“So you tried to reprogram gays?” I asked, wondering how people could be so ignorant still, even back in the nineties.
The doctor snorted. “They weren’t necessarily gay. More like what we today would call transgender. In my opinion, they were simply confused. We tried to help them.”
“You and Dr. Korner?” I asked.
“Yes. We did a big research program and published it. It was quite the big deal back then.”
“So, at what point did Tina and Dan Toft approach you?”
The doctor cleared his throat. “Well, they had troubles with their daughter Alexandra…”
“Alex,” Sune said.
“Yes, she preferred to be called Alex. The poor girl lived under the conviction that she was really a boy. So, we tried to help her in any way we could. She became a huge part of our research project. You can read all about it in our thesis. It was published in many medical journals all over the world. We did some groundbreaking research.”
“I bet you did,” I said, wondering what all this research had done to the poor little girl. I was starting to get annoyed with this guy. I hated doctors who thought they were gods.
“So, what happened to the twins? All we know is that they ran away from home,” I said.
The doctor’s face froze. He stared at me, looking like he was figuring out what to say. “She was admitted to a mental institution,” he said. “She suffered from severe schizophrenia. She committed suicide when she went home.” The doctor sighed and shook his head. “It was tragic. She wasn’t well. Somehow, she had gotten ahold of a pair of scissors and…well. The parents told me.”
“But the neighbors told us they ran away?” I asked.
“Well, the parents never told anyone what had really happened. Guess they were too afraid of what the neighbors would think. The boy did run away from home. I guess he blamed his parents for her suicide. Anyway, that’s all I know.”
I pulled out the photo given to me by the neighbor and looked at it. I felt so bad for the poor girl. The suicide gave Hans Toft the motive. I looked at Sune. “Do you have a picture of Jeppe?”
Sune shrugged. “I might have one in my phone, why?”
“Show it to Dr. Winter, will you please?”
“Sure.” Sune flipped through his pictures, then found one of him and Jeppe at the Internet Café and showed it to him.
“Is this Hans Toft?” I asked.
The doctor put on his glasses and looked at the photo. “Yes, that’s him,” he said. “I think…but, wait a second. The mole.” He looked at the picture once again, then at me from above his glasses. “That is not Hans Toft,” he said.
60
ALEX TOFT had heard everything from behind the door. He had entered the doctor’s house through an open window in the basement, and now he was watching them through the door leading to the kitchen. He was sweating heavily and trying hard to restrain himself from just walking in there and shooting all of them. He knew that he would have to at some point.
But it had to be at the right time.
“Look at the mole,” the old doctor said. Alex could see him through the crack in the door. He was pointing at the phone, and then at the picture the woman was holding.
If only you had killed her while you had the chance, you idiot!
Shut up, Hans.
You shut up, Alex! Stupid…
“The man in this picture has a mole on the right side of his nose, whereas the boy in this picture has the mole on the left side,” the doctor continued. “There is no way this can be Hans Toft. It has to…I don’t know how this can be, but it has to be Alexandra.”
That’s it. That’s your cue!
Alex held the gun tightly between his hands, then took in a deep breath.
“Here goes nothing,” he mumbled, right before he kicked the door to the living room. It shattered, and Alex walked inside, pointing the gun at the three people.
“You’re absolutely right, dear Doctor,” he said.
Their baffled faces were worth it all.
“Alexandra?” Dr. Winter said. He gasped and held a hand to his chest.
“At your service. Or, wait a minute. I think I have been for most of my LIFE!” Alex walked closer with the gun pointing directly at the doctor. He wanted to shoot right now, just finish him off. Just the sight of the doctor that had tortured him his entire childhood made him so angry he could hardly restrain himself. But, he had to. It wasn’t over just yet. The doctor needed to pay.
“But…but how is this possible?” The doctor said, stuttering.
“I told you, dear Doctor. I told you numerous times.” Alex walked closer and held the gun to the doctor’s temple. The doctor whimpered. Alex leaned over and yelled in his face. “I am not a girl!”
“Jeppe, please,” Sune said. “There’s no need to hurt any more people.”
Alex turned his head and stared at him. Then, he swung the gun and hit Sune with it. Sune fell backwards. The whiny Rebekka Franck started screaming.
“I thought you would be my brother,” Alex said. “Now, you mean nothing to me.”
Alex returned to the doctor and pressed the gun to his forehead again. “Now, dear Doctor, I would like to tell these nice people the entire story, if you don’t mind. I think they deserve it, don’t you?”
“What do you mean the entire story?” Rebekka Franck asked.
“Of course, you wouldn’t tell them. Why should you do that, Doctor dear? But I can. I can tell them.”
Rebekka Franck stared at Alex. He smiled. “All of my life, I was told I was a girl, when really I’m not.”
“We know they didn’t accept you…” Rebekka said.
“NO!” Alex yelled.
Rebekka jumped.
“It wasn’t like that,” Alex continued. “It wasn’t that I thought I was a boy. I WAS a boy. I was originally born as a boy. Right, Doctor?”
Doctor Winter whimpered and nodded.
“See, my parents had twins,” Alex said. “Twin brothers. But the doctors were supposed to perform a simple procedure when I was just a child. But something went wrong, didn’t it? Didn’t it, Doctor!”
“Y…yes. Yes, it did.”
“Both my brother and I had problems urinating from birth. A simple circumcision would fix the problem, they told our parents. What should have been a routine operation destroyed my life. Rather than perform the operation with a blade, the surgeons used a faulty cauterizing needle. My brother went through the operation just fine, but the electrical equipment malfunctioned while I was on the operating table, leaving me with injuries to my genitals. I was burnt. My penis was gone. Months later, my parents still didn’t know what to do with their disfigured son. Until they were introduced to Dr. Winter and Dr. Korner, who believed that nurture, rather than biology, was the significant factor in determining gender, and as it so happened to be, my brother and I represented the perfect opportunity to test the theory. The doctors’ proposal was for me to be raised as a girl, alongside my twin brother. They couldn’t recreate what had been burned, but they could surgically make me a girl. Under no circumstances was I to be told that I was really a boy. After yet another surgery, I became Alexandra. With hormones and the right influences, they were determined to make me a girl, no matter the cost. And, for years, it seemed that they’d succeeded. At least, according to the two doctors’ thesis that they wrote and published, but they failed to mention how miserable my life was and how I constantly tried to tell the world that I didn’t feel like a girl, even though everyone told me that’s what I was. In the end, they all just decided I was CRAZY and admitted me.”
“So…so, you killed your brother when you returned home? It was him they found, wasn’t it?” Rebekka Franck asked.
“I stabbed him with a pair of scissors. I cut off his penis and he bled to death. I watched him all night as he died. I hated him for being everything I wanted to be. I hated them all. My parents, the pastor who told them to whip the defiance out of me, the doctors who tried
to change me. When my brother died, so did Alexandra. Instead, I became him, I became my brother. I ran away. I used my brother’s name until I changed it to Jeppe Kastberg, so no one in my family could ever find me. My parents never told anyone what really happened. Their daughter was dead, that was all they said to the few of their closest relatives. Their son had run away from home. It wasn’t completely wrong. I think they believed it was less embarrassing that way. I didn’t see them again until the day I killed them. They hardly recognized me. Years after I escaped, I went through another change. I cut my hair and worked the streets for years. You won’t believe how much some men will pay to sleep with a girl that looks like a little boy. Finally, I had earned enough money to get a sex change. Lots of people in the streets do that. After six years of hormonal treatments and an operation, I was finally a boy again. Finally, I could be who I was supposed to be. I became a police officer, but could never forget my childhood. All my life, I had thought I was wrong. That everything about me was all wrong. Do you have any idea how that feels? Then, one day, I decided to get my files from the hospital, and in reading them, I learned that I had actually been born a boy. I had been right all along. I could never forgive. Nor could I find peace. I had to do something.”
“So, you killed your parents?”
“It wasn’t planned. It just happened. I wanted to visit them for the first time since I left, but when I got there and we sat on that couch in that house where it had all taken place, I simply snapped. I had worn my uniform to make them proud of me. To let them see that I had made something of myself. Something inside of me shattered when I remembered all this. I don’t remember doing it, but I grabbed the baton and simply started beating them. The anger inside of me was let loose and I couldn’t hold it back any longer. After that, there was no way back. I had to punish all of them.”
“Why Leonora?” Rebekka Franck asked.
Alex turned and looked at her. A new wave of fury rushed over him. “Leonora?” he asked, while gritting his teeth. “The bitch broke my heart. She ripped it out and stepped on it. I loved her. She thought I was a lesbian, and humiliated me, the bitch. They all got what was coming to them.” Alex felt tears roll across his cheeks, and wiped them with his arm. Why was he crying all of a sudden?
He turned and looked at the doctor, with his heart racing in his chest, racing with rage. “It all started with you. You and your ideas of gender reassignment.” Alex pressed the gun hard into the doctor’s forehead and put a finger on the trigger.
“So many lives destroyed, just because of you and your ideas!”
“Please, don’t hurt me,” the doctor pleaded. “I only tried to help. I never meant to hurt you. You must know that. Please, don’t hurt me. You’re not well. You have clearly lost contact with yourself and who you are. You need help, Alex. Don’t hurt me. We can figure it out.”
“I have to.”
Alex looked into the eyes of the doctor one last time before he pulled the trigger.
61
I SCREAMED as the gun went off, but it was drowned out by the sound of the blast. I watched as the bullet went through the doctor’s head and slammed into the wall behind him, while blood spurted onto the white paint.
Alex Toft panted and was pushed backwards from the blow. As soon as he had regained his balance, he turned the gun to point it at Sune and me. I gasped and put my hands in the air.
“I’m sorry, Alex,” I said. “For everything that has happened to you, but there is no need for anyone else to be hurt.”
My voice was breaking. I was about to scream and cry at the same time. The terrifying image of the bullet going through the doctor’s head kept flickering in my mind.
“Please, don’t hurt us. We have children. You know them. They need us. You’re angry, and I understand why, but please don’t take it out on us. It’s over, Alex. Everyone who hurt you back then is dead. Isn’t it enough?”
Alex was sweating. His face was red with restraint. He gritted his teeth and panted while pointing the gun at us. In the distance, I could hear sirens. Someone had called the police, probably when they heard the gunshot. The sound filled me with hope.
“Alex, put the gun down,” Sune said. He smiled and got up. I stared at Sune as he walked closer to Alex. “Come on. You and me, we’re buddies, remember? We’re like brothers. Hell, we could be twins. Look at how much we look like each other. Let’s run away together. Everything will be like it used to. Just you and me. Brothers having fun. There will be no doctors, no parents, no teachers, and no deranged pastors. Just us. But we have to hurry before the police get here.”
Alex stared at Sune. His hands were shaking. “What about her?” He nodded in my direction.
“She’s unimportant,” Sune said. “I left her, remember? I left her to be with you. Just like you wanted me to. I want to be with you instead. Never let a girl come between brothers, right? She’s not important. Just leave her. Come on. Let’s go.”
Alex sniffled and looked at Sune. I could tell he really liked Sune, and hoped he liked him enough that he wouldn’t want to hurt him. “Do you really mean that?” he said, sniffling.
“Yes. Of course I do. Now, come here.” Sune reached out his arms. “Give your brother a hug. I miss you, man.”
“No!” Alex yelled. “You’re trying to trick me!”
“Look at me, Alex. Look into my eyes. I’m not trying to trick you. But the police will be here soon, and we need to hurry.”
I heard the sirens come closer, then stop outside the house. Feet were running around the house. A face peeked in the window and spotted Alex with the gun.
“Come on, Alex,” Sune said. “Give me a hug. It’ll be like old times. I’m back.”
Tears gushed across Alex’s face. He was fighting within himself. “I’ve missed you, Hans,” he said. Then, he lowered the gun and threw himself in Sune’s arms. I breathed a sigh of relief, when suddenly the door was kicked in and officers stormed the room.
It all went by so fast I could hardly react. As the door was kicked in, I turned and watched as the officers pointed their guns at Alex. They were screaming at him to put down his weapon, then yelling at me to get to safety. I wanted to yell back that we had everything under control…that they shouldn’t scare Alex, but I was too late.
I looked back at Alex, just in time to see him lift the gun, point it at Sune’s stomach, and pull the trigger. Then, they shot him. Three guns went off at the same time, while Sune fell to the ground with a thud. Everything inside of me screamed.
NOOOOO!
EPILOGUE
SUNE WAS on the operating table all night, while I waited desperately in the waiting room for news. Every sound and every person coming in or out of the room made me jump.
Finally, in the early morning, the doctor came to see me.
“It doesn’t look good,” he said.
My heart dropped. That was never something you wanted to hear from a doctor. “What do you mean, it doesn’t look good?”
The doctor took in a deep breath. Another bad sign.
“He’s alive and stable now. That’s the good news.”
“And the bad news?”
“He probably won’t walk again. I’m sorry. I wish I had better news.”
Oh, my God! This can’t be real!
“Are you sure? I mean, what about rehabilitation programs?” I asked, desperately clinging to hope.
The doctor shook his head. “He’s paralyzed from the waist down, Rebekka. There’s nothing that can be done about it. The bullet hit him in his spinal column, the thoracic vertebra. It damaged his spine. I have to be honest and tell you he’ll never be able to walk again.”
And just like that, my life, our lives were changed forever. I had no one to talk to about it, since my dad was at home taking care of the kids. I fell into one of the chairs with a deep moan and started crying and sulking, simply devastated.
Just then, the door opened, and David entered along with Sara. “How is he?” David asked, as
they approached me.
I threw myself in his arms. “David, oh, it’s terrible!”
I hugged Sara and she held me tight. “What are the doctors saying?” she asked.
“He’ll never walk again. The bullet damaged his spine.”
“Oh, my God, Rebekka,” David said. “I’m so sorry. Is there anything we can do for you?”
“I’ll get you some coffee,” Sara said. “And some chocolate maybe?”
“I’m not hungry, but coffee sure sounds nice,” I said. “I’ve been here all night.”
I sat back down and David sat next to me. “I’m so sorry, Rebekka,” he repeated.
“He tried to save me. He tried to save us. He was being so brave.”
David grabbed me and held me close to him while I cried. Sara brought us coffee, and later the doctor came back.
“He can see you now,” he said.
I looked at David and Sara. They smiled and nodded me on. “Go on, Rebekka. We’ll be here when you get back,” Sara said, trying to smile. “Your dad is on his way with the kids, as well. I talked to them half an hour ago and they had just gotten in the cab.”
Sune looked like a ghost when I entered his room. He had tubes everywhere and was so pale he blended in with the pillow. He opened his eyes and looked at me. I could tell he was sad, but he tried to smile.
Oh, my God, he’s trying to be brave for me!
“By the look on your face, I’m guessing they told you?” Sune said.
I nodded and grabbed his hand. It was so cold. I warmed it between mine. “You were so brave, Sune.”
“I did alright, didn’t I?”
“You definitely did. You saved our lives. I can’t…I can’t begin to explain how much…”
I couldn’t finish the sentence. Tears burned my eyes. It was just so unfair. Why did he have to be the one who suffered? Why did he have to be the one to never walk again?
Sune’s eyes grew sad. “Maybe it would have been better for all of us if I died, huh?”