“Joshua —,” I began.
“I know what this is about,” he interrupted gently. “You want to get past the fence to search for the cure. I saw it on your face when Geoffrey mentioned the research program.”
There was no use denying it. I linked our fingers. “I have to. For my dad. For everyone.”
“I knew you’d say that.” He looked at me, a half-smile playing across his lips. “I’ve been thinking about the cure a lot since Geoffrey told us about it.” His grip on my hand tightened. “You know I’m coming with you, right? Just promise me you won’t do anything without telling me ever again.”
His eyes were wide and intense, and for a moment, he looked so vulnerable. A stab of guilt rippled through me, followed by a feeling of tenderness. Joshua always worked so hard to stay strong and look out for other people; only I got to see this other side of him.
“I promise,” I said, leaning over and brushing my lips against his. He edged toward me, kissing me back with just a little more force, his hand caressing the back of my neck. As he gently pulled away I could tell that he wasn’t angry with me any more; that he understood why I had left in search of Dad.
We sat side by side, looking out across the vineyard.
“I know it’ll be hard to get past the fence,” I said. “But I have to know if it’s true - if there really is a cure. We could save so many people.”
“Sherry,” Joshua said, a new determination in his voice. “I will be with you every step of the way. I’m sick of all this killing.”
I stroked his head. “I know.”
He sighed. “You know … maybe this could even be my chance to save Zoe.”
Joshua’s sister had been a Weeper for years. I nodded, but inside my heart sank. It sounded impossible. And besides, could a cure help her after all this time?
I didn’t say it, though. Hope was such a difficult thing to find in this world. I couldn’t be the one to take it from him.
“How quickly do you think we can find the fence?” I asked.
Joshua shrugged. “I guess we’ll have to ask Tyler.”
My feet carried me across the courtyard and through the garden toward the little meadow with wooden crosses. We hadn’t inscribed the newest two yet. Grandma and Grandpa deserved better, but now there wasn’t time. Nobody would know who was buried here if we never returned.
I still remembered how Grandpa had always pinched a bite of Grandma’s dough before she put it in the oven. She’d caught him every time and slapped his hand away with a smile.
12 days, 11 hours and 59 minutes since Grandma had died;
17,999 minutes since her prayers had been answered and she was finally reunited with Grandpa.
What would they say if they knew about Dad? What would they do? Grandpa had always known what to do, had always made even the trickiest situation look easy. Would he try to get past the fence to search for something that might not even exist?
I brushed my fingers over the rough wood of the crosses, saying one last good-bye before I headed toward the house. I didn’t look back.
Mom and Bobby sat on the couch in the living room. She was still wearing yesterday’s clothes and her long blonde hair was tangled. She looked up. Her eyes were blank.
Click. Click.
She was knitting. She’d started after Dad had left.
Click. Click.
Grandma’s knitting had driven me close to insanity in the bunker.
Click. Click.
Only 16 days, 3 hours and 11 minutes since I’d left the bunker with Dad, since I’d realized that whatever I’d hoped for over the years would never happen.
23,251 minutes.
That number came much closer to the way I felt. 16 days couldn’t express how every day in this world seemed like an eternity. Now my entire family was unravelling before my eyes.
Click. Click.
What would happen to Mom after she realized I’d gone to the fence? Would Bobby be able to take care of her? Would he be okay? And my little sister? Would she suffer?
“Where’s Mia?” I asked.
“She’s with Marie and Emma,” said Bobby, his voice flat.
“Make sure she’s been to the bathroom. It’s time to leave,” I said. A strange numbness was spreading through my body and I welcomed it.
I watched as Bobby, Mom and Mia got in a car with Geoffrey, As they drove away, Mia sat up on the back seat, gazing out at Safe-haven. A dull pain ached in my chest as I realized how hard this must be for her. I swore myself that one day I’d find a home for her - somewhere our family could stay forever and be happy.
“Come on,” whispered Joshua, putting his arm around me and leading me over to the car where Rachel and Tyler stood waiting.
Silence settled around us as we pulled away from Safe-haven. Its beautiful slopes were coated with a hint of mist, glittering in the sunlight. This place had started to feel like home – a place where we could live under the pretense of normalcy. Now I could add it to the list of things I’d lost.
I didn’t dare look back.
During our drive, I kept glancing out the window, making sure there wasn’t a helicopter following us. I couldn’t shake the feeling that we were still being watched by the military. But I hadn’t seen another helicopter since the one that had appeared over Safe-haven, before Tyler had told us about the fence which separated us from the rest of the country. It was still hard to believe that the government had abandoned us like this.
Rachel and Tyler sat in the backseat, not saying a word, not making any noise at all. Rachel had her head on Tyler’s shoulder, her dark hair blanketing her cheeks, her eyes half-closed, and they sat so close that their legs were pressed against each other. Still, I’d never seen them kiss. I wasn’t really sure what was going on between them.
Just then, Rachel sat up and began to rub the cross around her neck, her lips moving silently. It looked like she was praying.
Joshua’s thumb drew circles on the back of my hand while he steered the car single-handed. I slumped against the window. Rotting carcasses, empty roads, abandoned houses flew by. What would people on the other side of the fence say if they knew we had been living like this? Would they care?
Suddenly a thought, dim and previously only pricking at the very edge of my consciousness, bloomed in my mind. If we crossed the fence, we could tell people what the government had done to us. What they had done to Tyler.
Neither of us had talked to Tyler about our plan yet. He always got that haunted look when someone mentioned labs or the fence.
“Where are we going anyway?” I asked.
“Santa Barbara. Karen and Larry visited a mission there a few years ago – before the rabies broke out. There’s a courtyard where we can grow our own vegetables. Larry’s hoping we might find more survivors there,” said Joshua.
“But is it safe?” I asked.
“As safe as anywhere,” Joshua said. “It’s been a while since I was there but back then there weren’t any Weepers that we knew of in Santa Barbara. For a while we’d even debated on moving there. Larry always said it would be safer not to stay at a place for too long but the vineyard felt too much like home. No one wanted to leave.”
Sadness rang in his words. The vinery had been his home for much longer than it had been for me. I was heartbroken we had left. I couldn’t imagine how he must be feeling.
I wondered what Dad was doing now? How long would it be before he turned?
“Do you think Karen is right that it takes six to eight days for an infected person to turn into a Weeper?”
“I don’t know. But I guess that’s how long it took with most of the people I brought to Safe-haven,” Joshua said.
The cure. That was Dad’s only chance. It was the only chance. Just then we passed a sign welcoming us to Santa Barbara. We’d be at the mission soon. I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“Joshua and I had a talk.” I glanced at Joshua, tension worming its way into my muscles. He gave a small nod. Tyler sat
up and Rachel raised her head from his shoulders. She looked paler than usual.
“We don’t want to carry on like this. We’ve had enough. We want to search for the cure.”
“You heard what Karen said. It’s too late for your dad,” Tyler said.
“You don’t know that for sure,” I interrupted. “And what about everybody else. Think of how many other people we could save.”
Then I hesitated. The next thing seemed like such an impossible goal that voicing it filled me with embarrassment. “And if we get beyond the fence, maybe we could tell people on the other side what’s really going on.”
Tyler’s expression was hard to read. “And how do you think you can do that?”
Joshua grabbed my hand. Just knowing he supported me made me feel stronger. “We haven’t worked out the details yet,” he said. “But we need to travel under the fence via the tunnel and find the lab.” He looked at Tyler through the rear view mirror. “We thought you could help us. You’ve been there. You could show us.”
Tyler blanched.
Rachel took his hand. “It’s okay. You don’t have to.”
Silence settled over us; heavy and claustrophobic.
I felt rage building up inside me. How could Tyler not help us? Would he not even consider it? Didn’t he want revenge against the government? With or without his help, I knew I didn’t have a choice. I had to find the cure to save Dad. And I had to speak out about our life behind the fence if we were ever going to have a life beyond it.
Nobody spoke. Eventually we drove up toward the old mission. Its façade was white stone with red shingles covering the roof. The main building looked intact, but a part of the attached chapel was destroyed. One of the two red domes had caved in and a stone statue of a saint had toppled off the pediment above the entrance, its broken remains littering the steps. The mountains rose in the distance and the sun was setting, casting its golden glow over the surrounding hills.
A huge stone fountain stood next to an old tree. The dark grey stone was tinged green with moss. A few birds perched on the edge but our arrival roused them and they rose as a brown cloud of fluttering wings into the sky.
Joshua drew up in front of the chapel. We were just about to get out of the car, guns in hand, when Tyler broke the silence.
“We should discuss everything tonight when the others are asleep,” he said.
Hope surged within me. Hastily I pushed it back down, knowing how dangerous it could be in this life.
“Tonight,” we agreed, before stepping outside.
Geoffrey parked behind us but we didn’t wait for them before checking our surroundings. Even the birds had fallen silent and the soft rushing of the wind was the only sound. But were we alone? We walked up to the entrance of the chapel where an old rusted sign announced its opening hours.
The wooden door felt rough against my palm as I pushed it open. Joshua aimed a gun at the inside but it was empty. We stepped into the gloomy building. Saints watched us from high above on the walls, their benevolent faces smiling eternally. Plaster and chunks of concrete littered the right-hand side of the chapel where the ceiling had caved in beneath the dome. Light streamed through the hole and the small windows. The pews emitted a smell of rotten wood. A side-door led into the inner courtyard. I raised my gun and went outside.
The rose bushes had grown out of control; creating a riot of yellow, red and pink. Their wild beauty provided the perfect hiding place for any predators. We inched forward onto the narrow walkway that led to the center. A palm tree had toppled over and fallen on the roof of the inner archway. Several broken red shingles peeked through the overgrown lawn. We moved along the arcade toward another wooden door that led into the main building. My heart sank as I realized that there were no other survivors here. A tiny part of me had hoped we’d find someone.
The inside of the mission was nothing like Safe-haven. It lacked the chandeliers, carpets and cosy atmosphere of the vineyard. Instead it was vast and cold and had the feel of a place that had lain empty and unloved for some time. The kitchen looked like it was two hundred years old. It had rough stone floors and wooden chairs and a table from the colonial era. Aside from that, there was almost no furniture, not a single bed. Since we didn’t have enough sleeping bags a few of us would have to share. And we’d have to gather firewood if we wanted to cook anything on the old stove, but at least it didn’t require electricity.
There was lots of space for all of us though, and for more survivors. The dome provided a perfect place for two of us to keep watch at night, with a good overlook of the surroundings. It didn’t feel homely, but it felt like it might be safe.
Mom sank to the ground of our sleeping quarters. Her trembling fingers fumbled with the zip of her sleeping bag as she stared out of the window. It was encrusted with dust and dead mosquitos, and the way it was divided into eight even squares gave the room a prison feel. Mom’s eyes were empty. The knitting needles lay in her lap. Mia snuggled against her but she didn’t notice. “Mom?” Mia’s voice was small. “Where will I sleep?” Her fingers clutched at Mom’s arm.
No reaction.
My stomach squeezed into a tight knot. I took the sleeping bag from Mom and unzipped it. “You’ll share this with Mom, okay?” I brushed Mia’s unkempt hair from her face. She nodded, lower lip quivering. Snot had dried under her nose and strawberry jam was smeared across her cheek. I fetched a wet cloth and wiped her face with it. Mia didn’t even grimace like she used to.
“It’ll be all right. I’ll sleep right next to you,” I said. She buried her face in my chest. My fingers loosened the knots in her hair and her breathing deepened.
Click click.
“Mom?” I whispered.
She ignored me and continued knitting.
Click. Click.
Images from the bunker flitted through my head; Grandma sitting on the sofa, knitting incessantly since Grandpa had died and we’d had to store him in the freezer beside our dwindling supplies.
Careful not to wake Mia, I gripped Mom’s arm. “Mom?”
She looked at me but the needles kept moving.
Click. Click.
“She’s lost it,” Bobby said. I hadn’t noticed him leaning against the wall. I ran a hand across my eyes, forcing back tears.
I lifted Mia and put her into the sleeping bag. “Can you keep an eye on her? I need to grab some fresh air.”
With a shrug Bobby sat down beside Mia. “Be careful,” he called after me.
My legs shook as I walked out. How could I leave Bobby and Mia when Mom was like this?
We all met in the chapel after nightfall when the others were fast asleep. Rachel and Tyler were on guard duty so we didn’t have much time. Joshua brought some matchsticks and lit a couple of candles on the altar. The warm light of the flames caught on the floor and the pews, showing us where to walk without stepping on chunks of ceiling.
Rachel curtsied and crossed herself in front of the altar, whispering a short prayer. She rose and dusted off her knees and the worry-lines around her eyes disappeared. I didn’t understand how she could still believe in anything after what had happened.
We slid into one of the pews. The smell of old paper and rotten wood was heavy but I also caught a hint of incense, as if it had impregnated itself into the benches and walls over decades of use. Maybe it was the Jesus staring at us from the cross high above the altar, blood dripping on his forehead from the crown of thorns, but something made me shiver.
“We should hurry,” Joshua said, turning to Tyler and Rachel. “I don’t want you to neglect your watch for too long. This area seems safe but we shouldn’t risk anything. And besides, we don’t want the others to catch us.”
“So,” I began, my voice scratchy. I cleared my throat. “Have you made up your mind? Will you come with us?”
Tyler looked at Rachel before he nodded. “Yes.”
Joshua wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me against him, his face grim in the flickering light. “We
shouldn’t waste any time. If there’s a cure, we need to find it as soon as possible. Sherry’s dad’s only got about a week before he’ll transform into a Weeper. And we don’t know what happens if someone has been a Weeper for too long.” He paused, his eyes clouding over.
I knew he was thinking about his sister, Zoe.
“I think this is also our chance to collect evidence against the government,” I announced. “I’ve been thinking, if we got video cameras, we could tape what we see on our way to the fence and maybe we can find a way to show people what’s really going on this side.”
Joshua nodded. “It’s worth a try. And at the very least we could use the video to show Geoffrey and the others what we’ve seen.”
I was glad that he hadn’t called my plan crazy. “So, tomorrow morning?” I said.
“Tomorrow,” Rachel and Tyler agreed. Their hands were entwined.
Joshua nodded, his lips pressed together.
“Do you think we should talk to the others about it?” I asked.
Tyler turned away from the cross he’d been glaring at. “They would try to talk us out of it. We don’t even know for sure if there is a cure beyond the fence.”
Joshua played with a strand of my hair as he nodded. “Tyler’s right. They wouldn’t understand. They’d say it’s a suicide mission.”
Was it? The faces on the paintings seemed to scrutinize me, judge me. Would they have known what was the right thing to do? I dropped my eyes to the gray stone floor.
“We can leave them a letter. At least that way they’d know why we’ve left.” I’d definitely have to leave Bobby a note to explain why we left without him and ask him to take care of Mia and Mom.
Rachel shifted on the pew as if she could feel the gazes of the paintings too. “But what about the car? Won’t they need it?”
“They won’t need three cars. And the Lincoln is my car. Nobody will miss it,” Joshua said.
“So we’ll set out before sunrise when the others are still asleep. We’ll take highway 101 to L.A. and then the interstate 15 to Nevada. It would lead us straight toward Las Vegas if there wasn’t the fence. But you’re sure it runs south of Vegas, right?” I asked.