He’d made himself into a victim. That’s what everyone had told him, but he was only now realizing it. He’d set aside everything that had ever held his interest. He’d cleaved away the one thing he’d ever truly been passionate about like a rotten limb. The severance had left a hollow place inside of him where the painful memories echoed like hungry ghosts.
No more.
Watching Patti now, her passion bleeding through in her every move and shout of joy, Jon knew the only way to enjoy life was by living it.
He hadn’t lived life for more than five years.
Maybe his mother was right. Maybe the time for punishing himself was over. Maybe he needed to look toward the future and stop living in the past. What was it doing for him anyway, besides giving him an ulcer?
Jon made a pact with himself at that moment and there to put aside the past and make the best of it. Patti had gone out of her way to surprise him, and he appreciated the effort. Besides, it was clear to him that this was something that made her happy, and he wasn’t about to do anything that would put a damper on their date.
He’d been lucky to find someone like her. Someone who enjoyed the same things he did. To share something you love with another person, someone you welcomed spending your time with, connected with on a deeper level, was special. He wouldn’t take it for granted, and he’d be damned if he let her slip through his fingers.
It was incredibly cliché, but Patti made him want to be a better man.
***
They’d opted not to enter the burn out area where people from the stands had gathered after the races to meet the drivers and get their autographs, but that didn’t hinder her good mood in the slightest. Patti felt like she was on top of the world, her natural high making her feel giddy and light as a feather as they traveled the road toward home.
“That was amazing!” Patti thumped the wheel with her hand. “Wasn’t that so cool? I haven’t been to a race since before my dad died. I almost forgot how much I loved them.”
“Yeah, it was pretty neat,” Jon said, keeping his eyes glued to the road. Patti was too busy reliving every moment of the past two hours to notice how rigid his body was or the tight clench of his jaw. “Maybe you could slow down a bit?”
“I think my favorite was the Nitro. That Cougar stood no chance against that beast. None.” Closing in on the tail end of a minivan, Patti flicked a look over her shoulder and quickly switched lanes. “So who was your favorite? And don’t say the Volkswagen.”
“It was the Camaro, actually.” He reached over and laid his hand on the top of her thigh. “But hey, the races were over twenty minutes ago. What do you say we take it back a notch?”
Patti swung a glance at him, then down to the speedometer. “What? I’m barely going eighty.”
“That’s fifteen over the speed limit.”
An amused chuckled spilled out. “What are you, an old man now?” Honestly, she didn’t know why he was acting so uptight. Maybe he was one of those guys who thought women couldn’t, or shouldn’t be driving. Well, she had a squeaky-clean driving record and she’d gladly shove in his face.
“No,” Jon said slowly, “I just don’t see the need to rush. We have the rest of the day to spend together.”
“I know I have a bit of a lead foot,” Patti explained, trying to keep her patience. She was verging on being offended. “But I’m an excellent driver. I’ve never been in an accident, never even came close. I know how to handle myself on the road.”
Jon’s thumb traced small circles on her skin. It felt so good, giving her tingles everywhere. “I never said you weren’t. In fact, I can see that you’re a good driver, but there’s always a first time for everything.” He turned his soft blue eyes on her. “Let’s just slow down, okay?”
Patti glanced from the road to him and back again, and frowned as her mind was carried away. “Was that supposed to be a pun? Are you saying we’re moving too fast?” She mentally counted off all of their dates and, since this was only their second one, concluded that it was impossible. They’d barely spent enough time together to get to know one another let alone need to dial it down a notch.
“It’s not a pun. I’m strictly talking about the car.”
Patti felt her stubborn streak kick in. While a part of her wanted to slow down to please him, another part shouted at her not to give in to him. She’d always hated being told what to do, and although she recognized that Jon wasn’t being pushy in any way, her knee-jerk reaction to please him made her cringe. She’d spent far too much of her life catering to men, so why should she concede now?
“Why is this so important to you,” she questioned, weaving in and out of traffic. “Don’t you trust me?”
Jon’s free hand came up to grip the door handle, the only physical sign that he was bothered by her driving. “I trust you fine; I just don’t think we need to break any laws to shave a few minutes off our drive time.”
“Would you prefer if I had let you drive?” Patti’s teeth grit together. She saw a small opening in the next lane. It was rush hour and traffic was wall to wall. The space would close up in a heartbeat. While she could have waited it out in favor of something that wasn’t on the verge of qualifying as death-defying, she felt the need to prove to Jon that she possessed the skills to make that leap…and maybe she wanted to see just how much “trust” he really had in her, too.
Pressing the gas pedal, the car shot forward. The bumper came so close to the car in front of them that the hood concealed the other car’s license plate. Beside them, the cars moved at nearly the same pace, pushing forward slightly and then retreating, shrinking and widening the gap she was aiming for.
“What are you doing?” Jon’s face lined with worry.
Flipping on her blinker, Patti whipped into the next lane with barely a margin of error to account for. She sucked in a breath, feeling her heart gallop in her chest as the spike of adrenalin rushed through her veins.
“Jesus Christ!” Jon shouted. “Are you trying to get us killed?”
The proud smile Patti wore died instantly. The deep grooves of anger coupled with the dark look on his face made Patti’s stomach clench painfully. She let her foot up off the pedal. Cars zoomed by them, switching lanes as though they were going slow enough to bring traffic to a standstill. She knew how they felt. Just then, she felt like they were crawling down the highway, but the pit that had opened up in her stomach knocked the wind out of her, and she didn’t think she could keep up her normal pace even if she wanted to.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered into the pervading silence. Humiliation, bitter and strong, coated her insides. She’d never expected him to react so strong. Driving had always been her strong suit. Her dad taught her everything she knew. Now, that strength felt more like a weakness. It didn’t help that Jon’s hand had long ago left her, leaving her feeling bereft.
With one hand firmly gripping the wheel, she wrapped her arm around her waist. Impending tears burned the back of her throat and she swallowed convulsively. Stupid hormones. Sometimes it really sucked being a girl.
Jon didn’t speak right away, but when he did, he surprised her. “No, I’m sorry.” He released a long-suffering sigh and dragged his hands down his face. “It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
Patti shook her head. “No, I should have been more considerate. I might like driving fast, but that doesn’t mean everyone else does. I should have listened.”
Returning his hand to her leg, Jon squeezed. “No, really. When I say it wasn’t your fault, I mean it. It’s just me dumping my old hang-ups on you, and it won’t happen again.” Lifting his arm, he wrapped his fingers around the back of her neck and kneaded the muscles. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”
His soft voice coupled with his firm touch melted Patti’s resolve, and she leaned into him. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s really not, and like I said, it won’t happen again.”
“Okay.” Carefully shifting into the next lane
, Patti took their exit.
“Do you still want to hang out with me?”
Pulling to a stop at a red light, Patti looked over at him. Jon sat there looking sheepish as ever. She smiled, and then sighed dramatically. “Well, since I’ve already cleared my schedule, I guess I have nothing better to do.”
“Ouch. Has anyone ever told you that you’re brutal?” he joked.
“Can’t say that they have.” But they’d called her worse.
Jon blew out a breath. “What do you say to picking up a movie or something? We can go back to my place, or yours, if you prefer. I’ll even whip you up some of my world-famous spaghetti.”
“Can spaghetti be famous?” Patti grinned.
Jon winked at her. “World famous, and when I make it, it can.”
Although Patti’s head was still reeling from their sudden shift from happy to mad to happy again, she knew that she wasn’t ready to call an end to their day. Like her, she got the impression that Jon was a passionate man, which made for passionate responses. It wasn’t the end of the world that they’d had a little meeting of the minds, and aside from her father, he was the only man who’d ever taken the time to admit when he was wrong. When it came down to it, that’s what sold her. Jon had strength of character that didn’t come along often, and she wanted more time to explore what he had to offer before she wrote him off.
Stretching her arm out, she rested her hand on his thigh and rubbed it suggestively. “Then I can’t wait to taste it.”
12
Jon felt like a total ass.
After they’d hit the video store and picked up a comedy from the new releases, Patti had handed over the keys and told him to drive. After what had happened, he’d refused the offer, but she claimed that she was tired and since he knew the way back to his house better than she did, it made more sense.
He knew the real reason behind her wanting him to drive, but instead of causing another argument, he’d let it go and got behind the wheel.
Despite the obvious tension that sat between them, he had to admit it felt great to drive a car of its caliber again. He wasn’t sure how much Patti knew about cars—although considering that he’d found her underneath one when he’d gone to pick her up for their first date, he suspected she knew plenty—and he wondered if she understood just how much power she was packing under the hood.
Without a doubt, it was enough to give any one of those cars at the raceway a run for their money.
On the television, Jason Bateman hit Melissa McCarthy in the head with a Panini maker. It should have been funny, but neither one of them were laughing.
Looking over, Jon observed Patti’s stiff demeanor. An entire cushion separated them. It might as well have been an island. Her hands sat clasped in her lap, her legs pinned together at the knee. She hadn’t moved for the last hour, not even to scratch her nose.
She looked uncomfortable.
Extending his arm across the back of the couch, he twisted his body so it angled toward hers. Patti glanced over, smiled a little, and then returned to the movie.
Jon wasn’t naïve. He knew she was avoiding him, and he knew it was his fault. He’d fucked everything up. What should have been a nice day had gone down the shitter the moment he decided to open his trap and critique her driving ability.
He needed to get over himself. She couldn’t have known the reasoning behind his outburst, only that he was yelling at her, and he knew he’d hurt her. There wasn’t a good enough excuse for his behavior. It was reprehensible and he wouldn’t blame her if she walked out the door tonight and never looked back, but that was the last thing he wanted her to do.
From the moment he laid eyes on her, he knew he wanted to know her better. From the way she looked to the way she carried herself, she was nothing like any of the women he’d been keeping company with for the last several years. She breathed life into something inside of him he’d thought died long ago. She was like a ray of sunshine in his cloudy world, giving him warmth and offering hope of brighter days ahead. He wasn’t ready to let her walk out of his life just yet.
He wanted to make it up to her, but he needed to find a way to bridge the gap first, and the best way to do that was for both of them to let off a little steam.
***
Patti tried to relax and watch the movie, but she just wasn’t feeling it. Her mind was preoccupied with the fight she’d had with Jon earlier. The more she combed over it, the sadder she became. How had everything gone so wrong so fast?
Less than a month since her break-up with Kyle and already she had managed to forge a relationship and burn it to the ground. That had to be a new record somewhere.
With a mental kick, she reminded herself that if she could find some way to stop being such a hardhead, she might actually find a relationship that would stick one day. Unfortunately, she wasn’t holding out much hope for this one. As determined as she was to hold on to it a little more than an hour ago, once they reached his condo, all of her hope had dashed right out the door.
At the moment, Jon was sitting clear on the other end of the couch. Aside from asking her if she wanted something to drink, they’d popped in the movie the minute they crossed the threshold and dug into the cartons of Chinese take-out in total silence. It was like being present at a funeral with their barely formed relationship resting deader than a doornail between them.
Talk about depressing.
Every few minutes her eyes strayed to the digital clock displayed on the DVD player. She was counting down the time until she could call an end to this painful charade and go home, where she would bury her head under the blankets and sleep away as much of the last three weeks as possible.
Why couldn’t she just find a nice, good-looking man who would stick around for the long haul? Was that really asking for too much? Was it possible that her mother had snagged the last of a dying breed?
Drawing in a deep breath, Patti let it drag back out slowly. How much longer was this movie anyway? There was nothing she’d rather be doing less than sitting in total silence with someone who couldn’t even stomach looking at her while watching a movie that would normally have her rolling in hysterics, and being incapable of cracking even the smallest smile.
The evening had been a total disaster, and the more she thought about it, the sooner Patti realized that it would be best if she just ended their misery now instead of dragging it out another hour.
Gearing herself up to break the silence and announce her departure, Patti tucked a thread of hair behind her ear and shifted to face Jon, but he’d already beat her to it.
There, at the opposite end of the couch, Jon watched her with determination flashing in his heavenly blue eyes. The light from the television cast a muted glow along one side of his face, casting him in a dangerous light. It made everything about him appear dark and forbidding, and it made her blood sizzle.
“Are you still mad at me, Patricia?” His question was soft, barely audible over the calamity happening on-screen, but with her gaze locked on his perfect mouth, she’d heard every word.
Her head twisted side to side. “No, I’m not mad.” Disappointed would be more apt.
The arm he had draped over the back of the couch came down, and he held out his hand to her. “Then what are you doing all the way over there?”
On instinct, and maybe the wish to be closer to him, too, Patti slid her hand into his. With a gentle tug, Jon pulled her across the cushions and snuggled her up against his chest.
He tucked her head under his chin and his fingers wound into her hair, stroking the length of it. “There, that’s better. I didn’t like having you so far away where I couldn’t touch you.”
“Me either,” Patti confessed. The slight tickling sensation of his fingers on her scalp felt amazing. Slowly, her body began to relax and she eased into him, allowing her curves to contour to his hard frame. It was the most contact they’d had without the threat of combustion since their first date. In short, it was nice.
Toget
her, they laid there and watched the rest of the movie. Patti’s ear resting atop his heavily beating heart, and nestled in the protective circle of his arms with their legs entwined. They may have only been on two dates, but in that moment, it felt as though they’d been a couple forever.
***
Patti awoke in a darkened room in a strange bed. She jolted, her heart hammering in her chest as she tried to sit upright and found herself pinned. Looking down, she found a thick arm wrapped around her waist. It constricted, pulling her back against the long, hard line of what she knew to be Jon’s body.
She must have fallen asleep, she concluded, and he must have brought her to his bed. She tried to relax her stiff muscles.
It was impossible to manage.
Just being this close to him made her tense.
Her breathing grew shallow when she felt the hardness of his erection pressing against the crease of her buttocks.
Her insides flamed to life. Heat pooled in her belly and she felt her panties grow wet.
Her body hummed to life.
For him.
She wasn’t sure how late it was, or early. With the curtains drawn tight, no light penetrated the dark room, and save for a soft, ambient glow of a night-light coming from somewhere nearby, there was nothing to indicate whether it was day or night.
She should probably go.
But how?
Jon’s big body was everywhere, enveloping her in his quiet strength. If she moved, she’d wake him and that was the last thing she wanted to do. After what had gone down on their date, she figured that maybe it was best if they took a tiny break, put some distance between them so they could both take some time to think everything through before they found themselves in a messy breakup that neither of them wanted.