No one else knew it had attacked Madame Metcherskey. I did not know what Sucre’s glamour had hidden and what everyone had seen.
“And what?” Alix looked me in the eye. “Did it hurt anyone? Did it attack any innocents?”
“Innocents?”
“There are some who believe a wolf will only attack what is pure evil. And if you say this wolf was inside Smolny, there must have been a very good reason for it. It must have been defending the students from something very evil. I would be very careful on the school grounds if I were you, Katerina Alexandrovna.” She turned back around and headed to our room.
I ignored her threat. “Alix, you’ve been hurt. Please let me take you to see Sister Anna.”
She shook her head. “I am going to bed. I will be fine.”
“If you’re certain,” I said. And then I spotted something crumpled in her right fist. A scrap of red ribbon.
CHAPTER FORTY
My heart pounded in my throat as I stared at Alix limping off to our room. I suddenly remembered she’d been injured earlier in the school year. No doubt she had tried to pass through the empress’s wards. Which meant that she was not normal.
“Alix, wait.” I hurried to catch up to her. “Tell me about the ribbon.” I grabbed her right hand and held it up. I didn’t want to believe it.
Her face was grim as her eyes bored into mine. She was trying to decide something.
I squeezed her hand. “I promise I won’t tell anyone. As long as you’re not in any danger.”
She laughed bitterly and pulled my hand off of hers. “Katerina Alexandrovna, you have put everyone here at Smolny in danger. I am protecting the others from your evil deeds. If you do not repent, I will have to destroy you, just like I destroyed your minion.”
I felt a cold, nauseous feeling in my stomach. “What are you talking about?” I whispered.
A pair of young girls from the Blue Form walked down the hall toward us, whispering and giggling. Alix looked at them and frowned. “Meet me in the library at midnight, if you wish to make atonement for your sins,” she whispered. “Otherwise, I will hunt you down.”
I could do nothing but stare at her stupidly as she brushed past the younger girls. She was serious about her threat to kill me. Like she had killed Madame Metcherskey. I did not want to believe that Alix had been the wolf that I saw attack Madame, but was it possible? If so, Sucre had to stop hunting the wolf. I had to tell him, but first I needed to know the whole truth. And I needed to explain to Alix about my curse. I knew we’d never exactly been friends, but I didn’t want her to think of me as a monster. Honestly, though, I wondered if it was true.
How ironic, if she turned out to be a monster too.
I could not find Monsieur Sucre, but I left a note on the counter in the kitchen. I kept it as vague as possible in case any of the other kitchen servants picked it up.
Monsieur Sucre,
You may call off your hunt. It is not what you think. She will not hurt anyone else at Smolny.
—K
I avoided Elena the rest of that day. What if she found out Alix’s secret? She was jealous of the tsarevitch’s affection for Alix. Could she do something to hurt Alix? And how much did Alix know about the Montenegrins? Was Elena in danger of Alix’s holy wrath as well? I needed to talk with someone, but I didn’t know whom to trust.
I sat next to the Bavarian sisters at dinner, listening to them gossip about Princess Yussupova’s ball. “Our aunt Therese has come to St. Petersburg for the season and will attend the ball! She says in her letter that it will be more dazzling than the empress’s ball last year at the Winter Palace!” Erzsebet said. “Oh, Katerina, don’t you wish we could go?”
I smiled briefly and nodded, and finished my stuffed cabbage.
“She was just saying our aunt’s dress is being made by a Parisian designer and it’s red and it has more than one hundred tiny pearls sewn into the neckline!”
“Sounds lovely,” I said, trying to participate in the dinner conversation. “Who is her escort?”
Both of the Bavarian princesses looked at each other and shrugged. Erzsebet leaned closer to me. “She did not tell us his name, but I believe it is one of the tsar’s imperial guard. She is the guest of the Demidovs, so it may be one of the Demidov princes.”
I cringed, remembering the death of my brother’s friend Demidov last year. He had died at the hands of Princess Cantacuzene and her Dekebristi.
“Aurora is so jealous!” Augusta said with a giggle. “She is trying to get her grandmother to take her to the ball, but her grandmother says that her education is more important!”
I glanced up at the front of the room, where Madame Tomilov and the other faculty were finishing their dinners. Sucre was standing there, speaking with the headmistress. They both looked over at me. I felt a queasy feeling in my stomach. It wasn’t caused by the cabbage.
Madame Tomilov stood up and followed Sucre into the kitchen. I asked Erzsebet and Augusta to excuse me and put my dinner plate up.
I was making my way across the dining room, toward the kitchen doors, when Elena spotted me. “Katerina Alexandrovna! Where have you been?”
Then I saw Sucre leave the kitchen with a hunting rifle.
Had I betrayed Alix?
“I have to find Alix.” If I waited until midnight to speak to her, it would be too late.
I hurried back to our room, but she was not there.
Aurora was curled up in her bed, studying her German. She didn’t even bother to look up. “Would you mind closing that door? There’s a horrible draft in the hallway.”
“Have you seen Alix?”
She shook her head. “Not since yesterday, but she must have been here this afternoon. Some of her things are gone. Katerina Alexandrovna, will you please close that door?” She shivered.
I slammed the door behind me as I left. I did not know if Alix had run away or if someone had been rustling through her things. I knew Elena was dying of curiosity about the box Alix kept under her bed, but I did not think she would stoop to petty thievery.
I hoped Alix was keeping herself hidden. I decided to look for Sucre next. On my way back downstairs, I passed the library. The frightening cold seeped out from the room, touching me out in the hallway. I wanted to hurry past, thinking of the warmth in the kitchen, but I heard a sob inside, and stopped.
I peeked in the library and saw Augusta crying in the far corner. “Mon Dieu, what’s wrong?” I stepped across the threshold and hurried over to her. “Augusta?”
“I can’t stop the tears. It all seems so pointless.”
I wrapped my arms around her. “What is so pointless?”
“Life. My life is pointless. I would be better off dead.” She sniffed against my shoulder. “Everyone else would be better off if I were dead too.”
I shook Augusta by the shoulders. “What are you talking about? You are being ridiculous!”
She shook her head. “I think I’ve known it all along, but it all became clear to me just now.”
“Just now?” I looked around us, bewildered by her sudden emotions. “Since you came to the library? We’ve got to get you out of here.” I stood up and tried to pull her up with me.
Augusta was not being helpful. She tucked her arms around her knees and rocked back and forth. “I’m so cold … so cold.…”
“Where is your sister? She could not bear it if something happened to you, Augusta. And what about your mother? Your father? Your two little brothers?”
She was crying but would not move. I grabbed her by the arms and began to drag her across the floor.
“Just let me be!” she sobbed.
“What is happening?” Elena stood in the doorway, eyes wide at the spectacle Augusta was making of herself.
“Don’t just stand there,” I hissed. “Help me get her out of this room!” I could feel an enormous gloom settling on my shoulders. As if life itself was too heavy a burden to carry. The ghost’s despair was beginning to affect me as w
ell. Was this how she had killed the kitchen servant? “We have to hurry.”
Elena sighed heavily and grabbed one of Augusta’s arms, while I took the other. Together we dragged her out of the room and into the hallway. She was still sobbing.
I dropped down to hug her. “You’ll feel better now. It was only the ghost making you feel so miserable.”
Elena stared at us and looked back into the library. “I thought the ghost was gone. I thought after the Christmas holiday, things seemed more like normal.”
I shook my head. There was not enough time to explain everything. I got back up on my feet. “Do you know where Erzsebet is? I think she should take Augusta back to their room.”
Elena glared at me. “Come on, Augusta. Let’s see if we can get some hot cocoa before we go to bed.”
“Let me get it for you,” I offered. I needed to get to the kitchen anyway to find Sucre.
“Merci, Katerina,” Augusta said. “You are the best friend.”
Elena’s look was venomous.
“Thank Elena too,” I said quickly. “I would not have been able to pull you out if she hadn’t been here to help.”
Augusta threw her arms around Elena’s neck. “Merci!”
Elena’s face softened a little as she hugged the Bavarian princess back. “You’ll bring me some cocoa too, won’t you, Katerina?” she asked over Augusta’s shoulder.
“Of course.” I turned and hurried toward the kitchen.
The dining hall was empty and dark, with only two gaslights along the wall still lit. As I walked closer, I heard two deep voices speaking French within the kitchen. One was Sucre. The other sounded familiar but I could not quite place it. Slowly and silently, I pushed the swinging door open, just an inch. I covered my mouth to hold in my shock. The fae cook was talking to Papus, the French wizard.
“Did you find the beast?” Papus was asking.
“Not yet, but I know who she is now,” Sucre answered. “I suspected her all along, but now I have proof.”
Papus shook his head. “And it is truly a student? The grand duke may not care, but I have a problem with killing a child.”
“You need a werewolf’s heart for the ritual, do you not? What does it matter about the body it comes from?” Sucre spit on the ground. “All werewolves are killers. I am sworn to hunt every last one down.”
Papus sighed and nodded wisely. “C’est vrai.”
“You will have your wolf’s heart before the night is over.”
“Magnificent. The grand duke will be pleased.”
I felt my blood run cold in my veins. No. It wasn’t possible. I blinked back tears and slowly, silently, let the swinging door close. I had to find Alix and warn her. Was George a part of this horrible plot? I refused to believe it. Papus had to be talking about one of the other grand dukes.
I couldn’t even begin to think about what the Frenchman’s words implied. I had to protect Alix first. I should never have trusted Sucre. Dark Court or Light, one should never trust the fae.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
I searched all over the school grounds but could not find Alix. It was close to our curfew, and I knew Madame Tomilov would be checking to make sure everyone was in their beds. I had to return upstairs.
No one else was in our room. It was eerily, unnaturally quiet. I turned around and tried to leave, but the door was stuck fast. I could not escape.
Over the sound of a thousand fluttering bird wings, I heard the strands of Iphigenia’s aria in my head, soft and mournful. I was overwhelmed with a sudden feeling of unbearable sadness. My legs were suddenly weak, and I slid to the floor. It hurt my heart and made my breath catch. “Why?” was all I could think to ask. “What made you want to die?” Because at that moment, dying was all I could think of as well.
There was no answer. Just the drumming of a heartbeat, slowing down. And slowing down. But it did not stop completely. It was maddening. I had the insane urge to stop it. Stop it. Stop the beating. Make it stop.
Filled with a bitterness that was tinged with regret, I thought of my parents and my brother. They did not need me to ruin their lives. There was no way I could protect them. None of the girls at Smolny had any need of me. Some of them were starting to fear me. I did not want to be considered a monster. I felt sick to my stomach. Like I’d swallowed something black and poisonous, and it was spreading slowly throughout my body, slowing me down. It spread from my chest to my belly, then down my arms and legs.
Stop the beating. I hugged my arms around my knees, rocking slowly, keeping in time with the heartbeat. The tiny candle flame on the bed stand was dying, and the shadows in our room were deepening. It was exhausting, listening to that torturous heartbeat, and I thought how easy it would be to fall asleep, how nice it would be not to have to wake up again.
“Come with me …,” a young girl’s voice whispered above the muted heartbeat. “Katerina Alexandrovna …,” she coaxed. “It’s beautiful here.”
I heard her sigh. “So beautiful …”
I sighed too. I wanted to be someplace beautiful. My life was ugly. Full of pain and sickness and so much ugliness. I had to leave. I had to escape. A pale girl was slowly taking shape, and showing me the path. Her hair was so blond it was nearly white.
“Who are you?” I asked. “Please tell me your name.”
Her thin, colorless lips curved slightly. “Sophia Konstantinova.”
“Sophia, how lovely,” I mused aloud. The heartbeat was still beating slowly, vibrating in my chest. I wanted to rip my skin open, set the beating heart free. It felt like a caged animal in my chest, struggling to get out.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My own heartbeat had slowed to match the slow cadence of the one I now realized was coming from the pale girl. How could she have a heartbeat if she was a ghost? My head swam in confusion. She was dead, wasn’t she?
Her gray eyes were almost colorless and she stared at me, holding something behind her back. “It will be beautiful, Katerina. I promise.”
Slowly she pulled her hand out to show me a faintly glowing rope. She had carefully looped it into a noose.
I shook my head. This was not what I wanted, was it? It was so hard for me to think. To remember.
“This will be easy,” she murmured, and stepped closer. Without asking, she lifted my hair off my neck and held the noose over my head. “You have to stand up, Katerina. Only for a little bit. It will be over quickly. You’ll see.”
I didn’t want to hurt anymore. I didn’t want to think about anyone I loved anymore. The pain was too much. What was the point in caring for someone when it only brought them pain? I let a sob escape. I was ready to lay all of my burdens down. Every last one.
Sophia smiled, and this time her lips parted just enough for me to see the horrid black fangs.
I was back on my feet in an instant. My heart sped up, beating its own rhythm. I took a step backward. “Why did you kill Olga? The girl in the kitchen?”
“She took my doll! The one Natalia kept safe for me in her room. That peasant girl stole it when Natalia left.”
“Who is Natalia?” I asked. There was nowhere for me to hide from her.
“She was my friend! And you took her from me! You and that horrible beast.”
Natalia Metcherskey, I remembered from her headstone at the cemetery. Had Madame Metcherskey been Sophia’s friend when they were both little? I could not imagine Madame as a young student here, dressed in the brown and blue Smolny uniforms. Had she seen what had happened to Sophia? What a terrible thing for a little girl to witness. And then to grow up with your best friend a ghost. Perhaps Sophia had not been so violent in the beginning. Perhaps she had slowly lost her sanity as the years passed and her friend Natalia grew up. I almost felt sorry for the ghost.
“Why do you want me dead, Sophia?” I asked, glancing around for a way to escape.
Sophia’s laughter sent chills down my spine. “Silly girl,” she said. “I want everyone dead.” She flew at me, her arms s
tretched out and ending in icy claws.
I backed away from her and her rope, rolling across the floor and bruising my shoulder. I still could not see her cold light, so there was nothing I could reach for, or grab on to her with. I could feel her cold presence, though, and her touch was like a spike of ice straight to my bones.
“You are the necromancer my father wants,” Sophia said as she danced around me. “I want you to stay and play with me here. Forever.”
I felt sick. “And who is your father, Sophia? When were you born?”
“I am daughter of Konstantin Pavlovich, tsar of all the Russias.”
I should have expected this all along. Somehow, I should have known the ghost was connected to the lich tsar. “And who was your mother?” It wasn’t Princess Cantacuzene. And Konstantin’s first wife, a Coburg princess, had returned to her home country without ever bearing him any children. Sophia had never been recognized as Konstantin’s legitimate child.
She stomped her foot. “My mother would have been queen of Byzantium and empress of all the Russias. I would have been a grand duchess.”
“But you weren’t. Konstantin hid you away at Smolny long ago, Sophia Konstantinova.” Slowly, I backed away from her, edging along the wall. She still blocked my path to the doorway. I wasn’t even sure if the door led back into the Smolny hallway anymore. I was not even sure where I was. Limbo? Hell? “Tell me your mother’s name. Had she been a Smolny student too?”
Sophia’s eyes blazed white-hot. The rope she held seemed to stretch out in her hands and actually reach out for me. I had nothing to defend myself with. No reason for her not to rush forward and attack me.
“Surely the princess Cantacuzene was not your mother. How did you get along with her? Did she and your father visit you often?”
The walls began to shake with Sophia’s fury. I had struck a nerve with her. Feeling a bit bolder, I pressed on. “She must have resented you a little. And I’m sure you resented her for stealing your father away to Poland.”
“She was a blood-sucking demon,” Sophia hissed, never taking her fiery eyes from me. “She wanted me to become just like her. She wanted my very soul.”