“Ms. Larsen. And little Miss Larsen.”
Kara’s stomach did a long slow roll. She stopped, turned, and found Reid Bennett walking toward them, a broad grin on his face—a good look for him—and a to-go cup in his hand. When he smiled, she forgot her own name. He wore jeans and a T-shirt and dark sunglasses and she had to resist the urge to fan her face. Why? Why did her hormones surge for this guy, with his scowly face and disapproving attitude? Okay, yes, he wasn’t scowling just then but seriously, why?
“Ms. Larsen?”
Kara shook herself back to reality. She was a mother, for God’s sake. “Mr. Bennett.”
“It’s Reid.”
“I know.”
He laughed and scratched the back of his head. “Are you ladies out shopping again?”
She narrowed her eyes. Was that some kind of crack? “No. We’re heading to the park.”
“Ah. As it happens, so am I.”
Uninvited, he fell into step beside her and made a funny face at Nadia.
“Gah!”
Her thoughts exactly. They walked on, Reid sipping his coffee. “Mr. Bennett, are you following me?”
He glanced sharply at her. “Following you? Where the hell did you get that idea?”
“You have a habit of being wherever I am.”
“Maybe it’s a sign,” he said with a shrug and a wink and she tripped over a crack in the sidewalk, heart galloping.
A sign.
He grabbed her elbow with his free hand, steadied her. Oh, God. He couldn’t know. There was no way he could know. Unless—“Did my sister tell you the story of how she met Lucas?”
He frowned. “I haven’t said more than a few words to your sister.”
Kara cast her eyes heavenward. Oh, Mom, please no. Not him. She snuck another look at Reid. Oh, he was definitely attractive. Well-defined muscles filled out his T-shirt. He had close-cropped hair with stunning eyes. And if she were being completely honest with herself, he did make her pulse race. And yes, she had to admit the biggest bullet point in Reid Bennett’s Plus column wasn’t his looks… it was that he genuinely seemed to care for Nadia. After Steve’s abrupt departure, Kara would damn well not make that mistake again.
Reid turned his face, caught her staring with a lift to his eyebrow. “So are you gonna tell me the story or what?”
She sighed and debated that for a moment. Why not? “Okay. Nadia’s father bolted the second the pregnancy test turned positive,” she began. The distinct tightening of Reid’s jaw at that news added another point in his Plus column. “I considered not… not going through with it for exactly two minutes and then decided I would love this baby enough for both of us. But as I got near my delivery date, I started to panic. I couldn’t settle on a name. I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t do a damn thing.”
“You were alone?” He frowned down at her, stepping around a delivery guy.
“No,” she said, smiling. “Never alone. My mom has—um, had—this circle of friends. Four sorority sisters. They stayed friends from their first year of college on. And when all of them started families, they raised us to become the best of friends. More than friends. We’re family. I had a regular parade of visits from all of the aunts and Sabrina, Jade, and Cassandra.”
“But?”
She almost grinned. “I needed my family. I had all these friends and honorary aunts, but not my dad, not my brothers or my sister. I called Elena and begged her to come.”
“Where was your family?”
“Florida now. My dad and two brothers. Laney was there then too. She hadn’t been back to New York since Mom was killed.”
“And you stayed?”
Kara shrugged. “I followed Steve. That was my first mistake. He got offered a job here and told me he was taking it. I said I’d come, too. It wasn’t until after he left me that it finally dawned on me that he’d never actually asked me to come with him. I just assumed.”
“How long were you together?”
Kara brushed aside an insect that landed on Nadia’s hat. “Since college. On again, off again.”
Reid let out a low whistle.
“Anyway, Elena arrived on Thanksgiving weekend. I wasn’t due until Christmas time, but I had to leave work well before that. Sciatic issues.”
Reid winced and nodded.
“I had my nose pressed to the window in my living room, counting the seconds until Elena arrived. Finally, the car pulled to the curb. She got out and some jerk knocked her right into the snow. Lucas helped her up.” She laughed once. “Oh, my God, you should have seen it. There’s Elena, sprawled in the snow, looking up at Luke with this huge smile like he was Prince Charming come to rescue her from her tower. Oh! Wait!” She fished her cell phone from her bag, scrolled through her pictures and handed him the phone. “I kept it.”
Reid smiled at the image. “Whoa. She does look Cupid-shot.”
Kara laughed and nodded. “I teased her mercilessly about that look. It looked like love at first sight to me, so I kept trying to shove them together. I sent Elena down to September’s Families Guild, where I volunteered. Lucas is head of one of the committees. I even called him to put the baby’s crib together.”
With a laugh and shoulder nudge, Reid said, “In other words, you meddled.”
She sniffed and with no shame, admitted, “Yes, I did. Not that it helped. Laney was determined to escape from New York as soon as the baby was born. She wanted nothing to do with him. She said it wasn’t fair to start something she couldn’t finish.”
“But you didn’t listen.”
“Not exactly. Luke didn’t listen. You see, Luke’s mom was also killed that day. But unlike us, he refused to leave. He thinks this is holy ground. He has this friend, Al, who sees signs everywhere. Al told both of them they were meant to meet. It was the moms playing matchmaker. Really freaked them out.”
“Ah.” Reid nodded. “They didn’t believe it.”
“Well, Luke wanted to believe, but he had a hard time convincing her.” They’d reached the park and sat down on a bench where Nadia could watch a couple of guys playing Frisbee.
“She couldn’t see the signs.”
“No, no, that’s just it. She could. She saw the signs from Mom everywhere she went. And it completely freaked her out. She was convinced Mom was punishing her from beyond the grave. It wasn’t until the last sign that Elena finally got it.”
“What was that?”
“The number of my hospital room. It was Mom’s birthday. I finally convinced her that it was Mom’s way of forgiving her.”
Nadia began stirring in her stroller, so Kara unfastened her harness and set her loose. She grabbed her phone and her wallet, tucked them into pockets and got ready to chase the baby.
Reid drained his cup, pitched it into a trash can. “So what about you? You don’t believe in the signs?”
She shook her head. “I do. I believe completely. I’ve been waiting for my sign for years. But Mom only seems to be talking to Laney.” She turned to him, spread her hands apart. “Until now.”
She felt him tense next to her. “What do you mean?”
“I mean she agrees with you. I’m a bad mother.”
He reached up, scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t think you’re a bad mom.”
“You said people like me don’t deserve kids,” she said, lowering her eyes. That still stung. “You said I made you ill.”
He grimaced. “I um…well, I’m sorry for all that. I said all that because I was scared. I…uh…well, I know what can happen to kids when they’re unsupervised and wel—just forget it. It’s obvious Nadia is a happy baby and you take good care of her.” He turned, watched Nadia trying to climb onto the bench.
Kara shook her head. “I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m not like my mother was. Four kids and she never spent the whole day in her pajamas or settled on a boring gift certificate for someone’s party or lost one of her children in a store. She always, always had patience for us. Even Elena.” She
laughed once. “Aunt Enza, she used to threaten us all with the wooden spoon but Mom? I don’t remember her ever raising her voice except to Laney because Laney was a real handful—an angry and defiant kid, but even then, Mom knew just what to do.” She buried her face in her hands and did her best not to dissolve into a puddle.
A moment later, Reid’s hand settled on her back and she nearly dissolved anyway.
“Did your mom work?
Kara nodded. “Yes. At Burk and Kirkpatrick.”
“Well, how did she do that if you weren’t in daycare?”
“We had a housekeeper.”
When he snorted, she snapped upright and managed a laugh. “You probably think I’m crazy.”
“No. I think you’re overwhelmed. That doesn’t make you crazy.”
She wasn’t convinced.
Reid rolled his very nice eyes. “Come on. Tell me what signs you think she’s sending you that mean you’re a bad mom.”
Kara looked at him sideways. Wasn’t it obvious? “You. She keeps sending me you.”
*
Reid’s jaw dropped and smacked the ground at his feet. “Sorry, what?” He put out a hand, guided the baby to the back of the bench, which she grasped and jumped up and down.
Kara rolled her eyes. “You heard me. She keeps sending me you. The CPR class. The department store. The Memorial. And then I called 911 and they sent—” her voice cracked.
When her eyes slipped shut, he sighed. “They sent me.”
She snorted. “Yeah. Mr. Judgmental.”
He jerked at the spike of pain in his gut. Judgmental. That had been Lynn’s favorite word toward the end of their marriage. He thought he’d been past that. Thought he’d learned some things since then. He blew out a heavy sigh. “Kara. I’m so sorry.” He stood up. “I promise I won’t bother you again.”
“Whoa, whoa, wait!” She jumped to her feet, swinging the baby to her hip. “I never said you were bothering me.”
He gave her the side eye and she laughed, patting his arm. “Well, okay, yes. You really did bug me at first. But now that I know my Mom sent you, I’m trying to keep an open mind.” She gave his arms a squeeze, took a step closer and looked up at him with big brown eyes filled with so much hope, his mind emptied. It took a minute, a full minute for the thought to connect, to penetrate the instinctual awareness he had of her. She smelled like baby powder. Oh, wait. It was the baby on her hip who smelled like baby powder. She felt…soft. She was standing only inches away from him. All he had to do was shift, lean in just a little and he’d be—
Kissing her.
Yes, her lips were on his. Or maybe his were on hers. He wasn’t sure how it happened or who moved first, only that it—they—had and then his hands moved, mapping the curves he knew she had under that T-shirt, under those jeans. Her fingers cupped his face and the kiss got deeper, took on a life of its own. Blood rushed from his head to other parts of his anatomy. He couldn’t feel his legs anymore. He needed to breathe but didn’t want to end the best kiss of his life for something so…so inconsequential as air. No. It would take more than that to make him stop.
“Ma!”
A tiny hand thumped his chest. He was abruptly two feet away from Kara, gasping like he’d just been drenched with a fire hose. He leaned over, braced his hands on his legs. Kara’s lips were swollen and wet from his mouth. Her eyes were bright and unfocused and he could see her nipples through her shirt and knew she wanted him as much as he wanted her. All he had to do was reach out a hand and take what she was offering him.
What he wanted.
Instead, he backed up another foot. Kara’s eyes sharpened and a tiny frown appeared over them. Another foot away and her hand came up to hold him still. Every damn muscle in his body screamed at him to move toward her, not away, but he shook his head. She wanted to believe he was sent from heaven but he knew better than that.
Heaven didn’t send people anywhere. It took them.
He turned and strode away as fast as he could without a word.
*
Kara watched Reid practically run from her and wondered what the hell had just happened. Was she really that bad at kissing? Okay, it had been years since she’d kissed anybody like that but wasn’t it like riding a bike? She pressed a hand to her lips. They still tingled. She couldn’t remember them doing that when Steve kissed her.
“Yay!”
Her daughter clapped and Kara sank back to the bench. Nadia squealed and wriggled free, almost toppling to the ground. Kara caught her just in time.
“Nice catch!” A familiar voice rang out.
Kara looked around, found Almir Suliman walking toward her, and broke into a huge grin. “Al! How are you?”
He kissed her on both cheeks and then did the same for Nadia. Nadia patted the stubble Al had recently decided to grow to cover the long scar on his face and Kara lifted her eyebrows. Her daughter was really into guys with facial hair all of a sudden. And then her heart nearly stopped. Daughter. Into guys? God help her. She reached into her bag, found Nadia’s Cheerios container.
“I’m good, thanks. I heard what happened with her royal highness here. Is she okay now?”
Kara nodded. “I think so. They said it was a croup attack, probably an allergy. She’s on oral steroids now and hasn’t had any issues since.”
“Oh, good.” Al sat beside her on the bench, took the Cheerios container out of her hand and put it on Nadia’s head. The baby squealed in delight at knocking it off. “I was worried. You can call me any time you need help, Kara. I’m closer than Luke and Elena are.”
Her sister lived with Lucas in his Hoboken condo, a train ride away. Almir lived near her, in Tribeca “You’re right. I didn’t think and I’m sorry.”
Al shook his head. “I wasn’t trying to make you feel guilty.” With a flash of white teeth under the dark whiskers, he put Nadia on her feet and she immediately took off with a squeal of giggles. Al chased Nadia. Kara chased Al.
But in her head, she was replaying what had just happened with Reid.
The kiss. Calling it a kiss seemed insulting somehow. Like calling the Mona Lisa a picture of some woman. She couldn’t remember who’d moved in first. She couldn’t remember a beginning. It was like being sucked into a vortex except you didn’t mind and didn’t want it to ever stop.
Even now, she felt his absence. She pressed a hand to her heart but not because it was still racing.
Because now it held another crack.
Chapter Seven
‡
What, what, what?
The question played on an infinite loop as Reid fled from the park. He’d come out for a run and BAM!
Kara Larsen crossed his path again.
Again.
What were the odds? The fire house, the department store, the 911 call. Twelve people in his class and her assessment form is the one that gets screwed up?
She’d said he was the sign she’d been waiting for from her mother. What if she was a sign from Erin?
No. He would not go there. No, it was categorically insane to believe that. He was a mess. Emotionally shut off, according to Lynn. He was scarred and scared. He couldn’t help anybody. He especially couldn’t help anybody with a kid.
Help her, his brother had said.
He tripped on a shoelace and nearly face-planted. Get a grip, Bennett. He crouched down, tied the lace and thought of Kyle. He didn’t believe in fortune-telling, and he never checked his horoscope. He didn’t believe in psychic mediums and ghosts. And even though he hadn’t been to a church in more years than he could count, he did believe in life after death. He didn’t give a crap who thought it was weird, it was the reason he visited the Memorial and talked to Kyle, and took comfort when he felt he could hear his brother speak back.
It was also the reason he never visited the cemetery where Erin was buried.
Lynn said he needed closure. He needed to see her grave, needed to accept that their daughter was dead.
Yeah, well he wasn’
t accepting anything.
And never would.
*
The next morning, Reid headed to a little cafe he liked, but Kara was there with her sister and two men. He recognized one from the hospital. The sister’s husband. But the second one was a stranger. The four of them laughed and took turns minding Nadia, who kept trying to escape from her high chair.
He watched for a moment and left when the hostess offered to seat him nearby.
He was working the day tour when a 911 call sent him to one of the downtown brokerage houses. He was administering CPR to an unconscious trader when a pair of very nice legs distracted him. He followed them up, up, up and found they belonged to Kara Larsen.
She gave him a tiny smile and disappeared into an office.
Which was a good thing because seeing her in her dressed for success clothes distracted him so much, he feared he’d kill his patient.
Every day, that’s how it went. Every damn day, everywhere he went, he either spotted her or ran right into her and then, had to endure one of those awkward silences when you wished a sinkhole would open under your feet and save you.
At the Memorial, he talked to his brother.
Maybe you should stop fighting it.
“Jeez, Kyle, you know I don’t believe in fate.”
Not fate, Reid. She’s a woman. You’re a man. Do the math.
He had. And the fact was she wasn’t just a woman, she was a mother. And he couldn’t be a father again.
He just couldn’t.
So why was he striding right up to her, a week after that kiss in the park, carrying an extra cup of coffee like he’d actually planned to meet her?
“Here.”
Her eyebrows shot up in stunned shock. “Thank you?”
“Hi!” Nadia said with a squeal and wrapped her arms around his leg.
“Hi to you, too!” He couldn’t resist leaning over and pressing her little button nose. “She learned a new word. That’s really great.” There was another awkward silence while he watched Nadia chase a bright red ball, trying to think of something else to say. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. With a sound of annoyance, he shifted his weight and spread his arms. “Okay. Let’s just get this over with.”