For Jonah, János reserved the simplicity of “In trutina,” that summa of ambiguous wavering:
In trutina mentis dubia In the uncertain balance of my mind
fluctuant contraria lewd love and modesty
lascivus amor et pudicitia. flow against each other.
Sed eligo quod video, But I can choose what I see,
collum iugo prebeo; and I submit my neck to the yoke;
ad iugum tamen suave transeo. to the delightful yoke, I yield.
In rehearsal, János coaxed Jonah up into a nimbus of sound. He took the song at half the speed it should have gone. Jonah floated into the phrase, hovering above the orchestra like a fixated kingfisher. This was two years before Sputnik, but the slow, lathelike turn he gave the line emanated from deep space. Any singer will tell you: The softer the sound, the harder to make. Holding back is more difficult than holding forth. But somehow, from the earliest age, my brother knew how to make a smallness larger than most singers’ big. And he took his shattering piano gift to “In trutina.”
Jonah hit his mark in every rehearsal except the first dress, when the ringer instrumentalists, who hadn’t been warned, stumbled with listening. The rest of the chorus knew that if we could get as far as Jonah’s number, we’d live. “In trutina” was the one sure spot in our overly ambitious program, the perfect, near-still climax that only music could give.
For the memorial, the Berkshires overflowed with more famous musicians than any of us had ever seen. Most of the Boston Symphony was there, as well as several composers and soloists whom Koussevitzky—via one rigged-up honorarium or another—had kept from starvation. Before the concert, Earl Huber ran over and tackled Jonah. “It’s Stravinsky! Stravinsky’s here!” But the man he pointed out looked more like the guy our parents paid to fix pipe leaks than the century’s greatest composer.
Even the hard-core pros who performed alongside us were rattled by the caliber of the audience. Jonah stayed by me, in the wings, before we went on. He never understood nerves. It scared him to see it in me. He himself never felt safer than when he had his mouth open with notes coming out. But there on the stage at the Berkshire Festival, he learned about disaster.
Reményi launched “In trutina” at the expansive tempo he’d always taken it in rehearsal. Jonah started into his line as if it had only just then occurred to him. He ended the first stanza on a crest of wonder—lust and lewdness struggling in the balance.
His voice chose that moment to break in one crashing wave. None of us heard even a squeak in tone in his first stanza. But as he prepared to sing “Sed eligo quod video,” the next pitch wasn’t there. Without a thought, he hit the words an octave lower, with only the slightest waver. He finished out the first stanza a soprano and came back in the second a fledgling tenor.
The effect was electrifying. For those few in the audience who knew Latin, the lyric found a depth it would never have again in any performance. Afterward, a few musicians even asked Reményi how he’d dreamed up the masterstroke.
Never again that high D, my brother’s hallmark, out beyond the planet’s pull. Never again the chaste mount up into airless altitudes, the ease of ignorance, the first tart rush of ecstasy, the ring of dazed bliss, as if he just that moment had discovered what climax might be and how he might bring himself to it anytime he liked. On the long bus ride back to Boston in the dark, Jonah said to me, “Well, thank God that’s finally over.” For the longest time, I thought he meant the concert.
LATE 1843 – EARLY 1985
Delia Daley was light. In the gaze of this country: not quite. America says “light” to mean “dark, with a twist.” By all accounts, her mother was even lighter. No Daley ever spoke of where their family’s lightness came from. It came from the usual place. Three-quarters of all American Negroes have white blood—and very few of them as a matter of choice. So it was with Delia’s mother, Nettie Ellen Alexander, Dr. William Daley’s radiant conjugal trophy, his high-toned lifelong prize. He met her down in Southwark, the part of town where his family, too, had originally lived. “Originally” stretched the matter some. But the Daleys had lived there far enough back, in the scale of memory, for the place to shade off into something like origins.
William himself was the great-grandson of a freed house slave, James. James’s owner, the Jackson, Mississippi, heiress Elizabeth Daley, after the death of her millionaire husband in 1843, was leveled by a revelation only a notch below the persecutor Saul’s on the road to Damascus. Picking herself up after the blow, Elizabeth discovered that she’d turned Quaker. She learned the truth firsthand from the Society of Friends: Owning human beings would do to her soul, in the hereafter, everything it did so roundly to the bodies of her property in the recalcitrant here and now.
Elizabeth Daley set about dispersing her husband’s plantation holdings as ferociously as he’d gathered them. She gave the bulk of the man’s fortune to those scores of involuntary stakeholders whose work had, in fact, made the fortune for him. All the freed Daley slaves but one took their windfall profit shares and headed for Cape Mesurado—Christopolis, Monrovia—that diaspora in a diaspora, care of the American Colonization Society. African resettlement promised to solve all problems—holders’ and slaves’ alike—by exporting them to the Kru and Malinke, whose lands became the ante for cascading displacement.
The lone Daley house slave to stay behind was light. Almost as light as his former owner. James Daley was not a traveling soul. He suspected that near-black in Liberia would be no softer a fate than near-white in his inflicted, only home. So he chose the shorter voyage, accompanying Elizabeth to Philadelphia, William Penn’s damaged experiment in brotherly love.
Elizabeth signed over to James a modest annuity. In almost every way, she treated him as her son, the sweetest available spite on the spirit of the man’s father. James must have inherited the family business sense, for he turned his fair share of the Daley capital into a working grubstake. James would never have abandoned Elizabeth, except for her constant imploring that he do so. She insisted he learn a trade. He apprenticed at a Negro barbering shop that catered to whites, not far from the heart of the old town. The work was overlong and underpaid, but James found it ludicrously lucrative, given his employment history. Elizabeth wept when he finished his training. She died shortly after James set up his own shop, cutting the hair of well-off whites down in the Silk Stocking district.
There were still too few Negroes in the city then to raise white alarm. And James had been born knowing how to blunt white fear. His customers stayed loyal to him, and even tipped. He never returned to the South, or to any record of his enduring enslavement, except each night, in the dark, when work couldn’t help him ward off memory. All night long, the waters cried to him.
While most of his race remained legal chattel, James Daley worked for himself, his only revenge on the ones he had once worked for. He cut hair from seven in the morning until nine at night. When the shop closed, he made deliveries, running his dray sometimes until sunrise. He did with little so that his sons might do with a little bit more. He tempered his boys in the furnace of his will. Free to be spit on, he taught them. Free to be legally cheated. Free to be beaten. Free to be trapped and swindled at every turn. Free to decide how to answer such freedom. Iron James and his steel sons fended off raids, dug in, pried open a little living space, and grew the business. After a shaky birth, it turned a modest profit every year of James’s life.
Daley Barbering and Grooming Shop clung to its lot, a fair walk from the banks of the Delaware. It went from one chair to two. The sons grew up indentured to the cutting of straight, sandy hair. They could not cut their friends’ or relatives’ hair in their own shop or even tend the hair of one another, except at night, with the shade drawn. They could talk to and even touch the white man, so long as they had a scissors in their hands. When they put their scissors down for the day, even a graze of shoulders was assault.
James’s second son, Frederick, kept even longer hours tha
n his father. He lifted his head high enough to send his own son Nathaniel—like storming heaven—to Oxford, just outside the city, to attend the new colored college, Ashmun Institute, soon renamed Lincoln University. Nathaniel met his own tuition by singing with a jubilee. He returned, walking with a step his father couldn’t fathom and his still-enslaved grandfather couldn’t even see.
College didn’t close up the Daleys’ twoness; it tore it wide open. Nathaniel barnstormed through to his degree, talking of medicines, the healing arts—the old provenance of haircutters for centuries, when barbers doubled as dentists and even surgeons. “Doctors of the short robe,” he told his brothers, to their brutal mirth. But the idea lodged deep, hushing them. “That was what we did, once. That’s what we were. That’s what we’ll be again.”
Iron James died, bewildered by the distance of his life’s run. But before he passed from the earth’s fact, he saw his grandson trade in the family’s striped pole for a small pharmacy. This was decades before the Great Migration, when the Daleys could still sit anywhere on the trains, shop at department stores eager for their dollar, even send their children to the white public schools. Race was not yet all it would become. Daley Pharmacy served both races, each of which recognized good decoctions at the right price. Only after the southern flood did the clientele irreversibly divide.
Nathaniel Daley brought the family into the forms of legitimacy no Negro Daley had ever known. He shored up the business with the same legal tricks that crafty white folks used, folks who every now and then came by to knock the business back down some. Time passed, and the pharmacy survived every twist of white will. The Daleys began to think the game might almost be theirs to play.
William, the great-grandson, outstripped even Nathaniel’s curve of hope. He ventured out to Washington, that watchtower on the Old South’s border, to attend Howard. He came home almost a decade later, a doctor of medicine and certified member of the Talented Tenth. He never spoke of the years that twice landed him in a state of mental collapse. Medical school could break even those who weren’t being pecked to death by Jim Crow. But William outlasted the curriculum, learning the nature of each muscle, artery, and nerve that composed the godly anatomy of every human.
William Daley, M.D., completed his internship at that same Negro hospital where his family had long suffered as model patients. Black doctor: He met all looks of surprise and alarm with cool possession. More: He fought alongside the dozens of his rank throughout the city to take up staff positions at the institutions where they served out their peonage. Advance, he insisted, was just a matter of permanent slogging. But even William, some reflecting nights, found the air at his new altitudes a little thin and dizzying.
Though James had long since passed beyond the colorless veil, Frederick lived long enough to see his grandson establish a modest family practice in a mixed residential neighborhood in the Seventh Ward, south of Center City. That’s where the girl, Nettie Ellen Alexander, broke upon William like a womanly Johnstown flood. He neither searched her out nor made provision for her accidental arrival. She just appeared to torment him, merely twenty, yet finer in line than any creature of any color he’d ever properly seen. He hadn’t looked at women for the eight long years he’d been in school, anatomy texts aside. Now, chancing upon this girl, he wanted to make up for his years of lost looking all in one go, squeezing them into the first afternoon he laid eyes on her.
Nettie smiled at him before she properly knew him. Flashed him a whole rank of perfect ivories, as if to say, Took your time, didn’t you? Smiled at him because she didn’t know him, but knew she would. A whole mess of muscles in her face squeezed together with enough pleasure at the sight of him to galvanize his own helpless mouth into foolish reciprocation. Miss Alexander’s grin loosened a horde of silverfish inside him. Muscles that weren’t on any anatomy exam twitched worse than those dead men’s flexors on the dissection slab, brought back to life by that drycell practical joke beloved of medical students everywhere.
Medicine gave him no names for this condition. He found himself thinking of her upper thorax when thumping those of others. The dorsal surface of her scapula was something a sculptor might nick, sand, and polish for thirty years and still miss by a millimeter. Her sixth cervical vertebra’s spinous process sprouted from the base of her neck like some starter bud for a coming set of wings. Each time the woman breathed, William tasted raspberry liquor, though she swore she never touched a drop.
The air around her shone, even in the Alexanders’ parlor, where the couple sat, all the lamps doused, a conservation Nettie’s father employed to make ends meet from month to brutal month. Her eyes put William in mind of fireflies, or luminous deep-sea fishes, living so dark for so long, they had to make their own light just to do a little subsistence fishing. The doctor could not fathom her glow, let alone say how she made it.
Nettie was light. Some days, her paleness almost frightened him away. It startled him and it nattered at his poise. He could feel folks turning to inspect them—Those two? A pair?—each time they stepped out together. Her lightness left him lapsing into feats of erudition, donning learning’s armor each time he visited. He didn’t relish the thought of adding one more twoness to his birthright. He told himself that yellow meant nothing. Said that he had to look past her tone, to the shadings of her spirit. Yes the woman was light, but it came from that lamp that she carried around inside her.
Still it dazzled him, this high-gold blaze. Whether her skin’s shade or her hair’s wave, whether posture, curve, carriage, or something more ghostly and finer, Nettie Ellen was the one whom William recognized, the crown he didn’t know he’d been reaching out for until she stood sparkling in front of him, just past his trembling fingers.
But month after month, his hands panicked, afraid to close around so fine a thing. What if he were wrong? What if the lady’s spark shot out indiscriminately, on everyone? What if the warmth Nettie showed him was more amusement than desire? That seed of gladness she set in him certainly felt like proof. But surely this woman transfixed every derelict buck that her twin beams trained upon.
Around her, William rose up into highest seriousness. He adored her with a gravity that bordered on mourning. Dignity, he imagined, was the one gift he could give her that no other man would think to offer. He alone in all Philly knew the worth of this woman, this pearl’s rare price. His visits were reverential, his face creased with veneration.
Nettie thought the man a glowering rain cloud, but without the thunder or lightning. She suffered through a four-month courtship as sterile as any physician’s clinic. He dragged her to lectures and museums, always adding his own elevating commentary. He walked her over every acre of Fairmont Park, both sides of the river, hobbling her with self-betterment until she begged him to take up cribbage, at which she gleefully commenced whipping him.
But William knew this cribbage queen for something really regal. He found dignity even in the way she horselaughed through a Bill Foster single-reeler picture. He described his practice to her, the work he did and hoped to do, the healthier future that modern medicine could bring to the hard-pressed folk of Southwark and Society Hill, once the poor and ignorant quit fearing it and let it in the door.
Worship needs a chapel, and William’s was Nettie’s parents’ parlor. The room spilled over with chintz and cut-glass bowls and wing-back chairs that sprouted so many antimacassars, William finally took the hint and cut back on his own hair slicker. At his visits, Nettie’s parents vanished into the back, leaving only a younger son chaperon for William to buy off with root-beer sticks or licorice. Then the room became their theater, their lecture room, their spiritual Oldsmobile, William holding forth, the solemn docent, while Nettie Ellen grinned at the man’s talk as if it meant something.
He was lecturing one evening on Dr. James Herrick’s recent clinical description of sickle-cell anemia—yet another scourge that plagued the black man with excess enthusiasm—when Nettie at last leaned across the backgammon board
that served as their lone barrier and said to the good doctor, “Ain’t you never gonna make a grab for me?” Her voice filled with simple practicality; the night was cold, and Nettie’s parents were saving on the heat again. What good was a courter who wouldn’t even keep you warm?
The doctor hung stunned in space, his mouth imitating his tie’s opal stickpin. William Daley, uplift’s agent, sat paralyzed with bafflement. So the woman did what the situation called for, leaning over even deeper and attaching the M of her upper lip to his astonished O.
Once Nettie taught the fellow what he was after, the stroll of their courtship stepped up to a canter. Dr. William Daley and Nettie Ellen Alexander were married within the year. Afterward, the lecture load was more evenly divided between them. She nudged his speeches forward with strategic encouragements. The scope and variety of her instruction never failed to amaze the doctor.
William prized his magnificent specimen even more after landing her. His new wife furnished the house on Catherine Street, with its solid baywindowed turret, and she installed herself at the house’s center, a genius of efficiency. At the end of the European war, she began to keep the books. With selfless efficiency, she set to work populating the household. She lost her beautiful firstborn, James, gave him up too quickly to God, who, after the Armistice, for His unknowable reasons, spread influenza around the world, settling into the Daleys’ neighborhood with a special vigor.
Husband and wife battened down against the loss, cleaving to each other. But James’s death claimed a piece of each of them. Nettie grew, if not harder, more guarded. Then strong-lunged Delia came, her mother’s consolation, every wail of those stunned lungs a cause for joy. After a long and anxious gap, interpreted so differently by William and Nettie that they stopped talking about it, there came the rash of young ones: Charles, Michael, and at last the twins, Lucille and Lorene.