His eyes flick to Kitt for a brief second, and my heart stops. But he wouldn't dare say anything, and thankfully, it goes unnoticed by Kitt.
"I don't care if I sound like your mum. You two look like shit, and that will give a bad impression in the papers. We don't want that. And thank you, Will. I won't be too bad, promise."
"Don't promise that, love. In your late teens and twenties, you're supposed to be bad." He gives me a wink and takes another swig of beer.
Will looks a lot like Milo--dark hair, dark eyes--which is not surprising since the men in the Sterling family look similar.
Will is like a surrogate dad--only, he's much more laid-back about me having actual fun, and he is always telling my dad to lighten up and let me make my own mistakes. Will is into learning through experience, but if I ever needed him, I know he'd be there to pick up any pieces lying around.
"I'll have to remember that one for when I screw up and have to answer to my dad."
"Ouch, you'd throw me to the lions like that?"
"Damn straight. He's the one who has the power to stop my allowance."
Kitt laughs, knowing I don't really care about money. "Tex, he could cut you off right now, and you'd still live a very comfortable life. Probably in a castle."
He's right. My bank account is...well, seven figures. Unless I need new clothes, I think I spend about twenty pounds a week, and most of that is spent at Starbucks.
"I might invest in a castle, you know," I say. "Could be fun."
"You're so spoiled," he replies in jest.
I shrug. "You know I'll end up in a tiny flat. Less to clean."
"You won't have staff?"
"Piss off," I say, throwing a small bottle of ketchup at him. It was the closest thing to me.
Kitt catches it with no trouble and puts it down on the table. I watch the muscles in his arm flex and blush as Will lifts his eyebrow.
Bugger. He caught me perving.
Now that he knows, he's going to do things like his little look constantly. I'll really have to watch myself around him. It's one thing if he thinks I have a little crush on Kitt, but it'd be something else if he knew just how deeply my feelings ran.
"Sorry, Tex," Kitt says, laughing.
He's not sorry at all, of course, but I let it go. I'm not going to lie and say that I don't like the money because that's crazy, but it's not everything. Stuff doesn't make you happy.
The rest of the guys get up an hour later, and Jimmy cooks his famous bacon, cheese, and egg baguettes for everyone. Cooking on the bus is a little difficult since the kitchen is tiny, and with security there are eleven people, but we make it work. It's better than some of the service-station crap, that's for sure.
We arrive at the hotel, and Carl is waiting. He's also not a fan of the bus, so he flies wherever we go most of the time. Honestly, he and Jodie don't know how to have fun. Getting up close and personal to rock stars--my dad and the old ones excluded, of course--is the best.
Ted, head of my security, gets out in front of me and is immediately on high alert. He gets out his phone since he's been liaising with the temp security team, who will be here...soon, I guess. He's the head of Enigma and my security.
Security has been stepped up because there are seven people who will most likely scatter, especially to and from after-parties. I try to ignore the extra people as much as I can because dwelling on my lack of privacy is a little depressing sometimes. It helps that Ted has been with me and Dad since I was nine, so he's like family.
Hank looks after Filthy Sound, and I don't think I've ever seen a bigger man in my life. He has a buzz cut, no neck, and his muscles have muscles. If I didn't know him, I'd be terrified.
Carl gets us checked in, and we're shown to our suites. Ted follows me until I'm in my room, and then he goes to his next door.
My suite is massive, as usual. I'm the only one staying in here, and I have a large open-plan kitchen and living area and two bedrooms. Why do I need two bedrooms? When booking accommodation, I swear, the label just go with what they think I should have rather than what I actually need.
There's a loud bang on my door. I put my bag down on the bed and walk over to the door. Looking through the peephole, I see it's Kitt.
Damn, I bet I look a mess. I fluff my hair up, but there's no time for anything else.
I open the door and see his shocked expression. "What's wrong?"
"Tex, my room is bigger than my flat."
Bless, it's his first time with this level of treatment.
His eyes are wide, and I'm kind of surprised that he's surprised. Filthy Sound signed a very good deal with the label, and Enigma is supporting them. Obviously, they weren't going to be booked into a hostel.
"Yep. Get used to it, rock star."
"The mini bar, which isn't all that mini, is fully stocked, and I can have whatever I want...for free."
He's so overwhelmed. I love it.
I nod. "Yes."
He scratches his jaw. "Think I can eat and drink it all?" He sounds naughty, and it takes great effort on my part not to laugh.
"Er, that's what you're supposed to do. I used to have contests with Dad, Will, and Jimmy to see who could finish theirs first. But you have to leave a note, or housekeeping will stock it right back up, and you'll have to start again."
"I can have it all?"
"Kitt, you're expected to have it all. You know, you have to stop this uncertainty. It's very un-rock star of you."
He grins, and it's the most adorable thing I've ever seen.
Oh, wow, he really thought he'd be in trouble for racking up a bill on the room. I doubt anyone even looks at the bill. It's just paid because the label make a killing off of Enigma and they want to keep everyone happy.
Well, actually, my dad used to look at mine to see if I'd consumed any alcohol, so I would go to a shop and buy it. Thankfully, he's eased off that now.
Kitt leans against the doorframe, and his posture changes drastically. Gone is the shy uncertainty from a few minutes ago, and the old him is now back, smirking.
"So, can I come in? Or are you busy?"
I step aside. "Not busy. I was just about to get started on the chocolate."
"Do you have the mini bar bet on?"
"We've not said, but you can never be too careful. It takes me longer to finish it, so it's good for me to get a head start. Want to help?"
I've let him in again. He unknowingly hurt me earlier with the women talk. I should be trying to maintain some sort of distance. Instead, I'm inviting him in to share my food and drink. I can't help myself, and it's kind of annoying.
He's annoying.
And beautiful.
And I'm in love with him.
You need help!
"Want to grab some drinks, and I'll get the junk food?" I say. "We have to meet with Carl at seven p.m. though, and after that, you guys are on the radio. You can't be drunk for that."
"Noted. Five beers, max."
Five? I'd be on the floor after three.
I give him a smile. At least there are only six beers here, so all I need to do is drink two. "I'm cutting you off at three," I say. "Jodie will not be happy if I let you get drunk before the interview."
"And you're her assistant manager now?"
"No, I'm just helping. I'm good at organising your lazy arses."
"You are."
He steps into my personal space - and I would gladly share more of it with him in bed, too. His eyes are serious, and they're already dragging truths out of me.
"But do you enjoy it, Tex?"
I shrug. "I guess I do. I'm good at it, and it's nice to feel useful while I'm here. When I was in full-time education, I didn't feel like a freeloader. Now, I'm an adult and trying to work out what the hell it is I want to do with my life. I'd feel like a bum if I wasn't contributing."
Kitt frowns. He wants to tell me I shouldn't feel that way, but he can't because it's true. There are plenty of people who would be happy to live off their dadd
y's money forever. I'm not one of them. I mean, I already have a lot of it, but that doesn't mean I don't want to earn my own or do something more than be his daughter to deserve it.
"You know I'm right. Please do what I say, so I don't feel like the early Jennifer."
My mother followed Enigma around, so she could sleep with my dad and get drunk off his money.
I won't be a groupie. I won't be a groupie.
Obviously, I'm not talking about my dad here because vom, but you know what I mean.
"You're nothing like her. You could never do what she did."
"You know, I'm not even angry about her leaving me. Well, I am, but I can understand her being too young and not ready, but not once has she apologised or even tried to talk to me about it. Who does that? I'd be totally happy if she just acknowledged our past."
"She's probably scared to. I can't imagine it's something she's proud of."
"I hope not. I'm her daughter though. Shouldn't she love me more than she wants to save face?"
He shrugs and takes a swig of beer. I watch his lips circle the bottle.
Stop perving. You can't do it subtly.
I force myself to look away because I really am horrible at admiring Kitt's form without staring.
"Why don't you bring it up to her?"
Oh no. No, no. "That's never going to happen. I think I would rather chop off a limb with a rusty saw. I've never done touchy-feely with Jennifer, and we don't talk. She's not someone I can talk to, and I wouldn't feel comfortable opening up about how she made me feel over the years. Besides, it's over now. I'm all grown-up."
"It's not over. You might be older now, but it's not something that'll disappear. It's a conversation you should have with her."
"Maybe."
He smirks. "You're not going to, are you?"
"Not unless hell freezes over."
"Chicken."
I shove his shoulder in good spirit. "Bugger off!"
"Only trying to help. You only get one mum, Tex."
Cringing inwardly, I put my beer down and twist to face him. "I'm sorry. That was insensitive of me."
"No, it's okay. It was a long time ago, and I'm all right."
"Yeah, but--"
"Don't. Neither of us has had nearly enough alcohol for this conversation. You meant nothing by it, and neither did I. My parents died, and growing up without them was hard, but I have the best grandparents. I didn't miss out, and I'm not messed up, so please don't stress. Although, if you're feeling bad, I know one way you can make it up to me."
I lift my eyebrow, waiting, and Kitt grins. His eyes are lit with mischief.
"You could take your top off. No one is unhappy after seeing tits."
"And here I was, thinking we were having a deep and meaningful conversation."
"There's nothing shallow or meaningless about your breasts."
Yep, moment over. It was nice while it lasted.
I don't know how he can change between Serious Kitt and Jokey-Slutty Kitt in a nanosecond. And he only does it around me--that I've noticed anyway. I don't tend to watch him when he's flirting with other women because it makes me feel sick.
"Yeah, thanks. Drink your beer, and then we should get Milo and Cooper before the meeting." My voice is icy, and although I want to be better at concealing how I feel, I don't really care this time.
"What's up your arse?" he asks. "It was only a joke."
"Why is everything a joke to you?"
Oh my God, Texas, shut the fuck up! What are you doing? Christ, sometimes, you have no filter between your brain and mouth.
I really don't want to do this with Kitt.
It's okay. Keep calm, and laugh it off. You can do this. Bring it back to a normal conversation. Stay cool.
He rears back in shock, and his eyebrows flick up. "I don't think everything is a joke. What just happened, Texas? One minute, you're cool, and the next, you're acting like my pissed off wife!"
Oh, he did not just joke about that.
I grit my teeth as my body heats with anger.
Bastard!
"I am not acting like your bloody wife! You're not even planning on getting married, idiot. You just want to shag your way through all the women."
So, apparently, you can't do cool. Nice one.
"I have no idea what my fucking future holds, but of course, I don't want a fucking wife yet! What the fuck does it matter to you anyway?"
Oh God, he's dropping F-bombs all over the place. I've really done a fabulous job at messing this up.
He slams the bottle down on the table, and beer rushes out the top and spills over the side. "Fuck, Tex!"
I'm stunned into silence. His breathing is heavy, and he looks half-mad and half-confused. We stare at each other, neither of us knowing exactly how we got here or what to do next. Kitt's eyes are intense, and I feel naked under their scrutiny.
I don't know if he's angry still or if he wants to kiss me. He's flitting through so many emotions so quickly that I can't figure him out.
Taking a deep breath, he shoves his hands through his hair, closes his eyes, and groans, like he's been worn down. "I don't want to do this with you. Not you," he grumbles.
"Neither do I. We shouldn't argue," I whisper.
We shouldn't argue because we have no reason to. But we often find ourselves like this. It's stupid.
If we're nothing and he only wants us to be friends, then why does it feel like more to me?
I shouldn't build dreams around a fantasy. At the moment I don't know if he wants anything more.
Kitt places his hand over mine, and I take in a sharp breath. I feel alive every time his skin touches mine. It's an intense charge that heats my whole body and makes me want us to be more. So, so much more.
"I'm sorry, Tex. Can we forget it?"
Like we forgot the kiss, like we forget every look, every fight.
Our whole relationship feels like one big cover-up. Either that, or he's being straight up and honest, and I'm the delusional one reading more into it.
At this point, I have no idea. I've spent such a long time thinking Kitt feels something for me, I've questioned and second-guessed his actions and words a million times over, and I've obsessed about every situation so much that I don't know what to think anymore.
Instead of saying everything I want to say and everything I should say, I take the coward's way out. "I'm sorry, too, and it's forgotten."
Kitt gives me the briefest smile, and then he picks up his beer again. The bottle is wet, but it's stopped foaming now, so he takes a long swig. He's tense still, and I don't know if he's forgotten it or what, but he's not back to normal.
Has he finally realised that some things can't be easily forgotten? Or am I reading too much into this again?
I definitely should crack open something stronger.
After a few drinks and a lot of junk food, we head down to one of the meeting rooms Carl booked for the afternoon, so we can run through the next few days. My calendar is full of notes, so I know what they need to be doing at every second of the tour.
Jodie and Carl have given me an opportunity to step up, and I'm determined to make it work. I'll be the only one consistently with the bands through the whole tour, so it's important I don't mess this up.
After the meeting that Kitt, Milo, and Cooper couldn't wait to leave and radio engagement, we head outside, so Hank and Ted can drive us to one of the local clubs. Dad is taking the temps. He always has Ted go with me because he trusts him the most.
Dad, Jimmy, and Will decided to go elsewhere in the end, which just means they want to behave like rock stars but don't want to do it in front of me. As long as I don't see a picture of my dad pawing at some girl tomorrow, I'm cool. Plus, it means I can enjoy myself straight off.
Me and Filthy Sound are the back of the car as it whizzes along the pretty streets of Paris. Coop is trying to make me feel uncomfortable by staring at me. It's an impossible task now. I know him too well.
I have on a s
hort black dress, which is pretty plain but shows off my legs. Those bad boys have gotten me into a lot of places I shouldn't have been in before.
Kitt, Milo, and Cooper are dressed casually, and even if there's a dress code, we won't be refused--mainly because the manager of the club has invited us. Filthy Sound being photographed outside the club is good advertising for them.
Cooper turns to us. "Ready to get fucked up?"
After today, I have never been more ready.
KITT
WEDNESDAY, MAY 6
PARIS, FRANCE
There is no denying that I'm drawn to Texas, but I sure as hell can fight it.
I owe it to Mark to fight it.
She seems to unknowingly make it as fucking difficult for me as possible. Every time she looks at me, I remember the way she looked at me that night. Every time she gets pissed off and raises her voice, I want to shut her up with my mouth. Every time I hear her voice, I hear her moaning my name.
And she's wearing a dress tonight.
The woman is the devil. She's testing my strength to its breaking point, and I don't know how much longer I can hold off.
"I'm so ready to get off my face," she says, swatting at Coop's hand lying on her knee.
He grins at her. I don't need to intervene because she's got this covered. But it does piss me off.
Concentrate on all the women you can have tonight, not on the one you can't.
France is full of beauties, and there will be many, many models at this club.
You do like models.
"Glad to hear it because we're not going back to the hotel until sunrise," Milo says.
"We're here," Coop says, pulling on the back of the driver's headrest. "Are you two insisting on coming with?" he asks Ted and Hank.
He knows the answer. Where Tex goes, Ted goes, and Hank has his orders, too. It's the smart thing to do, but having someone there almost all the time we go outside takes some getting used to.
We're not used to it yet, but Tex never bats an eyelid.
With humour in his eyes, Hank looks at Coop in the mirror. "What do you think, hotshot?"
"Fine, but stay back. You guys need to give the master space to work."
Milo snorts. "Master of what? Being a complete knobhead?"
"Fuck off. You're jealous because you know I'll score first."
"Keep dreaming, lads. The first one is mine," I say, hopping over Milo and opening the back door.
Hank and Ted are quick to get out now that the door is open. For blokes as big as they are, they can shift it fucking fast.