He dropped the letter onto the counter behind him. “You sure about that? The letter is pretty clear.”
Kiera’s tongue slid across her lower lip, and she fidgeted with the tube of lipstick in her hands. “I mean, it is, but…”
“But what, Kiera? You applied to a program across the country and didn’t tell me. You got into this program and didn’t tell me.” He hadn’t expected his voice to sound so angry or get so loud, but the way she stepped back ever so slightly sent guilt coursing through him when he realized he was yelling at her. Trying to return his voice to its normal volume, he continued, “You’re leaving, and you hid it from me.”
“I wasn’t hiding anything,” she said, a pleading lilt in her tone. Her eyes downcast, she fiddled with her fingers. “But I didn’t tell you—”
Quinn tossed his arms up in the air. “Oh, because that makes so much sense? You weren’t hiding anything, but you didn’t tell me—okay, I got it,” he said sarcastically, his volume increasing again.
He couldn’t seem to stop. He was escalating things, and he knew that could be disastrous, but for the life of him, he couldn’t stop. Panic coursed through him as everything he’d felt over the last six years slammed back at one time. His mind kept replaying the moment he’d walked up to her door only to find out she’d already left without ever saying goodbye.
It was happening again, and he’d barely survived it the first time.
He couldn’t survive it again.
Kiera shook her head, her words coming out more pronounced as a fire seemed to light inside her. “Quinn, stop. I didn’t tell you because I only got the letter yesterday. I couldn’t tell you that kind of news right before your show!”
Quinn tried to slow the anxieties welling up inside him—deep breaths, slowing his heart rate back down as he focused on what she was saying. She was right about the timing—finding this out before his show last night would have destroyed what had easily been one of the best nights of his life. “So, when were you going to tell me about it?” he asked, trying to find the rational side of himself again.
Kiera shrugged, dropping her hands to her hips. “Honestly? I don’t know. Maybe never.”
“You were never going to tell me?” He blinked, his mouth falling open. A sharp pain flared in his chest at the idea of her leaving without a single word. “How can you say that, Kiera? We’re supposed to be partners—you’re my girlfriend. This is a huge thing not to tell me.”
“I know it’s huge. I mean, it’s a dream opportunity, but this is my decision. If I told you, you’d just be upset—like you are now—and try to change my mind.”
Quinn felt like she’d just slapped him across the face. She thought he’d try to stand between her and her dreams. She thought he’d talk her out of taking the fellowship just because he wanted her to stay with him. How could she think he was that selfish?
Am I that selfish?
She’d planned on never telling him. She’d planned on just leaving him in a month without saying a word. She loved him…he’d been so sure of that last night and so many nights before that. But now he wasn’t sure of anything. It had taken every bit of strength he had to open his heart to her again after losing her once. He’d been a fool, and he hated himself for it.
This time, it didn’t just feel like a rejection. It felt like betrayal and stung so much more.
Dropping his head into his hands, he pushed his fingers through his hair. Out. He needed out. He needed to stretch his legs and be anywhere other than in front of the woman he loved, being told for the second time that she didn’t feel the same way.
Storming over to the side table, he grabbed his keys. Every part of his body felt ready to explode as panic welled in his chest, his heart pounding. “I can’t do this. I need to go.”
Kiera’s eyes widened, and the panic he felt was reflected on her face. “Quinn, stop! We need to talk about this!”
“What’s there to talk about?” he said, refusing to look at her as he pulled on a jacket and headed for the door. “You just admitted you weren’t planning on doing just that. How did you think I’d feel when I came home a month from now to find you’d up and left without saying a word? AGAIN. Kiera, I can’t do this again. I can’t.” His final words caught in his throat.
“Leave you? What are you talking about?” Kiera grabbed his arm and jumped in front of him. “Can you please just stop and talk to me for a second?”
“Let go of me,” he growled, shaking her hands off his arm and grabbing the doorknob. “Why wait a month to break up with me before you go to school? Let’s just end things now.”
“Damn it, Quinn! I’m not going anywhere—I’m turning it down!” she shouted back, the sound of her foot stomping on the floor echoing throughout the apartment.
He paused, the cool metal of the knob in his hand. “You’re what?”
She huffed out a loud breath of frustration as he turned to look at her. A single tear streaked down her cheek. He wanted to wipe it away. He wanted to apologize for ever putting it there. No matter how badly he felt, he didn’t ever want to see her hurting.
Kiera took a deep breath. “I’m turning down my spot in the fellowship program. I already decided that a few minutes after I got the letter,” she explained. “It’s done. It’s decided.”
Quinn’s gaze dropped to the floor, then moved back up her body slowly as he tried to decide which of the many conflicting emotions inside him he should go with. “It’s a dream opportunity, Kiera. You said that yourself. You can’t turn it down.”
“I can, and I will on Monday. I want to.” Her hands were on his forearms, sliding up until she was holding his shoulders. “Quinn, please. Look at me.”
Panic still swirled in his gut, but he swallowed it down and lifted his eyes to hers.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she said again, softer this time. “I’m not leaving you. I’d never do that. Not now that I know what this is…what we are.” She gestured between them, stepping closer to him. “Or what we could become. I did that once before—pushing away what I felt between us for my career. That didn’t make me happy, at least nowhere near what I feel when I’m with you. This is the dream I want. Us.”
His tongue slid out across his bottom lip as the truth in her gaze resonated in his gut. She wasn’t leaving. This wasn’t six years ago. This was now.
“Tell me one thing, Kiera.” His fears still roared in his gut. “Tell me why you applied to the program in the first place.”
She let out a long sigh. “I applied almost a year ago, Quinn. I didn’t know that I’d run into you again, or that any of this would happen. At the time, it was my dream program and fellowship, but it’s very selective and I didn’t get in. I was wait-listed long before we met again. Then I got the letter yesterday that a spot had opened up, and it was mine. I was shocked, sure, but I love where I am now…and who I’m with.”
He studied her face as she spoke—how her lips twitched into a small smile when she talked about the program and her acceptance, the warmth and love when she talked about him. “Is the program better than the one you’re currently in?” he asked, probing further.
She dipped her head slightly, casting her gaze to the floor, then nodded. “Yes.”
Quietness descended over the two of them as they stood close but not touching. After a moment, Quinn circled her waist with his arms and pulled her against his chest, burying his face in her hair. He just needed to feel her, to hold her, to know she still wanted to be here with him.
She turned her head to the side just enough to face him, her arms around his waist holding on just as tight. Her lips grazed over his for a slow moment until they finally pressed together. “Quinn, I want to be with you. I don’t want to go anywhere. This is my choice.”
He said nothing, kissing her again instead. For so long, he’d been waiting for the moment their fairytale would fall apart just like it had six years ago. He thought he’d put those fears behind him, but his reaction just now had him reeli
ng to understand himself as he continued to kiss her. His entire body had locked up, his heart racing, his mind whirling…all at the thought of history repeating itself.
Quinn had spent his entire life being needed. He was the man everyone else went to when they needed help. He helped rebuild the family business when his brothers weren’t there. He stepped in to protect his family when someone tried to hurt one of them. He was needed, but he didn’t need anyone.
Until his accident. Until Kiera.
She was the only one with the power to break him.
He cupped her face in his hands, her cheeks under his palms as he kissed her. A wetness smoothed against the back of his hand, and he was surprised when he realized they weren’t her tears…they were his. He leaned away, inhaling slowly before letting it all out in one loud rush.
“You have to take the fellowship, Keeks.”
It was that simple. He wouldn’t stand between her and something she loved so much. She was an amazing physical therapist—as her former patient, he could personally attest to that. Just like she’d helped him make his art a priority, he wanted to make her career one, as well. She’d regret it if she didn’t, and if there was one thing he wanted more than anything, it was for her to never regret him.
But even more than that, he knew she wanted to. She wanted to go, and maybe not today, or even a month from now, but eventually she’d leave. She’d resent him for stopping her, and she’d go. He’d made himself a promise a long time ago—he was never going to be that man from six years ago, brokenhearted and rejected. He’d guard his heart long before he’d let her shatter it again.
It was his turn to say goodbye. His turn to walk away.
“Quinn…” she started.
“I could stand here and explain to you all the reasons why, but you already know. You know in your gut. And I would never want to change that for you, or stand in your way. Kiera, you’re an amazing doctor and I’ve seen you working—you’re so damn happy doing it. It’s who you are, and you’ve worked damn hard to get to where you are. You deserve to be in the best program. You deserve this fellowship. You have to take it, Keeks.”
A tear slid from the corner of her eye down her cheek. “But—”
“Kiera, take it,” he interrupted her, his voice becoming more firm. “I want you to take it. I want you to go.”
“You want me to go?” Her voice was so filled with sorrow, so desolate, yet so resigned to their truth. “Why can’t you come with me?”
Quinn shook his head. That was certainly out of the question. He’d never lived outside of Woodlawn—no one in his family had. They were a unit—solid and loyal. He’d never abandon them. “You know I can’t do that.”
“Why? Your family will understand,” Kiera pleaded, a desperation to her voice. She grabbed his arm, but he pulled it away. “Why can’t we move together?”
“It’s not just about my family, Kiera.” He clenched his teeth together, his gaze angled slightly up and to the right of hers. “It’s about my whole life. My studio is here and I’m starting a new career here; my job is here; my entire life has been on these streets. Everyone I love is here.”
“Not everyone,” Kiera countered. “I’m not here. I won’t be here.”
Before she had the chance to say another word, he was turning back to the door. “I said what I said, Kiera. I’m working in the studio today, so you can pack your things.”
“Quinn!” she called out as he closed the door between them.
He paused on the other side, collecting himself. Her soft cries of anguish were audible, but he did nothing. He said nothing. Nothing while he welded the beginnings of a new piece together. Nothing when Kiera came down the stairs an hour later with her suitcase in tow. Nothing when she stood and watched him, waiting for him to change his mind.
And then she was gone, and in a way, so was he.
Chapter 25
“POLICE! OPEN UP!” A loud voice came from the other side of Quinn’s apartment door, along with insistent pounding against the wood.
He quickly pushed up from his couch, where he’d been binge-watching shitty television shows all day, and rushed for the front door. “What the ever-loving fuck?”
The moment the door swung open, Quinn’s younger brother, Jimmy, stared back at him with a shit-eating grin on his face. He was actually in his NYPD uniform, but the laughter in his eyes told Quinn he wasn’t there on official business.
The two puppies cradled against his chest also seemed like an odd choice on the job.
“Scared you for a minute there, didn’t I?” Jimmy chuckled, marching right past Quinn with the puppies.
Quinn closed the door with a loud thud behind his brother. “What the hell are you doing, Jimmy? I thought the cops were about to bust down my door.”
“You got something here we’d be looking for?” Jimmy lifted one brow, his tone turning serious for half a second, before his expression dissolved into a mischievous smile again. “Just messing with you, Q.”
Quinn rolled his eyes, irritation shooting through him. “What the hell are you doing here anyway? And what’s with the dogs?”
“I think what you meant to say was ‘Hello, sweet baby brother, how lovely of you to stop by. My, those puppies are truly a wonder of nature and I just want to squish their little faces.’ ” Jimmy’s voice tried to mimic Quinn’s, but his impression wasn’t that great. “Jeez, so cranky, puppy hater.”
“I’m not a puppy hater.” Quinn exhaled in one loud huff, adding a sarcastic lilt to his tone. “But have it your way: Hello, idiot kid brother, how horrifying of you to stop by. Pass on the face-squishing offer. So, to what do I owe this travesty?”
Jimmy laughed. “How kind of you to ask.”
Quinn just grunted. He wasn’t in the mood for visitors—even family. Actually, maybe especially family. He didn’t want to explain where Kiera was or why he felt like his entire world was collapsing around him. He wanted to mope and be angry and eat shitty food and download a dating app to his phone only to delete it fifteen minutes later when he realized not a single woman on there would ever compare to the one he’d just sent out of his life.
“Well, first of all, I’ve never seen your place,” Jimmy started, apparently unfazed by Quinn’s open hostility. “Here, hold them.” Jimmy placed both puppies in Quinn’s arms.
“What?” Quinn balked, but when their squirmy, warm little bodies were curled in his arms, he couldn’t stop looking at them. One was white with a black circle around one eye, and the other dark brown with speckles of lighter brown across its coat. Both were skinnier than he thought they should be, and one had a runny nose, which made him sneeze tiny sprays of puppy snot all over Quinn’s chest. He sat on the couch and let them crawl all over him, petting them and keeping them from toppling onto the floor. “They are kind of cute,” he admitted, watching his brother walk to the kitchen, which was still in view of the couch. “But what are they doing here?”
“You tell me.” Jimmy walked over to the fridge, opening it and surveying its contents. “They were right outside the studio eating stuff off the ground around your trash can.”
“They were?” Quinn frowned, wondering how long the poor pups had been there. “Are they strays?”
Jimmy opened a can of soda and took a drink. “Looks like it. You should keep them, or at least find them some nice homes. I’m sure Rory can double-check at the clinic that they don’t have owners.”
“Why me? You’re the cop. Aren’t you supposed to save innocent victims?” Quinn pulled the white dog off the brown dog, since it looked like it was trying to hump its brother.
“I did save them—I gave them to you,” Jimmy replied, rummaging through the fridge again.
The white puppy jumped on top of the brown one again. “And why’s this one keep climbing on its brother?”
“Dogs are weird as shit, Q.” Jimmy pointed toward the white one currently trying to mount his brother. “I named that one J.D., the one on the bottom is Turk.” r />
Quinn laughed at the Scrubs reference.
Jimmy picked up the brown one and tucked him under his arm, heading toward for the kitchen. “By the way, I walked through your studio downstairs, and hoooooly shit. Quinn, you’re the real deal, man. I thought that last night when I saw how gorgeous your piece was—and how much it sold for—but damn, it just keeps getting better.”
“Thanks,” Quinn said, a little lighter than before, until he remembered he’d definitely locked the studio. “Wait, how did you even get in?”
Jimmy just shrugged like it was obvious. “Gotta think like a bad guy to catch the bad guys. I can pick any lock—try me.”
“Uh, pass.” Quinn had no doubt Jimmy knew a lot shadier shit than he actually wanted to know. The white puppy rolled over his knee in an attempt to catch its own tail.
“Your loss.” Jimmy pulled out a bag of deli meat and examined it, then fed a piece to the dog in his arm and brought a second piece over to the dog with Quinn. “The second reason I’m here is you missed Sunday dinner and didn’t answer your phone. So, obviously, Ma thinks you’re dead.”
“What? Why would she think I’m dead?” Quinn stood and brought the puppy into the kitchen. Both puppies were placed on the tile floor with several pieces of deli meat and a small bowl of water.
Jimmy laughed. “Because for what other reason would you miss her cooking?”
Quinn dropped down onto a stool at the kitchen island, watching his brother pull out the rest of the ingredients for a sandwich from Quinn’s fridge.
Jimmy kept searching through drawers and cabinets until he found everything he needed. Quinn didn’t bother to help him, since he hadn’t given him permission in the first place. “Don’t worry, I told Ma I’d do a welfare check first, but if I don’t call her in the next ten minutes, she’s sending the coroner. So, what’s the deal? What am I telling Ma?”
Quinn shrugged, watching the puppies dipping their paws into the water bowl and then falling in and shaking it off. “I’m just busy.”