At least we had a whole month until then—a month during which Ryan would most likely forget all about us.
In the meantime, we’d train every day, for hours on end, so we could ultimately prove ourselves as the best.
* * *
One month later
I’m happy to say we were outstanding at our audition. We performed the dance we’d prepared absolutely perfectly—even the difficult acrobatic moves—to a tune by Blackstone called “Close To You.” Travis and I were pleased, and the judges had had very good things to say about our performance.
The only person who’d said nothing—and I mean nothing, zip, silence—was Ryan Wilder. He’d just looked at me angrily, his teeth clenched tight.
That didn’t bode well. If he were to say no, it’d be over for us. All our dreams of success and the life it could bring would come to an end.
Unfortunately, we didn’t get a final answer right away, and we had no choice but to dig deep for patience and wait. We’d gone back to the waiting room, which was packed full of other dancers, so we had to sit on the floor.
“I’m starting to have doubts about our winning,” Travis said, flipping a lock of hair off his forehead. His brown eyes were filled with pessimism.
“Don’t start that again,” I chided. He was my best friend, and I felt obliged to give him some strength. I couldn’t leave him looking so browbeaten, always assuming the worst. He who only thinks of bad things will have something bad happen to him sooner or later—or at least that’s what my great grandmother always used to say.
“Think positively. Our performance was flawless. We didn’t make a single mistake.”
Travis put his arm around my shoulders and kissed me on the head. “You’re right.”
“Of course I’m right.” I smiled and gave him a little dig in the ribs with my elbow.
I decided to find the ladies room, and one of the assistants told me to walk to the end of the long corridor, take a left, and after that a right. From there she assured me I’d have no trouble finding it.
I’ve never been very good at following directions, and of course, I ended up in the wrong room.
When I went in, I wished I’d never set foot inside.
One of the walls was smoked glass, which enabled me to see into the adjoining room. There, the judges from the audition sat at a round table. I panicked that they’d see me and was just about to sneak back out when Ryan Wilder’s voice nailed me to the floor.
“I don’t want her, Mike. Emily Delon is very talented and dances like a goddess, I agree. But I don’t want her to work at Wild Angels. And that Travis… I don’t trust him at all. With his incompetence, I know she’ll end up with a broken neck some day. I won’t let it happen in my bar.”
“You’re talking nonsense, for fuck’s sake. They both did a great job. She’s very flexible, she’s not afraid of anything, and she gives it everything she’s got. Didn’t you see the performance they pulled off? A true masterpiece. I still have goose bumps from it,” another man said.
But I didn’t dare turn to see who he was.
I was frozen on the spot, like I’d been paralyzed. I knew I should leave, that I shouldn’t eavesdrop, but my legs refused to obey the orders issued by my mind.
“When she raised her leg above her head, my eyeballs almost popped out of their sockets. She managed to keep her balance on the shoulder of that Travis guy on just one leg. Damn, that girl is pure gold. Beautiful, talented, sexy… And I think that’s precisely why you have a problem with her. You’re afraid you won’t be able to resist her charms and you’ll end up sleeping with her? You’re afraid—”
Enough.
I was done. Opening the door, I flew back out of it.
I felt sick as I walked down the corridor. What the hell had I done to Ryan to make him not want me? Was it because of the beach incident?
Black spots appeared before my eyes, and everything started spinning. I leaned on the wall for a moment, then tried to continue forward, but failed miserably. I slid to the floor.
Life would go on… I had to get it together rather than let some man hurt me and crush my self-confidence. Even if that man was Ryan Wilder.
The chill emanating from the wall against my back had a calming effect on me. Trying to bring my nerves under control, I inhaled and exhaled deeply.
You can do it, Emily. You’ve always managed to do it. With or without the dumb Wild Angels and their shitty audition. They can all go to hell. Every last one of them.
“Are you okay?”
I raised my head and was met by a pair of lovely blue eyes, sexy tousled hair, and a handsome face. Of all people on this planet, why was the only one I didn’t want to see ever again—Ryan Wilder—now hanging over me, looking concerned?
Concerned… He must be playing some kind of joke on me. Clearly, in addition to having a lot of musical talent, he had great acting skills, because one thing was certain: he didn’t care about me, not even slightly.
It took all the strength I had to stand, still leaning on the wall.
“What have I ever done to you?” I hissed. Even though I wasn’t particularly short, I still had to look up so I didn’t end up facing his chest.
He looked at me in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“Don’t pretend you don’t know. I heard what you said to the judges. By complete accident, I stumbled into the adjoining room and—”
“You eavesdropped on us.” He frowned, but that didn’t make his perfect features ugly at all.
Dammit, he was too gorgeous and manly. A true Romeo, and he knew it.
“I told you it was by accident. I was looking for the restroom and—oh, whatever.” I could feel the adrenaline spreading through my veins, and knew I must be bright red with rage. I probably looked terrible, but I had to tell him everything. “Just because you’re handsome and all the women go ooh and aah when they see you doesn’t mean you have to behave like a… I’ll spare you the rude words. You know what I’m talking about. You don’t want to work with me, but you can’t find a single good reason for not hiring me.”
He ran his hand through his hair, which seemed incredibly soft. “That’s not true. I said I don’t want you to break your neck in my club.”
“You call that a reason? You have a choreographer. Just because this time I incorporated acrobatic moves into the dance doesn’t mean it always has to be like that. I wanted to impress you, to show you we have potential. And your people were impressed. The only person against Travis and me was you, and I’d bet that was right from the start. You have no right to kill off people’s chances on a whim. We were the best, and the others said so too.” Tears started to burn my eyes, but I didn’t let them roll down my cheeks. I couldn’t let him see me so crushed.
“Emily, that’s not true—” he began.
But I didn’t give him an opening. I’d gathered steam and had to finish what I’d started. Without any interruptions.
I put my hand on his chest to stop him from getting too close to me.
Big mistake.
It was as hard as steel, and the feel of his body immediately turned me on. A second ago I’d felt like crying, but now I had the urge to undress him.
Dammit! How was this even possible?
Such conflicting emotions only existed in the trashy romance novels my mother like to read. It wasn’t like I’d never been close to a man. While we danced, Travis would touch my hips and waist, and I’d do the same to him. But he’d never had such an effect on me.
Making a huge effort, I focused on the fact that I was angry. “I don’t want to hear your excuses, Ryan, because I’ll never accept them. I feel deliberately snubbed and wronged. There’s nothing you can say to make me feel better. And you know what? I don’t want to work for you anyway. You don’t appreciate me.” I turned away from him and headed back down the hall toward the exit.
I needed to get away from here. Wild Angels was suffocating me, or to be more precise, Ryan Wilder was.
br />
Yes, he was sexy as hell, but he was a devil too—a beautiful, blond devil. To top it all off, he had amazing blue eyes, baby blue. They were somewhat narrow, which made him seem dangerous, like a man you shouldn’t try to screw over.
He was the most masculine man I’d ever met. Which pissed me off more than anything else. Why couldn’t he be a little uglier? That would actually do him some good. Behind that beautiful façade was an evil man who didn’t give a shit about anyone.
I continued to rage, but I realized it was mostly because I felt rejected. I was livid because he didn’t like me. That shocked me and crushed my self-confidence. It was like I’d been hit by an avalanche and was buried somewhere deep in the snow, where nobody could find and rescue me.
What was the point of having talent if there was no way for people to see it?
3
Ryan
That petite little Emily had gotten deep under my skin. Ever since I saw her on the shore with her boyfriend last month, I’d had to force myself not to think of her.
The red-haired beauty would come to me in my dreams and seduce me. We’d have sex almost every night, which, on the one hand, was good because it protected me from my nightmares, but, on the other hand, made me lose control. I could focus neither on composing music nor writing lyrics. She’d taken away my freedom to create.
“Ryan!” The voice of my manager, Mike Falkers, echoed down the hall and turned me away from the door I’d been staring at—the door through which the tempestuous redhead had exited. “We’re going with Travis and Emily. We decided they should win the audition.”
* * *
Emily Delon had been working at Wild Angels for two weeks now, and I had to admit she was doing a great job, as were Travis and the other dancers we’d selected. Steph Dellow, the choreographer I’d hired, had contributed to their success. He worked diligently and enthusiastically, and I admired how diplomatic and masterful he was at getting the best from the dancers.
I’d been trying to keep my distance from Emily. I allowed myself to covertly watch her train from time to time, but it always filled me with jealousy because I wanted her to be mine.
She was surrounded by some kind of aura, something magical. I couldn’t put my finger on what attracted me to her. Was it her body or her cute face with that stunning smile?
I’d noticed she was very nice to my staff, and whenever she smiled at them, her eyes shone, making her even more beautiful. That shouldn’t have been possible. In those moments, I’d imagine her smiles were intended just for me and then something inside me would generate heat, melting the ice lodged in my heart and making me feel happy and at peace.
But I’ve realized I need to do something and stop hiding. I’m determined to take the path to happiness into my own hands, which is why I found myself heading over to Emily during one of her rehearsals. She was talking intensely with the choreographer, who gazed at her as if the sun had risen right in front of him.
Dammit…that made me feel a powerful pang of jealousy.
Clenching my hands into fists, I started to walk faster, but unfortunately, an obstacle appeared before me: Gillian, the girl I’d spent the night with three days ago.
I’d thought that by continuing my wild sex life, I’d be able to get over Emily. But my plan hadn’t produced the intended result.
On the contrary, it had made things worse, because whenever I was fucking someone, I’d picture the petite French girl with the beautiful blue eyes. Not even sex could push Emily out of my thoughts.
I had to have her and see where things would go. Would I continue to desire her or lose interest? That had been the case with all the other women I’d shared a bed with.
Gillian was a hot piece of ass and great at giving a blowjob. Even so, she didn’t arouse enough interest in me for a repeat of our night between the sheets. I wanted to get rid of her straight away, but couldn’t risk it because she was apt to make a big scene. I’d been the target of outbursts of female emotion countless times.
She put her arms around my waist, as if I was her property. “Hey, baby. You want me to drop by your office this evening and help you relax? I can see you’re quite tense.” Her hand slipped under my T-shirt, and just as she was trying to slide it under my belt, I pulled away.
I wondered what would be the most diplomatic way of rejecting her. “I don’t want to sound harsh, but I’m sorry, honey. I don’t do seconds.”
“You’re an asshole.”
Yes, I knew that already.
She sulked, and the corners of her lips, which were covered in pale pink lipstick, turned down. “You used me like a common whore.”
Now that was too much. “As far as I can remember, I never promised you the stars or a serious relationship.”
I knew she’d been clear on that, but was now pretending to be hurt. I’d become familiar with the nature of female histrionics.
“I curse you, Ryan Wilder. I hope you find a woman who breaks your heart.” And on that note, she left.
I didn’t give a damn what others thought of me, whether they saw me as an asshole and egotist. The only person who concerned me was Emily, and unfortunately, she didn’t seem to be around any longer.
Swearing silently, I left the club. Outside, the sun was shining with full force, but luckily, the beach wasn’t full of the usual tourists.
I lit a cigarette and scanned my surroundings, hoping to spot Emily. It didn’t take me long to notice her bright red hair. She sat under a palm tree, on the edge of the beach. I flicked my cancer stick to the ground, put it out with the sole of my shoe, and rushed toward her. It was then I saw that she wasn’t alone.
Next to her, a boy sat on the sand. The kid was crying, and she was comforting him.
Who the hell was this child?
“Don’t cry, Jamie. So many diseases are much worse than diabetes. I know it’s horrible, but you’ll manage, and I’ll always be here to help you when you’re in need.”
“It hurts, Emily—don’t you get it? Every day and night I have to punch a hole in my fingers to measure my blood sugar. And insulin injections are really painful.” The child smeared the tears running down his face. He had messy brown hair and wore a tattered, beige T-shirt.
She stroked his head. “Just think how hard it is to be blind or in a wheelchair. Did you know people in Ethiopia go blind due to lack of vitamin A?”
“Yes, but Mom said if I often have high blood sugar, I’ll also go blind. They might cut off my legs, and I might even die.”
“Jamie, calm down. Look what I’ve brought you.” Emily reached into her handbag and took out a glossy brochure. “This is a sensor. It has an alarm, which makes a sound whenever your blood sugar is too high or too low. This way your levels will never be bad, and you’ll stay healthy.”
The kid took the brochure and started to browse through it. I leaned on a palm tree and continued to eavesdrop on their conversation from behind their backs.
“Mom said we have no money. I want to get an insulin pump, but it’s too expensive.”
“I’ve saved enough money. Did you know I now have a better job? I can buy you the pump and the sensor too.”
“But not all those stickers,” the boy said, pointing at something in the brochure. “They cost money too.”
“That’s called a catheter. Don’t worry—we’ll find a way. I’ll talk to your mom later today, when her shift’s finished. Until then, you can come to my apartment and play with Kitty.”
The kid wiped his nose with the back of his hand, smiled, and hugged her. Then he looked in my direction and noticed me.
Confusion on his face, he exclaimed, “It can’t be! That man over there…isn’t he—”
I quickly walked over to them, so they wouldn’t realize I’d been eavesdropping. “May I sit next to you?” I asked.
Emily gave me a disapproving look in response.
I’d interrupted their conversation, but I didn’t feel guilty about it. My curiosity about this boy was kil
ling me.
Emily finally nodded, and I sat next to her. I suppressed the powerful urge to grab her in my arms. She was so cute with her ponytail, big blue eyes, and snub nose—and so different from the women I usually met. She didn’t put on airs and didn’t make an effort to impress me.
Emily was just twenty years old. Normally I had no time for chicks that age, because to me they were still children. Emily, however, seemed quite mature. Perhaps that’s why she drew me in like a magnet?
And now, realizing she also had a big heart, my interest in her intensified substantially.
“What’s that?” I asked, pointing at the brochure.
“That’s for diabetics. You don’t have diabetes,” the boy replied sulkily.
“No, I don’t have it, but that doesn’t mean I’m not interested. What’s your name?”
He glanced at me shyly. “Jamie…um…I have to go. Mom’s waiting for me.” Then he looked at Emily, held up the booklet, and asked, “May I take this?”
“Of course.” She smiled at him, and my heart skipped a beat.
Fuck, I was in deep trouble. Emily Delon wasn’t my girlfriend, but I already knew she could wrap me around her finger if she wanted to.
“Where does your mother work?” I asked the boy. I wanted to find out more about him since Emily was so concerned.
“She’s a waitress in a café,” he replied while putting the brochure in his rucksack.
“Tell your mother that if she’s looking for a new job, she can come to Wild Angels. We need more waitresses in the restaurant. She’ll earn more money, and she’ll have a nice health plan for herself and you. What do you say?”
Jamie’s eyes widened in surprise. “Really? And who are you? Did you know you look a lot like that singer Ryan Wilder? But you can’t be him.”
His reply interested me. “And why couldn’t I be Ryan Wilder?”
Jamie laughed. “Because rock stars have no time for kids.”
I was startled by his insight.
“Generally, yes, that’s true,” I told him. “But I have time.” I didn’t sound particularly convincing, even to myself, so I gave him my business card, which had the club’s address and telephone number written on it.