I didn’t think I drank all that much, but the mixture of wine and shots apparently wasn’t the best idea . . . at least that’s what the nagging pain in my head is telling me.
Sitting up, my hands cradle my face as a commotion of nausea hits me hard. Tossing the covers off my body, I leap from the bed and rush to the bathroom before the contents of my stomach spew into the toilet.
My body begins to tremble, sweat forming along my brow as I attempt to pull the falling strands of hair away from my face. A burning sensation coats the back of my throat and an ache fills my stomach. I hate getting sick, especially after a night of drinking. My throat is becoming raw the more I dry heave, there’s absolutely nothing left in my stomach.
Dear God, please make this stop . . . take me now.
Feeling like I may actually die here on the bathroom floor next to the toilet, I rest my elbow onto the seat and lay my head into the palm of my hand. Taking in a few deep breaths, I swallow hard in hopes that everything that was in my stomach is now out.
Note to self, I’m never drinking again.
The sound of the bathroom door opening alerts my senses as another wave of nausea causes me to lean forward into the porcelain bowl.
“Good God, Kris!” Jenn shouts. “Here let me help you.”
Her hand pulls my hair away from my face and she soothes my back while running her fingertips up and down my spine.
“Are you going to be okay?”
Shaking my head, I lean back, resting my head back in my hands.
“Okay, sit tight, let me get a cool wash rag and get you cleaned up.”
“I’m never drinking again,” I mumble watching her wet the small towel beneath the running water in the sink.
A giggling sound pulls from behind me as I turn my head to see Jenn in a fit of laughter. Giving her the stink eye, I try my damnedest not to punch her in the shin.
“You suck ass, seriously,” I mutter while taking the washcloth from her hands.
“Hey, I didn’t force you to drink last night. You’re a big girl and need to deal with the consequences of your own actions. Now let’s get you up and into the shower. You smell like puke and need to wash away this funk,” she says while waving her hands up and down my body.
Shaking my head, I move to stand while shifting myself to turn on the shower.
“I’ll be fine, just let me get cleaned up and I’ll be out soon.”
“Good deal, yell if you need me. Otherwise I’ll get you some water and aspirin to ease the headache I’m sure you have raging in that pretty little head of yours.”
I watch as she walks out of the bathroom before stripping off my clothes. Stepping into the shower, I allow the warm water to dance across my face as I rest the palms of my hands against the tile wall. As my body absorbs the steam from the hot water, I allow my muscles to relax and the nausea to subside fully.
My thoughts begin to drift back to the dream from earlier. What does it mean? Is there a message that my subconscious is trying to tell me? In my next breath, images of Cliff’s gorgeous eyes staring back at me cross my mind. I can’t figure out what is happening here, what direction I should be going in or if the guilt I feel is worth much of anything. All I do know is that I promised myself I would try to find my place in this world. Last night was a step in the right direction, now to see where I go from here.
“You okay in there, girl? You’ve been in there forever. I can’t image there’s any hot water left,” Jenn’s voice rings through the bathroom walls.
“Umm, yeah I’m good. I’ll be out in a minute.”
Looking down to my skin, it’s bright red from the heat of the water. Not knowing how the hell long I’ve been in here, I quickly wash my body and hair before rinsing off and stepping out of my warm sanctuary. While reaching for a towel, I take in a few deep breaths finally feeling like I can manage to function without getting sick. Obstacle one down for the day, now to get dressed and conquer the jack hammers that are currently going off within my skull.
Chapter 15
The morning sun warms my back as we walk arm in arm toward Cursed Magic. It’s still early and I know we’ll be the first ones here; I just need to get a few things in order before the crew came in and our day of mayhem begins.
The past few days . . . no, more like the past few weeks have been a bit crazy for the crew. Since the ridiculousness that hit the shop, things just seem to have gone haywire for Cliff. He’s always been the quiet, reserved and more laid back member of the crew. Now he’s on high alert over everything. I can’t imagine what he’s going through or the mixed emotions that he’s bottling up inside. I hate to see him so anxious, yet there’s nothing I can really do. Feeling helpless, I look up into the brightly lit sky in search of a ray of hope . . . something, anything to help bring peace to our small knit family. No matter which one of us is struggling, there’s nothing we can’t do when we’re together as a family.
“Baby, do you have the keys?” Dault asks pulling me out of my stupor.
Completely left in a fog, I hand him the keys and watch while he unlocks the door. Stepping inside, I begin to flip on the lights while making my way back to the office. As I boot up the Mac on Linc’s desk, I take a seat and sip on my delicious cup of coffee. The steam rising through the lid tickles my nostrils as the sweet smell of hazelnut wafts past my senses.
Focus, Etty . . . everything happens for a reason.
Trying to sway my thoughts into a positive mindset, I distract myself by focusing on Cursed Magic. Business within the shop really has been booming. So much so that we have appointments booked out for months. It makes my heart happy the news of our reopening spread like wild fire. There’s so much talent and passion within these walls, the people needed to know we were back in action. Even better, Linc and Dault have talked about opening a second shop a few towns over and I couldn’t be more excited for them. There’s a lot that goes into owning, running, and working in your own parlor. To keep the load light for them, I’ve taken on as much as I can . . . or that they’ll allow.
Damn, men are so controlling
Letting out a giggle, Dault peeks his head into the office.
“What’s so funny?” he asks propping himself against the door.
“I was just thinking how you and Linc are so controlling of the shop. You know I’d do more work around here if you’d let me.”
“I know, baby, just give it time. You’ve done so much already. Wait ‘til we expand, then you’ll have your own place to manage.”
“Eep,” I squeal. “I can’t wait. I’m so proud of you two,” I remark with a smile and begin to clap my hands like a little school girl.
“You are absolutely adorable, I love you so much,” he remarks with a wink.
“I love you too. Now get out of here. I have to get my stuff done and so should you, now shoo, mister.”
The light of the monitor comes to life and I gesture for him to leave. With a wide ass grin on my face, I begin to open the application needed to get my work started.
“Bossy woman,” I hear him laugh under his breath.
Giggling to myself, I print what I need and move onto my next task of delivering today’s schedules. Standing from the desk, I reach for the papers and begin to place them into each of the artists’ rooms. Entering Dault’s room, I pause for a moment to watch as he’s works. In this environment, he’s so at peace and in his element. To see him so relaxed makes me happy, he’s happy.
“All set, babe?” I ask handing him his sheet.
“I am,” he says looking over his clients for the day. “Damn, I don’t think I’ll have time to piss today.”
Beaming a smile at him, I turn on my heel and walk back out to the front of the shop. My cell phone pings, alerting me of an incoming text. Reaching for my purse, I grab my phone and swipe my finger across the screen.
Ashley – Holy shit, Etty!
What in the hell?
Etty – Umm, care to clue me in and don’t leave me hanging.
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Tapping my nails onto the glass case, I anxiously wait for her to reply.
Ashley – Sorry, I’m a bit flustered right now. You at the shop yet?
Etty – Yes, Dault and I are both here. What the hell is going on?
Ashley – Steve and I will be there in 5. Crew meeting so give Dault a heads up.
Etty – Woman you’re killing me.
Ashley – I know but you love me. Be there soon xoxo
Etty – Bitch, hurry your ass up.
Son of a bitch, I hate when people do that to me.
“Dault!” I shout, still staring down at my phone.
The sound of his footsteps shuffle down the hallway as I look up to see a worried expression splayed across his face.
“What’s wrong, Etty?”
Taking a deep breath, I scroll through the texts quadruple checking I didn’t miss a beat.
“Ash just text me the weirdest message, here look,” I say handing him my phone.
My eyes focus on his face as he runs his finger up and down the screen.
“Okay, so that tells me nothing,” he remarks, his brows raised.
“Ugh, I know right. I hate when people start something and then leave me hanging.”
Handing me my phone, he begins to pace in a circle around me.
“Let me text Steve and see what’s up,” he states reaching in his back pocket for his cell.
“No,” I respond raising my hand to stop him. “They’re already on their way. Let’s just wait ‘til they get here and see what’s going on. Deep breaths . . . maybe they found out more on the explosion.”
Pulling me into his chest, he wraps his strong arms around me before kissing the top of my head.
“I don’t know why, but I have a feeling we’re about to get hit with something hard.”
I nuzzle my face into him as a tear falls down from my eye, the feeling of dread creeping its way up my spine. Dault isn’t the only one with an overwhelming feel that something is wrong. I hate it, but together we have to sit back and wait.
Life can really take you by storm, even when you think you’re prepared for the worst. Since the explosion and the break in at Cliff’s, I’m not too sure what the hell else could possibly go wrong. All I can do right now is hope for the best and pray that this meeting is about something good; something positive . . . we really could use some good news right about now.
Chapter 16
After explaining everything to Steve and Ashley, they felt it was best that everyone know exactly what we’re up against. I get their point, I really do . . . it’s just that I hate to relive every fucking moment of the things I’ve done. My past is just that, my past. Bringing all the details to light, especially to those I care about the most, it’s going to be a struggle for me.
Driving toward the shop, I swallow back the anxiety as it creeps up the back of my throat. I feel as if I’m being strangled. I can barely breathe and the collar of my cotton shirt is starting to choke me. Everything I’ve fought so hard to run from and move past is all starting to come to full light. I don’t know what the crew is going to think. It’s not as if they’ve had a pristine image of me from the start, but now . . . now every demon I’ve hidden is about to come to the surface. I’m afraid they will turn their backs on me, reject me, and immediately want me out of their lives. It’s the worst possible scenario, but for right now it’s what I fear the most.
With slow steady breaths, I attempt to calm the uneasiness raging through me. The last thing I want is to go into a full-blown panic attack before I even get there. As I turn down the street, I pull into my spot and get out of the car. Standing along the sidewalk, I can’t help but stare at the site of the explosion. Right now, it looks typical, a normal parking spot on the side of the road. It’s as if nothing went down a few weeks ago, but my memories won’t let me forget. Instead, they remind me of that night in explicit detail. The ticking sounds, the flash of light and the heat of the blast. It all still feels so real. I’m lucky I was the only one who was standing in this exact spot. I’d never forgive myself had one of the crew or the ladies been in my place . . . I couldn’t live with myself if anything hurt them. I just wish there were answers. It doesn’t make sense how no suspect has been call in . . . how is that even possible? I’ve parked in this exact spot almost every day for the past few years. There has never been an issue or question whether or not I felt things would be safe.
This should not have happened. If I weren’t here, none of this would be happening. This is my fault.
Every stride I take closer to the shop increases the realization of the pain I’ve caused. It’s like there’s a knife cutting through my heart and my soul. I’m cursed, this I know and what I’ve done will live with me for the rest of my life. No matter how hard it’s going to be, I have to be honest with the men and women who have been there for me.
Reaching the entrance, I pull it open and walk through door to the place I’ve loved and known as a second home for years. As soon as the bell rings, I see Etty step into the hallway. My heart clenches as if it’s in a vice grip, my throat so dry I can barely swallow and my palms slick with sweat.
I’m a mess of a man.
“Cliff, you look white as a ghost,” Etty remarks quickening her pace to stand alongside of me.
Her small hand touches my back before gently running her fingers up and down my spine. This woman right here is one of the kindest, most nurturing women I have ever met. Since the first day she walked into our lives, she was on a mission to keep us together. Etty is our rock and the person who will stop at nothing to ensure we are always taken care of and happy.
“Man, you okay?” Dault asks as he walks down the hallway.
My eyes catch sight of him and then redirect themselves back to Etty. She looks up to me with sympathy pouring from her beautiful eyes. I don’t want her to hurt for me, but I also know my pain is a burden she will take on until everything is back to normal.
“Nah, but I’m hoping I will be once this is over and done with,” I reply in barely a whisper.
I can feel her body begin to shake and know for a fact she is now crying. Knowing I’m the one causing her to cry makes me feel even worse.
“Shh, stop crying, Etty. Please don’t worry about me,” I respond pulling her against me and kissing the top of her head.
As Dault approaches us, I sense he wants to comfort her. The love in his eyes says everything. He’d give up everything and anything to make this woman feel loved, cherished, and safe. With his hand extended, I release Etty from my hold and into the arms of the man she loves. I can’t help by worry that my life is about to crash and burn in front of me as a lump of anxiety begins to consume my throat. I haven’t even told them what is happening and already Etty is breaking down.
I need to take a moment and breathe. This is not going to be easy and I have to stay calm and focused. Taking a seat on the couch, I rest my head in my hands while slowly breathing in through my mouth and out through my nose.
I just did this, I told Ash and Steve, but now . . . I can’t gather my thoughts.
“Hey, bro,” Steve voice chimes in. “You ready to do this?” he asks before taking a seat next to me.
Lifting my head from my hands, I look over to him. He’s been there for me since I walked into this place. We’ve built a strong connection and an understanding for one another. No matter what life has thrown at us the past few years, we’ve made it through together. He’s the brother I never had and the best friend I probably will never deserve.
“We are in this together, Cliff, never doubt that. Ashley and I will be right here with you every step of the way. You’re not in this mess alone.”
“Dude, I’m not a pussy. I’ve been through hell and back, but for the life of me I don’t know if I can do this.”
“You can and you will. Every one of us would jump in front of a bullet for each other. You’re not alone and you’ll never be alone.”
“Yeah, I suppose,” I respond wi
th a nod as the front door opens.
“Sorry we’re late,” Linc says walking through the front door. “Jo and I . . . well, we were in the middle of a situation.”
“Situation!” Jo exclaims.
“My bad, wrong choice of words,” he responds wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her body into his.
“Much better, thank you, baby,” she replies before kissing him on the cheek.
“We got here as fast as we could. What is going on?” he asks directing his attention to me.
Moving to stand from the couch, I begin to pace around the reception area of the shop.
“I’m sorry,” I say pulling my ball cap off my head before running my fingers through my hair.
“Maybe you should sit down,” Ashley says moving to my side.
“I’m good, but thank you.”
“I’m a little confused here,” Dault says with a hint of concern to his tone. “I know that Ash and Steve already know why we’re here. Care to clue in the rest of us?”
“Daulton!” Etty shouts. “Relax and let Cliff talk.”
“This isn’t easy for me. In fact, this is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I consider every single one of you as family to me and what I’m about to tell you may change that for me.”
“I’m sorry, Cliff, I was out of line. I’m worried . . . I’m concerned. If what you’re about to tell us has you that worked up . . .”
Linc steps forward resting the palm of his hand on Dault’s shoulder. I get it. He’s looking out. I can’t fault him for that.
“Cliff, nothing you could do or say would ever change the way we feel about you. We are family. No matter what you have to tell us, nothing will break that bond,” Linc replies.
Nodding in his direction, I scan the faces of the others in the room. Each of them are intently listening, waiting for me to expose a secret none of them could ever see coming.