“The last fucking thing I want you to do is have sex with him. If you did, I’d have to kill him.” He kisses me again, savagely sweet, his hands pressing into the bruised flesh of my backside so hard I cry out against his mouth. He immediately relaxes his hold, looking contrite. “Just tell him you’re considering giving him another chance but you want to go slow.”
I nod, taking in his words. I could do that. And Zachary would believe it, too. He’s so arrogant he probably believes he’s pushed me into a corner. He’ll be so excited that I’m willing to give him yet another chance, he’ll probably agree with my stipulations. He’ll also continue to do whatever he wants anyway.
Not that I care anymore.
“I understand, though, if you have to … let him touch you. Kiss you.” The flash of anger on his handsome face almost scares me. “Avoid it if you can.”
His words make my heart hurt, which is stupid. But I thought our relationship shifted since what happened last night. I don’t want to be just a game to Ryder McKay.
But what if this is some sort of game? What if he’s using me to get back at Zachary and Pilar somehow? For all I know, I could be walking into a trap.
“Exactly how long do you expect me to pretend?” I ask warily. No way do I want Zachary to kiss me. It would feel like I was cheating. I don’t want anyone’s hands or lips on me unless they’re Ryder’s.
“However long it takes. Hopefully before Zachary leaves for London,” Ryder answers. He withdraws from me, lost in thought, and I watch him pace, admiring his fine masculine form. He looks like he could have stepped right out of a magazine, he’s so immaculately dressed. Even his messy hair is artfully arranged and incredibly sexy. My panties dampen just looking at him.
Which makes me remember that I have to cancel our lunch date.
“My sister asked if I’d go to lunch with her,” I say hesitatingly.
He stops his pacing and turns to look at me. “You told her you had plans, right?”
I slowly shake my head, nervousness filling me when his eyes go dark with anger. “I told her I would meet her. She said she needed me.”
“Violet.” He sounds angry and I back up a step when he approaches me. That long-legged stride brings him to me in seconds and he slips his hand around my neck, his long fingers gripping my hair tight. “I need you too. This might be our last chance to be together for a while.”
“I-I know.” I nod my head quickly, my entire body shaking when he tightens his fingers in my hair. It hurts. It feels good. Why do I like his show of aggression? Why do I want him to wield such power over me?
“You chose your sister over me,” he murmurs, his voice tight, his eyes lit with fire.
“She’s family,” I argue.
“Don’t I matter too?” He pulls me so close his face is in mine and my legs wobble.
“I …” Pausing, I contemplate him. Does he? Yes. But do I matter to him?
I thought I did. Maybe I was wrong.
Memories of last night come back at me, one after another. He was so rough, yet gentle, too. I want that again. I want what only he can give me.
I don’t know if he’s willing to give me what I want. If he even wants to.
And that scares me the most.
Chapter Twenty-four
Ryder
I’m being an asshole and I know it, but I can’t help it. I’m hurt that she’d rather have lunch with Rose than with me. That she’d prefer to sit at some crowded restaurant listening to her sister complain about whatever when she could have been with me here in my office, naked and gasping and coming again and again.
The truth? I’m jealous. Jealous that Violet has these other relationships that mean something to her and I have no one save for Pilar, and that bitch doesn’t count. Violet’s family comes before all others for her and I have no freaking idea what that’s like. None. My mother was never in my life. My dad was a selfish bastard who didn’t want to deal with me. I had no real friends. No other family.
It doesn’t help that I’m sending her back to Zachary for … what? To protect her from Pilar while I figure out what she’s trying to do with Forrest? And is that shit even for real, her involvement with the old man? The woman is conniving, I’ll give her that, but would she take it that far?
Yes. Looks like she would.
“Do I matter to you?” she finally asks, her voice low and husky and sexy as hell. She chews on her lower lip, obviously nervous about my answer.
And just like that, I’m nervous, too.
“Yes,” I murmur, not sure what else I should say. I’ve never done this sort of thing before. Embarking on a normal relationship with a woman is foreign to me and I feel like a complete idiot. More than anything, I feel completely out of control, and I hate it.
“Really, Ryder? Because if I did matter to you, I’m thinking my going back to Zachary, even if it’s pretend, wouldn’t be easy for you to deal with. I know I can’t stand the thought of you being near Pilar.” She purses her lips, looking so damn prim and proper in her cream-colored button-up blouse and slim black skirt. Simple and elegant, with her hair pulled into a low ponytail and those damn diamonds sparkling in her ears. I hope to hell Lawrence didn’t give them to her or I’m going to have to flush them down the toilet.
She’s right. I’m the asshole who’s pushing her back into his arms. It’s fake, but still. I’m taking a huge risk. What if she’s not over him? What if she goes back to him and realizes she wants to … stay?
It’s a chance I’ll have to take to find out exactly what Pilar is up to.
“I care. More than you know.” I take a deep breath, hating how vulnerable I feel.
“That’s all I can ask for.” Violet comes toward me, reaching out to touch the side of my face. We stare at each other quietly and I close my eyes for a brief moment, taking a deep breath. She overwhelms me. I want her. Always. If I could, I’d throw her on top of my desk and take her, not caring if anyone caught us.
But I won’t. I let the memories of this morning float through my mind. How I fucked her before I left her apartment. Stood at the end of the bed while she lay sprawled, my hands at her hips, my cock powering inside of her gorgeous and well-used body. Her breasts jiggled, her eyes glowed, and when I pulled out and came all over her stomach, she ran her fingers through the spots of creamy white and then licked them clean with a satisfied smile on her face.
Yeah, I’ve got it bad. It’s like she was made for me. Never before have I acted this way with a woman. I like to boss them around in bed, but that’s only because I know what I want. But there’s something about Violet that makes me want to command her. Mark her.
Own her.
“You make me fucking crazy,” I growl as I pull her into my arms, my mouth locking with hers. She moans and holds me close, her tongue sliding against mine, her breasts smashed against my chest. I’m instantly hard. Again I’m tempted. I could tug her skirt up and fuck her right here. Right now.
But I won’t. I need to get her out of my office so we can start putting our plan into action. I’ll trick Pilar. And Violet will trick Zachary.
Hopefully, we’ll get to the bottom of this and get what we want.
“You should go,” I whisper against her lips after I break our frantic kiss. She pulls away from me, her eyes on mine, full of hurt at what I just said.
Doesn’t she realize that all I want is to protect her?
“Okay.” She takes a deep breath and nods, trying to withdraw from my hold, but I don’t let her go. Not yet.
It’s as if I can’t.
Reaching out, I carefully cradle the side of her head so I don’t mess up her hair. I rub my finger over the diamond stud in her ear. “Who gave you these?”
Her eyes dim and her expression is somber. “They were my mother’s.”
Ah Christ. I don’t know much about her mother’s death, but I know it happened a long time ago. I don’t want to upset her. “They’re beautiful.”
“She was beautiful.” A
little smile curls her lips. “People say I look a lot like her.”
“Then I know she was definitely beautiful.” I lean in a press a soft kiss to her mouth. She tilts her head, her lips clinging, prolonging the connection, and I sweep my tongue into her mouth, deepening the kiss …
Damn it. I need to stop.
Breaking away from her, I drop my hand. She looks up at me once more, those soulful brown eyes making me wonder what other secrets she keeps hidden. Because she’s got them. Everyone does.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” she whispers.
My fingers pause at the front of her shirt. “Do what?”
“Pretend I want Zachary. That I want my old life with him.” She shakes her head and closes her eyes, her mouth crumpling as if she might cry. “I don’t want him. I only want you.”
“Hey.” I draw her close and kiss her trembling lips softly, keeping them there as I murmur reassurances. “It’s okay. It won’t last for long. I promise.”
She nods once, her eyes shining with tears, and I clasp her cheeks with both hands, bringing her in so I can kiss her forehead, her nose, her lips once more. “Don’t cry, baby. Seeing your tears kills me.” They tear at my heart and make my head swarm. I can’t fucking take it, seeing her so sad.
I may want to own Violet, but I’m afraid she might already own me.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “Just … tell me you’ll come over tonight. Tell me I get to see you.”
“I’ll come over.” I hadn’t planned on it. I planned on staying away so this looks real. I can’t tell her everything yet. I don’t even know if I can one hundred percent trust her.
But I know one thing: I can’t stay away from her. I’m addicted. To her scent, her smile, her brain, her lips, her tongue, her pussy … every single piece of her.
I want to protect her. From Pilar and Zachary and the rumors, and hell, I even want to protect her from … me.
I’m afraid I’ll hurt her. The very last thing I want to do.
“Help me understand why I’m doing this. Why I’m pretending with Zachary,” she says.
“I need to figure out what’s going on with Pilar and your father, and the only way I can do that is with Zachary occupied. If he’s too focused on you, he won’t think about Pilar,” I explain. And with Pilar believing I’ve ended it with Violet, she’ll open up to me and let me back in.
“Right.” Pressing her lips together, she nods, her lids lifting so she can meet my gaze once more. Tears linger in her eyelashes, stream down her cheeks, and I kiss them away from her skin, rub my thumbs underneath her eyes to catch the ones still clinging there.
“Don’t cry, baby. Everything will work out just the way you want it to. I know it will.” I kiss her sweet lips, fighting against the surge of protectiveness I feel for her, but it’s no use.
It’s there. I need to face it. Face exactly what I feel for this woman.
If only I could figure that out.
“And if I don’t know exactly how I want this to work out?” she asks cautiously.
Damn this girl. She is so perceptive. “Then we’ll figure it out day by day.”
“I did it.”
I slam the door of Pilar’s office behind me as I stride toward her desk, stopping just in front of it. She frowns at me, looking completely irritated that I’m standing in her office, bugging her. A far cry from the crazy woman who gyrated on my knee yesterday afternoon like some sort of highly skilled stripper and brought herself to orgasm in a matter of minutes.
“You did what?” she asks, sounding bored.
“Violet Fowler is officially broken.” I smile and settle into the chair across from her desk, getting comfortable. I figure she’ll have a lot of questions to ask and I’ve spent the last hour in my office alone, trying to figure out exactly what she would want to know.
I’m as prepared for this interrogation as any proper Boy Scout would be.
“Broken how?” Her gaze flicks to mine for the briefest moment before she returns her attention to her laptop. “I have a meeting in thirty. I don’t have time for petty bullshit.”
I stand and slam my hands on her desk, leaning down so l lurk over her like some sort of starving vulture looking for a meal. “I said that I broke Violet. Just as you asked. I dumped her this morning. I have no doubt she’ll be back in Lawrence’s arms by the early evening.”
She studies me, looking for a slip, looking for the lie. I keep my expression impassive, my demeanor calm. Any cracks in the façade and she’ll jump all over them. She’s particular like that. It’s a skill that’s worked well for her through the years.
“God, I knew if given the chance she’d probably return to Zachary. So dreadfully boring.” Pilar rolls her eyes, then slams her laptop shut. I have her complete attention now. “Tell me what happened. I want every detail.”
Here come the lies. The chance I have to slip up and fuck up is at hand. I need to keep my facts straight and give Pilar exactly what she wants. I sit back down in the chair. “I went over to her place. We’d agreed to meet there.”
“What? To fuck?” She snickers, and I send her a hard glare that shuts her up.
“I strip her naked. We start going at it. In the middle of the sex I tell her she’s awful. A bad lay. I’d been saying all sorts of things throughout the entire act. Little things that probably made her question whether it was an insult or not. I’m breaking her down, fucking with her head, fucking with her body until she can’t see straight, let alone think straight, and she starts crying.”
Pilar’s eyes light with pleasure and she props her elbow on the edge of her desk, leaning her chin onto her curled fist. “Crying? My, my, Ryder. Have you ever made a girl cry in bed before?”
“No. She’s my first.” We both laugh, and I ignore the sick feeling in my gut. I hate doing this. Making fun of Violet, making her look weak and pitiful when she’s far from that. “Right after I fucked her, I left. She texted me but I didn’t respond. Left me a voicemail but I deleted it. When she showed up in my office this morning, I told her I didn’t think we were a good idea anymore.”
“You were never a good idea, my darling,” Pilar says snidely and I glare at her.
Bitch. I can’t wait to fuck her over.
“She cried and raged on over what an asshole she thought I was. Then she stormed out.” I pause. Making up these lies is harder than I thought it would be. “So it’s over. Done. I did what you asked. Now it’s your turn to deliver.” I lean back in the chair and cross my arms over my chest, my fingers linked. “Tell me. Who have you been talking to?”
She purses her lips. “I can’t reveal all my secrets.”
“Not even to me?”
“Especially not to you. You’ll run right over me and cut me out. I prefer to be the middleman.” Her smile grows. “Or middlewoman. You know, that reminds me, I’ve never participated in a threesome. Have you?”
She turns everything back to sex. And that is the last thing I want to think about when it comes to Pilar. “No. Too much work, not enough return.”
A laugh escapes her. “Hmm. Selfish as usual, Ryder. I wouldn’t mind giving it a try.” She taps her finger against her lips, her usual look when she’s contemplating something. If she suggests getting it on with her, me, and old man Fowler? Fuck that noise. No way, no how.
“Yeah, well why don’t you plan your threesome later and focus.” Her laughter dies when she realizes I’m serious. “I’m done.”
Pilar gives me a blank look. “Done with what?”
“I’m done playing this game with you. We’ve done what each of us said we would do. There’s no need to take it any further.” I can’t keep up this pretense any longer. I don’t want to. It’s painful, spending time with Pilar. I can hardly stand her. Plus, I’m trying my best to protect Violet.
She’s becoming my weakness, as much as I don’t want to admit it. If Pilar knew this, she’d know just how to get to me.
By hurting Violet.
“So you just want it to … end.” Pilar sounds surprised, which she probably is.
“It’s time to sever our ties, don’t you think?” I scrub a hand along my jaw, frustration making it tight. This is harder than I thought, ending everything with Pilar. I need to do what’s right. And what’s right is for me to stand by Violet. Without Pilar knowing, of course.
She laughs and shakes her head. “You’re so funny, darling. Like I’d cut you loose. You can’t get away from me that fast.”
“Yeah, I think I can.”
“No. I think you can’t.” The thin smile on her face tells me I’ve irritated her. She won’t let me dismiss her. I don’t understand why. “You really believe I’ll let you cut and run? You could use this against me somehow.”
“What? And throw myself under the bus too? I’m not that stupid.” I’m almost insulted that she’d think so.
“Men do strange things when under Violet Fowler’s spell.” She arches one perfectly sculpted brow. “I wouldn’t expect you to be any different.”
“I dumped her. Or did you forget?” My voice is tight. My blood is boiling. I’m tempted to walk out before I say something stupid and ruin everything.
“I haven’t forgotten. And I thank you for it. Truly I do.” The serene expression on her face is a total ruse. “I need you to do more.”
Unease causes my stomach to pitch. “There’s nothing more I can do.” The possibilities don’t settle right. I don’t know what she wants, but I know it can’t be good.
“Liar. You could do plenty more. Didn’t you take any dirty pictures of her naked? We could make it look like Zachary took them and send them out via the company email. Something that scandalous could make Violet leave Fleur for good and never, ever come back,” Pilar murmurs, her eyes flashing with pure hatred.
“What the hell did she ever do to you?” I ask incredulously. Her unwarranted anger takes me aback. I don’t get it.
“She was born with the last name Fowler.” She tilts her head, a smug look on her face. “Isn’t that enough?”
“She can’t help who her family is. And why do you think getting rid of her will help you get ahead here? There’s still Rose to contend with. And you never know, Lily could straighten up and come work here someday,” I point out. Pilar is downright vicious when it comes to Violet and I don’t get why.