As soon as it was over, she had gone back to the computer. Hours passed. She didn’t even know what time it was, but her stomach growled, and she realized she hadn’t eaten.
The doorbell rang, startling her. She wasn’t expecting anyone, so she padded in sock feet to the front door and peered out.
It was Ryan. Aware of how bad she must look, since she hadn’t done anything to herself all day, she opened the door. “Ryan, hi.”
He smiled as if it did him good to see her. “Hey. I just wanted to come by and check on you. You weren’t answering your phone.”
Her phone. The battery was probably dead, since she hadn’t thought to charge it last night. “Sorry about that.”
“I know you probably don’t want to be around me right now, after what happened the last time we were together, but I have a bodyguard in that black SUV on the street.”
She looked past him, saw the vehicle in front of her house.
“They’ll make sure no one throws any Molotov cocktails through your window while I’m here.”
She knew he wasn’t joking. “Come on in.”
He came in and she shut the door behind him. “Did you see my interviews?”
“I saw the Today Show. You were amazing. Were there others?”
“Two others today, and I have more scheduled for tomorrow.”
“You did great with Matt Lauer.” She led him into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. She could use some. “So tell me about the lawsuit.”
“GrapeVyne is suing me for a hundred million dollars, for defamation.”
“And you went ahead with the interviews anyway?”
“It’s the right thing to do. I knew after I did the first one, I’d get other requests. I even had a publisher call me today, wanting to talk about a book deal. I have a huge forum here. I’m not going to lose it because of GrapeVyne’s threats. If they want to take me to court and let me expose the things I’m finding out about them, then they can bring it on.”
She poured the coffee, brought him a cup, and sat down. “I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks.” He glanced at her laptop, sitting open next to her at the table. GrapeVyne was up, and she was on the page of a girl named Maxi Greer. “What are you doing on GrapeVyne?”
She closed the laptop. “Nothing. Just…studying all of Ella’s friends. Looking for anything strange, unusual. Anything that might lead me to the killer.”
“Want my help?”
She looked at him for a moment. Though she didn’t want him to know the dangerous game she’d been playing, he knew a lot more about the inner workings of the site than she did. Maybe she should let him help.
She showed him the legal pads she’d filled up with notes she’d taken on Ella’s Friends. “I’ve put a big dent in it. But every time I think I’ve gotten close, I find something that legitimizes that person. Then I’m back at square one.”
He touched her hand. “You’re shaking. Why?”
She shrugged. “I don’t think I’ve eaten today.”
“Then let’s order a pizza.”
Glad to distract his attention from her GrapeVyne activities, she agreed. Food might make her feel better.
Krista looked like she felt better after she’d eaten. Ryan was relieved to see the color return to her face, and she stopped shaking. She even seemed to relax a little.
But that haunted, distant look still glistened in her eyes. He wished he hadn’t contributed to it. “Krista, I feel like I’ve damaged you. Made things worse.”
“What? How?”
“Almost getting you killed, for one thing. I don’t blame your dad for hating me.”
“He doesn’t hate you. He’s just…worried.”
His eyes swept her face. “I want you to be all right.”
Tears rimmed her eyes, and she turned back to the computer. Typing something in, she said, “If I could find the killer, I would be. If he weren’t around to torment Megan or stalk any other women. If there were any chance of justice.”
“There is going to be justice, Krista. You have to believe that.”
“Do I?” She got up, poured some more coffee. “To tell you the honest truth, I don’t really know if I believe that anymore. I’m not supposed to doubt God, but I’m weaker than I thought.”
The look on her face told him how much the admission had taken out of her. “Krista, doubt is not the same as failure.”
She whispered a laugh and sat back down. “Unless you spend every day trying to convince others that God is their champion…their protector.”
“He is their protector. You know he is.”
“I know it in my head.”
“But not in your heart?”
Her face twisted. “In my heart, I remember Ella half-buried in that makeshift grave, and I feel so much rage.”
He leaned on the table and took her hands. They felt so small in his, and the urge to protect her swelled in his chest.
“I just…” Her mouth trembled as she struggled with the words, and her tears spilled over. “I always thought that the people I loved would be safe. That the ones I prayed for every day would be guarded. What have I got to give those girls at Eagle’s Wings? How can I tell them that God will protect them, when my sister is dead? And if they can’t turn to God, where can they turn?” She wiped her face. “There’s this girl Jesse who comes to the center. Her life is a nightmare. What can I say to her? I can’t throw out Bible verses and think it’ll make a difference for her.”
“Maybe God has just used this tragedy to make you understand that.”
“But how can I have a ministry if I’m so confused myself? I’ve let her down already, by spouting out things I don’t even understand. What can I tell her about the anger she must feel? What can I share with any of those girls?”
“You share their pain. It’s something you couldn’t share before. And what’s that verse in the Bible about how we’re not fighting people?”
“You mean Ephesians 6:12? Our fight is not against flesh and blood?”
“Yes, that’s it. And if God can bring Bible verses back to my mind after all these years, then he can sure give you the right things to say to those girls.”
She smiled through her tears. He hoped he was making her feel better.
“My mom used to say God has angels fighting for us,” Ryan whispered.
“But Ella…the horror of what she went through.”
“Do you think God’s making her live with that in heaven?”
She met his eyes, processing that question. “No. No, he wouldn’t. I’ve never imagined Ella traumatized and grief-stricken in heaven. There are no more tears for her. Just for us.”
As she melted into her grief, he pulled her into his arms. She didn’t pull away. Instead, she lay her head on his shoulder, and he closed his eyes. It felt so natural to hold her. So right.
But he couldn’t bear to see her hurting. As he stroked her hair, he prayed that God would comfort her. That he’d walk her through this darkness. That he’d bring her into sunshine again.
And that, when he did, he’d let Ryan be there for her too.
When her weeping was spent, she pulled back, wiped her face on a paper towel. Her soft gaze swept his face. “You’re nothing like I thought,” she whispered.
Heat flushed his face, and his heartbeat thudded in his neck. He pressed his forehead against hers. “You’re exactly like I thought,” he said.
When he kissed her, she didn’t recoil. Instead, she responded as if she’d hoped for it…as if she needed it as much as he did.
Then he heard the garage door opening, a car pulling into the bay.
They pulled back, stricken, and gazed at each other. He let her go, yearning to hold her longer. “Maybe I should go,” he said. “Your dad probably won’t be thrilled about my being here.”
She dabbed at her eyes again. “Yeah, he’s probably freaking about the SUV in front of the house.”
As she walked him to the front door, her father burst in through th
e garage door. He stormed into the kitchen and saw them. Ryan felt exposed, as if David could read every thought on his face.
“Who is that in front of my house?”
Ryan cleared his throat. “Hi, Mr. Carmichael. That’s a bodyguard I hired to escort me around town today.”
“A bodyguard,” he repeated, as though the word disgusted him.
“Yes. I came to check on Krista. I was just leaving.”
Her father looked at Krista. It was clear she’d been crying. Mr. Carmichael probably thought he’d upset her.
Maybe he had.
David left without a word and headed down the hall. Ryan said a quick good-bye to Krista, then slipped out the door, hoping he hadn’t caused more trouble.
Krista closed the door and leaned back against it, thinking about the threshold their relationship had just crossed. It gave her comfort and hope…
But Ryan had almost seen her Maxi Greer page. She’d managed to navigate away from it before he’d seen what she was doing. She went back into the kitchen to her laptop, signed back in as Maxi Greer, and pulled up her alias’s GrapeVyne page. There were no new messages.
She was tired, so tired. She knew that she should go talk to her dad, but she didn’t want to spoil the memory of Ryan holding her. No, she’d go and take a shower, and give herself a break.
She closed the computer, putting it to sleep. She could come back to it later. Maxi’s friends would still be there.
Fifty-four
When David heard Ryan leave, he stormed into the kitchen to find Krista. But she had gone into the bathroom. He stood outside the door, waiting for her, then he heard water running. He paced into the kitchen again, filled a glass with water, and drank it down.
How dare that guy come into his house? How dare he hit on Krista when she was so vulnerable?
What were they doing? He opened Krista’s laptop, ran his finger across the trackpad. The display lit up with a girl’s GrapeVyne page.
Maxi Greer.
He didn’t recognize her picture, so he scrolled down. Then he saw a half-finished email.
How would Krista have access to this girl’s email?
He heard her come out of the bathroom, go into her room. Quickly, he navigated to Settings, pulled up her account. Maxi Greer’s email address was the same as Krista’s email at work.
Alarms went off in his chest, and he went back to her page, looked into her Sent mail, and saw the exchanges between Maxi and Steven.
His lungs stopped working. Krista was baiting the killer!
He bellowed her name out, shaking the house. “Krista!”
She shot out of her room and came into the kitchen. When she saw that he was at her laptop, she dashed forward and slammed it shut.
“What…are you…doing?” he yelled. “Luring some guy…saying these things…”
“Dad, I can explain.”
“You were baiting him! Drawing him out!”
“But it wasn’t him! I went to the mall to see if it was him, but it was that kid…I just went home. I didn’t do anything.”
“He could have killed you!” He slammed his fist into the wall, breaking the Sheetrock, then turned back around with his teeth bared. “How could you do this? You’ve already been run off the road, almost murdered!”
She reached out for him. “I just want justice.”
He shook her off. “I’ve lost total control of my family, of my life.” He clutched his head. “I can’t stand it.”
“Daddy, come sit down. Let me fix you something to eat.”
“I don’t need food! I want my family back!”
“I’m your family.” She stood there in front of him, weeping, but she feared he didn’t see her. “Dad, I’m still here.”
He leaned back against the refrigerator, his hands over his face. Finally, he slid his fingertips down and met Krista’s eyes.
“I want you to still be here tomorrow, and the next day. I don’t want to lose another child.”
He did see her, she thought. She wasn’t invisible. He dropped his hands, then reached for her. She fell into his arms, and they clung to each other.
“Daddy, it’s going to be okay,” she whispered. “I won’t do it anymore. I’ll cancel Maxi’s account. It was stupid, but I thought—”
“Cancel it now,” he said. “Tonight.”
“I promise.” Somehow, his despair comforted her. He really did love her.
He let her go and bent over the sink, dropped his head down. “We have to make some changes or we’re both going to die.”
She wiped the tears from her face. “What kind of changes do you want to make?”
“I’ve been thinking about quitting my job and moving,” he blurted.
She stared at him for a moment. “Moving where?”
“I thought we could go to Dallas, and be closer to our family—my mother, my brothers. You could be closer to all your cousins.”
“But Dad, we have lives here. What good would it do to move?”
“I want the danger to be over. I want to get you out of here. And I want to move to a place where I don’t have to think about Ella every single minute of every single day.”
She shook her head. “I want to stay here. I don’t want to give up all her memories.”
“The memories break my heart,” he bit out. “Don’t you understand? This isn’t safe. We have to go before he takes more from you than he already has.”
“Who? The killer, or Ryan?”
Her father shook his head. “Maybe both,” he said.
Fifty-five
When her dad went to bed, Krista stared at the hole in the kitchen wall. Tomorrow she would go to the store and buy some drywall mud, patch up the hole, and paint over it.
After deactivating Maxi Greer’s GrapeVyne account, she went to Ella’s room and lay down on her sister’s bed, pulled the pillow against her. She breathed in the apple scent from the cologne that sat in a bottle by the bed. She brought it close to her face, squeezing her eyes shut and missing her sister.
She had never seen her father like this. She feared he was right. The crushing grief would kill him. Maybe even by his own hand.
Maybe he should move and start over fresh. It might save his life.
She thought of being in Dallas, getting a new house, a new job…
Everything new.
But it wouldn’t fill the void Ella had left, or distract them from their grief.
And what about the girls at Eagle’s Wings? If she dropped out of their lives, would anything really be lost? Especially now, when she had so many doubts about what she could offer them.
Ryan’s words tonight echoed softly through her head. Doubt is not the same as failure.
But wasn’t it?
She thought of Jesse, the girl who’d lost her brother and mother. She’d failed her. What difference had her work made in Jesse’s life? Her last conversation with her had left Jesse empty.
Still, Krista didn’t know if she could walk away. She loved those girls. They needed Christ, and someone to tell them they were beautiful and important. Someone to remind them they had purpose and hope.
Because they did. Even with evil stalking, hope shone a beacon light.
For I know the plans that I have for you…plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11 – 13 had been her life passage for years. Now, even after so much tragedy, she found she still believed it.
Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Maybe Ryan was right. Maybe she could understand the girls better now that she shared their pain. Maybe she was still called. Maybe God would rebuild her strength and courage, so she could help build it in others.
But her father would never understand. So her choice came down to doing what might be best for her dad, or doing her best for God.
And then there was Ryan. She’d nev
er expected good to come out of her suffering…but wasn’t that how God worked? This thing with Ryan was new, but their bond was already tight. His kiss tonight had opened floodgates in her soul. His touch was healing. She couldn’t walk away.
Later, she went to her own bed and tried to sleep, but her conversation with her father played over and over and over in her mind. Sleep never came, and finally she got up and went to the kitchen to wait for morning.
When it did, she heard her dad rustling around. When he came into the kitchen, she poured him some coffee.
“Have you been up all night?” he asked.
She nodded. “Dad, I just keep thinking about what you said last night.”
He took the coffee. “Yeah?”
“I can’t move to Dallas with you. I’ve questioned my calling over the last few days, but it’s real, and my work is important. I want to stay. I want to keep working at Eagle’s Wings.”
He leaned back against the cabinet. “Krista, I can’t go without you.”
“Then don’t go. It’s not going to make the grief go away.”
He blew out a long sigh, pulled out a chair, and dropped into it.
If only they could find Ella’s killer. Then maybe her father would have the peace that justice would bring. Maybe then he wouldn’t want to dismantle his life…and all his memories. Maybe then they could all move on.
Fifty-six
Krista did her best to patch up the hole in the Sheetrock with the things she scavenged from the garage. As she waited for the mud to dry, her cell phone rang. Megan’s name appeared on the Caller ID.
She answered it quickly. “Hi Megan.”
“Krista.” Megan sounded stopped up, like she’d been crying, and Krista could hear the grief in her voice. It was similar to what her father had sounded like last night, and the way she’d sounded herself with Ryan. “I just wanted to tell you that I’ve packed up and made my flight reservation. It’s for three this afternoon.”
Krista didn’t answer for a moment. Though she’d expected the call, the sense of defeat crushed down on her. “You’re sure you want to go home?”
“I have no choice.”