And how do you suppose you can do that?
By keeping you naked and satisfied for the rest of the day and long into the night?
Crossing my legs, I squeeze my thighs together, trying to stave off the need his words light within me.
“I have to go,” I say to Rose and Lily, sounding wooden. Like a robot. I’ve completely disengaged from my sisters. All I can think about is Ryder. Being alone with him. Touching him. Stripping him naked and running my lips all over his skin. Sucking one of those nipple rings into my mouth.
Oh, God. My panties dampen at the image.
“Where are you going?” Rose asks.
“A, uh, work emergency has come up. Some sort of color issue for the new line.” The lie comes easily and I’m almost ashamed of it.
Rose studies me, trying to figure out if I’m telling the truth or not. I never lie about stuff like this. But there are a lot of things I never did before, until I became involved with Ryder.
“You didn’t even get to eat.” Lily pushes the plate of sautéed shrimp toward me. “Have a couple before you leave.”
I grab one and pop it into my mouth, chewing quickly before I swallow. Great. Now I’ll have weird shrimp garlic breath when I see Ryder. I need some gum. Or to make time to brush my teeth before we see each other.
Crap. I’m getting ahead of myself. I never even responded to him. And when I check my phone, I see he kept on texting me.
Violet?
Can you get away from your sisters soon?
I can understand if you don’t want to see me.
I fucked up.
I’m sorry.
I stare at the five messages he left me in the time span of about three minutes, and the rush of happiness that threatens to take over me is ridiculous. Those texts make me think he cares.
Foolish. But true.
Meet me at my place in an hour? I say in response.
He waits a few beats before he replies.
I’ll be there.
“I gotta go,” I repeat, grabbing my purse and slinging it over my shoulder. I ignore my sisters’ protests, ignore everything but my intent on getting out of here and catching a cab back to my building.
I feel like I’m walking in a fog as I make my way through the crowded restaurant, my gaze focused on the front doors. They’re so far away it’ll be an eternity before I make it there and when I feel fingers close around the crook of my elbow, I turn, ready to tell Rose or Lily to let me go.
But it’s not one of my sisters holding me back.
It’s Zachary.
“Violet.” He says my name in this quiet, downright reverent voice, as if he can’t believe I’m standing in front of him. I stand up straighter, pissed that I’m dressed so casually in my favorite workout T-shirt and yoga pants. I came straight from the gym to this brunch/lunch date with Rose and Lily, not really caring what I looked like. Still in a funk over Friday night, which was so stupid.
Though maybe my sadness wasn’t in vain after all.
“Let go of me,” I murmur, and Zachary immediately drops hold of my arm but he doesn’t move out of my way. “I’m leaving.”
“I can see that.” He steps to the side and I start walking, irritated when he falls in beside me. “What a coincidence that I find you here.”
“I’m sure.” I refuse to look him in the eye. He’s dressed in crisp khaki pants and a white cotton button-down shirt, effortless and handsome as always. A few weeks ago I would have stood beside him, wearing one of my more casual dresses, not a hair out of place.
I’m not even wearing makeup today. My sisters weren’t either. If Grandma caught us looking like that while out in public, she’d flip.
“Are you really going to let it end like this?” he asks after I push open the double doors with a hard shove, Zachary keeping pace right next to me.
“Like what?” I turn on him, not caring that we’re going to fight out in public in front of a popular Manhattan restaurant. I’m over it. Over keeping up the pretense of this falsely perfect life. “Me knowing that you’re a cheating bastard? Finding out that you went after that promotion behind my back? That you don’t really care about me at all? If so, then yes. That’s exactly how we’re going to end this.”
He takes a step toward me, his expression downright menacing. I won’t back down, though. I refuse to. “You never protested.”
I frown. “What?”
“You never protested when I was out fucking around. Ever. After awhile I was trying to get caught in the hopes that I would get some sort of reaction out of you, but still … nothing.” He throws his arms up in the air, frustration in his every move. “All I wanted was for you to care, Violet.”
Oh. My. God. He’s blaming me for his infidelities. I can’t believe it. “Are you serious? Turning this around so your cheating is somehow my fault because I wouldn’t react?”
“If you would’ve put your foot down, I would’ve stopped,” he says simply.
Hate and rage rise within me, an ugly mixture I don’t want to deal with. Too late. It’s filling my veins, my every pore, climbing up my throat like bile until I can’t hold it back any longer. “Fuck you, Zachary. Fuck you and all your whores. I hope you rot in hell.”
I start to leave, but his chilling words stop me.
“He’s using you too, you know.” At my frown of confusion he helps me out by saying, “McKay. Don’t you think it’s strange how all of a sudden he takes an interest in you? And Pilar takes an interest in me? If you don’t suspect those two are up to something then you’re dumber than I thought.”
“Fuck you,” I spit out again, his words proving just what Zachary thought of me.
I hate him.
Turning away from him, I make my escape, my head bent, my stride fast. I need to get out of here. Find a taxi and get back home so I can prepare for Ryder. What Zachary said repeats in my head again and again. Words I wish I could forget but I can’t.
If you don’t suspect those two are up to something …
No. He can’t be. Ryder wants me. He missed me. Regrets how he treated me. When he looks at me, touches me, kisses me … I know he means it. He. Wants. Me.
I stop and look out at the street, watching the taxis go by. Rushing to the curb, I hold up my hand and wave, flagging one of them down so that he pulls over to the curb with a squeal. I open the back door, sliding inside so I can collapse against the torn vinyl seat. I offer him my address and close my eyes, hating all the ugly noise carrying on in my head.
The tears that sting my eyes make me angry and I swipe at them with the back of my hand, furious at the weak show of emotion.
They aren’t tears over the loss of Zachary. They aren’t tears over the confusion with Ryder, either.
They’re sad little tears just for me.
Chapter Twenty
Ryder
I’m just about to leave when a key sounds in the deadbolt on my front door and the door swings open, revealing Pilar standing there, dressed to kill in a slinky black dress on a sunny spring Sunday afternoon. She looks like she’s on her way to a funeral.
Mine, most likely.
I regret not putting the security chain up. I regret more not leaving five minutes earlier. My biggest regret, though? That I gave that bitch a key to my apartment.
“Look at you, freshly showered and eager to leave.” She shuts the door behind her and glides into my living room like she hasn’t a care in the world, the smile on her face falsely bright and cheery. “Where are you off to?”
“Nowhere special.” I can’t tell her where I’m going. Where I’ve wanted to be since I left Violet alone Friday night. The regret that seized me from the moment I fled Violet’s apartment has held me paralyzed all weekend.
Now that I finally get my chance, my biggest obstacle comes over like she has some sort of sixth sense. She gets off on screwing me over.
“Well, you look delicious.” She pats my chest, her fingers curling, clinging to the fabric of my shirt, and I s
tep back from her touch. A little pout crosses her lips and I’m tempted to tell her that look doesn’t work any longer. She’s too old for that shit.
But I don’t want to start a fight, so I let it pass.
“Did you need something? Because if it can wait …” My voice drifts and she sends me a pointed look, one that says she has her suspicions and she doesn’t care if I want to get out of here in a hurry or not. She’s going to get around to telling me what she wants whenever she feels like saying it.
“It can’t wait. And I do need something.” The façade drops, revealing just how irritated she really is with me. Her face morphs into a grimace. “You need to end it with Violet.”
If she’d come here yesterday, I could have told her I already had. At that precise moment I would have believed every word I said, too.
But now … I don’t want to end it.
“Says who?” I ask.
“Says me.” She taps my shoulder as she walks by and goes to sit on my couch, making herself at home, which irritates me further. “Come sit by me. Let’s cuddle like old times.”
Cuddle. The word makes me want to puke. “Why aren’t you with Lawrence? Isn’t he leaving soon? Go cuddle with him.” I wish he’d leave tomorrow. Tonight.
“I’m over him.” She waves a hand and rolls her eyes. “He’s still stuck on Violet. I can’t stand listening to him drone on and on about her, so I dumped him.”
Jesus. “What do you mean he’s still stuck on her?”
“He’s madly in love with her, Ryder. They were together for two years. That’s a lot of time to invest in someone, you know. And I do know, considering how long we’ve been together,” she says pointedly.
“We’re not together,” I remind her. And neither are Lawrence and Violet. I need to cling to that. Fuck, I need to get to Violet’s apartment and make her forget Zachary Lawrence was ever even in her life.
“We will always be together, darling. No matter how much you try and deny it, my claws are so deep in you, you will never be able to escape me.” She pats the empty space beside her on the couch. “Sit down.”
“No,” I bite out, crossing my arms in front of my chest. “I want you to go.”
“I’m not leaving until you really talk to me. I don’t want to fight.” She settles even deeper into the couch, looking quite pleased with herself. “Now come here and sit.”
“I’m not your fucking dog, Pilar.”
She lets out an irritated sound and cocks her head, contemplating me. “No, not a dog. But have you forgotten what you used to be, Ryder? Reckless. A drug addict. A drug dealer. Homeless.” She ticks off each item from my painful past like a shopping list. “You were nothing until I took you in. And in thanks, you fucked me relentlessly for providing you with a roof over your head and food in your belly.”
Hatred fills me, making my blood boil. I don’t say a word, and that just makes her angrier.
She stands, her expression full of fury. “How easily you forget everything I did for you. I cleaned you up. I made you respectable. I got you your start in this business and gave you money. I made you.”
“Trust me, I know. You won’t ever let me forget it, either.” I thrust my hands in my hair in frustration. “It’s been years, Pilar. You know we’ve grown apart. Hell, most of the time we go our separate ways. You’ll always have a special place in my heart, but what we once shared is over.” We stare each other down as we stand on either side of the coffee table, our bodies stiff, our gazes never wavering.
“This one last thing is all I ask from you,” she says quietly. “End it with Violet. Do what you’re supposed to do. Break her, Ryder. Break her so hard she shatters into a million little pieces, and there will be no one left to put her back together again.”
The thought of doing that to Violet makes me sick to my stomach. “She has her sisters,” I point out. “Her father.”
“Not her father,” she says quickly. “And those selfish sisters of hers will pretend to be there for her in her time of need. But then they’ll carry on with their lives in their usual vapid ways.”
I remain silent, which makes Pilar crazy.
“We agreed,” she reminds me, her voice cold, her eyes narrowed as she points her index finger at me. “You said you wanted to ruin her. Seduce her and ruin her. Remember that night? When we talked about how much fun it would be? How we could have whatever we wanted if we got Zachary and Violet out of our way? Well, I did my part. Now it’s your turn to hold up your end of the bargain.”
“What did you do to get rid of Lawrence? He was already gone before you stepped in. And I thought you were going to get me his promotion.” I grip the back of my head with both hands, sick that we’re talking about this, that I still have to deal with this, with her.
I don’t know if I want that London position if it’s going to cost me Violet. I don’t want to hurt her. Break her into a million little pieces. If I’m the one to blame for her downfall, I definitely won’t get on Forrest Fowler’s good side.
The man will hate me. Is that Pilar’s true plan? Does she want to get rid of … all of us?
“He’s going to London, but it won’t last. He’ll come back. Trust me. I’ve already put the proper bug in someone’s ear. You’re going to get a chance at that job too. Just you wait.” Pilar smiles, looking quite pleased with herself.
Who is she talking to if not Lawrence? I don’t get it. I don’t understand how she’s able to make these promises when she has nothing to do with them.
Unless there’s someone else she’s sweet-talking, someone on the executive board, maybe?
“I won’t ruin Violet until I have the guarantee that I’m getting that position,” I tell Pilar, my voice tight. I’m trying to rein in my anger, but it’s so fucking hard. I drop my arms to my sides, my hands clenched into fists, not that I want to take out Pilar or anything.
More like I want to take out myself. I have no one else to blame for how I ended up here.
“You’ll do it now. It’s the only way I can ensure you’ll get what you want at Fleur,” Pilar tells me. “It’s time, Ryder. Time to put your plan into action and destroy Violet completely.”
What if I don’t want to? What if I changed my mind? I can’t imagine ruining Violet. I … I fucking like her. I want to get to know her better.
Deep down inside, I want to make her mine.
“If you don’t do it, I’ll go to Violet and tell her everything you said, every last little detail, including our plans for them.” Her smile is smug. “I’ll tell her all your little secrets, too. How you used to eat scraps of food out of the Dumpsters behind restaurants. How I brought you home, cleaned you up, and you became my personal fuck toy. How you used to sell drugs. I’ll tell Forrest about you, too. If you won’t ruin her, I’ll ruin you.”
Defeat settles over me, heavy and cold. My shoulders sag. She’s the one woman who saved me. And now she holds all the power. She’s turned into the one woman who will destroy me.
“It’s your choice,” she finishes with a gleeful smile.
None of this was ever my choice. Not that she’d agree. Not that I can argue, either. I rest my hands on my hips and hang my head, my mind racing to come up with an alternative. Anything so I won’t have to do this.
I feel weak and I never do. I’m always in control. No matter what shit life threw at me, I always fought back.
For once in my life, I’m utterly defeated.
“Now let’s seal the deal. Come here and give me a kiss,” she practically purrs.
Keeping my head bent, I round the coffee table and go to her.
“You’re late,” Violet greets me as she throws open the door, a mixture of irritation and excitement written all over her pretty face.
A pretty face that I’m so glad to see, I almost sag with relief. God, she’s gorgeous. I’ve missed her. It’s been less than forty-eight hours since I saw her, but all I can think of is what a waste those last hours were when I could have been with her.
/> “I’m sorry.” I never say I’m sorry. Ever. Yet with Violet it’s all I seem to say. “Something came up.”
She contemplates me, looking sexy as hell in a pale blue oversized sweater and black leggings that make her legs look incredibly long. And I know for a fact those legs are long. I can’t forget how they wrapped around me while I fucked her against the very door we’re standing in front of.
I feel dirty, unworthy of entering her home, as she looks me over. I think of what just happened back at my apartment, the argument with Pilar. How I let her maul me and I placated her so I could get away from her and head over here.
Where I’m now supposed to end it with Violet in the most brutal way possible.
I don’t know if I can do it.
You promised.
Pilar’s singsong voice haunts me and I rub a hand across the back of my neck, getting irritated that Violet hasn’t let me in yet. “Am I forgiven?”
Violet blinks at me. “For what?”
“For being late. Or are we going to have this conversation out in the hallway for the rest of the evening.” Not that anyone can hear us, considering she’s the only one on the penthouse floor. The grumpy doorman didn’t bother calling up to get Violet’s permission when I first arrived. He said I was already on the list and escorted me quickly to the elevators.
I’m on the grump’s good side, but it won’t last for long. Not after what I have to do to her.
“Come in.” She opens the door wider and I stride inside, breathing in her delicious scent, glancing around the apartment for the first time. When I came here Friday, I’d been solely focused on Violet and nothing else. Now that I see where she lives …
I like it. The walls are white, as are the couches, but the pillows scattered everywhere are a bright mix of colors and the rug beneath the dark coffee table has a cheerful yellow and grayish-blue pattern. Simple and pretty, the décor fits her.
I can’t help but wonder if this is the last time I’ll be allowed into her apartment.
If you go through with what you planned, that would be a hell yes.
“Nice place,” I say as I turn to face her. That sweater she’s wearing looks soft. I want to get my hands on it, under it, on her. I need to touch her to get rid of the filth and disgust I feel after being with Pilar.