The trouble was none of them made her breath catch in her throat the way Clay did. None of them stimulated her thinking and made her yearn to be better than she was. Only Clay did that.
She looked down at her hands. After years of wearing gloves and lanolin to keep her hands soft and white, they now looked like they belonged to someone else. They were red and freckled, with itchy red patches. Her nails were broken and ragged. Someday when she was back in Boston, this would be like a dream. She and Franny would wear gloves and take tea with people of culture. Her heart ached at the knowledge that her future would not include Clay. He might make it back east once in a while to see Franny, but he had made it clear that his future didn’t include Jessica.
She hung the last of the clothing on the line and went to the cabin with lagging steps. Franny followed her with her doll Molly. She had been unusually quiet today, and Jessica knew she missed her mother. Jessica spent a little extra time cuddling her after supper, then read her a story and put her to bed.
She thought again about her situation. What she should do is find a man to marry her, one who would be willing to be a father to Franny. Once the idea took root, she smiled. That wouldn’t be hard to do. But not a soldier! Perhaps one of the emigrants on their way to California or Oregon. She’d heard it was beautiful along the coast. Suddenly Boston didn’t seem so attractive. A man would solve all her problems.
The next morning she awoke determined to put her plan into action. She slipped her best dress over her head, arranged her hair in becoming curls, and applied a discreet touch of rouge to her cheeks. Franny watched in fascination as Jessica transformed herself.
“Now it’s your turn, sweetie,” Jessica told the little girl. She put a ruffled blue dress on her and pulled the soft blond curls back in a ribbon. How long had it been since she’d taken the time to attend to Franny like this? She bit her lip guiltily. So much for being the perfect mother.
She took Franny’s hand and went to the door. “Let’s go to the bakery and buy you a sticky bun.”
Franny’s eyes grew wide. “Just for me?”
“All for you,” Jessica agreed.
Quite a little town had sprung up in recent months. Fort Bridger had turned into a major stopping-off place for emigrants and prospectors. Jessica almost felt as though she didn’t know the place anymore. Clay had said it wouldn’t be long until it was a regular town. She was aware of people’s stares as they walked past the various shops and businesses.
A tall, middle-aged gentleman took off his hat and bowed as she passed. “Ma’am,” he said.
“It’s miss,” Jessica said with her most fetching smile.
He was immediately fetched. “Robert Ketcham, at your service, Miss, er?” He ended with a question in his voice.
Jessica held out her gloved hand. “Miss Jessica DuBois,” she said with a demure flutter of her lashes. “I’m so pleased to meet you, Mr. Ketcham. This is my ward, Franny.”
Robert knelt and took Franny’s small hand. “Hello, Franny. Would you like a licorice stick?”
Franny looked up at Jessica, then shook her head. “We’re going to get me a sticky bun. One just for me.”
“A sticky bun it will be then,” he said solemnly. He offered Jessica his elbow. “May I?”
She smiled again in a way to make her dimple appear. “Why, thank you, sir. How kind.”
“Please, call me Robert.” He escorted her down the street to the bakery and held open the door for her.
Robert was attentive throughout their breakfast. He was a businessman on his way to California, and he told Jessica all about his factories in New York and Pennsylvania. “When my wife died, I decided to expand my concerns to the West,” he said. “It seemed a good time to see something of the world while profiting at the same time. Unfortunately, we had no children, so there was nothing to keep me back east.”
He’s perfect, Jessica decided. She debated about how much to tell him and finally decided on the truth. He would have to know about her circumstances sooner or later.
“My father, Major DuBois, was killed in the Fetterman disaster last December. Mama was forced to marry his brother when Papa died without enough money for her to support us.” She told him all about Ellen and how much she loved Franny and just what she’d agreed to do to keep her. Robert’s eyes were fixed on her face through her entire explanation. She could see the admiration intensify as her tale unfolded. Just as she’d hoped.
“You’re a remarkable woman, my dear,” he said. “You deserve a bit of enjoyment after all you’ve been through. May I take you and young Franny to dinner tonight?”
She allowed herself just a moment of hesitation so he wouldn’t realize his invitation was exactly what she’d been waiting for. “Why, that’s very kind of you, Robert. I think we can squeeze that in. It sounds delightful.”
His face reddened with pleasure. “Shall I call for you about six?”
She inclined her head. “We’ll be ready.”
He took her gloved hand and pressed his lips to it. “I look forward to it with great anticipation.” His dark eyes gleamed as he escorted her to the door.
She could feel his eyes on her all the way down the street, but she resisted the impulse to turn to make sure. Smiling to herself, she forced herself to walk sedately, even though she felt like skipping. She had known it would be easy, but she hadn’t expected to find someone so cultured and rich the very first day.
When they reached the cabin, she changed her clothes and popped Franny into a play dress. “Did you like Mr. Ketcham?” she asked her.
Franny nodded. “But I like Uncle Clay more. When is he coming back to see us?”
When, indeed? Jessica had expected him last week. But when he finally showed his face, she was determined that he would not find her pining away for him. When he saw her on Robert’s arm, he’d realize what he’d lost.
Since she was anticipating the pleasure of an evening out with an admiring man, the day flew by. Even the daunting task of the laundry didn’t dampen her spirits. Franny played happily in the shade of the tent while Jessica scrubbed the clothes. October was almost here, and winter wouldn’t be far off. She would need to move quickly with Robert in order to get out of here before the snows fell in the mountains to the west. She tried not to think about Clay. She was determined to put that madness behind her. Somehow she would forget him and go on with her life.
She finished her day’s work around five and hurried inside with Franny to get cleaned up for their evening out. She hauled and heated water for the small hip bath by the fire, then bathed herself and Franny before dumping the water out the back door. She dressed Franny as she had this morning, then surveyed her own wardrobe, debating for a few minutes over what to wear. She wanted to look demure yet alluring, because she had to hook Robert quickly. She finally settled on a blue satin dress with a daring neckline, pearl buttons running up the sleeves, and a flounced hemline. She curled her hair again and applied rouge to both her cheeks and her lips. After peering in the hand mirror, she was satisfied with her appearance.
She turned at a knock on the door. He was early! Luckily, she was ready. She smoothed one last stray hair and hurried to the door. Her welcoming smile froze when she swung open the door and stared into Clay’s hazel eyes. Her heart clenched with the shock even as Franny shrieked and flung herself against his legs.
“Uncle Clay, Uncle Clay!” She tried to climb his pant leg, and he scooped her up and held her high.
“How’s my girl? Did you miss me?” He settled her against his shoulder and stared down at Jessica.
“We missed you most awfully, didn’t we, Jessie?” Franny patted his cheeks. “I don’t want you to ever go away again.”
He patted her absently while his gaze probed Jessica’s face. She flushed at his appraisal. Why did he affect her like this? She didn’t like the feeling. Men were the ones who were supposed to gasp at the sight of her. She wanted to be the one in control. She swallowed the lump in her throat
.
“When did you get in?” She stepped aside so he could enter.
“Just now. I came straight here. I thought I might catch you before you fixed supper and take you both to Bridger Inn for dinner.”
“We already have a dinner engagement.”
A tiny muscle tightened in his jaw, but he nodded. “That explains the finery. I thought maybe you’d heard I was back.” He looked down at Franny. “It looks like it’s just you and me, muffin. May I have the honor of your presence at dinner?”
Franny squeezed him around the neck. “I told Jessie I liked you better than Mister Ketcham.” She planted a kiss on his chin. “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too.” He looked at Jessica. “Who’s Mr. Ketcham, Red?”
She tossed her head. “Robert is a very wealthy gentleman from New York,” she said loftily. “He’s due here any minute. I’d appreciate it if you would leave before he arrives.”
“Ashamed of him?”
“Of course not!” she snapped. “I just don’t relish the thought of having you look down your nose at my friends.”
“I don’t care who you see as long as you realize that Franny’s welfare comes first. I should have expected you to cave in as soon as my back was turned. You’re not the type to stick with anything for long. I can find other arrangements for Franny.”
“What do you mean? I have no intention of giving up Franny!” Her heart began to pound. Surely he wouldn’t go back on their agreement.
“The deal was that you would stay here and care for Franny with money you’d earned with your own hands, that you would raise her by Christian standards.” He turned to the door. “We’ll talk about this later. I’m disappointed in you, Red.” He wheeled with Franny in his arms and stalked out the door.
Jessica stared at the shut door and swallowed hard. Tears pricked her eyes, and she blinked them back fiercely. She wouldn’t cry. He wasn’t worth it. He obviously cared nothing about her if he would insist that she work such long, hard hours. Most men coddled and protected women. But not Reverend Clay Cole. Oh, no! He thought a woman should work at a humiliating job that left her sweaty and exhausted. Well, she’d had enough of him and his strange ideas for one day!
She lifted her head at the knock on the door and fixed a smile on her face. Some men knew how to treat a woman, so why was she wasting her tears on a man like Clay? He wasn’t worth it.
§
Furious, Clay strode toward the hotel with Franny in his arms. As soon as his back was turned, Jessica had reverted to her old ways. A man was always the solution for a woman like her. Just when he was beginning to hope she might really have some inner beauty inside that pretty head, she proved him wrong. He knew he seemed cruel and uncaring, but she had some lessons to learn. She would never grow if all she had to do was bat her beautiful blue eyes and some man would fall all over himself to meet her every wish. How would she ever realize her need for God when she never went without her slightest whim?
“Are you mad at me, Uncle Clay?”
Franny’s sad little voice interrupted his thoughts. “Of course not, muffin. I’m just thinking.” He gave her a little squeeze.
“Oh. You were frowning. Are you mad at Jessie? She tooked really good care of me.” She peered anxiously into his face. “I don’t want you to be mad at Jessie. She cries at night sometimes.”
He smiled at her matter-of-fact tone. “She does, huh?”
Franny nodded. “I asked her one time why she was crying, and she said she missed her brother, but that I made everything all better.”
“That’s cause you’re a special little girl. You make everything better for me, too. I didn’t know Jessie had a brother.”
“His name is Jasper, and he had a tadpole in his bedroom. The policeman came and took him and Jessie never saw him again.” Woe was in her voice when she told him the story. “He was just a little boy. Can the policeman take me away from you and Jessie?”
“Of course not,” Clay assured her. “You’ll always be with me.” He couldn’t speak for Jessica. He felt unutterably weary. They had reached the boardwalk, so he set her down and took her hand. “Are you hungry?”
“Uh-huh. Can I have some chicken?”
“Chicken it is.”
The restaurant was filled with the appetizing aromas of fried chicken, beef roast, coffee, and bread. Clay’s mouth watered when he saw a waitress go by with plates of fried chicken. It sounded good to him, too. He found a table near the window and ordered chicken for both of them, then turned to look around the room.
Several soldiers waved to him and a couple stopped by his table to welcome him back to the fort. The place was mostly filled with miners and soldiers, but he caught an occasional glimpse of an emigrant family. The waitress had just brought them their food when he saw Jessica come in the door accompanied by a good-looking man of about forty-five. He had dark hair with wings of gray, and he seemed very attentive to Jessica.
The noise in the hotel stilled suddenly as the other men stared at her, too, but she seemed oblivious to the attention. She’s probably used to it, Clay thought morosely. A woman with her beauty was used to being ogled and cosseted wherever she went. That was probably another reason this past month had been so hard for her. Maybe he was expecting too much from her. How did he expect her to suddenly change who she was overnight?
He was surprised by the jealousy that burned in his chest. He felt a shaft of panic. When had he begun to care about her? He thought back to the kiss they had shared just before Ellen’s death. Jessica’s lips had been soft and pliant under his own, and she’d not shown the experience he had expected. His pulse raced at the memory, and he determinedly stared down at his plate. He couldn’t let his feelings get the best of him. She wasn’t a Christian.
As he ate his supper, he tried to pay attention to Franny’s chatter, but his eyes kept straying to Jessica’s red curls. She talked animatedly with the man, who kept his gaze fastened on her face. The fellow was obviously smitten. Clay watched as Jessica threw back her head and laughed. Her melodious laughter made other heads turn. Even Franny turned around in her seat at the familiar sound.
“It’s Jessie!” She slid from her chair and evaded Clay’s restraining hand. “Jessie!”
Jessica turned at the sound and opened her arms. Clay saw the way her face lit up at the sight of Franny. She really does love her. He’d never been totally sure of her motives before, but the adoration on her face was obvious. Franny hurtled into her arms, and Jessica kissed her, while the man looked on with an indulgent smile on his face. It was a proprietary smile, as though he were looking at his own wife and child. Maybe that’s what Jessica and Franny needed: stability with someone who could provide for them. Did he have the right to deny them that?
He rose slowly to his feet and sauntered toward the other table. “Sorry; I couldn’t stop her when she realized you were here.”
She gazed up at him with a look on her face that made his heart leap. It almost seemed like the same look she gave Franny. Stop it! She was a master at making men fall in love with her. She played with men’s hearts like men played with cards. He needed to keep her character well in mind.
“Enjoying your supper?”
“Very much.” Her companion stood, and she smiled at him. “I’d like you to meet Robert Ketcham. Robert, this is Franny’s cousin and coguardian, Reverend Clay Cole.”
Clay shook the man’s hand and was impressed with his direct gaze and firm shake. He wanted to find a reason to dislike him, but if first impressions were anything to go by, he wouldn’t find a thing wrong with the other man.
“Please join us,” Robert said politely. “We were just about to enjoy a piece of Martha’s famous apple pie.” He gestured at the two empty seats.
Clay wanted to refuse, but he also didn’t want to seem churlish. He smiled his thanks and took Franny from Jessica, then placed her on a chair and scooted her up to the table before sitting down across from Robert. He might as well find ou
t as much as possible about the situation while he was here.
“What do you do?” he asked Robert. He listened as Robert explained his business and his desire to discover new markets and horizons. He seemed like a nice guy. Clay didn’t want to like him, but he couldn’t help himself.
As soon as their pie was finished, Clay took his leave and left Franny with Jessica. She was heading back to the cabin anyway, and he needed to get away somewhere and think. He was shocked at how much the thought of Jessica being interested in another man shook him. He walked slowly through the dusty streets, looking up at the stars. The whine of the sawmill had stilled, and he heard frogs croaking in the stillness.
His cabin was cold and lonely when he shut the door behind him. He lit a lantern, then started a small fire to take the edge off the chill and looked around his cold, empty room. This was likely all his life would be: a series of empty rooms where he hung his hat for a few days or weeks before he moved on to the next place. Would the Lord ever give him a home of his own, his own family, and his own church? Did he even want that? Jessica stirred a sense of longing he’d never thought to have. He poked the fire dejectedly, then picked up his Bible. He was never alone, and he knew it. There was no sense in wallowing in self-pity.
He thumbed through the pages and found Psalm 84:10, one of his favorite verses.
For a day in thy courts is better than a thousand. I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness.
Instead of stopping there he read the next verse. He didn’t remember reading the verses with quite the same meaning he saw now.
For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.