“Honey, I’m sorry, I don’t know. I’ve told you everything I know. They have your details now and they’ll contact you directly, I imagine, going forward. I’m just glad they called me in the first instance so I could break it to you instead of some stranger telling you on the phone.”
I gave him a grateful smile and got to my feet. “Yes, me too. Thank you. I really appreciate your support. Right, I’d better get going—Nadia’s waiting for me.” I was just using the fact to get out of his office, if I were honest with myself. Given what I’d just discovered, the last thing on my mind was my potential budding romance. The insane lust I’d felt just twenty minutes ago had evaporated into nothing. All I wanted was to get back to my apartment, lock the door and sob into my pillow. It was silly, I knew, given that the evil bastard hadn’t actually seen his plan through to the end, but somehow I still felt violated.
I also felt guilt. Guilt that other women had become victims of his vile sexual depravity and I’d escaped it. Guilt that I was grateful he hadn’t succeeded with me as he had with them.
By now I was almost at the door.
“Virginia, sweetie?”
I paused, hoping that the smile fixed on my face would remain at least until I was alone. Turning to face him, I replied, “Yes, Austin?”
“I owe you an apology. For that night and what happened afterward. I got it wrong, thought you’d been irresponsible. But it was all down to that…that…bastard. Sorry, but that’s mild compared to how I really feel about him.” He grimaced. “I am truly sorry, honey, and I hope you’ll forgive me for doubting you. Needless to say, you’re no longer on probation. Please continue as you were before this whole thing started.”
I frowned. “You have nothing to apologize for. Even I thought I’d had too much to drink and made an idiot of myself, so I definitely can’t blame anyone else for thinking it. The fault lies entirely with him.What’s his name, by the way?” For some reason I wanted to know the name of the disgusting human being who had tried to ruin my life.
“Chase. Chase Hartsock.” Austin didn’t look pleased about divulging the information but he knew he had no right to withhold it, and besides I’d find out soon enough. It was bound to be on the news. And the police would be calling me for more information, probably an official statement too. “I still feel bad, though, about what happened. Since you’ve been here you’ve been such a good team player, a good person, that I was shocked when it happened, but my eyes—and those of others around—didn’t lie. So please just accept my apologies. I’ll feel marginally better if you do.”
This time my smile was real. I held no grudge against the man—he’d been nothing but good to me. Crossing the room again, I leaned down and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Apology accepted. Please don’t worry about it anymore. We’re good, okay?”
He nodded. “Thank you. Now off you go. I don’t want to hold you up any further. But don’t forget, sweetie, that if you need to talk to me, or need my help in any other way, please come to me. And if you need to schedule a session—or several—with the academy psychiatrist, then you have my absolute blessing. In fact, if that’s what you want, I encourage it. I want you to be okay.”
“Thanks, Austin, but I’ll be fine. I just need to get over the initial shock but I’ll be fine.”
He shrugged. “Okay. But remember what I said.”
“I will, thanks.” With that I turned again and this time made it out of the door. I closed it behind me, then dashed down the corridor and repeatedly slammed the button for the elevator, as though that would make it arrive faster. I needed to get home immediately. I could go and lock myself in a toilet cubicle, of course, but sooner or later I’d be discovered. And I didn’t want to be—I didn’t want anyone. What I wanted was to cry and scream and shout. Alone.
Finally the car arrived and I sprang in and repeated the process with the button for the ground floor, once again thankful that the place was so empty. I hadn’t cracked yet but I was on the very edge. It wouldn’t take much to make me burst into tears and I was sure I looked an utter sight.
Once I hit the ground floor I strode out and along the corridor, back toward the women’s changing rooms. Obviously I wanted to get straight out of the place but I needed my car keys. I could walk home—run, even—but leaving my car in the lot would make people think I was still at the academy and cause all kinds of confusion when it came to nighttime. Even Los Carlos Academy slept, for a few hours at least.
Heat prickled at my tear ducts as I made my way toward the changing rooms. I didn’t dare to blink as I pushed open the door, got to my locker, retrieved my keys and bag and left again. I kept my eyes wide open as I headed for the exit and emerged into the car park. My vision started to blur as I approached my car, and I momentarily closed my eyes. Fortunately the tears were still hanging on by a thread, and I prayed that would be the case until I got inside my apartment and locked the door.
Taking deep breaths, I unlocked the car and dumped my bag on the passenger seat as I climbed in. Then I started the engine, pulled on my seat belt and drove out of the lot as carefully as possible.
The journey home was a blur. It was nothing to do with my eyes, more the fact that my brain was swimming—drowning, actually—in the information I had just been given. Someone had planned to rape me. Chase Hartsock had planned to rape me. Just because he hadn’t succeeded didn’t mean he wasn’t evil, didn’t mean he didn’t deserve to be punished. For now, though, I just had to process the information, deal with it the best way I knew how and get on with my life. I couldn’t sit around moping about it, because that way he’d won, in my opinion. No, I was going to have my little meltdown as soon as I got home, then I was going to get right back to normal.
If I was needed in the investigation in any way, obviously I’d be there. In the meantime, though, I’d throw myself into my career. Perhaps get in touch with some rape or women’s charities and raise awareness of date-rape drugs. Provide support to women who had been affected by them. I’d turn what he’d done into something good if it killed me.
There was no way in hell I was letting that fucker affect my life any more than he had already. No fucking way.
After what felt like hours but was actually less than ten minutes, I arrived home. I motored into the underground car park, put my car in its space and took the elevator up to my floor. I saw a couple of other residents and exchanged smiles and greetings but mercifully no one was feeling particularly chatty.
Jogging up the corridor, I already had the key in my hand, and slotted it right into the hole as I got there. I stepped through the door and closed it carefully behind me, locked it, tossed the keys into the bowl I kept on the sideboard, dropped my bag where I stood and headed straight for my bedroom.
Once there, I stripped down to my underwear and climbed under the duvet, pulled it up over my head and let go. The prickling heat in my tear ducts turned into fire, and before long hot tears poured down my face. Silent at first, I let the grief overtake me, let myself sink into it until the sobs came, growing more forceful by the second. There was nothing but the pain, the guilt, the shock, the anger. I let them roam free, knowing that once I’d poured out all my grief I’d feel better. Much better than if I’d kept it bottled up.
I’d wallow for the rest of the day, eat junk food, watch crap TV, have a bath, drink wine. The same sort of things you’d do after a bad breakup. Except this was worse than a breakup. So much fucking worse.
Chapter Nine
My tears were still mid-torrent when I heard a knock at my apartment door.
Fuck! Really? I’ve been here months and no one has darkened my doorstep. Why now?
I ignored it, hoping whoever it was would go away. It had to be someone from the academy, because I didn’t know anyone else in the area. And given that so many of them were away on vacation, that narrowed the choices down considerably. Austin, Mitchell, Nadia and a handful of others.
Sighing, I came to the conclusion that it had to be Nadi
a. I’d left Austin’s office looking okay—or so I thought. He had no reason to come to my apartment. And I didn’t think Mitchell even knew where I lived. I certainly didn’t know where he lived. Nadia had been waiting for me in the cafeteria, to the best of my knowledge, so when I hadn’t reappeared she’d probably gone looking for me, spoken to Austin and found out he’d sent me home.
I wondered whether he’d told her why I’d been sent home. She had been involved, after all. Or would he have decided it was my story to tell, if I wanted to tell it?
Another knock came, louder and more frantic this time. “Virginia, I know you’re in there.” Nadia’s voice.
How? How did she know I was in there?
“I saw you zooming out of the parking lot at one hundred miles an hour. I followed you here and your car is in your slot. It doesn’t take a genius.”
Oh bollocks. So she hadn’t spoken to Austin, then?
“Virginia! Let me in. What the hell is going on?” She paused. “Is it me?”
Shit. Given that she had no idea what Austin had just told me, she’d presumed that my disappearance had something to do with her. Or more accurately what we’d just done.
Wiping my eyes, I stumbled hastily out of bed. I couldn’t let her get the wrong idea—it wasn’t fair. Not to mention the fact that tomorrow I’d be okay. I’d wake up in the morning feeling better, having gotten the shock out of my system. Everything would be back to normal and I’d be eager to pick up where Nadia and I had left off. I wasn’t going to let that go down the toilet just because of some scumbag.
“Hang on!” I called, hoping she’d hear me. Then I scrambled for the clothes I’d discarded even though part of me wondered why I was bothering. The woman had seen me naked—touched me, for heaven’s sake.
Once I’d put on some clothes, I headed for the door, scraping my hands through my hair. I must have looked an utter fright but there wasn’t really anything I could do about it. Not unless I made her wait outside the door for fifteen minutes while I did my hair and makeup. Ugh. I’d just have to let her see me in a state and hope it didn’t scare her off for good.
Brushing the backs of my hands over my eyes again, I took a deep breath and opened the door. I immediately stood back to let Nadia in then closed the door behind her.
“Shit,” she said, after taking one look at me. “What the hell happened? Did Austin kick you out or something? He can’t have done!”
The sight of her, and her concern, set me off crying for the umpteenth time. I walked over to the sofa and flopped down onto it. Joining me, Nadia exclaimed, “Son of a bitch! He didn’t, did he? I’m gonna go back there, gonna tell him he’s got it all wrong, that you’re brilliant, that your talent shouldn’t be wasted, that he’ll regret it—”
She stopped when I clapped a hand over her mouth. I couldn’t think of what to say to stop her, and even if I could, I couldn’t have voiced the words over my sobs. Satisfied she’d shut up for now, I moved my hand away and sucked in a shaky breath, hoping I could hold it together for long enough to explain to her.
“He hasn’t kicked me out. It’s nothing to do with Austin. And it’s definitely nothing to do with you.” I squeezed her hand and gave a small smile. “It’s something Austin told me. Now please will you hear me out without interrupting? As you’ve probably guessed I’m having a bit of a hard time here.”
Squeezing back, she gave me an encouraging smile. “Yeah, go for it. I won’t say a word.”
Closing my eyes for a second, I tried my best to get a grip. It was bad enough that this thing had happened, never mind having to repeat the story, but Nadia deserved to know. Even before what had happened earlier she’d been my friend, and if it hadn’t been for her and Mitchell…well, I didn’t even want to think about it.
“Okay…” My tone sounded surer than I’d thought it would be and I took strength from that and plunged into telling the story before my nerve failed me.
I avoided looking at Nadia as I spoke, knowing that her facial expressions—her shock, her dismay, her pity—would put me off. And probably set me off crying again too. So I stared intently at my hands the entire time, looking up and meeting her gaze only when I was done.
What I saw in her eyes, in her expression, was absolutely not what I had been expecting. She looked furious.
“Can I speak now?”
I nodded.
“That bastard! Words don’t even describe… It’s bad enough what he did to you, or tried to do, but the fact he’s actually succeeded with other women… It makes me sick. He makes me sick. He needs castrating.”
“Tell me something I don’t know. I feel sick, Nadia. When Austin told me I managed to hold it together for the most part. When we were done talking I just wanted to come back here and be alone. I’m sorry I left you in the cafeteria, I just…”
“Hey.” She slipped her arm around my back and pulled me close. “You have nothing to apologize for. I understand, honey. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Your face as you drove off… I could tell there was something wrong. Really wrong. I get why you wanted to be alone too. You want me to leave? I don’t wanna go, don’t wanna leave you, but if that’s what you want, I will.”
I shook my head then leaned it on her shoulder. “No. Stay, please. Ask me any questions about it that you want, then can we please change the subject?”
She dropped a kiss onto my hair. “Of course I’ll stay. But I don’t have any questions. Except for one. Are you gonna be all right? Is there anything I can do? Balls, that was two. Sorry.”
In spite of my mood I let out a giggle. Lifted my head and looked at her. “I’ll be all right, I promise. It’s just shock that sent me into meltdown. And the thought of what could have happened. And guilt that it happened to other women and I was lucky. The plan was to wallow today, to let the tears fall, the anger come out, whatever. Then tomorrow I’d get on with my life. He doesn’t deserve to affect me any more than that. He doesn’t deserve to affect me at all but I can’t help it…”
“Oh honey. I don’t know what else to say.” She stroked my hair. The gentle affection forced a lump into my throat but I swallowed hard and managed to get rid of it.
“There’s nothing you can say. Just stay with me. That’s what you can do—you can stay with me today. Call Austin, tell him where you are. He won’t be mad.”
She shrugged. “I don’t care if he is. You need me, so I’m here.” Retrieving her phone from her pocket, she placed the call.
I stood and headed to the kitchen area, put some water in the kettle and switched it on. Then I set about making two cups of milky, sugary tea. It was British to the extreme, I knew, but I didn’t care. Anything that would make me feel better was appreciated.
By the time I returned to the sofa with the tea, Nadia had finished her call. She smiled gratefully as I handed her the mug. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. What did he say?”
“He said he was glad that you weren’t alone and that I was to stay as long as you needed me and not worry about training.”
I raised an eyebrow. “That was nice of him. He’d better hope I don’t need you for the next six months.”
She grinned. “My tennis would suffer, sure, but hey, who cares?”
I nudged her playfully. “I care. About both of us. But like I said, today is all that bastard is getting. Then tomorrow I’m back in that academy, back on that court, with a vengeance.”
“I both love and hate the sound of that.”
“What do you mean?”
“I love it because I don’t want you to let him get to you either. And I hate it because you with a vengeance, with fire in your belly, are a contender who’s capable of whupping my ass.”
I laughed. “Worried about your reputation, Gorlando?”
“Nah. Just wondering if it’s too late to switch to playing doubles. Be my partner?”
We laughed together and I suddenly realized just how glad I was that she was there. Sure, my plan of hiding u
nder the covers would have worked out just fine but this was better. Way better. Somehow she’d assessed my feelings perfectly and was acting accordingly. She wasn’t telling me to buck up and get over it, nor was she allowing me to drown in a tub of ice cream or a bottle of wine. Together we’d found a nice balance, and the fact that she was there for me even when I hadn’t known I’d needed her gave me hope for the future. Our future.
“Hey,” I said when our mirth had dissipated. “One more thing before we change the subject.”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
“Thank you?”
“Yes. For being here, for running after me. I thought I didn’t need anyone. Perhaps I thought I didn’t have anyone. But you proved me wrong on both counts. So thank you.”
Reaching out, she stroked my hair again. Then, grabbing a handful, she tugged it lightly before cradling my head and pulling me close. “No problem.” Her voice was quiet, husky. “It’s my pleasure.” She paused and I felt sure she was going to kiss me. I hoped she would. Instead she spoke again. “Earlier, when I said this wasn’t just about sex for me, I meant it. I’ve liked you for ages, V. I liked you as a person almost as soon as I met you. But the more time we spent together, the more those feelings grew beyond friendship. I had no idea whether you were into women, though, so I kept quiet. As time went on I got some hints about your sexuality but I still couldn’t be sure. What happened earlier… I took a gamble. I didn’t know whether it would pay off, but I’m glad it did. What we did was amazing and I’d very much like for it to happen again, but on a more regular, exclusive basis.”
“Nadia, what are you saying? I thought you Americans were meant to be direct.”
She laughed, pulled me even closer and kissed me, quickly, chastely, then moved away again. “How’s that for direct? I’m saying I want you to be my girlfriend, I guess. Mine alone. And to be yours alone.”
“Uh, well, there’s no one else for me, but okay. Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend. Though I have to ask, are we going public?”