‘I know,’ Belle said glumly. ‘That’s why I’m going to feel terrible lying about going to see Lisette.’
‘Then don’t say anything much, just launch into telling him about your baby. He’ll be so thrilled about that he won’t think to ask about Lisette.’
Belle looked pensive. ‘I wonder if Miranda will keep in touch with me after this.’
‘Do you want her to?’ Mog asked.
‘Yes,’ Belle nodded. ‘I thought she was very snooty at first, but once that was gone I found we had a lot in common and I felt very close to her. I kept thinking that it was but for the grace of God I was never in her position. But I didn’t tell her I was having a baby, it didn’t seem right.’
Mog sighed. ‘No, but don’t dwell on that. You were there when she most needed someone. Now, if you don’t need me for anything, I’d better go home. Have you got anything you want me to take to wash? Don’t want Jimmy seeing you with anything suspicious.’
‘There’s a sheet and a towel,’ Belle said and got up to get them. ‘I’ll be home about one.’
As Mog opened the back gate a few minutes later with the soiled linen in a bag, she turned to Belle. ‘I’m so proud of you,’ she said. ‘Perhaps in the eyes of the law you did wrong getting involved, but to me you have been brave and kind. I hope Miranda realizes that God must have been smiling on her to send her to you.’
Just after one, Belle locked up her shop, and tucking Miranda’s arm into hers they set off on the walk to the Paragon. There were a great many people flocking over to the fair, children running about excited at the music and noise coming from it. Miranda looked drained and pale, but she was in quite good spirits and not in any pain. Belle had slipped out of the shop earlier and bought some Hartmann’s sanitary pads for her, and it was a relief to both women that she wasn’t losing much blood any more.
‘Fairs look like such good fun,’ Miranda said, looking across the heath towards it. ‘Mama doesn’t approve of them though. Amy and I have never been allowed to go. Once, a few years ago, we planned to slip out after dinner to go there, but she caught us just as we were opening the front door. There was hell to pay; she made us stay in our rooms for a week, and said only factory girls and strumpets went to fairs.’
‘That isn’t true,’ Belle said indignantly. ‘My husband took me last year and we saw a great many of the gentry there. It’s just harmless fun for everyone.’
‘Mama has very fixed opinions,’ Miranda sighed. ‘To tell the truth I’d marry almost anyone to get away from her.’
‘You don’t have to marry anyone to leave home,’ Belle exclaimed in horror. ‘You could get a job in an office easily enough, then find a room to rent. I know girls from your background don’t normally work, but now we’re at war, there are going to be far more opportunities for women. And you can bet well-bred ones like you will be chosen over ordinary ones.’
Miranda squeezed her arm. ‘You are so inspiring,’ she said. ‘As soon as I’m over this I’m going to start looking for a job. All Mama can do is cut me off, and the way I feel now that would be heaven.’
Belle thought that Miranda wouldn’t be all that happy when she found out what long hours most women worked, and how low their wages were. But she was glad she’d given her something to think about.
‘Before you get carried away by the notion of freedom, you must get your story for your mother straight,’ she said archly. ‘You can use that graze on your forehead as an excuse for feeling a little shaken, say you fell over this morning in Belgravia and you’ve got a very heavy monthly. Just in case anyone spots us together, it might be a good idea to say you saw me on the train and because you felt dizzy or something I walked back with you.’
Miranda nodded agreement. ‘You amaze me how you think of everything. But what if anyone saw the accident yesterday?’
Belle had given that some consideration already. ‘Well, I didn’t recognize any of the people who were around, and I’m sure if any of them had known you, they would’ve come forward. But if it should get back to your mother, just deny it was you. If she comes to me, I’ll back you up and say it was a stranger.’
‘I can never thank you enough,’ Miranda said softly. She had been very embarrassed when she woke up this morning; no one had ever been so kind to her before. ‘May I keep in touch with you?’
‘I’d be upset if you didn’t,’ Belle said. ‘I hope we’re going to become good friends.’
Then all at once she remembered that Mrs Forbes-Alton would never countenance her daughter being the friend of a shopkeeper, especially as Belle’s husband was a publican. It was also likely that in a few days’ time Miranda might get scared Belle would talk.
‘Of course, I’m not in your social set,’ Belle said lightly. ‘But you can always drop into the shop for a chat. And don’t for one moment imagine that I might betray you by talking about this. I promise you I will never say a word to anyone else. Mog, my aunt, knows, but we are both the same, tight-lipped and loyal.’
‘I know that,’ Miranda said. ‘I felt it as soon as you offered your help. I understand now why my mother’s friends talk about you. Despite being so young, you are a deep and fascinating woman.’
Belle laughed. ‘So what do they say about me?’
‘Well, your beauty has been remarked on many times, along with your wonderful, stylish hats. It went around of course, as I said yesterday, that you were French, and to most that means you are a little racy.’
Belle was amused by that. ‘Do you think I am?’
Miranda looked sideways at Belle and blushed. ‘Well, there is something about you … You’re worldly, strong and understanding of people. I hope one day you’ll tell me all about yourself. How you came to be in Paris, where you met your husband, and if you ever loved a man before him.’
‘I’m sure I will,’ Belle said, though she suspected if she were to tell Miranda her whole story she’d have an attack of the vapours. ‘Maybe this war will also help to break down social barriers; it’s likely to if women of all classes have to muck in to help the war effort. I hope so; I haven’t got much time for all the present-day restrictions on women.’
‘It is so good to hear you say that. Mama is forever saying, put your gloves on, you must wear a hat, put your shoulders back, a lady doesn’t do this or that. That was one of the things I loved so much about being with Frank, even if he was a cad. I felt free because he flouted all the rules.’
‘Well, some of those rules were made to protect us,’ Belle reminded her. ‘But a man doesn’t have to be a cad or a scoundrel to be exciting and passionate. And now you know the worst of men, you can look for the best in future.’
Belle said goodbye to Miranda at her door, then made her way home. While she was concerned about Miranda’s recovery and hoped her mother wouldn’t become suspicious, she was more apprehensive about going home to Jimmy.
She had never lied to him before. She was guilty of not always telling him things, but then maybe he did that too. But she couldn’t tell him what she had done last night. He would be horrified.
Jimmy was behind the bar with Garth when she came in through the side door. Because of the fair the bar was packed, and very noisy. Belle went into the kitchen and found Mog making sandwiches.
‘Was everything all right?’ Mog said in a low voice, even though the door through to the bar was shut.
‘She’s fine,’ Belle reassured her. ‘No fever or pain, and she felt hungry this morning and was quite perky on the way home. I’m so relieved nothing went wrong.’
‘My prayers were answered.’ Mog rolled her eyes heavenwards. ‘But now for more earthly things. I’ll be taking these sandwiches into the bar in a minute and I’ll tell Jimmy you’re back. Why don’t you nip up and change your clothes?’
Belle had washed and was just putting on a clean chemise when Jimmy came into the bedroom. He leaned against the doorpost, watching her with a cheeky grin on his face.
‘Now, there’s a lovely sight, my
pretty wife with next to no clothes on. Shame it’s busy in the bar today, or I’d throw you on the bed and have my wicked way with you.’
Belle laughed and went over to hug him. He looked handsome in a white shirt and emerald-green waistcoat which enhanced his tawny eyes. ‘I missed you last night,’ she said. ‘I really wanted to tell you something.’
‘I hope it wasn’t that you’d thought of running off with another man, but then changed your mind,’ he said, rubbing his nose against hers.
‘No, because I won’t be able to run for very much longer,’ she said, and took his face in her two hands and kissed him.
It was Jimmy who broke away first. ‘Why?’ he asked, looking puzzled, then his eyes dropped down to her stomach and he put one hand there. ‘Are you?’
‘Yes,’ she laughed. ‘Yes, I’m having a baby!’
He looked at her as if stunned for a brief second, and then the widest of smiles spread almost from ear to ear. ‘A baby? Are you sure? When?’
‘Well, the doctor couldn’t be precise, but I think I’m about three and a half months, so it will be about the end of February.’
Jimmy hugged her to him tightly. ‘That’s the most wonderful news I’ve ever had, well, except perhaps when you said you loved me for the first time,’ he said softly into her hair. ‘Oh Belle, could anyone else in the world be as happy as I am?’
Belle moved back to look at him and saw tears rolling down his cheeks. ‘Me, I’m the happiest person, because I’ve got you as well as the baby.’
‘We must tell Mog and Garth,’ he said, his damp eyes glowing with delight. ‘I know Mog is going to be thrilled, but I’m not so sure about Garth, he’ll need some time to get used to the idea.’
‘We’ll tell them when you shut the bar for the afternoon,’ Belle said. She knew Mog would never let on she knew already.
‘And now I’ve got to go back in that bar and act like nothing momentous has happened?’ Jimmy asked. ‘I’d like to go in there and announce it to everyone, but that isn’t really the done thing, is it?’
‘No,’ Belle said, smiling at his boyish enthusiasm. Pregnancy was something men didn’t mention or comment on outside their own family, not even when it was completely obvious. The most they would ever say was ‘She’s in the family way’, and only then when there was some very good reason to speak out. Yet for all that, Belle had noticed that the roughest of men were more courteous and kindly to pregnant women. ‘If you do you’ll just embarrass them.’
‘They never mind wetting a baby’s head though,’ Jimmy chuckled. ‘And they all pat the new father on the back like he’s done the cleverest thing in the world. He’ll boast about his new son, then promptly ignore him until he’s old enough to be useful.’
‘I know you’ll never be that kind of father.’ Belle patted his cheeks affectionately. ‘I’m banking on you sharing everything with me, even changing napkins. So get down to the bar again and smile, but say nothing.’
‘I love you, Mrs Reilly,’ he said as he turned to go back to the bar.
‘And I love you too, Mr Reilly,’ she called after him.
As Belle got dressed she thought on Jimmy’s last remark about men boasting about their new son, and then ignoring him until he was old enough to be useful. He had often spoken disapprovingly of men who came into the bar every night, without a thought for their wives and children at home.
They had both seen women on a Friday night waiting outside the pub door with a baby in their arms, here and in Seven Dials, trying to catch their husbands and get their wages from them before they spent it all. Many saw nothing wrong in beating their wives, treating them like mere chattels.
Jimmy’s father had deserted his mother while he was still a baby and he knew how hard it was for a woman to raise a child alone. Perhaps this was why he was so sensitive to women’s needs. He had always been very protective of Belle, understanding when she was tired, willing to do anything to help her. Now she was having his baby, she knew she could rely on his strength to keep her safe, and on his sense of humour to lift her spirits, and with him beside her she wouldn’t be scared of childbirth. Perhaps too he would even help her shake off the memories of Miranda’s ordeal. But above all she knew the baby would never want for love and affection. They were going to be a happy family, Jimmy would play cricket and sail boats on the pond with their child, he’d tell him or her bedtime stories, kiss sore knees better, soothe bad dreams; in fact he’d be the kind of father that both she and Jimmy wished they’d had. How lucky she was!
After the bar was closed for the afternoon, Jimmy and Garth joined Mog and Belle in the kitchen for a cup of tea and some cake.
They had hardly sat down at the table when Jimmy blurted it out. ‘We’re going to have a baby,’ he said, without any lead-up. ‘Belle told me just a couple of hours ago.’
Garth’s reaction to the news was not as they had both expected. He got up from the table and did a little jig around the room, whooping with delight. For a big man he was light on his feet, but he still looked and sounded a little ridiculous.
‘That is the best news ever,’ he said, giving Jimmy a slap on the shoulder that would have knocked a smaller man down. ‘Not that I’ve had much dealing with babies. I used to hold you sometimes of course, but that was a long time ago. Hope it’s a girl, don’t know that we want another carrot-haired man in the family.’
Mog put on a good display of being as surprised as Garth; she got up and hugged Belle and Jimmy and said it was the best news she’d ever had. Then as she poured the tea for everyone, she talked with breathless excitement about making a layette for the baby and getting a crib.
‘When will you give up the shop?’ Garth asked Belle. ‘You shouldn’t be on your feet all day.’
‘I hadn’t really thought that far ahead,’ she said.
Garth crossed his arms and looked fierce. ‘Well, I think you should wind it up in the next few weeks,’ he said, and looked to Jimmy for back-up. ‘Don’t you agree, son?’
Jimmy smiled at Belle and took her hand. ‘I’m sure Belle will do whatever is best for our baby.’
To anyone else that would have sounded as though she had a free choice, but Belle sensed that he meant she should stay at home knitting and sewing till the baby arrived. Clearly some of his uncle’s values had rubbed off on him.
Garth didn’t hold with female emancipation. Mog loved to challenge him on his views, whether that was women wanting the vote, coming into the bar, or doing a job which was a traditionally male one. Yet however much she teased him, in truth she was his ideal woman, for she washed, cooked and cleaned superbly and let him make all the decisions.
Until now, having a baby was just a rosy daydream. Belle had imagined life going on the way it had been, yet with a plump baby that they’d all adore, cooing in a crib. She hadn’t really considered that it also meant her freedom to do as she pleased would end.
‘You look very tired, Belle,’ Mog said, perhaps sensing what she was thinking. ‘Why don’t you go and have a lie-down for a bit?’
‘Yes, I think I will,’ Belle replied. ‘But you have a rest too, I bet you’ve been up since the crack of dawn.’
Belle was still awake when Jimmy came into the bedroom, but she kept her eyes closed and pretended to be asleep. She guessed he had hoped to talk about the baby, but she didn’t want that, not now. He took off his shoes and lay beside her, and within a short while his deep breathing told her he had dropped off.
It was very hot, and Belle lay on her back watching dust particles floating in beams of sunlight coming through the white lace curtains. She had chosen everything in the bedroom herself, from the rose-strewn wallpaper to the brass bed with its thick white counterpane and the rosewood dressing table with tiny drawers that held all her jewellery. Garth had once teasingly asked Jimmy how he could bear to be in such a feminine room with all its frills and flounces, and Jimmy had replied that he loved it because Belle did.
That reply had summed up how Jimmy
was. He wasn’t soft by any means; he could be tough with customers who behaved badly and had little time for the work-shy or those who constantly complained about their lot in life. But he was an uncomplicated man who took things as they came and he didn’t care about other people’s opinion of him. In fact Belle didn’t know anyone who didn’t like him, for he was kind, generous, interested in other people and had a great sense of humour. But above all he was honest. If asked for his opinion, he gave it; if he promised something, he kept his word.
There was a silver-framed photograph of them on their wedding day beside the bed. Mog had made Belle’s wedding dress of beautiful ivory satin, high-necked and long-sleeved with a pin-tucked bodice and a small train draped to one side to show it off. Jimmy had never looked more handsome to her that day, in a pale grey pin-striped morning suit. In all the other photographs they had looked very stiff and serious. But this one had been taken as they were looking at each other and laughing and it reflected their true personalities. It was a constant reminder to Belle of how lucky she was to have someone who loved her unconditionally despite her past.
Here in this pretty room nothing mattered except the joy they found in lovemaking. Jimmy may have been a virgin on their wedding night, but in his arms she’d found even greater ecstasy than she’d experienced with Serge in New Orleans. Serge had been paid to teach her about the delights of lovemaking, and he’d been a master, but Jimmy taught her that true love and real heart-felt passion were a greater power.
‘It’s time you proved to him that you can be a real wife. Making and selling hats isn’t as important as that,’ she thought.
Turning over towards him, she put her arm around him and held him tightly. With a baby on the way it was going to be another new beginning, only this time she would have to remember to take Jimmy’s feelings and ideas into account.
Chapter Five
The tinkling of the shop-door bell made Belle put down the net veiling she was attaching to a hat and hurry out into the shop.