She’s not stupid; she knows why I’m talking to Mitchell. We’ve talked about me heading back, though I haven’t mentioned to her that I don’t really have a true home there. That I just stay at Cash’s apartment because he lets me. She doesn’t even know Cash exists. She doesn’t know much about my private life at all and for once, I’m ready to tell her everything.
But she’s also naked and my gaze is trying to stay firmly fixed on her face. It’s so damn hard. I’ve had her every which way. We’ve had so much sex I’m surprised my dick hasn’t given out on me yet, I’ve worked it so hard.
Yet I take one look at her, naked and still flushed from her warm shower, and I want to jump her. Push her onto the bed and slide inside of her. There is nowhere else I’d rather be than with Rose.
Everything inside of me goes cold. That is about the scariest revelation I’ve ever had. Because I don’t do commitment, I don’t do relationships, and I definitely don’t do love. I don’t even think I know how to love.
I could learn, though. For Rose.
Fuck no, you can’t. You’re a worthless piece of shit who doesn’t deserve a woman like Rose. When she finds out the truth, she’ll kick your ass to the curb.
That’s an even scarier revelation.
“I’m not sure when he’s leaving yet,” I lie. “It’ll be soon, though.” Damn it. If I want to actually love this girl I need to tell her the truth. It’s just so hard to come out and say, I’m leaving you in two days. Sorry to take off like this, but hey. It’s been real.
I don’t know how to end this. Or continue it, either. She should be going back to New York soon too, but I don’t think she wants to go. Late at night, when we’re both exhausted and drifting off to sleep, she talks of staying in London. Or maybe even Paris. Not that she wants to continue working at Fleur; it sounds more that she wants to explore Europe and be on her own for a while. I think she’s trying to find herself.
And I can’t help her do that. How can I when I don’t even know who I really am?
“You could go with me,” she suggested a few nights ago, and I was thankful for the dark. So she wouldn’t see the mixture of hope and horror that surely crossed my face.
I never did answer her. Like a wimp, I pretended I was asleep. But there’s no pretending now. Yet I still lie like the hustler I am.
“Oh. Okay.” Her face falls and seeing that … hell, it wrecks me. I start to say something reassuring, start to reach for her, but she turns away and I drop my arm, feeling like an ass.
Feeling like I somehow just ruined everything.
“I should go back too. Eventually,” she says as she slips on a pair of skimpy black lace panties. Her back is still to me and I watch in fascination as she goes about her preparations. She pulls a black lace bra from the drawer and hooks it on. I could spend a lifetime watching her get dressed and never get bored. “I have to face my father sometime.”
“Are you scared to face him?” Like I’m scared to face you? I don’t want you to find out my truth. I’m afraid you’ll hate me.
Rose goes still, her hands dropping to her sides, her head bent almost as if in prayer. Slowly she turns toward me once again, vulnerability and sadness etched across her face. “Yes. He’s going to give me the ‘I’m so disappointed in you’ speech. I’ve heard it before and he knows I hate it. But I have to do this. I can’t work there any longer. I’m spinning my wheels at Fleur.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want to do?” I ask. “Quit Fleur for good?”
She lifts her chin, defiant. “I’ve thought long and hard about this. I’m not making this decision lightly.”
“So you’re really going to do it.” The last few nights we’ve talked, tentatively revealing things. Personal details, though nothing ever too incredibly deep, especially coming from me. I’ve listened to her talk for hours about Fleur, her father, her father’s skanky girlfriend whom he just asked to marry him. Rose has mentioned off and on that she’s considering leaving Fleur but I thought it was just talk.
Guess not.
She nods, her eyes dimming. Hearing the word quit can’t be easy. “I don’t know what else I can do. I can’t go back there and continue on as if nothing’s wrong. I’ll be too miserable.”
“So you’ll just give up on the family business. On everything you’ve worked toward since you were a kid.” I can’t believe it. I would never call Rose a quitter. She’s so determined, so fiery when she sets her mind to something. Like I told her a couple of weeks ago, she’s got passion.
She’s also been handed an opportunity so many would kill for—hell, I would kill for it. My family has nothing. My family is nothing. Me and Mom. That’s it. Whereas Rose has her sisters, her father, her grandmother, and who knows how many more people who love and support her.
And I’ve got shit.
“There’s more to it than that.” Her lips thin and her gaze slides away from mine. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“No, I guess I don’t understand why you would trash your career and a job you love all over a woman you don’t like. All because you feel underappreciated.” I shake my head. Am I trying to goad her on purpose?
She looks at me, her eyes flaring with anger as she clenches her hands into fists. Standing like she is in just her black lacy underwear, the fury and frustration pouring off her in waves, I can’t help but think how beautiful she looks.
Beautiful and super pissed.
“There’s more to it than that,” she says. “This isn’t just about Pilar.”
“Really? Could’ve fooled me.”
Her jaw drops open for the briefest moment before she snaps it closed. “Why are you being such an ass?” She goes to the closet and yanks a black dress off the hanger almost violently, shaking it out so the fabric snaps. “You don’t know what it’s like to be me. What I have to deal with. It’s really unfair that you sit and pass judgment on me when you have no clue what you’re talking about.”
A strangled sound leaves her as she tugs the dress over her head, working her arms through the sleeves, then shoving the skirt down past her hips. I don’t say a word; I hardly react, and I think that only makes her angrier.
Which will only make it easier when I have to walk away from her. She won’t mind as much when I go if she’s mad at me.
At least, that’s what I tell myself.
“They won’t miss me when I go.” She reaches behind her to zip the dress up and she’s having a hell of a time. She isn’t asking me to help her, either. “Trust me. No one cares about my pitiful contributions at Fleur. I’m more of a figurehead than anything else. Violet is the one who’ll take Daddy’s place when he retires. Unless Pilar pulls a fast one and somehow takes over, snagging the position from Violet. Not that I want to be there and witness that mess go down. Ugh.” She yanks on the zipper but it’s not budging.
I go to her, batting away her hands and pulling the zipper up into place with one smooth tug. I trace my finger across her nape and she steps away from my touch, glancing over her shoulder to glare at me. “You needed help,” I say with a shrug as I take a step back.
“My anger has nothing to do with you helping me with my dress and everything to do with how … unsympathetic you’re being toward my problem,” she explains.
“I don’t really think you have a problem at all. That’s why.” I go to her, kiss her cheek and give her shoulders a squeeze. She shrugs out of my touch and I let my hands fall, irritated. “Your pity party isn’t getting you anywhere, Rose. Before you make such a life-changing decision, talk to Violet. Listen to her. Listen to Ryder. Get their opinions on what you should do.” Listen to reason, I almost add, but that would really infuriate her.
“‘Pity party.’ God, you’re rude.” She reaches for the pearl earrings resting on the dresser and puts them in. “I’m tired of listening to them. I need to listen to my instincts, and trust me, they’ve been screaming at me lately.”
I say nothing again and she glares as she shoves her feet i
nto those incredibly high, sexy-as-hell black stilettos she wears. I need to watch what I say before she kicks me square in the nuts with one of those things.
“I’m going with my gut on this one,” she says. “And my gut is telling me to leave. For good.”
“And what are you going to do after you quit Fleur?” I ask. “What then?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. Hang out with you? We can stay here, in London. Together.”
Yeah. That is the last thing she should want and I know it. But how can I convince her otherwise?
Chapter Twenty
Rose
Hours after my discussion with Caden I’m still fuming. He was just so smug. So rude. Completely lacking any sort of understanding of my feelings, acting like a typical asshole guy.
And I didn’t really think he was that way. Yes, those first few encounters with him he’d been a complete ass, driving me insane but in a frenzied, angry, almost sexual way. Yes, definitely in a sexual way because though he made me angry, he also made me yearn.
Earlier today, though? He’d been almost condescending. Awful.
Worse? He never said a word when I mentioned I wanted to hang out with him once I quit Fleur. Acted like I’d never even said it. All of a sudden he was all smiles and kisses on the cheek as he said he needed to go. Who does that?
Whatever. Men. At the moment, they suck. I’m also blaming my irate, irrational anger on PMS. That has to be a contributing factor.
“You look ready to tear someone apart,” Violet says as she enters her office. I’m sitting across from her desk, trying to read over a report on my iPad but failing epically.
We’ve been sharing her office since I’ve been in London. Today she had a marketing meeting to attend, and I’m tempted to ask if Hugh was in the meeting with her—why I don’t know—but she would jump on my question and tell me I needed to go on a date with him or something equally insane.
Though maybe I should consider going out with Hugh because clearly, Caden is leaving. And Caden is an asshole.
He is not an asshole. You’re just hurt because he didn’t acknowledge your girly feelings. Get over it.
I don’t want to get over it. The anger is fueling me and I like it. It makes me feel strong.
“I’m grumpy,” I warn my sister. She settles behind her desk, her expression impassive, and when her gaze meets mine I know there’s something on her mind.
“Maybe that’s the mood you need to be in when I tell you what I’ve just discovered.” Violet rests her hands on top of her desk, clasping them together.
I decide to beat her to the punch with shocking news. “I have something to tell you too.”
Her eyes narrow. “What is it?”
“Did you know Mom was having an affair with someone else? And that when he broke it off with her, she fell into a downward spiral and became so depressed she finally killed herself?” I throw it out there, in all its brutal, harsh glory, and Violet blinks at me a few times, her cheeks going pale.
“How … how did you discover this?” she asks, her voice small.
“I have her diary. The last one she wrote in. Everything’s there, in her own writing.” I feel bad, telling her like this, but I had to get it off my chest. It’s been driving me crazy, holding in this secret.
“I already knew.” She nods when I gape at her. “Father told me a while ago. He asked that I never mention anything to you, so I respected his wishes.”
“What?” Why am I the last to know everything? Unless … “Does Lily know?”
“Yes.”
Holy crap. I just … I don’t understand why I’m always kept in the dark. I can’t believe I let this eat me up inside when everyone already knew. God, I hate secrets. “So you knew she was having an affair. And Daddy knew, too.”
Violet nods again. “I guess the marriage wasn’t good for a long time. Ever since … after you were born, it went downhill fast.” She acts like it’s no big deal, but her words are like a fierce blow to my stomach.
“Downhill fast?” Great. So it was my fault? I can’t take this. May as well urge her on to blurt out her bad news. “What were you going to tell me?”
“It can wait.” The smile she gives me is false. Bright and cheery, though her eyes are dim and dark. “Let’s talk about it another time.”
Meaning she doesn’t want to make this conversation worse. Everything within me goes still. Now I must know. “What is it?” I ask cautiously. It must be something else about Daddy. Or Pilar. Or maybe Daddy and Pilar. God, if they ran off and eloped I’m going to lose it. Completely lose it …
Violet interrupts my thoughts, her voice soft but the words deadly.
“Your boyfriend is a thief.”
I stare at her for a moment, my brain trying to process what she just said. Caden and thief. The words together make no sense. None. I’m caught so off guard, I start to laugh, because I don’t know how else to react.
“This isn’t a laughing matter, Rose,” Violet says sternly, but her matronly tone only makes me laugh more. She’s glaring at me, her mouth working, her jaw clenching. “I’m serious!”
Okay. I need to straighten up before she smacks me. “Oh, come on. You can’t be for real, Violet. A thief? Really? Where did you hear that?”
She sniffs. “I did a little investigating. So did Ryder. Talked with people who know Caden, or know of Caden. We share a lot of the same social circle. Or at least we used to, when we were younger. Turns out rumors have floated around him and his family for years.”
“What sort of rumors?” I sound snippy but I don’t care. I already warned her I was grumpy.
“Did you know his father committed suicide?” Violet asks abruptly.
I blink, startled at the harshness in her tone. “Yes. He told me about his dad.” I send her a look. “I would think you’d be a little more sympathetic considering our mother did the same thing.”
She ignores my remark. “His father was an investment banker and stole from his clients. They were going to bring criminal charges against him. A few civil suits had already been filed when he took his own life.”
“I already know this. He told me everything.” I turn off my iPad and leave it on the edge of her desk, frustrated.
“Did he tell you that he and his mother were left with nothing after his father’s death? Not even the life insurance would pay out, because they don’t on suicides.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” I lean forward in my chair, imploring her with a look. “Are you purposely trying to rile me up? Disappointed that you haven’t shocked me yet with all of Caden’s so-called secrets?”
Violet doesn’t even acknowledge my remark. “We went to the same private school, Caden and I. We were in the same grade. I knew he was familiar—I just couldn’t place him, not that I really knew him. Lily remembered him, though.”
“Lily?” Say what? “What does she have to do with any of this?”
“She had an interesting story to tell me. Remember when she said she lost Mom’s diamond earrings? Father gave them to her for her sixteenth birthday and then they went missing. She said she lost them at some party and they got into a huge fight over it?”
I have no idea what Lily and her earrings have to do with Caden. “Sure,” I say weakly. I remember an argument. Missing earrings. But that was typical Lily. She was so careless. She still is.
“She didn’t lose them. They were stolen. She just didn’t know how to tell Father, so she lied and said she lost them.” Violet pauses and I swear she’s enjoying this roundabout storytelling method of hers. “She said Caden Kingsley stole those earrings. Mom’s earrings.”
Frowning, I slowly shake my head. “And you believe her?” This makes absolutely no sense. “This is crazy. She doesn’t know Caden.”
“Yes. She does. She remembers him from high school because he had a crush on her and she knew it. But he was younger and she wasn’t interested in anyone who couldn’t get her booze or drugs back then.” Violet
rolls her eyes and I want to slap her, I swear to God. “They were at a party together years ago and she said they … hooked up. She was drunk or whatever and passed out. When she woke up, the earrings were gone.”
I go cold inside. Like iceberg-freezing temperatures blowing through me, making me shiver. “They hooked up? What exactly does that mean?”
Violet shrugs. “You know Lily. The term could mean anything. Plus, she said she passed out, so she’s not exactly sure what happened between her and Caden. She does know they kissed, though. She remembers that at least.” She makes a little face, the one that says, and you’re having sex with a guy who possibly had sex with our big sister.
I know she’s thinking that because I’m thinking that.
Maybe he only kissed her. Funny, though, how Caden never mentioned it to me. Not that I’d expect him to say, “Yo, I kissed your sister once,” but he’s never said anything about knowing Lily. I would think that should come up in one of our passing conversations.
“She has no proof he stole those earrings, right? She was drunk or high and passed out. It could’ve been anyone who took them from her.” Why would he do such a thing? And even if he did, one time doesn’t make him a thief.
Or maybe he was a teenage thief. He probably grew out of it. It might’ve been some sort of reaction to his father dying. Kids do crazy things when they lose their parents; they react in all sorts of nonsensical ways. Violet sort of lost it when we were teens. Well, she had reason to lose it with that jerk she trusted who attacked her, but still.
“It’s not just what he did to Lily, Rose. It’s what he’s been doing for years. He travels all over the place and steals from the wealthy. Usually jewelry.”
I’m incredulous. Even if it were true, how in the world could she know this? “You’re making this up.”
“Ryder’s asked around. You know his past is … shady.” She makes a face, but I know how she really feels. Pretending she’s disgusted by his rough past to me when secretly it’s a huge turn-on for her. Ryder has an edge of danger that still clings to him, even when he’s conducting meetings and representing Fleur in public appearances. The man is magnetic and people can look past the edge. Or cling to it. Whichever they prefer. “He has connections. People who’ve given him information about Caden.”