For one there wasn’t a mirror above the bed as I had often seen. The second was that there were quite a few picture frames around the room that strangely had all been turned down. This intrigued me the most and just as I reached out to grab the one closest to me on the side table, I heard voices.
I didn’t know what to do. Should I hide, should I pretend to be asleep, should I run or find a weapon? In the end I completely panicked. And because of this I ended up rolling backwards off the side of the bed furthest from the door and getting tangled up in the covers as I went. I landed on the floor with an undignified ‘Umpf!’
“She’s as graceful as ever I see.” I heard a woman’s voice say in amusement that lacked any malice. I popped my head over the bed considering there was very little point to me hiding…if you could even call it that. There I found myself staring at two of the most beautiful people I had ever seen and one of them I had been dreaming about for what seemed like forever.
The small beauty queen next to him was so utterly striking you couldn’t help but be drawn to her. She had doll like features with silky dark curls and flawless skin, I almost wanted to go up to her and poke her just to check that she was real.
And then there was him…
My Demon.
This thought brought me back to the idiotic thing I had said to him before my re-enactment of the perfect wimpy freak out. I noticed the girl was smirking at me and for some reason looked as pleased as Punch. So I decided this was the point I really needed to stop staring at them and say something.
“I uh…panicked.” As soon as I said it I had to squash down the urge to smack myself on the side of the head…and for some reason this thought didn’t seem like a foreign one to me.
“So I see.” He said and I then found myself having to now squash down the urge to sigh at just the sound of his voice. He was breathtakingly handsome, even more so in real life. And I don’t think I had ever seen anyone who looked as if they held so much authority it just oozed from them like a dark aura.
I could feel myself biting my lip as my eyes drank in the sight of long legs encased in suit trousers of a colour very similar to my own eyes. The white shirt he wore matched the dark blue/grey colour but was worn as if ready for action, with his sleeves rolled half way up his forearms and the first two buttons undone with no tie in sight. Even the belt he wore looked expensive, like the black leather men’s dress shoes on his feet. But this handsome attire would mean nothing if it wasn’t for the man wearing it. And boy, what a man!
Black raven hair was pushed back in one of those smart casual ways that seemed effortless to achieve. This matched the rough stubble a few days without shaving produced and it gave him a raw beauty against his flawless olive skin. However, the real striking feature he held above all others was his incredibly powerful eyes. They were like pools of heated dark emotion that looked to be barely kept in check. They made me want to cower in both fear and quake in desire all at the same time.
I realised I had once again just been staring at him when the girl cleared her throat, thankfully letting me know that I was still slumped in this ridiculous position and of course looking like a love sick teenager.
“Oh…uh yeah…Jesus Katie, get a grip girl.” I whispered, chastising myself for my embarrassing behaviour and I could have sworn I heard the girl giggle but then quickly try and hide it with a cough. Happily, I hadn’t lost all my functions and made quick work getting untangled from the web of luxury fabric I was wrapped in. I almost felt like jumping up and saying ‘Tada’ but thankfully found the power to squash down yet another ridiculous urge. However, my next foolish act came from stepping out of the mound on the floor and catching my foot, stumbling forward.
“Whoa, it’s okay, I’m okay.” I said as I righted myself just in time. Mr tall, dark and sex on a stick looked like he was about to lunge forward to catch me but luckily didn’t have to. I saw him release a sigh as if he didn’t know what to make of my clumsiness. Well given the ballerina next to him, I doubted he was used to it, I thought with a bitter edge. And this was when a heart breaking thought entered my mind…
Were they a couple?
This was when the girl burst out laughing and then said,
“Oh shit no...! Don’t worry, I’m just the big guy’s sister.” She waved her thumb to her side at him and on hearing this I felt as though I could breathe again. But wait, had I said the question out loud? Oh God I hoped not…but how else had she…?
I never got to finish that thought as I felt eyes were burning into me. He was staring straight at me with an intensity of the likes I had never known and I felt trapped. That was until he demanded something of me, something that I just didn’t want to give,
“Leave us.” His stern voice cut through me like a blade and I swallowed hard before lowering my head in what oddly felt like defeat.
“Oh…right, of course.” I said and walked past him towards the door, muttering to myself,
“I will just find my own way…Ahh!” I soon found myself shouting out as solid arms circled me from behind, stopping me from going any further. As soon as I felt the first touch from him I knew I was lost and all my fears of his ability of mind control came flooding back if only to be ignored swiftly after.
“Oh no, you’re not going anywhere, Sweetheart.” He said in my ear making me shiver against him and suddenly feeling trapped by him felt like the best thing in the world.
“Leave us, Sophia.” He commanded and now I knew that he had meant for his sister to leave us alone. All the while his hands never left me and I could feel his breath against my neck. Once more he had me swallowing hard and I had to concentrate on keeping my legs from collapsing at just the simple fact of having my dream man at my back.
“I think that would be best.” His sister said smirking and with just that one look of approval, I liked her already. I barely heard the door close when I felt his hand snake up my side and come to rest at my neck. Quickly I was transported to one of my dreams of him in this exact same position and I couldn’t help but feel like it had been some sort of premonition of fate. It was the one where he was trying to get me to come home and I had to admit that now I was here part of me couldn’t help but feel that way. But it was also as though something was holding me back and tied to another place and I found myself once more battling with myself on what felt right and wrong. Almost as if somewhere along the line my life was being…
Re-written.
But no matter what I was feeling it didn’t detract from what was happening now. Because no doubt about it, this was a very trustworthy position I was allowing him to have with me considering his hand was firmly around my neck and I had to wonder if it wasn’t a test. I didn’t know what to say or do, but when he bent his head and inhaled deeply, I sighed back against him from the sweet gesture. This too reminded me of the dream as I had done the same thing in sinking back into his hold. But unfortunately, as I had learned so often in this life, nothing this sweet lasted forever, because then he quickly ruined it.
“My Keira’s finally home.” At the sound of her name I wanted to crumble to the floor in heartbreak. He still thought I was this other girl and it wasn’t me he wanted in his arms…it was her.
I jerked free from his hold and put the much needed space between us. I heard his primal growl coming behind me and jumped at the sound turning round to face him in case he pounced. This was the reminder I needed. After all he was the Demon I had also seen in my dreams and…
My Demon was back.
“Come here.” I could tell that demand came from forced control and even though I was terrified I stood my ground. So okay merely shaking my head like a defiant child wasn’t going to win any bravery awards any time soon. I knew that but it wasn’t just about being stubborn, it was more importantly about being hurt.
“Now is not a time to test me Keira, not after all this time apart.” He grated out warning me how much my behaviour was costing him. But hearing her name again was when I snapped.
“MY NAME IS KATIE!” I shouted back at him holding myself tense in my anger. I could even feel my nails digging into my palms from tight fists I held at my sides. His eyes widened in surprise for a moment before he closed them in what seemed like pain. He took a shuddering deep breath and swallowed hard as if needing to take this moment to comprehend what I was telling him. Finally, he opened his eyes to look at me and the breath I was holding was freed from my chest. Jesus, he looked like he was in agony and I had caused it all. In fact, he looked as if I had just destroyed his entire world, crushing everything he had ever known under my foot.
“I…” I had to clear my throat before continuing as the emotions he drew out of me were almost choking.
“I’m sorry…I…I shouldn’t have…” He raised a hand to stop me from saying anymore and I bit my lip to physically prevent myself from doing so. I saw him take a deep breath and I braced myself for what he obviously wanted to say next.
“Only my Keira would have come home.” He said and again it sounded like each word had been dragged from deep within him, it had been that hard to say. I slowly shook my head wishing I could have given him what he wanted right at that moment but the truth of it was as simple as I couldn’t, for it would have been a lie.
I would have been a lie.
“All I can say is that I am sorry I’m not the girl you wished would turn up here.” I replied softly knowing I had no power to offer him anything more.
“That’s where you’re wrong.” He informed me sternly and I raised my eyes to find he was serious as my heart skipped a beat.
“But you just…”
“You’re her, you just don’t realise it yet…but you will.” He said interrupting me and this last part sounded like a threat. And given the intensity of the look he was giving me I would say it looked like one as well. I imagined right now would have made a comedy moment as I gulped down a frightened lump but given the severity of the conversation I could only take a step back in fear and laughter was the last thing on my mind.
He raised an eyebrow at my actions and then did something I didn’t expect when he started smirking.
“You know this reminds me of when we first met.” I frowned in confusion having no clue as to what was coming next.
“You were just as you are now.”
“How so?” I asked letting curiosity replace the confusion.
“Skittish and afraid of me, yet you were also intrigued which is why you didn’t run.”
“I’m not afraid.” I said frowning at him and his smile told me he easily detected my lie.
“No?” He said stepping forward and my natural instinct kicked in making me take a step back. I was angry at myself for letting him prove my lie by reacting the way he knew I would.
“There’s no need for you to fear me.”
“No?” I asked throwing his question back at him and crossing my arms across my chest to show my disbelief.
“Not ever.” The way he said this gave me little doubt to the depth of his sincerity but I found myself asking what I knew I had no choice but to ask,
“Alright, so you say that you know me…yes?” This question made him smile and the sight was nothing short of glorious to witness. Bloody hell but if I thought him handsome before then when he smiled it was something else!
“Yes little Dove, I know you.” Hearing the sweet endearment was almost as sweet as feeling his gentle touch.
“And you know me well?” I asked continuing down along this line of questioning.
“Intimately.” He whispered stepping forward and I shuddered. A series of memories flooded my mind of him taking my other self over and over again.
“Then tell me…have you ever hurt me before?” He looked affronted by the idea but then something flickered in his eyes before he answered,
“Never. I have never physically hurt you.” I knew his answer wasn’t a lie but he was a fool if he thought I hadn’t picked up on what that flicker in his eyes had meant.
“But you have lied.” I said seeing the truth in his face. He sighed and rubbed his jaw with a hand before speaking,
“Keira I…”
“Katie.” I corrected him and there was that quick, brief flash of pain again that caused me the same pain to witness.
“I cannot tell you that I haven’t lied to you as that in itself would be a lie…but, I can honestly say that I have only ever done so to keep you safe and for your own wellbeing.” He told me and I couldn’t help the sting delivered when he wouldn’t repeat my actual name.
“So are you telling me that when you lied to me it didn’t hurt?” Now this question really affected him and after a desolate moment of staring at me in regret he turned away in anger. It didn’t matter, in that look alone I had my answer.
“I see little on why this matters to you if you don’t even remember the past we shared!” He snapped. I decided to enlighten him on exactly why it did matter, very much so in fact.
“Because if you lied to me as this Keira you believe me to be, then what’s stopping you from lying to me now?”
“You think I would lie to you about something as important as this?!” He said whipping back round to face me and I could see that my questions were testing his obvious temper.
“That depends…”
“On what?!” His frustrated question made me rethink for a moment on whether I really wanted to go down this sensitive road.
“On what you lied to me about before.” I finally answered him knowing that if he ever wanted me to trust in what he was telling me then I needed some foundations on which to stand. After all, I didn’t know him and just because he said otherwise it didn’t mean I could believe him. But one look at him now told me that I couldn’t. Because he hadn’t just lied to protect me as he said, he had lied enough to hurt me and there was a big difference in my world.
“Like I said, that was in the past and for what I believed at the time was for the right reasons.” His excuse didn’t work for me so I pushed for more,
“What did you lie about?”
“Enough! It is in the past and where it shall remain!” He shouted getting even angrier but I knew it wasn’t with me, it was with himself.
“Then you give me no reason to trust you.” I informed him sadly and he looked mortally wounded from it.
“Very well.” He said after releasing a sigh in frustration.
“You have to see this from my side. I have been lied to all my life, by everyone I thought I knew and the only one left I trust…well I am afraid to say isn’t in this room with me.” I hated saying this and the anger he once had for himself was now directed at someone else and thankfully they also weren’t in this room.
“I will make them pay…I promise you that when I find them I will make them pay for everything they have done to us, everything they have taken, I will get it back… if it’s the last thing I ever do Keira, I will get it back…I promise you.” His stern promise almost broke my heart as hearing that name once more did. His belief that I was her was crushing my strength, one that I needed to keep hold onto my own beliefs.
“So you need to trust in what I am telling you when I say you are not Katie!” He said cutting the distance between us and I backed up to the wall behind me but it was no use. He stood before me, locking me there before taking my face in his hands and placing his forehead to mine.
“You are Keira…. my Keira.” He said pleading with me like a desperate man and again my heart broke but this time it wasn’t because of a name… it was for him. I closed my eyes and shook my head softly but he held me still.
“No, no…Ssshh now, don’t…don’t say anything, we will figure this out.” He told me and it sounded like his voice was close to breaking.
“I’m sorry but I can’t do this if you think I am her…I’m not her.” I whispered back feeling my tears finally fall at the same time his hands did. I sucked in a sharp breath as my emotions got too much and I started to cry. He took a step back and his face told me it was mo
re than just a rejection of the truth he believed in, it was a rejection of the love he trusted in. That’s when I saw his own tears fall and in that moment I had never hated myself more.
For long moments we just looked at each other, witnessing the misery we both created in what we each believed. I knew I couldn’t break away from him so was glad when he turned from me first. I wiped away my tears while I had the chance but then I jumped when he snapped back at me,
“Why?!”
“Why?” I asked wincing at his hurt, angry tone,
“Yes, why? Why do you refuse to believe what I suspect you already know to be the truth?!” Oh yes, he was angry and it only acted to fuel my own anger when I shouted,
“Because I am afraid!”
“What are you afraid of…tell me?” I knew this was it. My time had come to admit my biggest fears,
“I am afraid that if I’m not Katie then who am I, because all I am then left with is a name I don’t know. I am left with no past that I recognise and if that is the case then what is to be of my future? What would be left for me to live for if the one person I have loved in the world isn’t real? I would be completely alone in a world I didn’t know. In a world that would never be mine.” I shook my head feeling my tears drip from my chin, hitting the slate floor beneath my bare feet. I turned away from him to hide my shame, to hide the depth of my fears like I always tried to do at the Colony.
I hated this. I hated not knowing as much as I feared discovery. I hated feeling weak and vulnerable and I was tired of it all. The pain, the suffering, the fear and the longing. I hated it! But now most of all I hated the self-loathing I felt every time I thought back to leaving Ari. I was tired of feeling weak and helpless and most of all feeling scared but deep down I simply couldn’t help it. I was all of those things. So all that was left was to apologise for it all when he said,
“Please, you have to trust me.”
“I’m sorry, but how can I trust someone I don’t even know when they tell me that I am someone else?”