you. When they judge you for doing what your nature tells you is right.”
Slender throat flexing convulsively, tears wet her ruddy cheeks. Her lashes lowered. “You are getting back at me.”
I softened. “Never that, sister. I wish you happiness.”
“Help me.” She scrubbed at her face. “Convince him this is okay.”
“You must fight for your heart’s desire.”
Mouth popping open, she stomped her foot and pouted. “I am.”
A petulant youngling used the gestures. Rather than engender sympathy her outburst grated on my nerves. “Grow up,” I bit out. “You want us to take you seriously then act with the maturity of one choosing her life mate.”
Chastened, she straightened. “Rae-”
“Is noisy, impulsive, and expressive, but never immature or with artifice,” Lochlann said.
Without removing my eyes from Maeve, I inclined my head in agreement.