“I’m sorry.”
“There is an ice-cold bottle of water in the mini-fridge. I put it in there when I got back from dinner.”
“Can you get it for me? The room is spinning.”
“I am not your maid!”
“No, you’re my girlfriend,” he whines. “Please?”
“Fine.” I climb out of bed in lingerie that I’d packed to seduce him–it was all I had brought with me–and stomp to the refrigerator to get his damn water. After grabbing two bottles, I return to his side of the bed and twist off one of the caps. I close my eyes as I turn the bottle over on his head and begin pouring the water on him.
“Jesus Christ! What the hell are you doing?!” He doesn’t move out of the way, or move very quickly, in any case. He only turns over and pulls the blanket up over his body, but then he looks at me. I’m pretty sure it’s the only night this week he’s actually seen me in my nightclothes. “You look so sexy.” He drops the blanket and extends his arms, reaching his hands toward my body. I stick one bottle of water in each of his hands and pick up his cell phone from the night stand. Knowing his unlock code, I get into his Vimeo app and find my account, pulling up the private video I’d left for him. After pressing play, I throw the phone into his lap–apparently with good aim as he shouts in pain–and walk into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
Listening to myself on the video through the thin wall that separates us, I ponder my next move. Now I feel trapped in the bathroom. At least it’s luxurious and roomy in here. And if he needs the toilet, it’s outside of this room in a separate section, so theoretically, I could stay in here all night, if I really don’t want to face him again. I grab some towels and put them in the bottom of the garden tub, climbing in and reclining back in the basin just as I listen to the end of the video. I pick at the pink polish on my thumbnail and close my eyes, wondering if I could go to sleep like this.
He should be the one sleeping in here; not me.
I hear the water running in the sink outside. Not too long after, Trey’s electric toothbrush starts whirring. Maybe he’s so drunk he thinks I meant that I want him now. I mean, it is nearly four in the morning on Friday. I did say Friday. But surely, he’s not that stupid.
“Zai?” Tap tap tap. “Zaina, open up.”
“It’s not locked.”
He walks into the room, still wearing his swim trunks, but no shirt. His hair is dripping wet. I didn’t pour that much water onto his head. He blots his bright red cheeks dry with the ends of the towel he wears around his neck. I’m guessing he either splashed a bunch of cold water on his face and hair, or he just put his entire head under the tap.
He sits down on the edge of the tub and reaches for my hand. Reluctantly, I give it to him.
“Zaina, I am so sorry.”
“You’re not even going to remember this conversation in the morning. Save it.”
“I will, too.” He sighs in frustration. “God, I feel like a total asshole.” I nod my head at him. “Yeah,” he continues. “It’s just… the freedom of being here, you know? I’ve never taken a trip apart from my family. I’ve never been able to do whatever the hell I want, whenever I want. I kind of got carried away in that.”
“Am I supposed to read into that? That maybe you don’t want what I want?”
“No,” he says, but it’s more like a laugh. “I want it, Zai. I’ve wanted it every night, but you’ve shut me down.”
“I don’t want you to be drunk!”
“I know, I know!” he says, stopping me before I can go off on him. “I would have wanted you every night had I been sober. I just haven’t made it back to the room that way yet, and I’m sorry. But all day, every day, I’ve been thinking about being with you at night.”
“If you’d spend the day with me, I’d make sure you’d make it to bed sober.”
He smiles.
“Why don’t you want to spend time with me?”
“I do, Zai… but you’ve been mad at me every morning… you meet Max for breakfast, I find Callen, and we end up spending our days apart. Shit, Callen and I have been speculating that you and Max are fooling around–”
“Trey, aside from the fact that he’s gay, you know I’d never do that!”
“We’re just kidding! And frankly, we’ve been drunk… and protecting our egos.” His eyes make their way down my body and back up again. “Zaina, I have been in love with you for years. I want you to be my first, okay? And I want to be yours. And I want it to happen tonight.
“Let’s spend the day together. Just us. We can wake up and have breakfast, go do some activities before lunch, relax on the beach in the afternoon, have a romantic dinner together, and then… we’ll come back here.”
“You’re gonna be hungover,” I remind him.
“So maybe we relax on the beach before breakfast, and do activities after lunch… would that be okay? I just want to be with you.”
I nod my head.
“Can I help you out of the tub? I’d like to take a cold shower before I come to bed,” he says. “I need it.”
“I don’t think you can,” I tell him, doubting his ability to stand upright on his own, much less balance my weight, as well. “I’ll leave.”
“You’re welcome to stay.” He says as I stand up next to him.
“No, thanks. Not tonight.” I look directly into his bloodshot eyes.
“Can I kiss you?” I point to my cheek, and he smiles before leaning in and pressing his lips softly against my skin. “Thank you, Zai. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“I’ll probably be asleep,” I tell him, not missing the look of disappointment on his face just before I shut the door behind me.
I crawl in the bed, immediately feeling the wetness I caused by dousing my boyfriend with water. I find one of our clean beach towels and lay it over his side of the bed, pressing it into the sheet and mattress to blot up any excess liquid. Finding nothing really there, I just decide to straighten out the towel and leave it for Trey to sleep on.
I’m not asleep when he comes to bed, but I pretend to be. I don’t really have anything more to say to him tonight, and I’d rather he sleeps off the effects of his day.
An overwhelming floral scent fills my nose as I wake up. I blink my eyes open, jumping back slightly when I see the unfamiliar sight an inch in front of me. But they’re flowers. Beautiful, tropical flowers. Lacking energy, I reach lazily to pick them up and hug them into my chest, taking a few deep breaths and looking over at Trey, who’s sitting on the couch by the window.
“I love guilt flowers,” I tell him.
“Good,” he says.
“My first bouquet of them.”
“And your last, so don’t get used to them–to guilt flowers, anyway. Zai, I’ve been such an idiot this week. A monumental idiot.”
“I know, Tria, I know. You don’t have to tell me that.”
“I’m so sorry, though.” He comes to sit next to me on the bed. He smells even better than the flowers, and he looks remarkably handsome for being hungover. He’s clean shaven and showered and dressed in nice shorts and a button-down, casual shirt–not a sports-team shirt. I didn’t even think he’d brought anything else.
“How are you feeling?”
“I feel good. Surprisingly good. I went to the gym early and sweat out all the alcohol, grabbed some coffee and water, took a hot shower…”
“Bought me guilt flowers…”
“I picked those. Don’t tell anyone. They were prettier than any of the ones in the gift shop. I was willing to spend the money, but they were paltry and pale in comparison to these.”
“So, you broke the hotel rules… Trey Holland doesn't break the rules.”
“First time for everything.” He smiles at me. “And you’re worth it. Are you ever going to get out of bed today?”
“You’re anxious to start the day,” I tell him.
“Can you blame me?” The earnest look on his face makes me fall madly in love with him all ove
r again. That’s the boy I fell in love with two years ago. I feel my cheeks heat up, and I wonder if he can notice the color shift under my dark skin. When he brushes his thumb just beneath my eye, I accept that he can.
“No,” I say. “I’ll get up.”
“Can I kiss you?”
I push myself up and give him a quick peck on the cheek, wanting to brush my teeth before I kiss him like I really want to. His fingers fall down my back as I leave the bed, and I feel his eyes on me when I cross the room.
As I’m brushing my teeth, I see a box of condoms next to a new bottle of ibuprofen on the countertop. Confronted with them, I’m suddenly incredibly nervous. We’re actually going to do this tonight. Now I feel the excitement in my stomach.
With my teeth clean and my hair in a ponytail, I return to the bed and sit down next to Trey. His brows furrow in confusion. To answer his unspoken question, I put my palm against his jaw and lean up, closing my eyes when my lips touch his. He wraps his sinewy arms around me. When he holds me like this, I feel safe and warm. Pushing against him as we kiss, he lies against the pillows and I position myself on top of him.
Always a gentleman, I feel like I take more initiative than he does when we make out. It’s been that way since the beginning. He’s never wanted me to feel pressured into doing anything. It’s always been this way, and I haven’t minded up until now. I want him to be the one in control tonight. This is all new for both of us.
“Tria?” I speak his name as I try to catch my breath.
“Mmm?” he says, only wanting my lips on his. I fall back into the kiss, allowing myself to get carried away. He moves his hands to my hips and shifts his body beneath me, scooting up the bed a few inches, and a second later, I understand why. With this lingerie on, I can feel him pretty well, even though he’s got his shorts on. Now turned on and curious, and knowing I can be today, I break away from him and push myself up, making quick work of the button and zipper and sliding the garment to his knees. I timidly run the back of my fingernails over the long bulge in his underwear. He lets out a groan, but I just want to see what it will feel like tonight.
He still has his eyes closed as I settle against him again, but we both smile at the same time. “Do you think we can do it like this?” I ask him.
“I think I can do it however I want,” he says with a laugh. “I think everything will be dependent on you, Zai. You’re the one that’ll be uncomfortable.”
“Not necessarily,” I say.
He peeks at me out of his right eye and drags his right hand up my leg up to the waistband of my panties. Beneath me, he slowly grinds against me. It feels good, but I position myself to make it feel better. We’ve made out like this enough for me to know how to get off.
As my breathing starts to get more erratic, I feel Trey’s hand move past the elastic of my panties. I open my eyes to see him staring back at me.
“Can I?” he asks.
“What?” I say, still panting.
“Try something.”
He doesn’t have to explain anything more to me. I nod my head and lift off of him to give his hand more room. He touches me until I can feel the wetness, but then he removes his hand, and examines the stickiness on his fingers in front of his face.
“I want to taste you.”
“Oh,” I say to him, in moderate shock that he just said that, if what I think he’s insinuating is correct.
“Kiss me,” he says, and I’m drawn to him, a little relieved. Our kiss is deep, and sensing how amped up he is from this kiss, I’m more turned on than I’ve ever been. He continues to groan as he puts his left hand down my underwear. I’m moving as he guides me, but I feel his fingers venturing further, and I brace myself. “Zai?” he says, turning his head away. “I want to kiss you down there.”
I pause, considering his request, and he takes advantage of my hesitancy by rolling us over until he’s on top. He kisses me a few times, very sweetly.
It’s not what I want to do, but I’m caught up in the moment. “Okay, I guess.”
“Yeah?” he asks. I nod my head and claw at the shirt he’d put on, wanting him out of his clothes. Without even undoing his button-down, he pulls both of his shirts over his head. I touch his chest as he eyes my lingerie top. I push myself up to help him take it off.
His tongue outlines the underside of each of my breasts, and he presses a soft kiss on each nipple before he works his way down my body. He teases and nips over my panties for a few minutes, making me buck against his mouth and begging him for more. When he finally removes my underwear, he seems pleased with the progress he’s made.
I watch him study my anatomy, reveling in his look of fascination. My mouth falls open as he drags his tongue against my bare skin, his eyes locked on mine. As he zeroes in on my most sensitive area, I close my legs. I don’t want him down there.
He looks up at me, confused. “Zaina?”
“No.”
“No?” I shake my head. “Okay,” he says, sitting up. “What’s the matter?” His concern is genuine, and he takes my hand in his.
“That just feels weird.”
“I haven’t even done anything yet.”
“I don’t want you to. I don’t want you to kiss me there.”
“It’s supposed to feel really good. It won’t hurt, I’m sure of that.”
“I said I don’t want to do it.”
He puts both of his hands in the air, as if surrendering to me. “Then we won’t. It’s not a big deal. I was doing it for you, but if you don’t want that, we don’t have to do that.”
“Okay. Thank you.” He sits next to me, still as a board, looking around the room. “Tria? We can still do other things.”
“Help me out,” he says. “I don’t want to cross any lines.”
“You can touch me again.” I pick up his hand and press it between my legs for him, showing him that I’m certain of that.
“Oh, may I?” he asks with a seductive grin as he lies back down next to me and switches hands. “Are you more comfortable with this?”
I breathe in pants as his fingers swirl around in varying intensities. After a few minutes, I finally answer him verbally. “I don’t think I would say I’m simply comfortable. It makes me want to go farther with you. It makes me really, really want you, Tria.”
“Let me try something different,” he says, pleading to me with his eyes.
“What?”
He doesn’t speak at first, but I can guess his answer as I feel increasing pressure from one of his fingers where my body is wanting him most. “Can I try this?”
I’ve wanted him to try this for a long, long time. I’ve begged him to do it many times, but he was afraid we would cross further lines, and he was insistent on waiting until he was 18 to lose his virginity. “Of course, you may.”
He repositions himself next to me, using his left hand to stimulate my clit and the right one to explore. I’m glad, because I was on the verge of an orgasm just before he asked.
“Mmm…” I find my attention split now between pleasure and curiosity. There are brief highlights of ecstasy when he hits the right spot, but I can’t stay in the moment long enough to let it build into a climax. Instead, I’m too busy wondering what’s going on with his other hand.
“You okay?” he asks, pushing against me with his finger. It doesn’t feel like it’s going anywhere.
“Yeah.”
“Am I okay to keep going?”
“I want to come,” I admit to him.
“You don’t think you can like this?”
“No, it’s distracting.”
He slides back up on the bed and presses his lips to mine, and continues his normal, manual routine.
“Oh, Tria, that’s good.”
“I want to be inside you, Zaina. I want to feel you.”
“Oh, God…”
“I want to know what it feels like to come inside you.”
“Kiss me!” I tell him, grabbing his face and pressing my lips to his. I
moan in his mouth a few times until I can’t take it anymore. “Oh my God! Oh! Oh! Trey! Oh! Oh! Faster! Right there! Right there! Yes! Yes! Oh! Ohhhh… Oh… Yesss… Oh god... Oh, Tria… Wow.”
“Now can I try?”
“Yes.”
I wince at the discomfort as he presses harder against what seems to be an impenetrable partition my vagina has put up. My whole body jumps. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” He pushes again–further, and harder, and it hurts. “Ow…”
“Stop?” He stays still.
“Don’t go any further.”
“Okay. You’re really tense, Zai. Relax.”
“I was relaxed,” I tell him with a laugh.
“I know you were… did that feel good?”
“It was amazing.”
“Good. How, uh… how bad does it hurt right now?”
“Now? Just a little.”
“When you asked me to stop.”
“Really bad.”
“Okay.” He pulls his finger away and puts my underwear back on.
“You don’t have to stop.”
“I think we lost our opportunity for the time being. It was probably only going to get more painful at this point,” he tells me.
“Oh,” I say, nodding. “How far…?” He holds his finger up and points to a spot about half-way down his pointer finger. “Jesus, are you kidding me?”
“No. But the condoms are, uh… they’re lubricated, so it should make it easier.”
“But two inches, Trey?! You’re, like, what, four times that big?! And that doesn’t even account for your girth!”
“Come on, Zai… it’s built for babies to come out of. Trust me, it can handle my dick… stop freaking yourself out.”
“Childbirth is supposedly one of the most painful things you can experience, so I don’t really want to use that as an example. Great, so sex won’t be as painful as one of the most painful things I’ll ever experience.”
He rolls his eyes at my comeback. “We don’t have to do it at all if you’re not comfortable with this.” He sighs as he gets off the bed and puts his shorts back on. “I’ve stayed a virgin this long.”