Page 6 of Toad Heaven


  “Mmm,” said Goliath. “The flying beetles in here are delicious.”

  “Actually,” said an annoyed voice, “we're cockroaches.”

  “Sorry,” said Goliath. “My mistake.”

  Crunch.

  Slurp.

  After a while the blackness up ahead started fuzzing into gray. As they moved toward it, the gray got lighter and a white circle slowly came into focus.

  “The end of the tunnel,” said Limpy.

  He saw that Charm was peering anxiously ahead, her dear little face straining to see what they were moving toward.

  Limpy peered as well.

  The light was too bright to see anything clearly, and his eyes were still getting used to it when in front of him suddenly loomed three big dark shapes.

  “Hmmm,” said a voice. “Here's something a bit more interesting than cockroaches.”

  The voice was deep and soft and menacing.

  Limpy pulled Charm close to him and froze.

  A big round furry whiskered face was blocking their way, with two others behind it.

  Cats.

  “Hungry?” purred the front cat, a ginger one with a smug smile, to the other two, one white and one gray.

  “Starving,” said Goliath. “Cockroaches just don't fill you up. Eat a swarm and two hops later you're still hungry….”

  His voice trailed off.

  Limpy's throat sac was aching with fright.

  The cats yawned. Their teeth looked very sharp. They lazily stretched their claws. Which looked even sharper.

  “Just before you start ripping us to pieces,” said Limpy, struggling to stop his voice from wobbling, “I would like to point out we have glands full of poison.”

  “And,” said Charm, “they're aimed right at you.”

  “And,” said Goliath, “I'm very good at arm wrestling.”

  The ginger cat smirked. “Poison, eh? That's a good one.”

  Limpy's insides sagged.

  “Let's squirt 'em,” muttered Goliath.

  Limpy felt the same way, but there was a problem. With Charm's poison sacs being so small, they might not have enough pus between them to deal with three fully grown cats.

  Oh well, thought Limpy. We'll soon know.

  Then Limpy heard the white cat, who was looking concerned, whisper to the ginger one, “Cane toads.”

  The ginger cat's face dropped. It looked at Limpy more closely.

  “Ah,” it said.

  The cats glanced at one another, then took a step back.

  “Here's what we should probably do,” said the ginger cat to Limpy. “We should probably agree that we won't rip you to shreds if you don't squirt poison in our eyes.”

  Limpy nodded gratefully.

  “It's a deal,” whispered Charm.

  “No it's not,” said Goliath.

  Limpy stared at him, horrified.

  “There's something else we want as well,” said Goliath to the cats. “We want to know where the national park is.”

  The ginger cat looked at Goliath, then grinned.

  “You want to go to the national park?” it said.

  “Yeah,” said Goliath.

  “Yes, please,” said Limpy.

  The cats grinned at one another. Then the ginger one turned and pointed.

  “There it is.”

  Limpy was so surprised and excited, he forgot to be scared of the cats. He hopped past them and out of the tunnel.

  At last.

  He'd found it.

  The national park he'd dreamed about so often.

  Limpy's eyes were used to the light now, and he could see exactly what was spread out in front of him.

  His face fell.

  “This is it?” he croaked. “This is the national park?”

  “Yes,” sniggered the cats behind him.

  Limpy stared.

  In front of him, stretching in a rippling sweep all the way to the horizon, was nothing but water.

  Limpy had never seen so much water.

  Not even the time it rained nonstop for ages and the water in the swamp rose so quickly that Limpy had to drag the flat rellies to higher ground and Goliath found his lunch (bog weevils and mud leeches) hiding up a tree.

  This was a million times more water.

  “It's flooded,” said Limpy, dizzy with disappointment. “The national park's flooded.”

  He turned to ask the cats how long it had been like this, but they'd vanished.

  “It can't all be flooded,” said Charm. “There must be some high ground that's not flooded.”

  Limpy thought about this. She was probably right. A national park would have to have high bits. For the rock wallabies and the goats and the kookaburras who wanted to laugh at one another over long distances.

  “I can't see any high bits,” said Goliath.

  Limpy pointed to where the water met the sky.“They're probably so far away we can't see them from here.”

  “Too far to swim,” said Charm.

  “And cane toads can't fly,” said Goliath gloomily.“Not unless Mum and Dad have been hiding something.”

  Limpy sighed. Just hearing the names Mum and Dad made him feel sad.

  “Pity we can't swim as fast as that animal,” said Goliath.

  Limpy peered over to where Goliath was pointing. A familiar object was speeding through the water. Limpy had often seen ones like it being towed on trailers behind cars.

  “It's not an animal,” said Limpy. “It's a boat.”

  “Whatever,” said Goliath gloomily. “Pity we haven't got one of those frothy things hanging off our bottoms to make us whiz through the water.”

  Limpy stared at the outboard motor at the back of the boat.

  An idea hit him.

  “Good thinking, Goliath,” he murmured.

  His thoughts were shattered by a scream.

  A human scream.

  Limpy looked around, heart in his throat sac.

  Four nearly naked humans were standing under a palm tree, pointing at him and Charm and Goliath and yelling.

  Stack me, thought Limpy, grabbing Charm and Goliath protectively. Where did they come from? Then he realized why he hadn't seen them before. Their sunburned skin was the same color as their parrot-red picnic blanket.

  Camouflage.

  “Hop for it,” he said to Charm and Goliath. “I'll distract them.”

  The two kid humans were advancing across the sand, waving plastic spades menacingly. The mum and dad humans were right behind them, waving metal barbecue tongs even more menacingly.

  “No offense, Limpy,” said Charm, “but hopping in circles isn't going to fool them for long. I think it's better if Goliath distracts them.”

  “I agree,” said Goliath.

  Before Limpy could stop him, Goliath hopped toward the humans, yelling, “Hey, you overcooked land worms! Get your big bums over here! Catch me if you can!”

  Limpy decided to get Charm to safety, then go and help Goliath.

  That was his plan, right up until he saw the cooler lid lying on the picnic blanket.

  “Look,” said Limpy, warts tingling with excitement.“Our boat.”

  Charm frowned.

  “Don't boats need outboard motors?” she said.

  “Don't worry,” said Limpy. “I've got a plan.”

  As soon as he and Charm had dragged the cooler lid into a thick patch of undergrowth, Limpy peered anxiously across the sand to see how Goliath was doing.

  He couldn't see Goliath anywhere.

  Neither could the humans. They were wandering around on the sand, swinging their weapons in puzzled frustration.

  Goliath had vanished.

  “Where is he?” asked Charm anxiously.

  “He'll be okay,” said Limpy. “He's been dodging trucks since he first got legs. Goliath'll be fine.”

  Limpy wished he felt as confident as he sounded.

  He and Charm crouched in the undergrowth and watched the humans hunting for Goliath. When the humans couldn't
find him, they started hunting for their cooler lid. When they couldn't find that, they packed up the rest of their stuff and stamped away, grumbling.

  Limpy and Charm crept out of their hiding place.

  “Goliath,” they called. “Where are you?”

  No reply.

  Oh no, thought Limpy. Perhaps Goliath's run into the cats again.

  He had a horrible vision involving a cat and Goliath and dinner.

  Limpy shuddered.

  It was too awful to think about.

  If Goliath tried to eat a cat, he'd choke.

  “Goliath!” yelled Limpy desperately. “Where are you?”

  “Here,” croaked a gravelly voice behind them.

  Limpy spun round.

  Goliath was standing there, spitting out sand. He had sand on his head and sand on his warts and sand in the folds of his skin.

  “Where have you been?” gasped Charm.

  “Doing something I learned from Limpy,” croaked Goliath. “He copied an echidna with that Uncle Nick idea. Well, I've been copying our friends the sand-worms. Burrowed myself into the sand. I was able to thank them for the idea, 'cause I met quite a few while I was down there. Very tasty, but a bit gritty.”

  Limpy gently brushed the sand off Goliath's warts.“Thanks, Goliath,” he said. “You saved us.”

  “That was a really brave thing to do,” said Charm.“When Malcolm hears about it, he'll be really impressed.”

  Goliath screwed up his face, and for a second Limpy thought he was going to explode. But all he said was, “Ouch. Sand in my eyes. I need mucus.”

  Limpy and Charm hastily spat mucus into Goliath's eyes.

  “That's better,” breathed Goliath. “Thanks.”

  Then he saw the cooler lid.

  “What's that?” he asked.

  “Our boat,” replied Limpy.

  “Doesn't a boat need one of those frothy things at the back?” said Goliath.

  “Don't worry,” said Limpy. “I've got a plan.” He pointed to a nearby clump of stinkweed.“Start eating.”

  The launching of the boat was a big success.

  Limpy and Charm and Goliath dragged it down to the water and pushed it in.

  “It floats!” shouted Charm.

  They loaded it with stinkweed and other supplies and clambered aboard.

  “It still floats,” shouted Goliath, but not as loud as Charm because his tummy was so full of stinkweed.

  “Okay,” said Limpy. “Outboard motor in position, please.”

  Goliath hung on to the back of the cooler lid and lowered his bottom into the water.

  Soon bubbles appeared behind him; then the water frothed and the cooler lid lurched forward.

  “Hooray!” shouted Charm. “We're off. National park, here we come.”

  As they chugged out into the open water, Limpy turned and faced the horizon, enjoying the fresh breeze on his face.

  Somewhere out there was the place where Mum and Dad and the others could live safely forever. And he was closer to it than he'd ever been.

  For the first time in quite a while, Limpy felt a glow of happiness.

  “How long will it take us to get there?” asked Charm.

  “Not long,” said Limpy. “Not long.”

  Limpy tried to work out how long they'd been drifting.

  Hours?

  Days?

  The stinkweed had run out just before dark, and Goliath's bottom bubbles soon after. Then there'd been a night, and a sunrise, and lots and lots of hot sun.

  The answer, thought Limpy weakly, is ages.

  “This is the longest boat trip I've ever been on,” croaked Goliath.

  Limpy didn't bother to point out it was the only boat trip Goliath had ever been on. Like Goliath, he was so weak with thirst and hunger he could hardly speak. He was exhausted just lying next to Charm and Goliath on the cooler lid. Even groaning was too much effort.

  “I wish we could drink the water,” croaked Charm.

  Limpy gave her hand a sympathetic squeeze.

  He wished they could too. That had been the biggest disappointment of the whole trip. Gulping a mouthful of the water they were floating on and discovering it tasted like the salt-and-vinegar chips humans threw out of cars, only without the vinegar.

  “Untidy mongrels,” croaked Goliath. “They must have chucked millions of chips in the water to make it this salty.”

  Charm and Limpy croaked their agreement.

  With a big effort Limpy managed to lift the palm frond off his head and squint at the horizon.

  Still nothing.

  No national park hills.

  No treetops.

  No rocky outcrops.

  No kookaburras standing on one another's shoulders.

  Just flat water and the empty blue sky and the scorching, scorching sun.

  Limpy let the palm frond drop back onto his head.

  Without these to give us some shade, he thought feebly but gratefully, we'd be dryer and stiffer than poor Uncle Nick by now.

  He felt a surge of gratitude to Charm for suggesting they bring the palm fronds in the first place. And a surge of relief that Goliath hadn't been able to eat them when he'd tried to earlier in the day.

  Goliath's pleading voice brought Limpy back to the painful present.

  “Food,” croaked Goliath from under his palm frond. “I need food.”

  “There's only a tiny bit left,” said Charm.

  “That'll do,” said Goliath. “I'll have that.”

  Limpy raised his frond and reminded Goliath that they'd agreed to ration out the food so it would last them the trip.

  “Just give me some of it,” begged Goliath.

  “All we've got,” said Charm, “is three flying-beetle legs and a sandworm snout.”

  “Anything,” croaked Goliath. “Please. I'm a growing toad. I need food.”

  “Hang on a sec,” said Charm, peering into the leaf she'd wrapped the food in. “Someone's eaten the snout and replaced it with a bit of dried mucus.”

  Limpy looked at Goliath.

  Goliath went guiltily silent.

  “All right,” he said after a while. “I'll just have the mucus.”

  Charm gave Goliath two beetle legs. His eyes opened wide with delight. She handed the other one to Limpy.

  “What about you?” said Limpy. Goliath was already crunching the two legs and sucking the juice gratefully. Limpy held the third leg out to Charm. “You have it.”

  “It's okay,” said Charm. “I don't need much food. That's the one advantage of being stunted by pollution as a kid. Tiny tummy.”

  Tiny tummy, thought Limpy emotionally as he crunched his beetle leg, but very big heart.

  Limpy lay on the cooler lid and lost track of time again.

  Then he felt Charm slip under his palm frond and put her arms round him.

  “Limpy,” she said in a tiny exhausted voice. “We're not going to find the national park, are we? We're just going to keep on drifting till we dry out and die.”

  Limpy couldn't answer her, partly because his mucus was almost solid and partly because he had a terrible aching fear she was right.

  He hugged her tight.

  “I don't mind dying,” she said. “It was worth it, trying to find the national park. I'm just sad I won't ever see Malcolm again.”

  Limpy was glad he couldn't speak. He might say something about Malcolm that would upset Charm, and he didn't want to do that.

  “I know he's not perfect,” continued Charm. “But I think he likes me, and that makes me feel really good. Because he's so big and handsome and I'm so small and ugly.”

  A spasm of love ran through Limpy's chest, and it made sad dribbles of mucus run out of his eyes. He licked them up and swallowed them to make his voice work.

  “Charm,” he croaked. “You're not ugly. You're …”

  Before Limpy could tell her she was beautiful, plus the best sister in the whole universe and the nicest individual he'd ever met, he was interrupted b
y a scream from Goliath.

  “Look!” Goliath yelled. “Food! Heaps of it!”

  Limpy scrambled out from under the frond.

  Goliath was on his feet, jumping up and down excitedly, pointing at the water.

  “Look!” he shouted. “Peeled slime grubs stuffed with mashed ants. Fresh locust breast accompanied by mosquito-and-centipede salad. Snail guts on the half shell.”

  Limpy hung on to the edge of the wildly rocking cooler lid and stared at where Goliath was pointing.

  All he could see was water.

  “I'll get it!” yelled Goliath.

  Limpy realized his cousin was going to dive in.

  “Grab him!” said Charm.

  They grabbed Goliath's skin folds and dragged him down onto the lid.

  “Locust breast,” sobbed Goliath. “I saw it.”

  “He's delirious,” said Charm. “Seeing things. Dehydration can do that. I saw a drought-affected galah once who thought Goliath was a tree stump.”

  “Snail guts,” moaned Goliath.

  Limpy glanced at the patch of water Goliath had been pointing at, just in case. And saw, below the surface, a dark shape.

  He looked more closely. The shape was too big to be any of the food items Goliath had mentioned. Even a jumbo slime grub wasn't anything like that big. What it looked like, Limpy realized, warts tingling, was the smooth top of a small hill.

  A small hill in a national park.

  “Yes!” screamed Limpy, suddenly bursting with more energy than he'd had all day.“We've found it. It's not much, but it's a start.”

  The small hilltop broke through the surface of the water.

  Limpy's excitement evaporated.

  Two eyes were looking at him from under what Limpy now realized wasn't a hilltop. Two eyes in a creased and warty face.

  “Stack me,” croaked Goliath. “It's a giant cane toad.”

  Limpy stared. Was it possible? Had a cane toad made the journey before them to find the national park?

  “Cripes,” said Goliath. “It's bigger than Malcolm.”

  Limpy looked more closely. The curved brown thing he'd mistaken for a hilltop was attached to the toad's back. Was it a cooler lid that had melted in the sun?

  “Excuse me,” said Limpy. “Are you a cane toad?”

  The face looked offended.

  “Certainly not,” it said. “I'm a giant turtle.”

  “Sorry,” said Limpy. “Um, you don't happen to know if there are any higher-up bits of the national park around here, do you? Bits that haven't been flooded?”