The rumble of the train over the tracks was probably enough to stop anyone from overhearing us, but I dropped my voice anyway. “Do you think it’ll change anything? What we did, for the mages—how they think about helping people?”
Jonathan paused. “I don’t know,” he said. “I’d like to think so. Two of us managed to save maybe twenty lives. If we’d all worked together out there, we might have saved anyone from getting hurt at all. That’s something for them to chew on.”
The question that had been niggling at me since we’d roared away from the hilltop worked its way up my throat. “Will I be able to talk to my dad about what I can do, about the whole community…? I’m going to have to tell him something.”
Jonathan’s arm tightened around me. “You can’t say anything yet. Not until we know how we’re going to handle revealing the community in general… if this is even enough to convince the ruling mages that we should, finally. For now, we’ll have to wait and see.”
“So what do I do for now?”
His pause then was even longer. “Go home,” he said. “Let me talk to my parents first, get a sense of the general feeling. If your dad gets home before we talk next, can you act confused? He’ll hardly believe what he saw at all, so you might be able to convince him it wasn’t really you.”
I didn’t know about that. He’d said my name. He’d looked right at me.
“I’ll meet you after you’re finished with school tomorrow, and we’ll go talk to someone in charge,” Jonathan said. “I’ll have an answer sorted out by then, I promise. Then we can move forward.”
Into the magical world, not in the one I’d been living in for the last seventeen years? How long would I have to keep telling Dad ridiculous lies? And even if that changed…
I listened to the hum and rattle of the train for a long moment. Then I couldn’t help asking, “Do you think, if the mages do go public about what they can do—what we can do—that all the ‘Dulls’ will accept us?”
“I doubt it,” Jonathan said. No hesitation in answering that question. “There’ll always be some who are afraid of what they find difficult to understand. Look at how many conflicts they still have just over what country someone was born in. But we’ll make the best of the situation. It can’t get better if we don’t give it a chance to.”
There’ll always be some who are afraid. I closed my eyes, and the image of Dad’s face swam up again. A burn of tears formed behind my eyelids.
What if he couldn’t ever look at me the same way again?
The taxi Jonathan paid for dropped me off right outside my apartment. I lingered there on the sidewalk outside the bakery in the warm night air. The streetlamps hummed overhead.
I didn’t like being out here alone after dark, but the thought of going up to the apartment, where Dad might already be waiting, made me even more edgy. That burnt smell was still wafting off of my clothes. I’d have to throw this outfit in the trash, I’d bet. As if losing my second-favorite pair of jeans was my biggest problem.
The jabbing of my headache had eased off. I considered trying to ‘chant the smell right off of me, but the second I focused on the magic around me, my nerves skittered.
It was too much, too there, tickling at me even worse than it had in the mall. Impossible to ignore. What if it got even louder when I tried to direct it?
Instead, I walked to the convenience store on the corner, bought a bag of chips, and walked back without opening the bag. Just to have something in my hands.
I had to go up. I dragged in a breath, turned toward the stairwell—and noticed a figure ambling toward me on the sidewalk.
A familiar figure. I’d only met Jonathan’s uncle once and for barely any time at all, but it’d be hard to forget that burly frame topped by that square-jawed face with an expression I was going to guess was perpetually stern.
I stiffened, but surprisingly the man’s face softened as he reached me. He stopped a few feet away, just enough space that I didn’t feel threatened, and folded his hands in front of him.
“Miss Amy Sanders,” he said in an even voice that sounded gracious enough.
“You’re Jonathan’s uncle,” I said. As I tried to figure out what he could be doing here, a thought struck me. “Are you… Did he ask you to come get me?” Had Jonathan told his family that quickly? Was it happening already, my induction into this mage society?
My heart flipped over. No.
I wasn’t ready. Not at all.
The towering man made a reassuring gesture. “You don’t have to go anywhere, Amy. I came to find out if there’s anything I can do for you.”
“For me?” I repeated. “I, um…” I was too tired to think of an articulate response. “Why would you do that?”
“I serve the entire community of mages,” he said with a small smile. “And that includes you. But I gather you’ve only just found out about your magic. It’s a little frightening, isn’t it?”
Some part of me unclenched at those words—at the idea that someone actually understood. I’d been lying not just to my dad but to Jonathan too, hadn’t I? Pretending I only felt good about this whole magic thing, not wanting to see how he’d look at me if I’d admitted just how much it was starting to unnerve me.
But his uncle already knew. He made it sound as if those feelings were normal.
“Yes,” I said, fighting to keep my voice from wavering. “Actually it is kind of scary.”
Jonathan’s uncle nodded. “I’m not surprised. I can only imagine how overwhelming all of this must be for you. But I might be able to help.”
“Help like how?”
He motioned to a dark green car parked near the other end of the block. “If you would come with me, just for a moment, there’s something we could do right away that will help you control your power. Give you a little relief from the stress you’ve been dealing with. If you’d like that.”
Relief rushed through me so fast it took my breath away. Oh, hell, yes, I would like that. “That would be wonderful,” I said. “But—it’s not just me. My dad saw me today. He knows… something. I don’t even know how to start explaining any of it to him.”
Jonathan’s uncle nodded again, as if he understood all my worries there too. “I can approach him as well. Smooth things over. What if I told you everything in your life could go back to how it used to be?”
A lump rose in my throat. “I wish it could. But, I mean, how normal can it get, with… everything?”
“Magic can sort out just about any problem if you find the right angle, Amy,” he said wryly. “Why don’t I show you? It won’t take that long, but the sooner we get this sorted out, the sooner you can get on with your life as intended.”
My legs balked, but just for a second. What was there for me to be afraid of? This man was part of Jonathan’s family. Jonathan had always said they’d advocate for me once they’d seen what I could do. Why wouldn’t his uncle want to ‘smooth’ things over, or however he wanted to put it?
I hugged my arms around myself and followed him to the car. My life, back to normal. No more accidental castings? No more magic pressing in on me like this? No need to scramble for an explanation with my dad?
I didn’t really believe it was possible, but my hopes had lifted anyway. Wouldn’t all that be a miracle?
There wasn’t anything I’d want more.
Chapter Fifteen
Jonathan
Sometimes you didn’t have a choice in your course of action. There was only one acceptable path to take. You just had to grab that option with both hands and dive in, and hope to the gods on high you could make it work.
I told myself that, but my stomach still felt heavy as I waited outside Amy’s school. Mom and Dad had been meeting with the Circle and many of the mage families today to decide what to do about me. And maybe what to do about Amy too. So I’d broken one more rule, one promise I hadn’t meant even while I was making it, and come here to get her.
They shouldn’t make any decisions until
they’d met her. Once they did, once they saw how much she’d already come into her talent, they’d have to accept her as a mage. I’d fight them until they did.
My gaze fell on a newspaper box at the edge of the sidewalk. A photo of ash billowing over Mount St. Helens filled the front page of the New York Times. But I already knew that inside, on page four, there was a shorter article about a small group of people who’d claimed they’d been saved by “something like” magic.
I’d seen a few of those people interviewed on the TV this morning too. I don’t know who they were or how they did it, one woman had said breathlessly, but all I can say is thank you. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.
She’d been the most effusive of the bunch, but all of them had been grateful and awed even in their confusion. No pitchforks, no exclamations of horror. Not even the strictest mage could have claimed their reaction to that minor reveal was anything but positive.
The bell chimed distantly from inside the school building, and my attention jerked back to the present. A moment later, students began streaming out. I bobbed on my feet, watching for that first glimpse of Amy’s bright red hair.
There. She was ambling out, looking totally relaxed, with a couple of girls I’d seen her walking with before. I relaxed a little, just seeing her smiling. If she’d talked to her dad, that conversation couldn’t have gone too badly.
She didn’t look up as the trio meandered down the walk. I’d told her I’d meet her here after classes, hadn’t I? I’d been so worn out by the end of the day that I supposed I might have just thought it and not actually said it out loud.
“Amy!” I called.
Her head jerked up. She scanned the crowd around her, her gaze skimming right over me without stopping. “Amy!” I said again, raising my hand.
Her eyes found me this time. Her forehead furrowed. One of her friends nudged her, and Amy turned to the other girl with a shake of her head and a laugh.
I stepped over to meet her at the edge of the sidewalk. She hesitated there, frowning.
“You wanted to talk to me?” she said.
What in Hades’s name was going on? Was she putting on an act for some reason?
“Of course,” I said. “I came to get you. I thought I told you I’d come by today.”
“Get me?” she repeated, her expression only turning more puzzled. “I’m sorry, I have no clue how you know my name, but I don’t think I know you at all.”
No. This couldn’t be happening. But she was looking at me so blankly, so innocently, as if she really had no idea at all who I could be. “Amy…” I said, as if repeating her name would be enough to snap her out of it. “It’s me. It’s—”
Her fingers tightened where she was gripping the straps of her backpack. I realized with a jab to my gut that she was nervous. Nervous of me.
Of some strange guy she didn’t recognize who knew her name and was trying to talk to her as if he expected something from her.
I couldn’t keep pushing when she looked like that. When she was looking at me like that. It was obvious she honestly didn’t know what was going on.
“Sorry,” I said, backing up a step. “Never mind.”
She frowned at me for a moment longer before drifting after her friends. My gaze followed her down the sidewalk, my mind reeling. Then my body stiffened.
A black limo was parked across the street half a block down. A black limo exactly like the ones the Circle members used when they ventured out into the city. And Uncle Raymond was leaning against the trunk. He met my gaze and folded his arms over his chest.
My hands balled at my sides. I crossed the street and marched over, so much anger surging up inside me that it was a wonder I managed to hold my tongue until I was close enough to speak sotto voce.
“What did you do to her?” I said. “She doesn’t recognize me. She was— You took everything away.”
Uncle Raymond looked at me with narrowed eyes. “I thought you’d turn up here. And I didn’t take everything. I didn’t take anything. A magicmedic specializing in mental processes removed all memory of you and her interactions with the magic from her mind. From her father’s too. You should thank me.”
“Thank you?” I sputtered. “She has magic. She has the right to use it. You can’t just—”
“I cleaned up the mess you made,” my uncle said as if I hadn’t spoken. “You couldn’t even see how the poor girl was falling apart under the pressure, could you? You had no right trying to bring her into a world she wasn’t remotely prepared for. Although that’s not the worse of your recent transgressions.”
He glowered at me, and I glowered right back. Falling apart? Maybe Amy had been a little disoriented, but we’d been figuring things out together. He’d barely given me—or her—a chance. “If she still has her magic, then we could still—”
“If you approach her again, try to contact her in any way, the Circle will have her burned out. And believe me, they’ll be watching. Is that what you want for her?”
The steely glint in his eyes told me he meant it. My stomach flipped over. “No. Don’t do that.” As long as she had some connection, there was always a chance she’d discover what she was meant for later. With or without me.
That last thought wrenched at me even harder than I’d expected. I hadn’t even known Amy for a whole month. But she’d worked her way into so many of my thoughts since then. I’d cared about her, more than I’d ever felt for any other girl. I’d wanted to see her come into her powers, prove herself—
I gritted my teeth against the ache in my throat. It was because I cared about her that I’d have to bow to Uncle Raymond’s threat. That was why the Circle hadn’t had her burned out already, wasn’t it? So they still had an additional threat to curb my behavior.
For now.
“I want to talk to my father,” I said. If I could convince him, if we could form a combined front, maybe we could sway that ruling.
To my surprise, my uncle immediately reached for the limo’s back door. “By all means,” he said. “In you go. We ought to be getting you home anyway.”
I clambered in to find my father sitting by the far window. I settled into the seat across from him, a flush washing over me. He was the one I’d made my promise to—the promise I’d broken coming here. And last night’s talking to was still fresh in my mind.
Dad gave me a tight smile, his gaze steady but mild, as Uncle Raymond took the seat beside him. “I trust I don’t have to worry about you casting yourself away from this conversation?” he said in an even voice.
The flush burned a little hotter with Uncle Raymond looking on. “I did what I needed to do then,” I said. And right now I needed to keep hold of my anger. They couldn’t take that away from me.
“Do you really agree with them wiping her memory?” I demanded as the limo pulled away from the curb. “She was learning. She barely needed to learn anything to start casting on her own. She should be a mage.”
“Jonathan,” Dad said in the same even voice, “I’m not going to argue that with you. In an ideal world, she’d be a mage.” Uncle Raymond gave a huff at that, but Dad ignored him. “But we don’t live in an ideal world, and we have to make accommodations for the world we do live in.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I snapped. “You might as well be saying, ‘Who cares about principles if they happen to become inconvenient for us?’”
He exhaled slowly. “We just have to decide which principles take priority depending on the situation. I’m not happy with the way magical society functions right now, but it’s not going to change in an instant, no matter what any of us does. When and if we do start to integrate with the magicless, it’s going to be a long, slow process. We can’t do right by someone like Amy when we haven’t even begun that transition yet. She has a whole life, people she loves, that’s completely disconnected from her magic.”
Amy’s question about telling her dad came back to me. The way she’d gotten upset about how I’d talked
about the magicless. Of course she was tied to that life. It was all she’d known.
“There must be some way we could find a balance,” I said.
“We’re not equipped to do it well right now,” Dad said. “There would have been a lot of pain all around. And a high chance she’d have ended up feeling alienated from both her societies. Is that what you would have wanted for her?”
I would have been there for her, I wanted to say. But what if she’d decided she didn’t want me anymore. Who would she have had to turn to, really?
She’d have been stuck, looked down on by one side, bewildering the other…
I didn’t want to believe it would have turned out like that, but deep inside, the flaring of my anger started to falter. She’d looked so happy when she’d come out of the school just now. When was the last time I’d seen her quite that relaxed around me?
If I kept fighting, would it really be for her, because I was absolutely sure of what would be best for her… or would it be for my own pride?
“No,” I said quietly. “It’s not what I would have wanted. It’s not what she deserves.”
“There,” Uncle Raymond put in. “You can stew on that while you’re waiting for your hearing. Because believe me, after this weekend, the Circle intends to have you face one.”
I didn’t have anything else to say, especially in front of him. I kept my mouth shut the rest of the way home. Thankfully my uncle stayed in the limo as Dad and I got out. Dad gave him a nod, and Uncle Raymond responded with a grimace. Then we were walking into the house just the two of us.
I turned toward the stairs to head to my room, but Dad caught me by the shoulder.
“Jonathan,” he said, his gaze intent when I met his eyes, “I want you to know I’m proud of what you did this weekend.”
“What?” I burst out. “Then why did you— You’ve tried to stop me this entire time. Even there, with Uncle Raymond—”