“You’re young and healthy and with no prior medical conditions,” the doctor had told me before he exited the examination room. “This should be a very easy pregnancy.”
Easy for him to say. He isn’t the one living on crackers and ginger ale, hovering over a toilet in the middle of the night. I sleep with a plastic bowl on my bedside table just in case. I’ve been miserable.
But a twinge of happiness is starting to form, too. I’m closing in on the end of the first trimester, and supposedly that is the hardest part when it comes to morning sickness. I’d finally confessed to Violet about my pregnancy thanks to Lily’s nonstop nagging, and though she was worried, I could tell she’s genuinely happy for me.
I haven’t told my father yet. As if he would care. He’s too consumed in wedding plans with Pilar. Gross.
Then there’s Lily. My crazy, without-a-care-in-the-world oldest sister, has stepped up to the plate and been there for me every step of the way. She was pissed when she found out I went to the doctor without her. She wanted to be there, to hear the baby’s heartbeat too, and I felt bad that I left her out. Next time, I promised her, and I know she’ll hold me to it.
Now she’s setting up dinner get-togethers and she invited me over. I don’t want to go. I’d rather stay home and read a book or watch TV and not think about what I’m going to do with my life. Eventually I have to try to find Caden and tell him what’s going on. He deserves to know.
And I know exactly who to talk to when I’m ready to find him. That man named Cash. The one who’s dating Caden’s mother.
Holy shit, that entire meeting had been surreal. I’d fainted and scared them all. I woke up to all three of their faces hovering above mine, and when I focused on Cora Kingsley’s features, I knew without a doubt she was Caden’s mom. Same eyes, same crease in between their brows when they’re worried, same smile.
I was staring at the face of my unborn child’s grandmother and it was all just so … weird.
Lily convinced our father that I needed to go home and rest that night, laying on the guilt trip extra thick when she mentioned I threw up and fainted. She blamed it on a flu going around and Daddy fell for it.
Thank God.
I stop rubbing my temples and grab my phone again, cursing myself for being so weak. I don’t want to work. I can’t focus. Not like I have any big projects going on anyhow. I’d come up with a new plan where I was going to ask my father to let me go on sabbatical. For just enough time to have the baby, be home for a few months, and establish a routine before I go back to work.
I think he’ll go for that idea a lot better than if I just upped and quit.
Pushing all thoughts of my father and my future firmly out of my mind, I send a quick text to Lily.
Who’s all going to be there?
She answers immediately.
A few people you know.
Huh. Well, that couldn’t be any more vague.
It’s not going to be one of those long, crazy parties you like to have, is it?
She knows I’ve gone into low-key mode. And I can hardly keep my eyes open beyond ten o’clock lately. I feel like an old lady.
I wouldn’t do that to you. I know you’re not feeling well. Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be fine. I just need you there right at seven.
Weird. She’s being elusive and I’m not sure why.
I’ll be there. Do you need me to bring anything?
She’ll say no, but I had to ask.
Just your pretty face. Wear something cute.
Ugh. I roll my eyes.
Don’t you dare try to set me up with anyone. Besides, who would want to date me? I’m knocked up with another guy’s baby.
Lily sends me a smiley face with hearts for eyes in answer and I laugh.
Some guys might think that’s sexy.
Please. She’s delusional.
There’s only one guy I want to find me sexy and clearly he’s not interested.
I don’t know that for sure, but it feels that way.
You’ll find out someday. We’re going to track him down and tell him everything.
Nerves eat at my stomach just seeing those words.
Yeah, I type. Someday.
No reply.
Lily’s apartment isn’t too far from mine and I walk over, enjoying the late-summer evening. For whatever reason the night sky feels full of potential, which in turn fills me with hope.
I can get through this. No trial is too big or too small for me to handle.
Resting my hand on my stomach, I’m thankful I actually feel like a halfway normal person this evening. I’m at the tail end of the tenth week, and though I don’t want to get my hopes up for fear it’ll come back at me tenfold, I think this so-called morning sickness—because really, it’s been morning, noon, and night—is almost over.
I enter the building and smile and wave at the security guard behind the massive desk. He buzzes me in and I head to the elevator, trying to ignore the nerves that come over me.
It won’t be so bad, this little get-together. Lily’s been so sensitive to my feelings and I appreciate that. We’ve never been close, Lily and I. That was for me and Violet. Lily always seemed to be off in her own little world, doing her thing, driving our father crazy and enjoying every minute of it.
Violet and I were always closer, both in age and in personality. This baby I’m carrying inside of me is bringing so many blessings already, like my sister and me forging a stronger relationship. I’m thankful for that.
Thankful for so many things tonight that for the first time since I came home from London, I almost feel … carefree.
I knock on the door and wait for Lily to answer. I hear nothing coming from within, which is odd. Usually Lily’s parties are loud. She always invites a bunch of people over and though she said this gathering would be small, I know how she is. If everyone else is quiet, then Lily at least is yelling about something.
Long minutes later, when I’m pulling out my cell phone and getting ready to send her a nasty text, I hear the locks being undone and then the door swings open.
“Good.” She smiles but she quickly glances over her shoulder, worry in her gaze. “You’re here.”
I frown at her. She’s not in her usual party dress, either. And when I say “party dress” like she’s a little girl, I mean it. If there’s a party to be had, Lily’s usually the best-dressed attendee. She can’t seem to help herself.
But tonight she’s wearing little denim cutoff shorts and a tank top. Her hair is in a sloppy ponytail and there’s not a lick of makeup on her face. Odd.
“I’m completely overdressed,” I tell her, waving a hand at the comfortable long cotton strapless dress I’m wearing. It’s turquoise and dotted with little white squiggles and currently the most comfortable thing I own. I don’t have a full-on belly yet, but there’s a slight pooch and I hate wearing anything that restricts my waist and stomach.
“I’m, um, still getting ready. Not everyone’s here yet.” Her gaze skitters away from mine and I have the weirdest sense that she’s lying to me.
“Well, are you going to let me in or what?”
“Oh my God, of course.” She sweeps the door open and I walk inside, glancing around for any glimpse of someone else being here. “Am I the first one here?”
“No.” She wrings her hands together and I fall into step behind her as we head for the kitchen. “There’s someone else waiting for you.”
Huh? What is she talking about? And why is she being so strange?
“I really hope you didn’t plan something unexpected, because I am so not in the mood.” My earlier cheerfulness has evaporated and I want to go home.
“Stop worrying and come on.” We walk through the kitchen, which leads to a small nook where her more informal dining table is. There’s a man sitting there, but I don’t know who he is and the room is dark. The curtains are drawn, not even letting in the dimming rays of sunlight, and he slowly stands to his feet.
Everything within me stops. The way he moves, the hair, the length of him …
His face comes into view as he takes a step toward us and I reach out, grasping the edge of the granite countertop to keep me from toppling over.
It’s Caden.
“Okay, well, this is your chance for you two to make up. Ta-ta!” And with that Lily buzzes out of there, the loud slam of her front door indicating she’s left us in her apartment. Completely alone.
“Hey,” he says, the sound of his deep, delicious voice melting everything within me.
I stand taller, stiffening my spine. I refuse to cave first. This man needs to grovel a bit. I can only assume Lily found Caden on her own, through Cash. That she set this entire meeting up for me, so I could talk to him and tell Caden he’s going to be a father.
But seeing him again after over two months, all the anger comes back to me, double force. I think of how he left me, snuck out in the middle of the night after writing me that stupid, irritating letter. I should hit him just for that letter alone.
“You look beautiful, Ro,” he says after a long, charged moment of silence, and I clench one hand into a fist, my other hand still gripping the countertop tightly. “I’ve missed you.”
I want to laugh. I also want to cry. “Really? Could’ve fooled me, what with the way you’ve reached out and tried to contact me.”
The shadow that crosses his face makes me happy. Good. He should feel bad. He should feel incredibly guilty and shitty for what he’s done. “I have my reasons,” he starts, and this time I do laugh, cutting him off.
I can’t stop laughing. I just keep doing it. He doesn’t move, just stares at me as if I’ve lost my mind, and I do feel like I’ve lost it. I think I’m in a state of shock. I can’t believe he’s standing in front of me, looking so good, looking so clean and handsome and … respectable? He’s wearing a button-down shirt and charcoal-gray trousers. His hair is cut neatly and though it’s hanging loosely from his neck, he’s wearing a tie. Like he just got off work or something.
Huh?
My laughter starts to die, tears streaming down my cheeks, my belly aching. I’m not laughing anymore, I’m crying, and a sob bursts free from my lips. Sniffing, I cover my face with my hands and he moves into action. I can hear him. Feel him. He hesitates for only a moment as he stands right in front of me and then he’s drawing me into his arms, holding me close.
I stiffen in his embrace, telling myself I should be stronger. I shouldn’t give in so easily. His hand cups the back of my head and he presses my face against his chest. I can feel his heart race, smell his familiar, perfect scent. His other arm goes around my waist, fingers resting firmly on my hip, and I’ve never felt so right.
I feel like I’ve come home.
Giving in, I melt into him, slinging my arms around his waist as I cry. My tears dampen his shirt, his fingers comb through my hair, and he whispers reassuring words to me. Words that warm my heart and send it aflutter, beating against my ribs so hard he can surely hear it.
“I’ve missed you so damn much,” he murmurs against my hair. “I was trying to do the right thing. Get my life on track, be a better man before I come find you and make you mine.”
Stupid, silly man. What in the world is he talking about? “What do you mean?” I ask, my voice muffled against his chest.
“I got a job. No more stealing, no more messing around. I’m an honest man now, doing an honest day’s work.” He sounds proud and I squeeze him tight before I lift my head to look up at him.
“What are you doing? For work?”
He smiles, and the sight of it takes my breath away. “You wouldn’t believe it if I told you.”
“Tell me,” I urge.
Leaning in, he drops a sweet kiss on the tip of my nose. My body immediately reacts to his chaste kiss and I tell myself to calm down. I cannot make this easy for him. He needs to explain.
And then I have some explaining to do as well.
“I work at a jewelry store. It’s in Brooklyn, a great place that’s been around forever, and they take jewelry in on trade, or they bring it in to have it reset. I’m the one who assesses the stones and intricacy of the settings and declares its value,” he explains.
I raise my brows. “Well, that sounds right up your alley.”
“It is. Cash got me the interview.” He pauses, studying me. “You met Cash, right? A couple weeks ago.”
Nodding, I bite my lower lip. “I, um, met your mother, too.”
“I know.” He pushes a few stray hairs away from my forehead. “Cash told me.”
Oh, God. This was all set up through Lily and Cash and maybe even Caden’s mom. Does he know? Does he have a clue about my condition? And if he does know, is he mad at me for keeping it from him?
“Ro, I was wrong for what I did. I shouldn’t have left you like that at the hotel back in London. I should’ve stuck it out and told you how I really felt rather than write it all in a stupid letter.” His expression is pained, and a small piece of me is thankful that he regrets his actions.
Fine, a large piece of me is thankful.
“That letter almost killed me,” I murmur softly. “It gave me hope. I thought you would come to your senses and find me when you got back here. But … you didn’t.”
“I always planned on finding you,” he says, the words pouring out of him in a rush. “I only wanted to do it right. I wanted to make sure that I was established in my new job and that I was doing the right things. That I wouldn’t disappoint you. That’s the last thing I want to do. I never wanted to let you down.”
“You never let me down until you left me like a coward.” He flinches at that comment but I push on. “I would’ve accepted you as is. I did accept you. I … I fell for you while we were together in London. How I felt about you scared me, but I didn’t care. I was going for it anyway. And then … you left.”
“Stupidest thing I could’ve ever done,” he mutters, shaking his head, looking completely traumatized.
I reach up and sink my hands in his thick, soft hair. “You cut it,” I murmur.
He smiles. “Yeah. Need to look respectable.”
“I miss it.” I stroke his hair, his eyelids wavering at my touch, and all I can think about is how fast can I get him naked.
No. Don’t think like that. Make him work for this.
“I miss you.” He lets go of me and my hands fall away from him. But then he’s touching me again, his hands cupping my face, and I grip his hips, overwhelmed at the sincerity and love I see shining in his dark eyes. “I fucked up. I know I did. I’m asking for your forgiveness. I need it. I need you. I was only trying to do the right thing and in the end I drove away the only woman I could ever love.”
My heart cracks at his words and fresh tears spring to my eyes. He’s trying to make me cry buckets, I swear. “Oh, Caden …”
He gives my head a gentle shake. “I’m serious, Ro. I’m in love with you. I love you. I’ve missed you so damn much. I should’ve come and got you sooner, but my stupid pride got in the way and I wanted to be worthy of you.”
“You were always worthy of me. You just didn’t see it,” I whisper, making him smile.
“You’ve made me the luckiest man in the world. I don’t deserve you.” I open my mouth to protest, but he cuts me off by sealing his mouth over mine in a quick, firm kiss. “It’s true. But I’m not going to deny it any longer. It doesn’t matter if I deserve you or not. I love you. I want you in my life. I fucking need you in my life, Ro. I just need to know … will you have me?”
I gape at him, overwhelmed by his words, by the love shining in his eyes. His thumbs stroke across my cheeks, making my knees weak, and I reach up, curling my fingers around his wrists so I can cling to him for dear life. “I missed you. I was so mad that you left that note. That you left me. But I forgive you for it.” I swallow hard, knowing that I have something far more important to tell him than just offering my forgiveness.
His expression is one of sweet relief.
“Thank Christ,” he mutters.
Worry consumes me. What if he becomes upset at my news? What if he rejects me and our baby? I don’t know if I could ever recover from such a thing. “I love you, too,” I whisper, my throat aching. “I love you so much and … I have something I need to tell you.”
His brows lower in that way they do when he’s worried or concerned. His grip loosens on my face and his touch becomes whisper soft as his eyes search mine. “What is it?”
I press my lips together, my stomach roiling with nerves. At least it’s not nausea. I need to get this over with. Just … blurt it out. Like ripping off a Band-Aid instead of peeling it off slowly. This sort of thing is better if it’s done swiftly. Taking a deep breath, I swallow hard and say, “I’m pregnant. With your baby.”
And then I promptly burst into tears.
Chapter Twenty-seven
Caden
The confirmation that Rose is carrying my baby is almost sweeter than hearing my girl tell me that she loves me. Almost.
I don’t like that she’s crying, though. This isn’t a sad moment. This is one of joy, one to be celebrated. Somehow Rose found it in her heart to forgive me and we’re going to have a baby together. We’re going to be a family.
Holy. Shit.
“Caden?” Her sweet, slightly worried voice knocks me from my thoughts. “Did you hear me?”
“Yeah, baby. I heard you.” I catch one of her tears with my thumb, then lean in and catch another one with my lips. “Don’t cry,” I whisper against her cheek. “You’re going to have my baby. I’m the happiest man alive right now.”
Her crying kicks back into gear and I pull her into my arms, holding her close, pressing kisses against her forehead and telling her again and again how much I love her. My shirt is soaked with her tears but I don’t care. She’s in my arms. I got her back.
She’s mine.
Once Cash told me about seeing Rose, everything slowly fell into place. I didn’t rush into trying to find Rose. I made sure I knew what I wanted to tell her before I went to Cash and told him I was ready. I didn’t want to blow it. If I came after her and told her I knew she was pregnant, she’d think I wanted to be with her only because of the baby, not because I’m madly in love with her.