Instead, she copied Jilly’'s address and composed a letter using her own account. Alice hadn’'t been planning on going to Phoenix anytime soon, but if there ever was a reason to head back down there, she supposed this was it.
A week had gone by without a return visit from Almighty Isis, and Naunie and Lucy were getting tired of waiting. Even though they were sure that her alleged psychic gift was of the charlatan variety, there was still a sense of anxiety that went along with the word “"exorcism.”" Lucy could tell that Naunie was becoming restless, so she tried to placate her by letting her throw Nola’'s washed sweaters into the dryer, take Nola’'s favorite foods out of the fridge and leave them out on the counter to spoil, and hide Nola’'s fake nurse shoes in different parts of the house. But Naunie really wasn’'t satisfied. She still begged Lucy relentlessly to let her whisper “"Duck! It’'s Marcus Welby!”" into Nola’'s ear, or write “"Marcus Welby + Nola FOREVER”" when she was feeling bored and of little supernatural worth.
But all of that wanting to create mischief came to an end one night when Nola rushed into the house after work and immediately began tidying up, arranging her National Enquirer and National Examiner magazines in a fan on the coffee table as if they were academic journals or National Geographics. She fluffed the pillows on the couch and brushed the crumbs off of Martin’'s recliner.
Then she stood up, tried to smooth the pouf in her work pants, laid what looked like a bud from a pot plant and two candles next to her magazine fan, then positioned herself on the couch and waited.
Within minutes the doorbell rang, and Nola sprang into action. She ran to the door and opened it just in time for an army of Isis disciples and their leader—--dressed in a rainbow outfit of gauze, heartily embellished with child labor embroidery and bells—--to march through the front door and begin setting their equipment up in the living room. The rest of her crew consisted of several young men dipped in tie-dye who Isis probably bought pot from, and a girl in her twenties who looked relatively normal, dressed in shorts and a plain T-shirt.
“"What’'s all this?”" Naunie questioned, her eyes a little alarmed. “"I didn’'t realize she was bringing her hippie hive.”"
“"She said she had a removal team,”" Lucy reminded her.
“"I thought she meant herself, her dream catcher, and her air freshener spray,”" Naunie said.
“"Nora,”" Isis commanded, her voice booming. She motioned toward the odd collection of people standing in the living room. “"I would like you to meet our investigation team. This is Spliff; he’'s our tech manager and will sweep the house first with our thermal camera and thermal scanner to search for cold spots and temperature fluctuations. Solstice is also a tech person, and he will handle the digital voice recorders for the EVPs. Ramses will monitor the EMF detector, and this is my protéegéee, Andrea Riner, who will be the mediator to communicate with the lost souls.”"
Naunie and Lucy just looked at each other with wide eyes.
“"I thought you said there was just one. Marcus Welby,”" Nola said.
“"Don’'t worry,”" Naunie said, tapping Lucy on the arm. “"They’'re all shysters. This is a dog and phony show.”"
“"There’'s two of them,”" Andrea mentioned blithely. “"They’'re right over there.”" And then she pointed directly at Naunie and Lucy.
“"Ah, shit,”" Naunie whispered, grabbing Lucy’'s arm. “"We’'re toast.”"
Nola ran into a corner and cowered there, covering her head.
“"Remember what Ruby said,”" Lucy whispered back. “"If we stick together and combine our energy, we can beat this.”"
“"Spirits of the dead aren’'t atomic bombs,”" Andrea said to Nola. “"There’'s no need to cover your head.”"
“"I’'m afraid Marcus Welby is going to throw something else at me!”" Nola cried. “"He nearly decapitated me with a digital picture frame! He threw it right at my neck like it was a Chinese star!”"
Andrea shook her head. “"I get the sense that these are two women. One is young, one is older. I think they’'re related,”" she continued, and then became very aware of the filthy warning look Isis was shooting at her sideways.
“"Or maybe not. It could be a man,”" Andrea quickly covered. “"A dreadful, angry man. Spiteful, with hate in his heart. He’'s raging. Beware, all.”"
“"I thought we would set up here, in the living room, and then invite our spirit friend to join our circle, and help him to the other side,”" Isis commanded, to which Nola simply nodded.
“"Will we be done by nine o’'clock?”" Nola asked. “"That’'s when Martin will be home, and I don’'t think he’'ll be too happy to see all of this set up here. Can we get the evil spirit out by then?”"
“"Completely doable,”" Isis reassured her. “"You’'ll have a clean house by then, I guarantee it. Ramses, how are the readings?”"
“"Nice and clear,”" he said, giving Isis a knowing smile. “"It all looks good, Nora. Come on out of the corner.”"
Nola, clearly still quite wary, released her grip on her skull, but remained staunchly where she was.
“"Marcus Welby is afraid of us,”" Isis informed her, and held her hand out to coax Nola out of hiding. “"He will not come out until we call for him.”"
“"We’'re almost done setting up,”" Spliff volunteered. “"We can start in about a minute.”"
“"So exciting!”" Isis cooed, clapping her hands. “"I love a good exorcism!”"
“"We’'re all set to go,”" Spliff said.
“"All right!”" Isis said, spreading her arms wide and making motions with her hands to have the team gather, including Nola.
“"Now, this is what we’'re going to do,”" she gabbled. “"Spliff and Solstice will man the thermal image recorders to see if we can catch the spirits on videotape and capture any EVPs, and Ramses will keep an eye on the EMF detector.”"
“"I don’'t know what any of that means,”" Nola admitted as she timidly moved forward. “"Is the EVP anything like EVOO?”"
Isis looked at Nola with a blank expression. “"No,”" she said plainly. “"‘'EMF’' stands for ‘'electromagnetic field’'—--that’'s a force that’'s been created by electric particles, and when we see a rise on the EMF detector, that shows us that spirits are present. EVPs are electronic voice phenomena, which are voices of the disembodied that we don’'t hear but that are recorded with our sensitive device. The thermal image camera will let us capture anything on tape that has a heat register—--including paranormal figures. Anywhere they are in the room, we can see that. They simply can’'t hide. And we also have a thermal scanner that helps us determine cold spots—--ghosts will suck energy out of the atmosphere to manifest themselves, and we can find those spots with this.”"
“"I already have a reading,”" Spliff said excitedly as he walked closer and closer to Lucy and Naunie. “"I have a cold spot!”"
“"I’'ll give you a cold spot!”" Naunie said as she took two steps and grabbed the thermal scanner, and from the glow that intensified around her, Lucy could tell Naunie was sucking every bit of energy out of it like a vampire.
“"Hey—--wait!”" Spliff said. “"It’'s flickering. What the he—--It’'s …... I can’'t believe this! It’'s dead.”"
“"I told you to put new batteries in,”" Isis scolded him.
“"These were brand-new,”" he replied. “"I just put them in this afternoon. I have an extra set, though.”"
“"Lucy, quick!”" Naunie hissed. “"Drain the batteries! Drain all of the batteries!”"
Lucy nimbly made her way to the thermal camera, which was resting on the coffee table, and grabbed it with both hands. Naunie abandoned the already dead thermal scanner and attacked the EMF detector next, determined she wouldn’'t leave as much as a spark left in it.
“"Take it easy!”" Lucy warned, still pulling from the camera. “"Your glow is getting too bright—--”"
But before Lucy could finish telling Naunie that she was taking on too much too quickly and be
ginning to manifest, Isis let out a scream and pointed.
“"A ghost! It’'s a ghost!”" she shrieked.
Now, to the seasoned spook or even a freshly dead member of the other side, Naunie’'s “"appearance”" was novice at best, if not downright amateurish. But for the living, the easily excitable and overreactive living, Naunie’'s fuzzy, light, quite transparent little cloud of an image was enough to render them completely unhinged. Scarier apparitions have swirled out of the tailpipes of cars.
“"What did I tell you, Nora?”" Isis clamored. “"It’'s him! Didn’'t I tell you? Didn’'t I?”"
“"Marcus Welby!”" Nola shrieked. “"Please don’'t hurt me! Please don’'t hurt me! Take my purse, take my wallet!”"
“"Naunie!”" Lucy called. “"Let go! Let go! They can see you!”"
“"Yes, we can see you,”" Andrea said quite calmly, adding to the confusion.
Naunie immediately recoiled from the EMF device, and within seconds began losing her charge, and thankfully started fading.
“"So you can hear me,”" Lucy asked softly, to which Andrea slowly nodded, her eyebrows raised.
Then the protéegéee held up the digital voice recorder, which had been recording all along, its tiny red light burning powerfully.
“"Shit,”" Lucy mumbled.
After Naunie had successfully frightened everyone in the living room, including Lucy as well as herself, the group took a minute to calm themselves down while Spliff loaded a new set of batteries into the thermal scanner. Nola, close to hysterics, sat in the recliner as Isis tried to tell her everything was going to be all right, and now that the entity had presented itself, it would be that much easier to get rid of it. Particularly since Isis would not get paid if the exorcism did not take place.
“"Didn’'t you see it?”" Nola insisted dramatically, as if this was her reality show. “"It had beady red eyes and flames for hair! It tried to swipe its claw at me! I heard it call my name! Didn’'t you hear it?”"
“"Of course I did!”" Isis confirmed. “"I heard it cry, ‘'Nora, Nora!’' But you see, that’'s all the more reason for us to get rid of it! You can’'t live with that in your house! We must remove it! And we must do it now!”"
“"Did you see fangs?”" Nola asked the remainder of the crew. “"I am pretty sure I saw fangs! And it had a giant spider sitting on its shoulder, like a pet!”"
“"Don’'t be afraid,”" Isis encouraged. “"Remember, we have the ghost repellant spray. It will protect you.”"
Lucy saw Ramses smirk to himself, and Andrea roll her eyes.
“"Come,”" Isis demanded of everyone. “"Come, let us gather into the circle of light so that Nora will be protected. I will release the spray, and all it reaches will be safe. You can’'t hurt us, Marcus Welby once we are in the protective circle! You are dead! You may roam this earth, but the living control it!”"
She fumbled to find her purse, and then proceeded to pollute the entire room with the unfortunate patchouli, which stunk even more pungently of a mixture of decomposing, rotting forest foliage and acrid spice when sprayed directly on the air that did not have the benefit of time to dilute it. Isis waved her arms wildly about, trying to spread the spray over everyone.
“"Will you look at her? Jesus, lady, put on a bra! Those feed bags are going to slap someone in the face!”" Naunie complained, and Lucy was about to shush her when Lucy saw the young protéegéee turn her head, cover her mouth, and giggle.
Lucy got Naunie’'s attention and pointed to Andrea. She mimicked the girl laughing, and then pointed back to Naunie. Naunie nodded. She needed a plan.
“"How are the readings?”" Isis asked.
“"The EMF detector is pretty much worthless, too,”" Solstice said, shrugging with the dead instrument in his hand.
“"Let’'s just use the thermal camera,”" Isis demanded, and pointed at it on the coffee table.
Spliff picked it up, and his face fell. “"There’'s no charge left. We could plug it in, but it would take a couple of hours before we could use it.”"
“"We don’'t have a couple of hours,”" Nola protested. “"We have to hurry. Martin will be home soon.”"
“"Let’'s join hands, then,”" Isis instructed. “"Everyone. All we have is the digital voice recorder and the thermal scanner, and they’'re useless if everything else isn’'t working. Join the circle, Nora. I want you next to me.”"
They all obliged, and within a minute, Isis’'s circle of light had been formed, with Naunie and Lucy watching from several feet away.
Isis cleared her throat and puffed up her voice. “"We are here tonight to help any souls trapped in this house to move over to where you rightfully belong; to free you from this earthly prison and release you to a plane where you can exist for all eternity,”" Isis bellowed as if she was delivering a sermon. “"Join us, spirits, in the circle of light. Let us help you in your journey so that you can cross over to the other side.”"
Isis raised her hands up, signaling the rise for everyone, nearly looking like a very overgrown version of “"London Bridge.”" Lucy had the urge to giggle, and she would have, had Naunie not nudged her in the ribs and nodded over to Isis, where behind the perfumed phony was a minuscule but growing circle of white light.
Not very far away from Isis’'s circle of light, two or three miles at best, a doorbell rang at a little brick house with a perfect little hedge that bordered the entire yard. The visitor could have knocked, but she’'d decided instead, under the circumstances, that ringing the doorbell was much more appropriate. After a minute or so, the door opened, and Jilly let Marianne in.
Inside, the chatter was plentiful but quiet, a little subdued. There were people Marianne knew, such as Warren, of course, and Marcia from the office. And there were a couple of people she had seen at some of Jilly and Warren’'s barbecues that she didn’'t know all that well, such as the neighbors. Then there were other people she had never met but had heard about in stories told again and again by Jilly and Lucy—--friends of theirs from years and years before. People they knew from dental school, from previous jobs, some from the bar, and each time she met someone she didn’'t know, the question was always the same: “"She was great, wasn’'t she? Just the sweetest thing. How did you know her? I knew her from when she was this big!”"
Marianne had just gotten a glass of wine when Jilly stood up in front of the room and tapped her wineglass with a spoon.
“"Thank you so much for coming,”" she began. “"As you know, I’'ve asked you all here to help me give honor to a wonderful friend with a loving personality, and a heart that was so very brave and strong. I know we’'ll all miss her, and feel like we were lucky we knew her, even if we might not have seen her for a while. So please join me in celebrating the life and beauty of Tulip, who we will all truly miss, and hope that wherever she is, she’'s getting a good belly rub and a nice, meaty bone.”"
Jilly raised her glass. “"To dear Tulip,”" she said.
“"To dear Tulip,”" the guests repeated.
And then Jilly moved aside, and behind her on a table was a framed picture of Tulip as a puppy, sitting on Lucy’'s lap, her long tongue mid-kiss, right at the bottom of Lucy’'s lower lip. On a stand was Tulip’'s red collar and matching leash, well worn, with her smell still on them. Below that was her water bowl and dish, her favorite ball, and a bag of biscuits, the kind that Jilly remembered Lucy used to buy for her. Jilly had gone to the pet supply store and bought her more, throwing the generic ones away. Tulip had been too good, everyone would agree, for generic biscuits. Marianne was standing at the table looking at Tulip’'s things, when she heard someone ask Jilly if she had heard from Lucy recently.
Jilly shook her head and said “"No.”"
“"She’'ll be back,”" someone else said confidently. “"You know Lucy. When you least expect her, she’'ll pop up again.”"
“"Yeah, maybe she’'s living on some tropical island with no phone and no stress,”" a girl Marianne didn’'t recognize said.
r /> “"You said she loved Hawaii,”" the guy next to her said. “"I bet she hopped the next plane back there.”"
“"Maybe she met some rich and wealthy old count and is sailing around the world on a yacht,”" the man behind him said. “"And being attended to by servants.”"
“"Maybe,”" Jilly said with a slight smile.
“"Don’'t you miss her?”" the girl asked.
“"Very much,”" Jilly said, same smile still intact.
“"I loved her laugh,”" someone from the back of the group added. “"No one had a laugh like Lucy. It was as contagious as the flu.”"
“"She was hilarious,”" a girl with red hair said. “"Do you remember that party where she hid—--”"
“"In the bathtub to get away from that guy who had that enormous crush on her and wouldn’'t leave her alone?”" someone else finished. “"She finally fell asleep in there!”"
“"We didn’'t find her till the next morning,”" the girl added. “"And her back was messed up for weeks!”"
“"Well,”" a guy in a plaid shirt chimed in, “"you couldn’'t exactly count on Lucy, but you always knew you’'d have fun with her. But she’'d surprise you. She once loaned me rent money and was late paying her own because of it.”"
“"She drove me all the way to Tucson when my car broke down and I had to be down there to play a show with my band,”" another guy with longish hair said. “"But then she hooked up with the guitarist from the band we opened for and went on tour with them for five months!”"
“"That is classic Lucy,”" a girl with a blond ponytail reminded them.
“"On our vacation to Hawaii, she wouldn’'t let me go to this guy’'s room alone,”" Marianne added. “"And it was a good thing, because I’'m pretty sure he was a creep.”"
“"In the end, she’'d come through. Well, sometimes!”" The man in the plaid shirt laughed. “"But really, Lucy was a great friend.”"
“"Lucy was. She really was,”" Marianne agreed.
“"To Lucy!”" the guy in the plaid shirt said, and raised his beer.
“"To Lucy!”" everyone chimed in, and cheered to her.