Mark didn’t say a word as he continued to gaze at her.
‘‘The play was great, wasn’t it? And dinner…fabulous.’’ Shelly’s throat seemed to close as Mark stepped onto the curb and walked toward her.
The whole world seemed to come to a sudden, abrupt halt when she realized he intended to kiss her. Not again, her mind shouted. Please hurry, her heart sang.
Her heartbeat tripped wildly as Mark lowered his head, his mouth seeking hers. Despite the fierce battle inside her, Shelly was forced to admit how much she wanted this kiss. If for no other reason, she told herself, than to prove that the first time had been an accident, a fluke.
Only it happened again. But this kiss was a hundred times more compelling than the first one they’d shared. A hundred times more exciting.
Shelly wanted to cry out at the unfairness of it all. If a man’s kiss was going to affect her this acutely, why did it have to be Mark Brady’s?
He broke away from her reluctantly, his warm breath fanning her cheek. His eyes were filled with questions, filled with surprise. Shelly wasn’t sure what her own eyes were saying to him. She didn’t even want to know.
‘‘Take care,’’ he whispered as he turned away.
SHELLY STAYED home from work on Monday. She wasn’t sick, just confused and puzzled. Nothing about her relationship with Mark seemed to make sense. He was everything she didn’t want in a man—and everything she did.
Shelly didn’t realize how despondent she was until she found herself standing barefoot in front of her closet, carrying on a conversation with Aunt Milly’s wedding dress.
‘‘I’ll have you know I had a perfectly good life until you arrived,’’ she muttered disparagingly. ‘‘Now it seems my whole world’s been turned upside down.’’ She slammed the door closed, then jerked it open. ‘‘No wonder Mrs. Livingston’s cat wouldn’t go near you. You’re dangerous.’’
Chapter Nine
‘‘THE PLAY WAS GREAT,’’ Shelly told Jill over coffee Wednesday afternoon. She’d stopped off at PayRite, hoping Jill could get away for lunch. ‘‘Even Mark—’’
‘‘Mark?’’ Jill’s coffee cup hit the saucer with a clang. ‘‘He was at the play?’’
Shelly nodded sheepishly. ‘‘I guess I forgot to mention I ran into him, didn’t I? Actually he called me first and since we both had plans to attend the same performance, we decided to go together.’’
‘‘Is there anything else you haven’t told me?’’ Jill’s eyes narrowed astutely.
Shelly tried to hide her uneasiness behind a relaxed shrug, but how well she succeeded in fooling Jill remained to be seen. ‘‘We had dinner afterward…as friends. It didn’t mean anything. I did tell you he’s engaged, didn’t I?’’
‘‘Unofficially engaged.’’ Jill was studying her closely and Shelly felt distinctly uneasy under the scrutiny.
‘‘We’ve been friends for a long time,’’ Jill reminded her. ‘‘In some ways I know you as well as I do myself. There’s something troubling you.’’
Shelly nodded, knowing it wouldn’t do any good to hide the truth from Jill. Her need to confide in a sympathetic, understanding person was the very reason for her impromptu visit to Jill’s workplace. Lunch had been a convenient excuse.
‘‘You won’t believe this,’’ Shelly said, cradling the warm coffee cup in both hands and keeping her gaze lowered. ‘‘I can hardly believe it myself.’’
‘‘You’re falling in love with Mark.’’
Shelly’s gaze shot upward. ‘‘It shows that much?’’
‘‘No,’’ Jill said softly. ‘‘But you look like you’re about to break into tears.’’
‘‘If I wasn’t so darn irritated I would. Good grief, think about it. Can you imagine two people less suited to each other? Mark is so…so responsible…’’
‘‘So are you.’’
‘‘Not in the same way,’’ Shelly argued. ‘‘He’s so sincere and…’’
‘‘Shelly, so are you.’’
‘‘Perhaps, but I’m such a scatterbrain. I’m disorganized and always late and I like to do things my own way. You know that better than most.’’
‘‘I prefer to think of you as creative.’’
Shelly tossed Jill a smile of appreciation. ‘‘That’s the reason you’re my best friend. I don’t mind telling you, Jill, I’m worried. Mark Brady may be the Rock of Gibraltar, but I sincerely doubt he’s got an original thought in his head. Everything is done by the book or according to schedule.’’
‘‘You need someone like Mark in your life,’’ Jill returned kindly. ‘‘Don’t look so shocked. It’s true. The two of you balance each other. He needs you because you’re fun and crazy and imaginative, and you need him because he knows his times tables by heart and will remind you when it’s time for meals.’’
‘‘The problem is, Mark’s the type of man who would expect a woman to cook those meals.’’
Jill chuckled.
‘‘If the fates are determined to match me up with someone,’’ Shelly moaned, ‘‘couldn’t it be with someone other than an accountant?’’
‘‘Apparently not.’’
‘‘What really angers me about this is that I allowed it to happen. The first time he kissed me—’’
‘‘He kissed you?’’ Jill feigned a look of horror.
Shelly ignored it. ‘‘Yes. A couple of times. It’s only natural—our being curious about each other, don’t you think?’’
‘‘I suppose,’’ Jill said quickly, no longer teasing. ‘‘So tell me what happened.’’
‘‘Fireworks bigger than the Fourth of July. I’ve never experienced the feelings I do with Mark, and all because of a simple kiss. I can’t even begin to imagine what would happen if we ever made love.’’
‘‘And does Mark feel the same thing?’’
‘‘I—I can’t speak for him, but I think it must be equally disturbing for him. He certainly looked as if he’d been taken by surprise.’’
‘‘How do you get along with him otherwise?’’
‘‘Fine, I guess.’’ Shelly paused long enough to take a sip of her coffee. ‘‘I’m sure I amuse him. But someone like Mark isn’t looking for a woman to entertain him, any more than I’m looking for a man to balance my checkbook.’’
‘‘His opinion of you has mellowed, hasn’t it?’’ Jill asked, then answered her own question. ‘‘There was a time when he thought you were a little bizarre, remember?’’
Shelly did, all too well. ‘‘At first I thought he was about as exciting as oatmeal, but I’ve altered my opinion of him, too.’’
‘‘So what’s the problem?’’
‘‘I don’t want to fall in love,’’ Shelly said pointedly.
‘‘I’ve got bigger plans for my life than to tie myself down to a committed relationship right now.’’
‘‘Then don’t. It shouldn’t be that difficult. Decide what you want and ignore everything else. There’s no law that says you have to fall in love this minute. For that matter, no one can regulate when and who you marry, either. Not even your aunt Milly.’’
Jill was saying everything Shelly wanted to hear. Everything she needed to hear. But it didn’t make any difference; her heart was already involved. If she could forget she’d ever met Mark, she would. But it was too late. She was in love with him. With Mark, who was in love with someone else. Mark, who saw love and marriage as goals to be achieved within a certain time frame. He’d probably never done anything impulsive in his life.
A lasting relationship would never work between them. If he wasn’t smart enough to figure that out, she was. Something had to be done and soon, and Shelly knew it would be up to her to do it.
SHELLY DIDN’T HAVE LONG to wait before she saw Mark again. They met at the main branch of the Seattle Public Library Wednesday evening. She was returning ten overdue books. Six months’ overdue. The library had sent her three warnings, each one progressively less friendly.
She was half-afrai
d the buzzer just inside the library entrance would go off the moment she walked through the hallowed doors and armed officers would haul her away.
‘‘I wondered how long it would take for us to find each other again,’’ Mark said, strolling up to her at the counter. She’d seen him almost immediately and tried to pretend she hadn’t.
Shelly acknowledged him with a quick nod and ordered her heart to be still. She managed a small smile. ‘‘Hello again,’’ she said, drawing the checkbook out of her purse. The fine for the books was sure to be monstrous. It might be cheaper to buy them.
Mark set the two volumes he was borrowing on the counter. Shelly noted the titles—Tools for Time Management and The State of the Language, and groaned inwardly. To someone like her accountant friend, these books were probably easy reading. Her own tastes leaned more toward mystery and romance, with a little nonfiction.
‘‘Have you got time for a cup of coffee?’’ Mark asked as she wrote out the check to pay her fine.
Her heart was gladdened by the invitation, but she knew she had to refuse it. Before he could say or do anything to change her mind, she shook her head. ‘‘Not tonight, thanks.’’
His smile faded as though her refusal took him by surprise. ‘‘You’re busy?’’
She nodded, smiling at the librarian as she tore the check free and handed it to the woman, who smiled pleasantly in return. It had been a civilized exchange, Shelly thought, and her library card had not been confiscated, despite her transgressions.
‘‘A date’s waiting for you?’’
It took Shelly a second to understand that Mark was referring to her refusal to join him for coffee.
‘‘Not exactly.’’ She turned away from the counter and headed toward the exit. To her surprise Mark followed her outside.
‘‘Something’s wrong,’’ he said, standing at the top of the steps. She stopped her descent and stood below him, looking up. Pretense had never suited Shelly; she was too innately honest to hide her feelings. ‘‘Mark, I think you’re a very nice man—’’
‘‘But you don’t want to marry me,’’ he concluded for her. ‘‘I’ve heard that line before, remember? Actually half the mall heard it, too.’’
‘‘I’ve already apologized for that. It’s just that…all right, if you must know, I’m beginning to like you…really like you, and frankly that terrifies me.’’ She stood facing him, two steps below.
Her candid response seemed to unnerve him. He frowned and rubbed the side of his jaw. ‘‘I know what you mean. I’m beginning to like you, too.’’
‘‘See!’’ she cried, tossing her hands in the air. ‘‘If we don’t take care of this problem now, heaven only knows what could happen. It has the potential of ruining both our lives. We’re mature adults, aren’t we?’’ At the moment, though, she felt singularly lacking in maturity.
All her senses were clamoring, telling her to enjoy their brief time together and damn the consequences. It was what her heart wanted, but she couldn’t allow her life to be ruled by her heart. Not when it came to Mark.
‘‘Liking each other doesn’t have to be a federal crime,’’ he said, advancing one step toward her.
‘‘You’re right, of course, but I know myself too well. I could easily fall in love with you, Mark.’’ She didn’t dare admit she already had. ‘‘Before we knew how it happened, we’d be spending more and more time with each other. We might even become seriously involved.’’
He remained suspiciously silent.
‘‘You’re a wonderful man. If my mother were to meet you she’d be shouting from the rooftops, she’d be so grateful. For a while I might convince myself that we could really make something of this relationship. I might even consider taking cooking classes because you’re the kind of man who’d expect a woman to know how to make a roast and mashed potatoes.’’
‘‘It’d probably come in handy someday,’’ he admitted.
‘‘That’s what I thought,’’ she murmured, disheartened. ‘‘I’m not a traditional woman. I never will be. The only time I ever baked a pie I ended up throwing it in the garbage disposal—and it broke the disposal.’’
‘‘A pie ruined your garbage disposal?’’ Mark repeated, then shook his head. ‘‘Never mind, don’t bother explaining how that happened. It seems to me you’re getting ahead of yourself here. You’re talking as though coffee together means a lifetime commitment.’’
Shelly wasn’t listening. ‘‘What about Janice?’’ she demanded. ‘‘She’s the one you should be inviting to coffee, not me.’’
‘‘What’s Janice got to do with this?’’ he asked impatiently.
‘‘Janice,’’ Shelly snapped, her own temper short. ‘‘The woman you’ve decided to marry. Remember her? The love of your life? The woman you’re unofficially engaged to marry.’’
‘‘It’s not unofficial any longer,’’ Mark explained evenly.
‘‘Oh great, you’re taking me out to dinner, kissing me and at the same time picking out engagement rings with another woman.’’ She had to admit he’d never lied to her about his relationship with the faceless Janice. From the beginning he’d been forthright and honest about the other woman. But it hurt, really hurt, to learn that he was going ahead with his plans to marry Janice.
For a moment she’d been shocked into stillness. ‘‘Then…’’ She struggled to force some enthusiasm into her voice. ‘‘Congratulations are in order. I wish you both the very best.’’ With that she turned and bounded down the stairs, taking them recklessly fast.
‘‘Shelly!’’
She could hear Mark calling after her, but she ignored him, desperate to get away before the lump in her throat made it impossible to breathe. Tears had formed in her eyes and she cursed herself for being so ridiculous, for caring so much. Her vision blurred and she wiped a hand across her face, furious with herself for the lack of control. This marriage was what she’d hoped would happen. What she wanted for Mark. Wasn’t it?
‘‘Shelly, for heaven’s sake, will you wait?’’
When she reached the bottom of the steps, Shelly moved quickly into a side street, hoping to disappear in the crowd, praying Mark wouldn’t pursue her.
She thought she’d escaped until a hand on her shoulder whirled her around.
‘‘Shelly, please listen,’’ Mark pleaded breathlessly, his shoulders heaving with the effort of catching up with her. ‘‘The engagement isn’t official, because there isn’t an engagement. How could I possibly marry Janice after meeting you?’’
Chapter Ten
‘‘YOU BROKE OFF your engagement with Janice?’’ Shelly demanded furiously. Something inside, some reservoir of emotion, felt as if it had burst wide open. ‘‘You fool,’’ she cried. ‘‘You idiot!’’ Her eyes brimmed over with tears and deep, deep inside her heart began its stirrings of glad excitement. ‘‘That was the worst thing you could have done!’’
‘‘No,’’ he said. ‘‘It was the smartest move I’ve ever made.’’
‘‘How can you say that?’’ she wailed.
‘‘Shelly?’’
He reached for her as though to offer comfort, but Shelly jerked her arms away and stepped back, freeing herself from his grasp. ‘‘Janice was perfect for you,’’ she lamented.
‘‘How do you know that?’’ he asked calmly, much too reasonably to suit Shelly. ‘‘You never met her.’’
‘‘I didn’t need to. I know she was right for you. You’d never have asked her to marry you if she wasn’t.’’
‘‘Janice is a wonderful woman and she’ll make some lucky man a good wife, but it won’t be me.’’
‘‘You’re crazy to break off your engagement. Crazy!’’
‘‘No, I’m not,’’ Mark returned confidently. ‘‘I’m absolutely certain I did the right thing. Do you know why?’’
Shelly could only shake her head, wiping away the tears with the back of her hand. She was ecstatic—and yet she was so frightened. She loved him, she was sure of
it. Then why had everything become confused and difficult?
‘‘What you said about love the other day changed my mind.’’
‘‘You listened to me?’’ she cried in real horror. ‘‘Do I look like an expert on love? I’ve never been in love in my life!’’ Not counting what she felt for him, of course. She’d always thought love would clarify her life, not make it more complicated.
Mark ignored her outburst. ‘‘You helped me understand that I was marrying Janice for all the wrong reasons. I’d decided it was time to settle down. Janice had come to the same conclusion. She’s thirty and figured if she was going to marry and have a family, the time was now. It wasn’t a love match, and we both knew it.’’
‘‘This is none of my business,’’ Shelly said, frantically shaking her head as if to chase the words away. ‘‘I don’t want to hear any of it.’’
‘‘You are going to hear it,’’ Mark insisted, gripping her elbows and gently drawing her closer to him. ‘‘You claimed people shouldn’t plan love. It should take them by surprise, you said, and you were right. Janice and I are fond of each other, but—’’
‘‘There’s nothing wrong with fond!’’
His eyes widened in obvious surprise. ‘‘No, there isn’t,’’ he agreed, ‘‘but Janice isn’t a zany video producer. I like spending time with you. I’ve come to realize there’s a certain thrill in expecting the unexpected. Every minute with you is an adventure.’’
‘‘A relationship between us would never last,’’ Shelly insisted, drawing on the most sensible argument. ‘‘It would be fine for a while, but then we’d drift apart. We’d have to. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re nothing alike.’’
‘‘Why wouldn’t a relationship last?’’ Mark asked patiently.
‘‘For all the reasons I listed before!’’ Mark was so endearing, and he was saying all the words she’d secretly longed to hear, but nothing could change the fundamental differences between them.