‘Because you died. You’re not alive, and this is a dream. I have this dream all the time because I want you to be alive.’
‘I want to be with you, Mummy,’ the child said, its eyes unblinking. It put its hands against the inside of the shell, pushing it towards me. The egg rolled and the baby shifted inside so that it stayed upright.
I turned to move away and heard it behind me. I looked back and it was descending on me. It would crush me.
‘You’re not real!’ I shouted at it, slithering for the door as fast as my body would take me. The egg wouldn’t fit through the doorway, it was too massive. If I could make it through, it couldn’t follow me. ‘You died!’
I felt its cold touch on my tail and jerked upright with a huge gasp.
I was sitting in our bed on the Mountain, the fire in the fireplace burned down to softly glowing coals. John was next to me, his face peaceful in sleep.
I fell back onto the pillow. Even though I was aware of the dream when I was in it, it was still terrifying. I’d checked and double-checked with the medical staff as well as the demon masters. Everybody was sure that it was impossible for a three-month-old foetus to live, but there was always that tiny niggling doubt, and as long as it existed the dream would trouble me.
I pulled the silk quilt back over me. John and I had fallen asleep naked, skin to skin, after a warm evening of gentle lovemaking. I snuggled next to him, glad he hadn’t woken, and stretched my feet under the quilt.
I felt something cold and slippery with my feet and stopped, filled with dread. Carefully, so I didn’t wake John, I pulled the quilt off my feet; they were covered in blood. Trying to control the nausea, I lifted the quilt from John’s legs. They’d cut the ends of his feet off. Blood covered everything and the sight sent me over the edge.
I rushed to the end of the bed, leaned over it and threw up on the floor. Horrified at myself and even more horrified at John’s feet, I tapped the stone.
‘What?’ it said, its voice sluggish.
I retched a few times as I held the stone over John’s feet. I wiped my mouth on a clean corner of the quilt.
‘By all the Buddhas,’ the stone said, its voice soft with dismay. ‘Give me a moment.’
I went back up the bed to John’s face and put my hand on his forehead. He was unconscious, breathing gently, but his eyes were moving rapidly under his eyelids. They’d knocked him out but he was obviously feeling it.
‘Edwin’s on his way. Put something on,’ the stone said.
My side of the bed was against the wall, so I was forced to climb over John to get out. I clambered carefully over him, unwilling to do any energetic moves that might disturb him, found his black silk robe and pulled it around me, the fresh scent of the ocean rising from it. I attempted to roll up the sleeves but they wouldn’t go so I gave up. The bottom of the robe brushed the floor.
Edwin tapped on the door and came in, then stopped when he saw John. ‘Can you carry him?’
‘I’m strong enough to lift him but he’s too big for me to carry,’ I said. ‘He drags on the floor. Bring a stretcher.’
Edwin moved to go out again but the stone stopped him.
‘I have it,’ the stone said. ‘A couple of demons are coming to carry him to the infirmary.’
John made a soft sound in his throat and his face twisted.
‘He’s coming around, tell them to hurry,’ I said.
‘They’re downstairs,’ the stone said.
John’s eyes snapped open and he bellowed with pain, arching his back. He clawed at the sheets then covered the entire bed with ice. The demons entered, and hesitated when they saw he was naked.
‘John,’ I said, moving closer. ‘John, it’s me, Emma. Edwin’s here. Let us take you to the infirmary.’
The ice exploded outwards. I threw my arms in front of my face and some of the shards sliced my forearms with shallow cuts. John yelled again, then lay rigid, panting with effort.
‘I’m … here,’ John said.
‘You okay, Edwin?’ I said.
‘Not hit. You?’
‘Nothing major.’ I pulled the bloodied quilt over John to cover his nakedness. ‘Bring the stretcher.’
The demons crept closer as John flopped back.
‘Holy shit, this hurts!’ he said. ‘What the hell did they do to me?’
I lifted him to slide him onto the stretcher. ‘They cut half your feet off, love.’
His eyes widened as I settled him onto the stretcher. ‘I won’t be able to balance to fight.’
‘That’s the least of your problems,’ Edwin said. He nodded to the demons. ‘Bring him.’
I adjusted the robe around me and followed them.
‘Can he take True Form and fix this?’ Edwin said as we placed John onto the hospital bed. The quilt slipped off and I threw it to one side and replaced it with a clean sheet.
‘No, he might rejoin.’ I put my hand on his forehead. ‘Do you need pain relief?’
‘That would be good,’ John said, his expression strained. I put my hands on either side of his head and he grabbed my wrists. ‘Not you.’
I looked up at one of the demons. ‘Tell Master Meredith what’s happened.’
Edwin put on a surgical mask and gloves, then filled a syringe. ‘This will help.’ He injected it into the bottom of John’s feet and pulled a trolley closer. He mopped at the blood. ‘They cut right through the middle of your feet; all your toes are gone.’
‘They cut the end of my tail off,’ John said. ‘It will take months to grow it back if I can’t take True Form.’
Edwin glanced up from his cleaning effort. ‘I didn’t know you could grow back body parts.’
‘Normally I’m in Court Ten before the process begins,’ John said. He took a deep breath. ‘That’s working. Maybe don’t wake Meredith up.’
‘Too late,’ Meredith said as she and her husband, Liu, came into the infirmary, both wearing old-fashioned flannel pyjamas with tartan dressing gowns over the top. She stopped when she saw his feet. ‘Bloody hell.’
‘How the hell are you supposed to practise the Arts like this?’ Liu said, studying his feet. ‘Your balance will be completely ruined. You may even need sticks to walk, like a woman with bound feet.’
‘I know,’ John said, sounding desperate. ‘I need to see how bad it is.’
‘The Demon King used to be a human girl. She had her feet bound,’ I said.
‘They’ve done the same thing to him,’ Meredith said, understanding.
‘No, they cut the end of my tail off,’ John said. ‘Hurry up, Edwin, just roughly clean it up. I want to see if my Celestial Form is injured as well.’
‘No. This will take at least an hour. I want to make sure it’s a tidy amputation and there’s no infection,’ Edwin said.
‘There won’t be any infection. I’m a god and we’re on the fucking Celestial Plane,’ John growled. ‘Just slap some hot tar on them and leave it. I need to see if my Celestial Form is damaged!’
Pain and shock making him irritable, Meredith said, and I nodded.
John raised himself on one elbow and glared up at her. ‘Nobody speaks silently in my presence.’
‘Shut up, I’m working on tying off the blood vessels,’ Edwin said, unfazed. ‘Give me any grief and I’ll put you under.’
‘Try me,’ John said, then flopped back and closed his eyes.
‘Send someone to wake my assistant, I need him to run suction,’ Edwin said.
‘I’ll get him,’ Liu said, and went out.
A shout went up outside. Every Disciple on the Mountain had gathered at the Great Court in front of True Way to perform the morning energy-work set.
John’s eyebrows bunched together over his closed eyes. ‘I need to be out there.’
‘Audrey has it,’ Meredith said.
‘They need to see me. They need reassuring.’
‘They will. Tomorrow,’ Edwin said. ‘Keep still, dammit!’
An hour later, the Lius had
left for the morning meeting and Edwin tied off the last suture.
He leaned back. ‘How’s the pain?’
‘Nonexistent,’ John said.
Edwin glanced at me and I shrugged. We were both accustomed to him lying about things like this.
‘All right, up you get,’ Edwin said. ‘Expect some dizziness from the blood loss. And take it slowly.’
John sat up and levered himself over the edge of the bed to stand leaning on it. I handed him some clothes. He pulled the black cotton pants on without underwear, then stopped when the waistband was at his hips. He’d have to stand free of the bed to pull the pants on all the way.
He spoke to Edwin over his shoulder. ‘Leave me.’
‘No,’ Edwin said. ‘I want to see how much physical therapy you’ll need.’
John sighed gently and rubbed one hand over his face. I held my forearm out to support him, and he stared at it for a full minute before relenting and taking it with one hand. He leaned on me while he stood, his expression intense as he worked out how affected his balance was. He released my arm and pulled his pants all the way up, tying the waist string.
He nodded to me and I moved back. He dropped his head and concentrated, and his form shimmered. His expression grew more intense, his eyes closed, and his edges blurred then solidified. He stood straighter; his feet were okay. I breathed a sigh of relief.
‘Excellent … What?’ Edwin said.
John shimmered again and went solid; his feet had reverted. He gave up and sagged. The damage was to his True Form and, like the other injuries the Demon King had inflicted on his Serpent, was too significant for him to heal in his human form for more than a couple of minutes.
John swayed from side to side, then forward to back. He took a hesitant step, and his face filled with triumph as he took a couple more. He was obviously having difficulty with his balance but he could move. He gingerly performed the first few moves of a hand-to-hand set, then stopped and nodded.
He glanced at Edwin. ‘Nice job.’
‘Take Celestial Form,’ Edwin said. ‘Do it without shoes so we’ll be able to tell immediately.’
‘Back, Emma,’ John said, and I gave him room.
He took full dark ugly Celestial Form, still in just a plain pair of black pants. His hair came out and writhed around his head, and he had to stoop to fit under the ceiling of the infirmary.
‘Shit,’ he said softly. The ends of his feet were still gone.
‘Go down to the Grotto for a couple of hours and take True Form,’ I said.
‘The Serpent is in too much pain. I wouldn’t be able to resist its call,’ he said, shifting back to his usual human form.
Edwin came around to check that the stitches were still in his feet, then moved back, satisfied. ‘Back on the table and I’ll wrap them up,’ he said.
John levered himself back up to sit while Edwin bandaged his feet.
‘Can you fly everywhere instead of walking?’ Edwin said.
‘No,’ John said, and didn’t elaborate.
‘Don’t walk too much, you’ll open up the stitches,’ Edwin said. ‘I’d like to put them in plaster casts but I know you won’t let me. Just understand this.’ He looked John in the eye. ‘It will take a few weeks for them to heal to the stage where the stitches won’t be blown open by vigorous activity; and if you open them up too many times, I’ll have to trim your feet back even further to have a clean seal.’
I sighed softly. It would be nearly impossible to stop John from practising.
‘Most of what I’m doing right now is administration and planning,’ John said, his voice low. ‘Not a problem.’
Edwin and I shared a shocked look, and I shrugged again.
Edwin pinned the last of the bandages to John’s feet. ‘Put some slippers over them so the bandages don’t wear. Leo’s should be big enough.’ He leaned back and studied his work. ‘You can walk gently back to the Residence, but try to stay off them otherwise.’
John levered himself off the table and pulled on the Mountain uniform shirt. ‘Come on, Emma, you’re still covered in blood. Let’s clean you up and find something to eat.’
He shuffled towards the door, putting a hand on Edwin’s shoulder as he passed him. ‘Thank you.’
‘My Lord,’ Edwin said, rolling up bandages.
John and I both stopped once we’d cleared the infirmary door.
‘Tell me where you want me,’ I said.
He linked his arm in mine. ‘Does this look normal?’
‘Depends whether the students know or not,’ I said.
He was silent for a moment, checking, then sagged slightly. ‘The household staff had to clean up the mess in our bedroom. They asked the demons who carried me down what happened.’
‘So everybody knows?’
‘Hn.’ He shifted his weight, leaning on my shoulder with one hand instead. ‘I’m not too heavy?’
‘You’re fine. Let’s go to the Residence and you can eat something, then practise getting your balance back.’
‘Not too fast,’ he said, his weight heavy on me as I guided him back to our house.
While John, still weak from blood loss, had a nap, I went to my office. I was looking at the armoury stocks when Yi Hao spoke silently to me. A son of the White Tiger is here to see you, ma’am.
‘Michael?’ I called.
Marcus, husband of our ex-housekeeper, Monica, came in with Yi Hao behind him. ‘No, it’s me, ma’am.’
‘Oh! Come on in, Marcus, I haven’t seen you in ages.’ I nodded to Yi Hao. ‘Make sure I’m not disturbed while we’re talking, and bring us a pot of Western tea or something, will you?’
‘Ma’am,’ Yi Hao said, and went out.
‘Sit, Marcus, sit,’ I said. ‘Why didn’t Monica come as well? We haven’t seen her in a while either.’ I raised the telephone handset. ‘Did you bring her? I can round up Simone and Leo and we can have a family get-together. I’m sorry, we’re always so busy we never seem to have time to talk to you, and we all really miss you both.’
He raised one hand. ‘No need, ma’am, it’s just me, and don’t worry, we understand.’ He sighed gently. ‘Monica’s very sick, ma’am.’
My heart fell. ‘Too sick to come up here?’
‘My brother brought me up to talk to you, but he says that the trip would kill her.’
‘What is it, Marcus?’
‘Cancer. She didn’t tell anyone for a long time; she said she was on a diet and she was happy to be so thin. By the time we made her see a doctor it was too late. It’s so far through her that the doctors don’t even know where it started. She didn’t want me to tell you. She said you were too busy to worry about her.’
I wiped my hand over my eyes. ‘Simone will be devastated. We must go down and see her.’
‘She doesn’t want you to. She doesn’t want you to see her like this.’ His face was full of misery. ‘She’s very bad.’
‘How long does she have?’
His voice thickened. ‘We hope she will have Easter with us.’
‘Oh dear Lord. That’s only a couple of months away.’
‘She doesn’t want any of the family to know, ma’am. She has her sisters and her brothers and all their children around her, and she has me. We know you and the Dark Lord are fighting to protect all of us, and she doesn’t want you to waste your time on her when you could be saving many.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous, she’s family, we have to see her,’ I said. ‘Is she in hospital or at home?’
‘She knew you’d say that.’ He pulled a note out of his pocket and handed it to me.
Ma’am,
I know you will want to rush down and see me but you don’t need to. I have my family all around me and seeing you would only make me very sad. I beg you, please don’t tell them I’m sick. That way I can leave this world happy that you will all remember me the way I was when you were just the nanny and Simone was just a little tiny girl. Tell Mr Chen that I am happy that he found someone new a
fter we lost Miss Michelle, and that someone is as smart and brave as you are. Tell Mister Leo that he is a special man and I hope he is happy; and tell Simone that I love her like my own little girl and I am so proud that she has become something so grand!
Please, ma’am, don’t tell anyone. I really don’t want them to know. I am content. I hope you respect my wishes.
Monica xxx
‘I’ll respect her wishes but it’ll break my heart,’ I said.
‘She will be pleased.’
Yi Hao brought a tea tray in and went out again. I stared at the teapot without moving.
‘Is there anything we can do?’ I said.
‘Just respecting her wishes is enough.’
‘How about financial help to pay the medical expenses?’
‘You already support us like royalty, ma’am. We have everything covered by your generosity, and my mother’s legacy passed on from my father. We’re well established and need for nothing.’
‘Keep me up to date on her situation, Marcus.’ I poured tea for us, more to keep busy than anything else. ‘I just wish she’d seen a doctor before it was so bad. It wouldn’t have progressed if she was up here, and she would have lived much longer.’
‘She wouldn’t come up here anyway, she loves her nieces and nephews too much.’ He smiled slightly. ‘They are all like our own children. We are terribly blessed.’
‘We’ve been blessed to know her. Can I speak to her on the phone?’
‘I think she would love that. And if she could talk to Simone without Simone knowing what’s wrong with her, it would make her very happy. I’ll let you know when’s a good time to call after I’ve returned.’ He rose without touching his tea. ‘If you don’t mind, I’ll head back down. My brother’s waiting for me.’
I nodded to him and he went out. I picked up the note from my desk and ran my hand over Monica’s handwriting. I took a sip of the tea but didn’t really taste it.
4
I sat at the table next to Lily, the court administrator, my mind wandering as I scribbled notes on the pad in front of me. John was holding court in the Hall of Dark Justice in the Northern Heavens, and his dark Celestial Form was grim and forbidding as he sat behind his desk on the dais above us. Minor functionaries from various departments of the bureaucracy that ran the Northern Heavens were complaining about the war preparations and their impact on the budgets.