Oh, for fuck's sake. "Yeah, not happening," I say. "Cut the bitchiness, Tex. It doesn't suit you."
She grinds her teeth and straightens her back. "You can leave, Kitt. We're done here."
"You know what? I will go," I snap, getting up and pushing past her on my way to the door. I don't need this.
But shit. I do.
I freeze.
She wants me to leave her, to walk out, so she doesn't have to admit that breaking up with me was bullshit.
Don't leave. This is a mistake. She's testing you. Show her you're forever.
Mark is shaking his head at her when I get back in the living room.
"What are you doing?" she asks. Her voice is full of hate.
It kinda turns me on.
I smirk. "You're not getting rid of me that easy, sweetheart, so be as pissy as you want. I'm not going anywhere."
"Suit yourself. I'll leave," she snips as she walks away into the kitchen.
I give Mark a look. "Has she always been this...diva?"
"No, but I think we helped with that."
"Should I follow her?"
He shrugs. "Usually, I would say yes..."
I groan, and despite what my gut tells me, I follow her into the kitchen. There's no time to let her cool down. She's leaning against the island with her arms folded again. Thankfully, the island is nowhere near the knives.
"Shout at me, Tex. Get it all out, so we can move past this."
"You think that'll make it all better? Do you honestly think me telling you what a dick you were will take back every night I cried myself to sleep, every time I needed to speak to you and you weren't there, every day I thought I was going to go crazy from not seeing you?"
"Tex," I whisper.
Fucking hell, she's killing me.
"Don't," she turns around, wiping her eyes. "I can't go there with you again, Kitt."
"What?" I feel like I'm free-falling. "You can't give up."
"Me?" She spins back around, and her tear-stained face rips me apart. "I'm not the one who gave up, Kitt. You are! You told me we'd be fine, and then you stopped calling. You promised you'd call, and you broke that promise. Do you have any idea how much that hurts?"
My God, she is impossible sometimes.
"I tried, Texas. This wasn't like any other tour I'd done. This is our tour. It's so much more involved. We've had appearances of some sort every day, performances at night, and travel in between. You know that."
Her eyes pierce into mine. "You made me a promise."
And there it is. Doesn't matter what happened, what reasons I had for missing calls, because I broke something I'd vowed I never would. We're not supposed to break promises, not with each other. She's big on that. So am I.
"I love you," I say numbly.
I've lost her.
You can't lose her. You'll lose yourself.
She looks up to the ceiling and takes a breath. "I love you, too, but it's not enough. Not anymore."
"Not anymore. What's changed?"
"Me."
"It's only been a month, Texas."
She laughs without humour. "Feels longer. A lot longer."
"Well, it's not. What happened to, as long as we love each other, we'll be fine? Was that just me?"
"No, but I can't do it again. Nothing is going to change. You're back off on tour in a couple of weeks, and then where will we be?"
"You could be in Australia, too. You know that."
"And what? Be a rock star's girlfriend for the rest of my life? I can't do that, Kitt. I have commitments now."
"I don't want you to do that. I want you to do whatever makes you happy, model if it's what you want, but there's no reason why you can't do that with me."
She shakes her head. "I don't..."
"What? You don't want to? Is that really what you're telling me? After everything we've been through, you're throwing it away because things are hard. I get that this isn't the ideal situation, Texas, and we've both made mistakes--hell, we still will--but we can figure it all out together. Nothing is perfect. All relationships take work."
"Yep, ours takes something beyond work though."
"I don't give a fuck what it takes! I love you, and I'm not letting go. You're making things more complicated. I should've been prepared for that. Not sure why this is a surprise."
"Excuse me?"
"Everything is always exaggerated with you. If you really wanted this, too, you'd be willing to try."
I shouldn't just blame her. We're equally responsible for the intensity of our relationship and how we handle it. But I'm the only one fighting here. She's all too willing to let go. Again.
She's doing that self-preservation thing she's perfected for her relationship with and expectations of her mum. "You really are a dick."
With fire in my veins, I smirk. "That the best you've got, baby?" I'm goading her now. I need to get her to lower that fucking wall she's built around herself. I step closer. "Give whatever reason you need to convince yourself that you're making the right decision, but we both know this isn't over. We're not temporary, and you know it. Get on board soon, Texas, because I want my girl back."
Turning around, I walk away.
For now.
KITT
MONDAY, AUGUST 3
NOTTING HILL, ENGLAND
I'm due back on tour in two weeks, and I have a bunch of promo shit to do. In that very short time, I need to remind Texas of who we were. I don't know what's happened with her, clearly a lot, but somehow she's got lost.
She's convinced we're over.
I know we're not.
But how do you get through to someone so stubborn? I've thought about tying her up until she realises that what she's doing is stupid and irrational, but then I figure that would be overkill. It's a solid plan B though.
Sighing, I lay back against the sofa. We're back at our flat, and I'm going out of my mind.
"Well, you look fucking awful," Milo says.
I narrow my eyes. "Cheers, mate. I feel it. She is not happy with me."
"You're surprised?"
"You're not helping."
"Oh," he says. "I didn't realise I was supposed to be."
"God, I can't wait until you have women troubles."
He laughs. "I bet. What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. I need to make it up to her and show her I'm all in, but she's being difficult."
Maybe she's testing me. I let things turn to shit before, so perhaps she's protecting herself by making sure I'll fight this time.
"If anyone can make her listen, it's you. For some weird reason, she seems to like you."
"You're a prick, Milo."
He smiles triumphantly.
"That wasn't a compliment."
"Why's Milo a prick?" Coop asks, strutting into the room in only his boxers.
It's far too early to be seeing so much of him.
"Kitt's still having Texas problems, and apparently, I'm unhelpful," Milo explains.
"Just fuck her, and then everything can go back to normal. I miss her on tour. It's not the same without her," Coop says.
"She won't let me close enough to do that," I say. "But thanks for the advice...I think."
He shrugs. "Don't give her a chance to say no."
Did he just suggest... "Er, yeah, it's actually not okay to do that, Coop."
Milo laughs and shakes his head.
"You know what I mean, dickhead," Coop deadpans. "You're letting her push you away. Don't."
Groaning, I run my hand over my head. "It's not quite that simple. People are always around."
"So, get her alone," Milo says.
"Yes, great," I say sarcastically.
Their advice is stupid. I need suggestions on how to get her alone, how to make her realise we're perfect together, how to convince her we deserve another shot.
"How?"
"Oh." Coop slaps his hands together. "I'll invite her somewhere, and you'll show up, too."
"You
want to put yourself in the firing line?" I ask.
She's going to be pissed at us both. Tricking Texas isn't something she'd be okay with.
"If it'll sort it out, yeah. Joking and shit aside, you belong together, and right now, Miss Grumpy Pants is the only one who's denying it. I'll take one for Team Kexas."
"That's not becoming a thing."
We might be Kexas in magazines, but it's not happening here.
Cooper laughs. "You don't like it?"
"Fuck off, and arrange something with my girl."
"You're welcome, brother. You're welcome." He goes back into his room, but seconds later, he appears with his phone glued to his ear.
"Hello, darling, I've missed you." He's all smiles, taunting me.
She's probably telling him she's missed him, too. His eyes glow as he watches for my reaction.
Milo is enjoying this too much. He flits between watching Cooper and watching me. I fold my arms.
"Uh-huh. Well, we both know he's an idiot, but he's an idiot who's in love with you."
I glare. What the fuck is she saying?
"I know you do, Texy."
He knows she does, what?
I take a deep breath. This is doing my head in, and they've only been on the phone for five bloody seconds. Texas will know I'm here, too, because Cooper's voice is loud and animated. He is enjoying this too much.
"Meet me somewhere today? We can talk, and I can perv on your tits."
Arsehole. But at least he's making this meeting sound more genuine.
Coop laughs. "I'm kidding." He's not at all. "Okay, sounds good. I'll see you later."
"When and where are you meeting her?" I ask as soon as he chucks his phone on the sofa.
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
"Don't fuck with me, Coop."
"Why not? There's nothing else to do around here. I'm bored, and Pey is refusing to give us both what we want--oral."
Milo rolls his eyes. "You're a twat."
"Hello?" I snap. "Can we stay on topic? Where are you meeting her?"
"We're having lunch. I'll text you the details. I need a shower. Can still smell last night's chick's perfume."
Nice.
Cooper heads back into his room, and I exchange a look with Milo.
"He's definitely more disgusting than me, right?" Milo asks.
"I'd say, you're pretty even."
"Fuck off! I might sleep with more women than he does, but I'm more of a gentleman about it."
"You wish!" Cooper shouts from somewhere in his room.
"See?" Milo says, gesturing in Coop's direction.
"Yeah, I'll give you that one. I wonder who will tame him," I say.
"Cooper with a girlfriend? Nope, I can't even imagine it."
Laughing, I sit back and wait for Cooper to get ready. This had better work because there is no way I'm leaving this country without being back on with Texas. I'm willing to do whatever it takes.
Ten minutes later, Coop barges out of his room, dressed in tight leather trousers and a black T-shirt.
"You robbing something?" I ask.
He points at me. "I pull this off, tosser."
"No, you look like a giant dickhead," Milo says.
"He's right, man," I add.
"Do you want me to help you?" Cooper asks. "Because, right now, I'd be telling Texas to run."
"All right, all right." Holding my hands up, I smirk. "You look...dark."
He deadpans. "Good enough. I'll text you when I'm there. I actually want to see her for a bit before I'm on her shit list."
I salute as he grabs his phone and heads out the door.
"Think you'll win her over?" Milo asks.
"I have to, man."
We belong together. There's no way either of us will last long without the other. I'm tired of feeling like I have half of a heart, of waking up with a hole in my chest, of feeling like I've accomplished so much but have nothing.
There are replacements and make-dos for a lot of things in life. Love is not one of them.
TEXAS
MONDAY, AUGUST 3
NOTTING HILL, ENGLAND
I leap up the second I see that blond head. My God, I have missed Cooper.
He looks around, light eyes scanning the crowded small restaurant. He settles on me, and his smile melts my heart. Opening his arms, he dashes past a table of two gawking women. I waste no time in jumping into his arms. Everything about him is home. They all are.
None more so than the one who's broken my fragile heart a hundred times over.
The last occasion is down to you and your fear.
But I can't feel the way I did when I broke up with Kitt again. I wouldn't survive.
"I missed you, girl," he says, sweeping me up in his strong arms and squeezing the life out of me.
"I missed you, too," I whisper, sinking into his chest.
His body tenses. He grips my upper arms and pulls back. "What the fuck then, Texy?"
I groan. It was only a matter of time before things turned serious. "Can we sit? I think I'll need wine for this conversation," I reply, looking away and taking my seat.
The table is square, and instead of sitting opposite, Cooper plonks down to the side. I have a feeling he wants to be closer, so he can grab me if I run. I'm not going anywhere. If I've learned anything from the topless incident, it's you can't run from inevitable conversations.
"Let me sum up," he says. "You come back to England, you break up with Kitt, you go off the rails, you pose topless."
"Yes, great, let's do bring that up as often as possible," I reply sarcastically.
"I ain't complaining about the topless thing--although it would've been nice to see some nipple."
I glare. His eyes widen, but his lips quirk.
Holding his hands up, he says, "We're moving on. I get coming back here. You needed time and space, and you wanted Kitt to rock without worrying. That's sensible. But why did you break up with him? You know women were going to come out of the woodwork when you guys came out."
"They're not the problem, not even the one who claims to have his baby. I trust Kitt, and I know he has a colourful past."
The pregnant bitch hasn't been heard from since, but as of yet, she's not retracted her story. People are bored of it now anyway. Kitt will prove he's not the dad in due course, and that'll be it.
"I'm not seeing the issue, girl. You're going to need to spell it out for me."
"It was too stressful for us both. This tour is crazy full-on, and he had no time. I found myself being consumed by him and what he's doing and when he'd eventually get around to calling me back. And I wasn't worrying that he was doing someone else. I knew that would never happen. I didn't like the person I was becoming, Coop. My life became planning when he'd be done with appearances, sound checks, performances, and everything else that goes along with it. Then, when he'd call or I'd wake up and find a quick 'I'm sorry' text, I'd feel so deflated. I love Kitt so much, but I don't want him to be the only thing I love."
Something thick lodges in my throat.
Don't you dare cry.
I'm avoiding the whole thing as much as possible. I won't let myself think about him too much because the pain leaves me breathless. Logically, I know I can't skip to the end, but right now, I can't deal with it. I wish there were a switch you could flick to fast-forward time. But I don't know if I'll ever be over Kitt Daniels. He's my first everything.
"You don't love me?" he says, holding his heart and faking hurt.
"Really, Coop? You know what I'm saying here."
"I do, and I also know you're putting too much on him. Breaking up with him for that reason is dumb. Hear me out," he says as I go to defend my decision.
I slouch back down, closing my mouth.
"If you don't want Kitt to be your main focus all of the time, then don't let him."
"That's it?"
"I thought it was sound advice. You scared of buttons? You don't touch buttons. You don't want the cooker to bu
rn you? You don't touch the cooker."
I stare at him, dumfounded. "Coop, have you taken anything?"
"No, I'm giving advice. You make things way too complicated, and I don't know if that's all the estrogen or what, but it doesn't need to be that hard."
"Sexist pig."
"That's not sexist. My mum and sister are the same, and me and the old man aren't, so I've taken an educated guess."
"Whatever." I can't argue that right now. I'm so over arguing, and I genuinely have no idea how online trolls picj fights all the time. I mean, what the fuck must be wrong with you?
"All I'm saying is, don't let pride get in the way of happiness. It ain't worth it, and when you're old and looking back, you'll wish you'd chosen to be shit-eating happy."
So, I don't know how eating shit and happiness go together, but Cooper is right. I suppose.
"He's desperate to work this out, Tex. I've never seen him like this before. Honestly, I search for his balls nearly ten times a day."
"Men are allowed to be upset following a breakup, Coop."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Will you talk to him?"
"Are you just here to do the bidding for your mate?"
He narrows his eyes and leans forward on the table. "I'm here to make sure you're okay. I'm here because I missed the fuck out of you. But, yeah, I'm here for him as well because, as much as I think he's been a whiny prick since you two got it on, he's a mate. I love him like a brother. Please put my brother out of his misery and make up. And my misery, too."
"Your misery?"
Coop rolls his baby blues. "He really has been a nightmare. You wouldn't believe how many sappy songs I've vetoed."
"How difficult that must have been for you..."
He shakes his head, dead serious. "Texy, you have no idea."
I give him a look because what Coop's been feeling is nothing compared to how hard missing Kitt has been for me. I didn't know emotional pain could be physical. I feel it in every inch of my body.
It sucks.
"Where is he?" I ask.
"He'll be outside in his car by now."
I freeze. "He's here?"
"Like he was going to stay at home if there was a chance you'd speak to him. I'm good to wait here if you want to go out there. A chick just walked in, and I want her to sit on my face."
"What the hell?"
Cooper laughs. "Joking. I've got weeks of making you do that face at me to catch up on. I'll just sit here and have a beer."
"I honestly think there's something wrong with you, Jack Cooper."
"You, too, Texas Knight? Now, go see my boy, please."
I don't want to seem too eager, and I'm not entirely sure why, so I take another sip of my water, wishing I'd ordered something stronger. Then, I pick up my bag.