Jimmy was next to Quinn. He smiled at the two women, wrapping an arm around Casey’s shoulders, pulling her into the family mix. Seamus was farther away from Clare, but he gave her a friendly wink as he continued talking strategy with Kane and Rory.
“Finally! Some girls to join me in this male sweat factory.” Dee moved past her sons to wrap an arm around each girl’s waist affectionately.
“Hi, Mrs. Kavanagh.”
Clare saw Rory realize she was there, his head snapping around to look at her. Clare felt her breath catch in her throat as his intense silver glare tore through her, a mixture of fear and excitement in the way he raked his eyes over her. She had to admit that she was feeling the latter, as she took in the tight blue muscle shirt hugging his torso and his low-hanging dark jeans.
“Clare, can I speak to you in private?” he asked immediately. She could tell that waiting to talk to her had been very difficult for him, but she appreciated the time he’d given her.
“No time for that right now—Kane’s up first.” Seamus clapped a hand on Rory’s shoulder and tried to refocus him on the task at hand.
Clare had spent the last day thinking about everything, but still had come up with no answers. She had no idea what to do or where she was going to go with her life, how to handle her ex-boyfriend’s threatened appearance, or what issues Rory might have that she couldn’t handle. The time apart had let her mull this over, but even more than that, it had made her realize how much she missed him.
“Later,” she told Rory, glancing at Kane, who was standing nervously next to him. Kane looked a bit pale to Clare—he was normally very tan, which she suspected was mostly artificial. He was already sweating, even though he wasn’t wearing a shirt; his shorts were the only thing covering him.
“Remember what I told you, bro. You can do this—everyone gets nervous, but you’ve got the technique, and you sure as hell have the power behind it. Don’t forget that, okay?” Although Rory spoke quietly, one hand on Kane’s shoulder and his head bowed toward him, Clare could hear what he was saying. She smiled as she listened to the brotherly pep talk. Kane nodded vigorously, swallowing his nerves and getting pumped up.
“He’s got this!” Jimmy cheered, smacking Kane on the back.
“They’re calling you, son,” Seamus informed him as Clare spotted Kane’s opponent climbing into the ring.
“Kavanagh! Kavanagh! Kavanagh!” Casey started cheering and was quickly joined by Dee and Quinn. Quinn motioned for Clare to join them in chanting, pulling her against his side in a platonic embrace, and Clare was more than happy to get caught up in the festivities and join the chant.
Rory raised an eyebrow at her and Quinn, clearly fighting an urge to get between them, but she ignored him. Seamus ushered him and Kane up toward the cage, and Rory turned his attention back to his brother. The rest of the family and Clare stood at their seats, like most of the crowd, and continued to cheer as the announcer began naming the fighters and going over the rules.
“New York City Regional Qualifiers is starting with two of the best up-and-coming fighters out there, men you are guaranteed to hear about again and again over the next few years as they are sure to dominate the field. First up, Justin ‘Justice’ McCraig!”
The crowd cheered exuberantly for a tall, ripped fighter with short, light brown hair and a grisly scar across his jaw who stood across from Kane in the ring.
“And going up against McCraig is the one and only Kane ‘Killer’ Kavanagh!”
The crowd erupted into a much louder roar at this introduction, and Clare gawked in bewilderment. It had been a long time since she had even been to any large gathering like this.
This was her first fight, and the spirit in the air was electrifying for her. It was exciting and pulsing, making her want to jump up and down with the screaming fans. If this was just a qualifying fight, she couldn’t imagine what a championship would be like.
“How pissed is Kieran going to be when he finds out Kane took his nickname?” Casey spoke across Clare to Quinn, who was on her other side.
“The fucker’s in jail—what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” Quinn retorted.
“Special treat for you tonight, folks—we have Rory ‘Knockout’ Kavanagh in the audience tonight! First time back in the championship circuit since the Santiago versus Kavanagh incident. Knockout is now training his younger brother, Killer!” At the announcer’s words, Clare saw a scowl cross Rory’s face as he stood at the edge of the cage with his father.
The crowd cheered, happy to see him, but it was clear from his expression that he had not wanted the mention. Clare felt a pang of sympathy in her heart, wishing she could erase the painful moment from his past for him. Rory didn’t say anything, just nodded and waved to the crowd before turning his attention back to Kane. The crowd was soon refocused on the fight as the bell sounded and the fighters began squaring off.
Clare cheered with the rest of the family, hoping for Kane to come out without an injury, as well as be the victor. She loved being surrounded by all of them, all treating her like she belonged there. They didn’t question her presence even though none of them knew her well, with the exception of Casey, who’d formed a fast friendship with Clare. But it was as if they had chosen to make her part of them, and nothing she said or did was going to change that.
Family was all about unconditional love, and she was enjoying seeing that again, for the first time since her own parents had died. Tears crept up in her eyes as she allowed herself to stand there with the Kavanaghs and feel accepted.
To feel loved.
Chapter 18
“I knew you could do it, kid.” Rory congratulated his brother.
“Was there ever any doubt?” Kane played it cool, but he was clearly proud, as everyone in his family congratulated him and hugged him outside the convention center after he had changed.
Rory had expected to feel happy if his brother won, obviously, but he was caught off guard by how much pride he felt for Kane. It almost rivaled the pride he used to feel after winning a match during his own career. Kane’s win qualified him to enter the regional fight in six months, which, Rory knew, meant a lot of extra training.
While Kane had won, it hadn’t been a landslide by any means. He definitely needed more time and practice to get to where he would need to be for the regional fight. When Rory drifted back a bit to let the rest of his family get their moment with the winner, he instantly spotted Clare standing off to the side.
She had her arms hugged around herself, smiling as she watched the family’s exchange. She seemed like she was only partly there; the rest of her was off in a memory that she was trying to hold close and not let go. Rory stepped back to take in his family, seeing the same thing she was and wondering how he had gotten so lucky as to have a family like them.
Clare was right: He hadn’t appreciated what he had.
He could see from the twinkle in her emerald eyes that she was taking it all in, enjoying every moment of it she could, because she didn’t have the luxury of a family anymore. His heart hurt for her right then, but the guilt loomed the heaviest. He had been so focused on his own selfish needs and wants, on his own failures in fighting, on his own life, that he hadn’t ever appreciated all he had been blessed with.
Sure, his knee hurt and continued to throb even then, but the itch of withdrawal from not taking pills hurt more. He felt confident that his knee would heal and that he would be able to handle it, something he had never actually thought himself capable of before. His assuredness and his confidence in himself were new feelings for him, and he had only Clare to thank for the change.
As Rory continued to observe Clare, he realized she had turned her attention from his family to him. When she saw he had caught her staring, she blushed, her crimson cheeks sending a pulse straight through him. He couldn’t wait any longer to talk to her.
Rory said good-bye to his brother. “Kane, I’ll catch up with you at Legends on Monday. Take the weekend off and cel
ebrate.”
“Thanks for all your help, Rory. I mean it.”
“Same here, son. You did a great thing today,” Seamus told him.
“I didn’t do anything—it was all ‘Killer’ Kane here.” Rory kissed his mother good-bye and then Casey, before hustling over to where Clare stood.
He closed the distance between them quickly, confidently taking her hand and pulling her down the sidewalk, away from his family. She didn’t say anything, but let him lead her away, speeding up her small steps to match his large ones.
The moment they disappeared from view around the corner, Rory turned and slid a hand around her waist, pressing her firmly between himself and the brick side of a building. Her eyes widened, causing his breath to catch at the deep green pools staring into him.
“Rory—” she began in a whisper, but he cut her off.
“A few days ago I was asking you out on a second date. Then I went almost two days without seeing you, only to fuck it all up.” His voice was low, rumbling in his chest, and he knew it was the cause of the small bumps suddenly covering Clare’s skin.
“You saw me yesterday,” she said, her voice wavering.
“If I could go back and make yesterday never happen, I would in a second. It’s been the worst forty-eight hours of my life without you, Clare.”
“Rory, don’t do this.” One overwhelming tear treacherously made its way over her eyelashes and dashed down her cheek.
He paused to watch it fall, then erased its path with his thumb, kissing her cheek gently where the tear had once been.
“That’s not me, Clare, not anymore. I gave it all up a while ago—I was getting clean. And I will be again. It’s over and I’m done with it. I thought you were gone; I thought you left. I didn’t know what to do.” His body sagged into hers as her arms twisted around the back of his neck, her fingers sliding through his wavy hair.
“What happens if we have a fight or if something bad happens—you’ll just go back to drugs? Drugs I didn’t even know existed in the first place? How can I trust that?”
“No, never again. I fucked up, Clare. I don’t know how you can trust my word again, but I’m asking you to do it anyway. I don’t deserve someone as wonderful as you, but I’m selfishly asking for you anyway.” His voice turned softer, pleading. “I need you, Clare. I need you more than I ever knew I could need someone. Please, mhuirnín.”
Clare paused for a moment, searching his eyes as if she was trying to decide whether or not to believe him. He stayed silent and gently rubbed his fingers up and down her upper arms slowly, waiting for her to say something, but she didn’t.
He was putting himself out there for her, but she wasn’t giving him anything back. It was absolute torment. He broke the silence. “Why did you leave, Clare? Why did you leave me?”
“I didn’t leave you.” Her eyes widened, as if she was shocked that he would think that. “I was going to contact you when I figured out where I was going, but then I ran into your cousin. I would have eventually let you know that I was gone, once I figured things out myself.”
“What are you not telling me, Clare?” He knew he sounded frustrated, but he could see she was keeping something from him, and every second he had to dig for it frustrated him even more.
“Travis Creighton, my ex-boyfriend—he found me,” she blurted out, terror frozen on her face.
“That’s why you left California—you were on the run from your ex?” He started putting together the pieces, and she nodded in confirmation.
“He called me on Wednesday night at O’Leary’s and said he knew where I worked and where I lived and he was coming for me. I had to get out of there as soon as possible—if he finds me, he—” A tremor rocked through her body before she resorted to whispering. “I don’t know what he will do.”
Rory recalled the fear he had seen in her before at the mention of her ex-boyfriend, remembering she had told him he would get rough with her. Add that to what Casey told him about Travis Creighton being a drug addict, or dealer, and it sounded like he was definitely an unpleasant person.
“Look at me.” Two of his fingers tilted her chin to look up at him.
She was still pressed between him and the wall; one of his arms was around her waist, pressing her hips into him while her top half leaned back against the brick. She was trembling, which made his heart ache, but at the same time it made him want her even more. He wasn’t paying attention to anything else around him; all he could focus on was her warm body molded to his.
“If you’re with me, Clare, there is never a reason to run. Ever. You got that?”
She nodded and bit her lip nervously, but she didn’t look convinced yet.
“If you’re with me, I will never let anything happen to you. No one will ever touch you. As long as I’m breathing, you are safe. He can’t hurt you; I would never allow it. Do you believe me? Do you believe that I can protect you?” He dropped his tone lower as he finished talking, and he felt her shiver against him, which made his concentration difficult.
“I trust you,” she whispered after a second passed. He took the opportunity to descend slowly and cover her lips with his. It wasn’t a heated or passionate kiss. It was tender and soft, affectionate and reassuring. He wanted her to feel in this kiss everything that he was feeling inside himself.
“And Clare?” He broke away to look at her intently.
“Yes?”
“You’re with me now. Tá mé leatsa. Tá tú mianach. I’m never letting you go again.” He kissed her once more, talking into her lips. “Are you okay with that, girlfriend?”
“More than okay.” A smile finally stole its way onto her face, and he kissed her again, deeper and hungrier this time.
—
Clare’s mind was reeling as she entered Rory’s apartment behind him, less than thirty minutes later. His fingers were intertwined with hers as he took her hand to lead her inside, kissing her while he closed the door behind her. He unbuttoned her coat, sliding it down her arms to drop in a puddle around her feet. She did the same for his jacket, licking her lips as her hands landed on his firm chest.
She responded by wrapping her arms around his neck, letting his lips meet hers again. It had been only two days, but she had missed him fiercely. She was terrified about everything she had seen yesterday, yet she believed him when he told her that those mistakes were behind him.
Believing him went against everything she had ever taught herself; she had learned not to trust anyone and that everyone only lied.
But for the first time, she wasn’t following her own advice.
She was choosing to trust him. That’s all trust is, she thought. Trust is just a choice. Someone can’t earn your trust if you don’t choose to let them, to give them the chance to show you. She was going to give Rory that chance, and somehow she knew that he wouldn’t let her down.
Her breathing became heavier as his hands slid down her back and cupped her bottom, lifting her against him. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her deeper into the apartment. Ace barked at them as Rory did his best to navigate blindly around the dog, but neither one of them was paying much attention to anything outside of their bodies pressed together. It didn’t take them long to reach his bedroom, where his knees hitting the edge of the bed caused him to fall over onto the soft mattress.
He held out his hands to brace himself and keep from putting all his weight on her, but as she peered up at him, she grabbed his shirt in her fists, twisting her hands into the fabric and pulling him down against her. One of his knees dropped between her legs and she arched her hips up to meet him, immediately feeling how much he wanted her.
His silver eyes bored into her, flaming with heat. His hands were flat against the mattress on either side of her head; her hands pressed against his chest. She felt his muscular frame underneath her hands as she ran them down his chest, across his abs, to the bottom hem of his shirt. Grabbing it, she pulled it up over his head with his assistance, revealing his c
hiseled abs.
He growled as her eyes roamed over his body, and she could tell he was struggling not to pounce on her. She appreciated his restraint; she needed a moment to savor this, to savor him against her, on top of her, with her. Rory was twice her size at least, towering over her. It was intimidating and arousing, and she started second-guessing herself.
“Clare, look at me.” Rory’s voice rumbled in his chest, vibrating against her hands and causing a shiver of excitement to course through her body. As she reluctantly let her eyes meet his, she could tell that he saw the doubt creeping into her mind.
“Yesterday is over. The past is over. You’re with me, right here and now. Tomorrow, next week, next year, you’re with me. You’re mine, Clare. Do you understand?”
Clare felt tears stinging her eyes as she listened to him. A lump formed in her throat, and she began to shake as sobs overtook her. His eyes went from passionate to worried, and she turned her head sideways into the mattress to try to hide her distress.
“What’s wrong, mhuirnín?” His tone was soft now.
“Why, Rory? Why me? I’m not who you think I am. I’m not a good person. I’ve done things that are awful—I’ve looked the other way when my ex did unspeakable things. I was so stupid, and now he’s going to find me.” The words were roughly pulled from her throat.
She suddenly felt cold, and she realized that he had gotten off the bed and stood. Glancing up, she saw his hand outstretched for her. Wiping the few escaped tears away, she took his hand and let him pull her onto her feet.
“I want to show you something,” he told her as they walked hand in hand out of his bedroom and through the living room, toward the kitchen. Ace was now sleeping in a large dog bed in the corner of the living room as they passed, content on his own.
“Look at that.” Rory broke her out of her thoughts, and she stepped around him to look at what he was pointing at. On the kitchen windowsill was a small potted ivy plant.