John ran his hand over his face. ‘I know. The Snake would have seen it. The Turtle’s a complete imbecile. Once again the Jade Emperor saved many lives with a single simple command. But the demons are using humans more and more to interfere with our ability to pick them, and I should have anticipated it.’
‘We need to get that Snake out,’ the Tiger said. ‘I miss your brains, and I’m glad we have Emma.’
John sighed with feeling. ‘Pao wanted to keep me for seventy-two hours. The Jade Emperor had to intervene to let me out.’
‘That long? Why?’ Simone said.
‘Because children died in my care.’
‘He doesn’t give a damn about the kids — he just wants to cause trouble.’ The Tiger left the five-lane road and entered an overpass that would take us to Western District. ‘Every time one of us lands in Court Ten he does his damnedest to get in our way. One day I am going to punch that asshole square in the face. Let me see if one of my hotels or something in Europe can take them.’
‘The demons are in Europe too. Do you own a hotel in Australia or America?’ I said.
‘I have a family-style resort in North Queensland in Australia, would that do?’
‘Perfect,’ I said.
‘It’ll cost you putting up a bunch of kids there. They’ll bring it down from five stars to four,’ the Tiger said. ‘Ah Wu.’ He looked sideways at John. ‘Ah Wu! Wake up.’
John jerked awake. He and the Tiger went quiet and the car filled with the background buzz of telepathic communication.
‘Hey!’ I said.
They ignored me.
‘God, they’re rude,’ Simone said.
‘No! And that’s final!’ John said.
Let him do it, the Tiger said to me. It wouldn’t hurt you and it would do a fucking lot of good for him.
‘Do what?’ I said.
‘Tell me,’ Simone said.
‘No,’ John said.
Stick that massive turtle dick up you. You should see that thing — it makes me look under-endowed. Every chick who’s ever been fucked by a turtle has said it’s a transcendental experience, even better than me. I’ve never done a female turtle — they refuse to have anything to do with me — but I’ve heard stories, and I can guarantee it won’t hurt you and it would be incredibly fucking good for him.
‘Leave it!’ John said.
‘What?’ Simone said, becoming frustrated.
The Tiger shrugged. Just think about it. He switched to out loud. ‘I’ll email you the contact details of the hotel manager in Queensland.’
‘Thanks,’ I said, and attempted to change the subject. ‘Thank god for the internet; I don’t know what I’d do without it.’
‘Thank Gold for the internet. He did something of a miracle connecting the Planes,’ John said with amusement.
‘That little asshole only did it to make sure he never ran into any of the many people who wanted to drop him in a vat of acid,’ the Tiger said.
‘Why would anyone want to do that?’ Simone said. ‘He’s never been anything but perfectly honourable …’
The Tiger made a loud sound of derision and John choked with laughter.
‘Wow, suddenly I’m in a car full of frat boys,’ Simone said.
‘Damn straight, honey,’ the Tiger said. ‘Here we are.’ He pulled into the hotel’s driveway. ‘And think about it, Emma. It would be,’ he dropped his voice to a throaty rumble, ‘unbelievably good for both of you.’
‘What are you talking about?’ Simone said.
‘I said leave it!’ John snapped.
The Tiger opened the car door and got out, then ducked to speak to John who was still sitting inside. ‘Don’t rush this orphan business. Let Emma do it. Go home and get some sleep.’ And let your Turtle show your missus what it’s really all about.
John roughly pulled himself out of the car, slammed the door shut and glared over the roof at the Tiger. ‘Do I have to order you to shut the fuck up about this?’
The Tiger glared back. ‘Try me. I can take you.’
John slapped the roof of the car so hard he dented it, then turned away to storm into the hotel. Simone and I shared a look.
‘What’s all this about, Emma?’ she said as we got out of the car. ‘He never loses it like that.’
‘Trust me, you don’t want to know. Suffice to say it’s something to do with the Tiger’s specialty.’
‘Metal?’ Her eyes went wide. ‘Stop. Stop! No!’ She stared at the Tiger. ‘I cannot believe you just said that!’
The Tiger waved her down. ‘I’ve had wives younger than you. Grow up.’ He turned to follow John.
Simone dropped her head and shook it. She looked up at me with disbelief. ‘Really?’
‘What your father said. No,’ I said, and headed into the hotel.
‘Stupid Shen. Animals, all of them,’ she said as she followed me.
We used the Wan Chai gateway and a cloud to return to the Mountain; the slower route was less stressful on both of us. When we arrived in the middle of the afternoon, John went straight into our bedroom. He pulled the suit jacket off and threw it on the floor, loosened his tie and collapsed face down on the bed.
I stood over him with my hands on my hips. ‘Take the clothes off.’
‘Too hard. Close the shutters for me, love?’
I rolled him onto his back and slipped his tie off, then unbuttoned his black shirt. ‘Don’t pass out yet. Let me get your clothes off.’
He grunted. ‘Too hard.’
I lifted him to take the shirt off, tossed it aside, and began to work at his belt.
He raised his head slightly. ‘That’s more like it.’
‘You’ll be too uncomfortable sleeping in these pants.’ I unzipped him. ‘Lift your butt up. Good.’ I pulled his pants off, taking the socks with them and leaving him in his black silk boxers. ‘There. Isn’t that better?’
He spread his hands, still lying on his back. ‘I can think of a few things that would be better.’
‘I thought you were exhausted,’ I said, eyeing him.
His eyes fell closed and his head flopped sideways — he’d passed out. I saw his feet: the skin had disappeared again.
‘Oh, for heaven’s sake. Stone. Stone?’ I tapped it.
‘Yes? Oh, look at the Turtle, isn’t he cute?’
‘See his feet?’
‘Dammit. At least they’re not completely gone but he’s losing blood there. What do you want to do?’
‘Ask Edwin if he can come and cover them up without moving him.’
‘Just a moment, I need someone to relay … Edwin’s on his way.’
I sighed and sat on the bed next to John. I ran my hand over the smooth skin of his chest, feeling the muscles beneath my fingertips. He was completely out of it.
‘You heard the Tiger in the car?’ I said to the stone. ‘Now he’s at me about it.’
‘He’s been pushing me to bring it up with you as well. He knows how good it would be for the Dark Lord.’
‘I knew it had to be serious for John to even consider asking me — but really that good?’
The stone hesitated for a moment, then said, ‘Yes. The exhaustion and these feet would not be a problem if … Never mind. I don’t want to freak you out even more than you already are.’
I raised my head; someone was crying. I went to the door to listen: Simone. I checked John again — he didn’t move. I went out and around the balcony to Simone’s door and tapped on it.
‘Simone? Are you okay?’
She sniffled and I heard tissues being yanked out of the box. ‘I’m fine.’
‘Is there a problem?’
‘No problem!’ she said, her voice strained. ‘Just leave me alone, okay? I’m fine!’
‘What’s the matter, Simone?’
‘Nothing! Go away.’ She collapsed into loud sobs, then the door of her bathroom closed. ‘Go away!’ she said, even more muffled.
Any idea, Emma? the stone said.
Mi
chael.
Do you want me to call someone to talk to her?
No, best to leave her to it. She knows the situation. Tomorrow she’ll be smiling and talking about what a great wedding it was.
Poor kid, the stone said.
I turned to see Edwin coming up the stairs with his doctor’s bag, and guided him to the bedroom, where John was still lying unconscious and bleeding all over the sheets.
I woke slowly and with the profound feeling of bliss of lying next to John. My head was on his chest and his arms were around me; I’d cuddled up to him in my sleep. The morning sun shone through cracks in the shutters and the fire had gone out, filling the room with the comforting scent of the fragrant embers. Birds called across the Mountain and others replied, echoing through the gorges. There was a shout below: the morning energy session had started. I wrapped myself tighter around him.
‘Morning,’ he said, his voice resonating through his chest.
‘This feels like the first time in forever I’ve woken up and you’ve been here,’ I said, running my hands over him. ‘You’d usually be called away by now.’
‘I know,’ he said. ‘I was just enjoying the feeling as well.’ He lifted his head slightly. ‘Did I lose my feet again? They’re bandaged. They’re sore but not as painful as they were.’
‘No, but they’re raw and the top layer of skin is gone,’ I said.
‘My tail has mostly grown back. It doesn’t hurt nearly as much.’
I looked up into his face and he rubbed his chin on my forehead, his stubble scratchy on my skin.
‘Do you want to go back into the cage for a while and completely heal?’ I said.
‘No, I can manage. I can’t spend all my time in that damn thing.’
I dropped my head on his chest again and heard his heart beating, strong and slow. ‘I just want to stay here forever.’
‘I remember you saying that at the Western Palace, and I said we had to go back.’ He pulled me closer. ‘And now we don’t. We can spend every night like this.’ He lowered his voice. ‘The best part is they all think I’m still sleeping and nobody’s called me yet.’
‘I was thinking about what the Tiger said. We should do it.’
He squeezed me. ‘Is it what you want?’
I hesitated.
‘Tell me the truth, Emma. Not what you think is for the best, not what you think I want to hear. The truth.’
‘The truth is … no. It’s too freaky.’
‘Then the decision is made.’
‘But the safety of the whole Celestial is at stake.’
‘We could kill a tree to open the gateway. We could be up in the European Heavens tomorrow to spring a surprise attack on the demon army.’
‘I know that,’ I said.
‘Should we? The safety of the whole Celestial is at stake there too.’
‘Okay,’ I said, and he stiffened beneath me. ‘No! I don’t mean we should kill a tree. I mean: if the need is dire, if the Earthly and Celestial could both fall, then we should reconsider. I think if one of the trees is willing to make the sacrifice, then we should consider it to save all the Planes from much greater suffering. And we should also consider letting your Turtle have me if the alternative is the Heavens falling.’
He made a soft sound of pleasure.
‘What?’ I said.
‘Letting my Turtle have you. You have a way with words sometimes.’
‘I love your Turtle,’ I said, and he made another soft sound in his throat.
‘Your Turtle is the sexiest thing on the planet,’ I said, and slipped my hand inside his silk boxers.
He reached down and gently pulled my hand out. ‘Please stop talking about it — you’ll bring it out yourself.’
‘Then I’ll just stop talking altogether,’ I said, and put my hand back inside.
He reached around me to pull my camisole off. ‘Don’t do that. Tell me what you think about the rest of me.’ He spoke softly into my ear. ‘Just don’t mention turtles.’
‘Last time we were at this stage you were called away,’ I said.
‘I’m switched to answering machine,’ he said. ‘I’ve been aching to finish the matter.’
He leaned into me and kissed me, and we shared the feeling for a long time. Our fingertips traced each other’s curves, enjoying the touch of smooth skin and the warmth of our shared connection.
He pulled away to whisper in my ear. ‘Did you know you are massively oversexed? You want it way more than any human woman I’ve ever been with.’
I pulled back to see him. ‘Wait, hold on … You’ve only ever loved one human woman apart from me, you’re famous for it.’
He smiled slightly.
‘I’m not really human anyway,’ I said. ‘I’m a snake. And part demon.’
‘Oh yeah,’ he said. He watched me, his dark eyes intense, as I pushed him onto his back and climbed on top. ‘That explains it.’
‘Can you take female form right now?’ I said. ‘It’s not too hard on you?’
‘No, it’s easy.’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘You want that?’
‘No,’ I said, putting my chin on his chest. ‘I want that for you.’
He changed beneath me, becoming female. I didn’t move and my chin was between her breasts. Her dark eyes crinkled up. ‘You are completely wonderful.’
I moved my mouth slightly so that I was on top of a nipple, and sucked and teased it with my tongue. I gently tweaked the other one with my fingertips, and she arched her back with a soft sound of delight.
I raised my head. ‘I wonder what happens if your eyes go black and you lose control in female form?’
‘Don’t push me too hard. I might change.’
‘Tell me if I am,’ I said, running my mouth down over her tight abdomen. I gently tugged the boxers off her, then moved back up to hover above her.
She moaned softly. ‘Don’t be surprised if I suddenly go male.’
‘Let’s see how close we can get then,’ I said. I lightly touched her with my tongue, then pushed harder into her and enjoyed her quivering reaction.
I stopped, raised my head, and looked up into her eyes as she panted beneath me. ‘When I take the Elixir …’
‘Yes?’ she said, her voice husky with need.
‘Will I be able to change gender too?’
She snapped into male form and his eyes went black.
15
To: Emma Donahoe
From: Brendan Donahoe
Your mother and I have decided to stay here for now, you don’t need all of us up there at the same time! I know you think we’d be safer, but honestly, nothing’s happened. Greg’s here and we’re fine. Don’t worry about us.
Dad
To: Emma Donahoe
From: Jade Girl
Brother Chang is very smart and trustworthy and should be able to handle the bank accounts easily. His new assistant Alvin is very capable as well, although being in a wheelchair will be a difficulty for him on the Earthly. I have made arrangements for us to do the transfer of the bank account documents Tuesday of next week at 3 pm. Unfortunately these must be witnessed by the bank, so you have to go down to the Earthly to sign them. I already have a few ideas for your Raising ceremony and we can discuss that as well.
Another request, if it pleases my Lady. If his Celestial Highness the Emperor of the Eastern Heavens comes looking for me and asks you where I am again, could you please tell him — on my behalf — to go shove something long, hard and sharp up his blue scaly ass, screw it in tight and set fire to it. Thank you.
I am your humble servant,
Jade
To: Emma Donahoe
From: Wyland Cheung
Re: Re: Re: New Liaison
Many thanks for assigning the agent. All fixed. No more disappearances and they’re off my back.
Do you know if she’s single? She wouldn’t say and seemed shy, which is strange for someone so capable. V. impressive. I really like her. So … is she? Maybe you could put a wo
rd in for me … are you her superior?
Anyway thanks again
Wyland
I forwarded Cheung’s email to Simone with a note suggesting that in future she make it clear that she was married when dealing with Earthly liaisons. Unless, of course, she was interested, but in this case I knew Cheung was way too old.
‘Is Emma in?’ a male voice said outside my office.
‘She’s awfully busy, can you make an appoint—’ Yi Hao began, but the young man came in anyway, accompanied by a middle-aged intelligent-looking European woman with shoulder-length brown hair, wearing a pair of slacks and a navy cashmere sweater.
I tried to place the man. He was Chinese, obviously a human Immortal, and was in his mid-thirties, tall, slim and extremely good-looking in a nerdy way, wearing a tailored black silk robe that flattered his slender shape, and fashionable rectangular metal-rimmed spectacles. His chi aura was vaguely familiar. I knew I’d met him before, but had no idea where or when.
I rose and saluted them both and tried to work out who they were as I sat.
The woman studied me appraisingly without returning the salute, and he shook his hands in front of his face before flopping into one of the visitors’ chairs.
‘Sit, Margie, don’t mind about the saluting business,’ he said, and she took the other chair. ‘Hi, Emma.’
Any idea who this is? I asked the stone, but it didn’t reply.
‘Forgive me, sir,’ I nodded to her, ‘ma’am, have we met before?’
He rested his chin in his hand and studied me, full of amusement. ‘You don’t know who I am?’
I spread my hands. ‘Most of you Immortals change your appearance so much I lose track. I have no idea who you are.’
He widened his eyes in mock offence. ‘You Immortals?’
The European woman’s expression went severe. ‘Are you being an ass again, Archie?’ she said with a soft Welsh accent.
He turned to smile at her and reached to touch her hand. ‘Can’t help it.’