I don’t know if I can believe her. When they talk in songs and movies about broken hearts, I understand. That’s how it feels to me – that I’m broken, that I’ll never know how to be really, purely happy again, the way I was before. But if someone offered me the chance to turn back time and take away Wolfie from my life, so I didn’t have the pain I’ve been feeling since he died, I’d tell them where to stick it. I’d get angry. My months with Wolfie are the most important of my life, and I still have them, and I always will. The person I’m learning to be started life with him – he helped me to understand myself, to listen to my heart, to listen to other people more than worrying about what they think of me. He’s a part of me for ever.
It’s when I look at the pictures he took that I see how important that is, and can almost believe people when they tell me I was lucky to be there when he was there, for however long. The warmth and happiness in the eyes of the children he photographed tells some of the story of what an amazing person he was, how caring and sensitive and passionate. Seeing the effect he had on other people and knowing he chose me to love is the greatest joy in my life.
This morning, I got a letter from Wolfie’s mum.
Tessa,
Thank you so much for your letter and the pictures. They broke my heart and made me happy at the same time. I felt humbled by the overwhelming love and affection for him that I saw in Wolfie’s friends at the funeral. I regret not having spent more time with my beautiful son. I hope he knew how much I loved him.
I’ve enclosed a letter Wolfie sent me a little while ago. While I treasure everything he gave me, this one, I think, belongs to you.
With my very best wishes,
Chloe
Dear Chloe
I hope you’re all doing well up in Glasgow, and that the Scottish sun is starting to burn a hole through the rain clouds.
Tessa, the girl I mentioned in my last letter, is now my girlfriend. Can you believe it? She’s amazing. She’s beautiful and clever and funny and she doesn’t think I’m a jerk. But she’s also incredibly kind and sensitive, and has no idea how amazing she is. When I wake up in the morning and remember that she’s my girl, I think I must he the luckiest guy in the world. Did I mention that she’s beautiful? We’ve been spending all our spare time together; we went to Bridlington last week and I took a photograph of her by the sea (it’s enclosed – isn’t she gorgeous? She hates being photographed). I wish you could meet her – you’d fall in love with her too. I know your schedule makes it hard for you to come down to England very often, but if you’re thinking about it in the near future, for whatever reason, do give us a shout and we’ll all have a cup of coffee or something. I’m just so proud of her and want to show her off to everyone.
Give my best to Angus and Sasha and Hannah and April.
I love you, Mum
David
Kate Le Vann, Tessa in Love
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