Turning, he smiled and walked back to where she was sitting. As he drew closer, the smile slipped uncertainly from his lips to be replaced by a look of confusion and concern. “Suzy, what’re you doing sitting out here by yourself?” Then looking around he asked, “Where’s my brother?”
Bitter laughter spewed forth from her lips as she answered, “I don’t know Nick; your guess is as good as mine at this point.”
Nick crouched down on his knees, squatting in front of her. “Did you two have a fight or something? I can’t believe he’d just bail on you like that.”
“No….He’d have to show up for us to fight. I haven’t seen your brother tonight. I guess he had a change of plans. Nice of him to call, right?”
Alarm crossed Nick’s face as the impact of her words sank in. “Suzy, that’s not like Gray. Have you tried to call him?”
“Of course I have, Nick,” Suzy snapped.
Suzy couldn’t miss the hurt expression that crossed his face at her nasty tone. She took a deep breath trying to remember that although they were brothers, Nick had never been anything but good to her. “Nick, I’m sorry. I did try to call him several times, and he didn’t answer my calls or call me back. I also checked the traffic reports and there wasn’t any accidents reported.” Running a hand along the back of her neck trying to relieve the tension there, she asked, “What time is it?”
“It’s just after one. I’m supposed to fly out in the morning and needed to pick up some papers that I left here. I thought I could be in and out without bothering you guys. Suzy let me make some calls. This just isn’t Gray. Something must have happened.”
Fatigue was bearing down on her fast. She wanted nothing more than to slip under the covers and bury herself in the bed until she stopped hurting again. She gave Nick the best smile that she could manage and let him help her up from the chair. Her muscles were stiff from hours of sitting. He held onto her arm as she made her way to the bedroom and softly closed the door. She was safe in here. She didn’t have to look into Nick’s sympathy filled eyes. Or were they filled with pity instead? She didn’t even bother to undress; she simply pulled the covers back and curled up in a ball in the bed. Sweet oblivion reached out to claim her as she drifted of to sleep with a heart so heavy it was almost hard to breathe.
~~~
Nick paced the length of the living room as he reached his brother’s voice mail yet again. What in the hell was going on? There was no way Gray would abandon Suzy on her birthday without a damn good reason or at least he better hope he had one. He’d gotten pretty attached to her since he’d moved in to help out. He’d never let anyone hurt her and that included his brother. Just as Suzy had said, Gray wasn’t answering his phone nor returning his messages or texts.
With a sigh of resignation, Nick knew it was time to bring out the big guns. He was going to be forced to call his parents and see if they knew what was going on. It was either that or take off to Charleston himself. Too bad he hadn’t saved Reva’s number all those times she’d called him looking for his brother. Surely he wasn’t with her, though. Just the thought of it made him sick.
Nick walked outside onto the balcony to make the call to his parents. He didn’t want Suzy to overhear the call in case something had happened. He was grateful to hear his dad’s voice on the other end of the line. As he explained the situation, he could hear the concern in his father’s voice as he fired off a series of questions. Nick answered everything he could, which wasn’t much. His father promised to do some checking and call him back.
A bad feeling settled over him. He didn’t think his brother was hurt, but he did think he was in trouble. There was no way his brother could love someone like Gray loved Suzy and at least not call her to let her know what was happening. You just didn’t leave someone you loved hanging like that. Man, where was Gray going with all of this? He was very close to losing Suzy if he hadn’t already.
Nick jumped when his cell phone rang. His father skipped all small talk and got right to the point. “I called Reva’s parents when I couldn’t get any answers elsewhere. Apparently Reva was in a car accident earlier tonight and is in the hospital. Gray is there with her. Everything appears to be fine now. She just has some bruises and they’re monitoring the baby’s vitals. I guess they were all pretty worried earlier when it happened.” Then releasing a weary breath, he said, “This is a damn fine mess isn’t it?”
“That’s an understatement if I‘ve ever heard one, Dad. Good lord, what is the world coming to when I’m starting to look like the considerate one in the family. I don’t care what happened, he should’ve called Suzy. It’s not like Gray to be such a prick.”
“I know son. Gray’s lost though. He’s always been a stickler about doing the right thing.” With a chuckle, he continued, “I have no idea where he gets that from.” They both knew that Gray was a carbon copy of him and that Nick was more like his mother. “I know he loves Suzy, but I don’t know if they can survive this mess. Gray will never walk away from Reva if that’s his baby and if she throws any kind of guilt at him then his sense of honor will demand he do what he thinks is right.
“I hear you snorting over there son, but you’re not so different. You may play hard, but you have as much honor as your brother. If you didn’t, we wouldn’t be having this conversation because you wouldn’t have bothered to call looking for Gray. Just do me a favor, son, learn a lesson from this. If you have to keep sleeping around, buy some damn decent condoms.”
“Dad, God can we please not discuss this now? We had this conversation once before and I never, ever want to discuss it again, ok?”
Nick smiled at his father’s first genuine laughter since their conversation had started. “You got it, but if you screw up, we will be having it again. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Love you, son.”
He made another call because unlike his brother, he’d no intention of leaving his woman to wonder what had happened to him. He briefly explained the situation and then decided to sleep on the couch for what was left of the night. He didn’t want to bother Suzy if she was actually asleep, but he wanted to be close in case she woke and wanted to know what he’d found out. He couldn’t stand the thoughts of two Merimon brothers abandoning her tonight.
Chapter Twenty Two
Ugh, the one bad thing about living near the ocean was the bright sunlight so early in the morning. Suzy pulled the sheet over her head trying to hide her eyes from the glaring light pouring in the windows. Finally she gave up the battle to return to sleep and slid her legs to the edge of the bed. Her mind fuzzy with sleep, she was surprised to see that she was still wearing her dress. What the hell? Then the night before came flooding back and Suzy dearly wished that she’d been able to block out the morning for just a bit longer. Where was Gray? Had he called? She reached for her cell phone on the nightstand. There were no missed calls or messages. Don’t jump to conclusions, there is a perfectly good reason and it has nothing to do with Reva. Suck it up and find out what’s going on. You can fall apart later.
Suzy grabbed her crutches from where she had left them the previous night and hobbled towards the door. She could only imagine how bad she must look after sleeping in her clothes and makeup.
She found Nick asleep on the couch in his clothes, as well. Apparently neither of them had had enough ambition to change last night. She leaned down to tug on his foot, shaking him gently awake.
Nick suddenly jerked awake looking around in confusion. “Wha…What the….Oh Suzy, you scared the heck out of me.” He slid his legs off the couch making room for her to sit.
Even though she wasn’t sure she wanted to know, Suzy decided to confront the elephant in the room. “Did you talk to Gray?”
“Um, no I didn’t, but he’s ok.”
“Come on Nick, it’s obvious you know something so just spill it. I’m not going to lose it on you.”
Nick shifted around uncomfortably on the couch, seeming to choose his words with care. “Suzy, he’s at the hospital in Charle
ston with Reva. She had a car accident last night and I guess Gray found out about it. My dad said she was ok, but they were keeping her for observation. I..I’m sure there is a good reason why he didn’t call to let you know,” Nick finished quietly.
Well there it was. The details might be different but the underlying cause was the same. It was Reva again that had kept her up long into the night wondering where Gray was. Suzy literally felt the life drain from her body as she sat there next to Nick. She could feel his concerned gaze on her bent head, but he wisely kept quiet.
When Suzy finally raised her head and looked at him, her expression was blank. Her eyes looked eerily vacant and her face was completely devoid of color. “Suzy….”
Shaking her head, she said, “Don’t Nick, leave it be. Weren’t you supposed to fly out this morning?”
“Yeah, but Declan is going instead. I didn’t want to leave you here alone.”
“I don’t need a babysitter Nick, but since you’re here, I could use some help this morning.”
“You got it. Let me fix us some coffee. I think Beth is on her way over.”
Suzy no longer questioned why Nick always seemed to know Beth’s whereabouts. She was just glad that they had finally called a truce and appeared to be friends now. Even though she planned to see his brother as little as possible, she did still want to see Nick. He at least had never let her down when she needed him.
Without telling Nick what she needed him for, Suzy turned and went back in the bedroom. After a quick shower she changed into a comfortable jean skirt and top and started the task of packing. She was leaving the house that had been home for the last month. There was no reason to keep fooling herself; this would never be her home. It was time to accept that Reva was a game changer in her relationship with Gray and there was nothing she could do about it. The only way she could stop herself from completely collapsing under the weight of the sorrow that threatened to drown her was to keep moving forward. If she stopped now, she’d fall apart and she wanted to be alone when that happened.
Just as she finished packing her suitcase, Beth walked in. One look at her sister’s face had her wanting to curl up in a ball and sob her heart out. She sternly said, “Beth, stop please. I’m going home this morning so please help me get packed and out of here. I don’t want to talk about this now or probably ever, ok?”
Beth quietly accepted her wishes, reaching for the handle of her suitcase and lugging it to the living room. Nick was standing there wearing his heart on his sleeve. How had she ever thought there was no depth there? He looked almost as crushed as she felt. Without a word he took the suitcase from Beth and asked, “Is this everything?”
No, my heart is lying here in the floor crushed into a million pieces. Is there any possible way you can glue it back together again before I leave? “That’s all, thanks.” With a laugh that was too brittle and loud even to her own ears, Suzy said, “One last ride for the three amigos in the mini-van. I’ll miss that sucker.”
Suddenly Nick dropped the suitcase he was holding and strode over to her. Even though his actions were angry, his words were gentle. “Suzy, just because you and Gray are having problems doesn’t mean shit where you and I are concerned. I…um think the world of you and unless you say no, I plan to still see you as much as we always have.” With a chuckle, he said, “Well except for the living together part.” Then with the wicked expression she loved so well, he finished, “Unless you’re into it, that is.”
Beth playfully slapping him on the head saved her the trouble. “Thanks, Nick, and for the record I won’t say no. You’re kind of like a bad habit that I’ve grown quite fond of and have no intention of breaking. Now could you please take me home?” Before I lose the cool façade and break down in front of you both. Please let me hang onto my pride, it’s all I have right now.
~~~
When she walked into her condo for the first time in weeks, it was almost like being in a stranger’s home. It had been slow going up the steps, but she’d made it without too much difficulty. Nick had left her suitcase in the bedroom and now he and Beth stood studying her as if unsure of what to do.
“How about we come back this evening with dinner?”
Already shaking her head, Suzy said, “Thanks, Nick, but I’d just like some time to myself. I really appreciate your help and I’ll see you both on Monday, ok?”
Both Nick and Beth began protesting at the same time. It was time for some tough love. “Guys, I love you both, I really do, but you need to go now. I’m just hanging on over here so please do as I ask.”
Beth was clearly torn as to what to do, but Nick put his hand on her back and pushed her forward. “Let’s give Suzy what she needs, princess.”
Suzy hugged them both and promised to call if she needed them. They all knew it was a call that she wouldn’t be making. Finally they were out the door and she was free to wallow in her grief.
As she sat on the couch with a box of Kleenex in her hands, she discovered something strange. No matter how much she wanted or needed to, she couldn’t make one single tear fall. She was quite simply numb. She’d stared at the walls for hours when she heard her phone ringing. Pulling it from the front of her purse, she saw Gray’s name on the caller id. She dropped the phone as if it were a snake. My God why now, why couldn’t he just quietly go away so she wouldn’t have to hear the voice that she loved so much while she was this raw.
After the fifth phone call in about that many minutes, Suzy had finally had enough. What the hell? Was he trying to torture her now? Maybe it was time to go ahead and rip the Band-Aid off quickly and get it over with. With a deep breath, Suzy finally took his next call.
She answered the phone with a simple, “Gray?”
Some part of her was happy to hear his shaky breath on the other end of the line. At least she knew that he was suffering as much as she was. “Baby, I don’t even know what to say. I missed your birthday and didn’t even call to let you know why. I…I just feel like shit over it.”
Suzy kept her voice steady and cool, refusing to let him know how much he’d hurt her. Smoke and mirrors, it was her only defense right now. “It’s fine, Gray, Nick told me about the accident. I’m sure you had more pressing things to worry about than me.”
“I was worried about Reva and the baby, yes, but it’s no excuse. By the time things calmed down at the hospital and I knew everything was ok, it was already so late. I’m so sorry. I’ve been sitting here all morning trying to work up the nerve to call you. I let you down and that’s something I swore I’d never do.”
“Gray, just stop please. You and I both know that we can’t go on pretending that things are going to be fine between us because they aren’t. This is just the first of many things that will come up. Maybe a better person could handle always coming last in your life, but I’m not that person.”
“Suzy, I love you!”
She could feel the tears that she’s been unable to shed earlier start to clog her throat, fighting for release. “I love you, too, but it’s not enough. I have to love you enough to let you go Gray. If I stay with you, it will keep tearing both of us apart. I can’t fault you for wanting to be part of your baby’s life. You wouldn’t be the man I love if you didn’t.”
Unable to hold back any longer, she sobbed, “Please love me enough to let me go too, Gray.”
She could hear the tears in Gray’s voice as he said, “My God Suzy, I don’t know if I can, you’re my heart, my life.”
“Gray,” she gasped out, “please, I can’t hurt like this anymore. If you love me, don’t call me again.” She ended the call before he could reply and the sobs erupted from her throat with such intensity that it was hard to breathe. She curled up into a ball as her world crashed around her. She knew in her heart that she’d never love again. If and when she ever got involved, no part of her heart would ever belong to another. Gray owned it until the day she died, of that she was certain.
Chapter Twenty Three
Monday morni
ng at work found everyone walking around her on eggshells. Claire had already been down to check on her, Ella had dropped by to bring her coffee and hovered like a mother hen, Beth had been eyeing her all morning looking for signs of a break-down and even Jason had been by for small talk. When Nick stuck his head in her office, she blew out a disgusted breath. “Oh geez, do you all think I’m on suicide watch or something? Who’s coming by next to make sure Suzy hasn’t gone off the deep end?”