His face was only inches away from mine, and I couldn’t help staring at his mouth. He had really nice lips; they weren’t too full, but they had a good masculine shape. He also had a strong jaw, and his skin was flawless even though he clearly hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep.
I let out a small yawn, and somehow Lee managed to move even closer. “Tired?”
I nodded. “You must be, too.”
“I’m exhausted. You should come back to mine and sleep with me.”
Inhaling sharply at his words and what they inferred, I shot him a wry expression. “Nice try.”
“I’m being serious, and I do mean sleep.”
I just laughed. He was such a chancer.
“Come on, Snap, don’t leave me sitting here feeling all rejected.”
Shaking my head, I asked quietly, “Lee, why do you like me?” The question had seriously been niggling at me ever since last night. There was clearly no love lost between Lee and law enforcement. In fact, judging by the deathly stares he’d been giving Steve and company, I’d even go so far as to say he hated cops. Therefore, I was genuinely puzzled as to why he was so keen on me.
He reached forward and took a strand of my hair between his fingers. His eyes stayed fixed on it as he answered, “Honestly, I’m still trying to figure that one out.”
What he said intrigued me. “What do you mean?”
He let out a breath and continued to toy with my hair. “When we first met, Alexis told me you were old bill, and, like a greedy little fuck, I wanted what I couldn’t have. Now, Jesus, Karla, I don’t even know. I just…I see you do things, and it kind of obsesses me. Like how you stuck up for that woman last night, or how you want to help me with Steve even though I can take care of myself. I understand it, and at the same time I don’t. Because I help people like you help people, but only if they’re family, only if they mean something. I don’t know why you’d do it for a stranger, someone who’d never do the same for you. When I stand up for my brothers, it’s to protect them and me, but when you stand up for any random person on the street, you’re putting yourself at risk with no payback. So I guess when I look at you, I see a little piece of myself, but braver. That’s why I like you.”
His answer surprised me the hell out of me, and I felt the need to help him understand my motivations. “It’s not so hard to comprehend when you think about it. Have you ever read the newspaper and seen some horrible story about a kid who’s been hurt or killed? Or about innocent people being victimised, and just feel so angry you could burst?”
Lee studied me. “Yeah, once or twice.”
“Well, that’s how I feel all the time. Maybe there’s something wrong with me, but ever since I was a kid, I always worried about people being hurt in the world. It was probably because of my dad’s job and being aware of all the awful things that happen. So I don’t really see it like I’m putting myself out there and getting nothing in return. I see it like I’m fighting against all the bad people, all the killers and rapists and paedophiles. They’re just one big giant wall of badness that I want to disassemble piece by piece. Knowing I do that every day lets me sleep soundly at night.”
Our gazes locked, the both of us silent as we shared a bizarre moment of understanding in a rundown East End café. After what I’d said, he was looking at me like I was the sexiest woman alive, and I wasn’t sure I understood his reaction. Maybe my hero complex was a turn-on.
“You’re kind of incredible,” Lee whispered, his breath on my ear as he bent his head to speak. “You should come back to mine. We’ll go to bed. I’ll even let you keep your clothes on. I’ll hold you tight, and we’ll fall asleep.” He stopped a moment to see if he was convincing me, before continuing in a lower voice. It hit me right in the pit of my stomach. “Then we’ll wake up a little while later. You’ll be wet, I’ll be hard. I’ll peel off your clothes and slip into you so easily, like I was always supposed to be there. Afterward I’ll cook, and we’ll eat dinner in bed. By the time you’re full, you’ll want me in you again.”
I was barely breathing once he finished talking, and my thighs were clenched so tight I was in danger of pulling a muscle. I wanted what he had described so badly it was almost a physical pain to say no.
“I can’t go back with you, Lee,” I whispered. “I’m sorry.”
He frowned at my reply, and I realised his hand had moved as he spoke and was now gripping my upper thigh. I shifted away from his touch just as Stu returned from his phone call, glancing between the two of us.
“All done?”
“Yeah,” said Lee, wiping his hands on a napkin. “We’re done. You can go wait in the car.”
Stu nodded and went back out the door. Lee nudged me with his hip, needing me to stand so he could get out. I rose and so did he, brushing past me as he walked up to the counter, pulling his wallet from his back pocket. When he was done paying, I moved to his side, catching him by the elbow and looking up at him.
“If I wasn’t me and you weren’t you, I’d go home with you in heartbeat. You know that, right?” I told him quietly.
For a second he glanced away, then bent his head to reply, his voice husky, “It’s because you’re you and I’m me that we want each other, Karla. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Before I could stop him his mouth dipped to mine, and he laid a soft, lingering kiss on my lips. His tongue slipped inside for just a moment, like a promise. Without another word he turned to walk away, and I stood there, my heart trying to beat its way right out of my chest.
“Thanks for breakfast,” I whispered, but he was already gone.
Eight
Two days passed. Forty-eight hours, and about ninety percent of those I spent with Lee on my mind. I was worried about him, especially after seeing the state Steve had left him in. I wanted to know how he was doing, but I was wary of texting, afraid it might give him the wrong impression…or the right one. Anyhow, I was single-mindedly determined to deny myself what I wanted. I was a grown woman, and I could resist my desire to sleep with someone I knew was no good for me.
Right?
It was six o’clock, and I’d just gotten home from a shift when my resistance gave way. My need to touch base with him was almost physical in its urgency, so, pulling my phone from my pocket, I tapped out a quick message.
Karla: How are you feeling?
I’d popped a ready meal in the oven for dinner when my phone pinged with a response.
Lee: Like crap…you should come over and kiss me all better ;-)
I scoffed at his reply.
Karla: You never stop.
Lee: Not with you.
Barely a second went by before he sent another message, and laughter bubbled out of me. In truth, I nearly snorted.
Lee: I want your big hard truncheon, Constable, all sleek and girthy.
Karla: We don’t carry truncheons any more. They’re called batons.
Lee: You’re so good at sexting. I think I just came.
I really did snort then. He could be such a sarcastic little shit at times.
Karla: Can you be serious for a second? I want to know if you’re okay. Did you go see a doctor?
Lee: No doctor. Liam fixed me up. Kid’s got some mad skills with a medi-kit.
Karla: So you’re feeling better, then?
Lee: If I say yes, does that mean you’re not coming over?
Karla: I was never coming over.
Lee: Remember our bet? I still owe you dinner.
Karla: As tempting as that sounds, I don’t think it’s wise.
Lee: How you wound me.
And that was how things progressed between us for the next two weeks. No phone calls, no in person meet-ups, just text messages at random, any time of the day or night. It felt safe, comfortable. If I couldn’t have him in real life, then at least I could have his texts.
Lee: What you up to, Snap?
Karla: Just getting ready for work. I’m on nights again. FML. You?
Lee: Watching Anthony Worrall-Thompso
n bake lemon cakes and trying to figure out the recipe.
Karla: I’m sorry. I didn’t realise I was texting my grandmother.
Lee: Hahaha! We both know you want my lemon cakes.
Karla: Is that your trick? You lure women into bed with baked goods?
Lee: Pretty much. My milkshakes bring all the girls to the yard, too.
Karla: I’m just glad you didn’t say boys.
Lee: Hey, if I wanted the boys I could get the boys.
I laughed.
Karla: Shut up.
Lee: Don’t be jealous. If you wanted the girls, I bet you could get the girls.
Karla: I don’t want the girls.
Lee: Too bad. There’s got to be some serious amount of licence lickers in your line of work.
Karla: That’s a stereotype.
Lee: What about the sour-faced old bird who was at the warehouse the other week? Now there’s a high wall built to hold back water if I ever saw one.
Oh, my God, was he talking about DI Jennings? It took me a second to get what he was saying and then I burst out laughing, both at his wording and how he described her. She was sour-faced, always looking like she’d just tasted something rotten.
Karla: She’s my superior, and I have no clue about her sexual orientation. I’ve got to go to work now. Talk later.
Lee: Later, Snap.
The next day I got a message with a picture attached. It showed Lee making a kissy duck face into the camera, the gym in the background. I chuckled when I saw it before reading the text below.
Lee: Workin on my selfie skills. What ya think?
Karla: I think it’s disturbing.
Lee: Whaaa? Where am I going wrong?
Karla: Try to look less like an aquatic bird.
Lee: Okay, how’s this?
He’d attached another picture, this time with him grin/smirking, his T-shirt plastered to him with sweat. God, he looked good, and had obviously been working out. Without thinking, I saved the picture to my phone, trying not to delve too deeply into why.
Karla: Better.
Lee: Your turn :-D
Karla: Fat chance.
Lee: Oh, go on. I miss your face.
I paused, my finger on the screen as his words sunk in. My tummy fizzled with a bubbly sensation. In a way, I’d have liked to send him a picture in return, but it was dodgy territory. Texting him at all was dodgy territory, but I needed it. It was the least form of communication we could have, and I wasn’t ready to give it up yet. Unable to deal with his sweet statement, I tried to change the subject.
Karla: Why are you texting me at the gym? Get back to working out, lazy bones.
Lee: Just finished sparring with a few of the boys. Not the same as doing it with you, of course ;-)
I ignored the innuendo, even though it made me flush slightly.
Karla: You know, I never asked. Do you box professionally?
Lee: Nah, just to keep fit. I’m a lover not a fighter.
Karla: Haha. Do you do any other sports?
I asked because I wanted him to tell me about the parkour. Having seen him in action, I could tell he’d clearly spent a lot of time honing his technique, but he never mentioned it in conversation. It was almost like he didn’t want people to know how good he was.
Lee: This and that. Gotta go shower now. Talk later.
Huh. I couldn’t tell if he was being evasive or if he really just had to shower. Either way, I obviously wasn’t going to get what I wanted.
Karla: Okay. Talk later.
“Me, Ingrid, and Gina are going out tonight,” said Reya as we left the gym on a Saturday afternoon. “You should come. Let your hair down.”
Ingrid and Gina were her friends from the Royal Academy of Music, where Reya was doing her degree. I mostly tended to spend time with her away from her usual social circle, because they were all a little too young for me. Reya was different. We connected on a level that transcended age, but her friends? They spent a lot of time talking about celebrities or the latest Facebook scandal, and I didn’t have the patience for that shite.
“I don’t know. I was planning on a marathon of Heroes with Alexis.”
“You can do that anytime! And Alexis should come, too. It’ll be fun.”
I knew for a fact that my best friend wouldn’t want to go out. One, because she was still mourning after King, and two, because she was pregnant and couldn’t drink. Every time I tried to have a glass of wine around her, she’d put on this sad puppy face, making me feel guilty that she couldn’t enjoy one, too.
“Okay, let me think about it,” I said, and Reya threw her arm around my shoulders, smiling widely. She knew she’d won.
Later that evening, I changed into a black bodycon dress and heels. I left my hair down with a slight curl, and I’d gone a little heavier on the makeup than usual. If I knew Reya and her friends, I was betting I’d get dragged to either a hipster music bar or a rock club, and I wanted to look the part.
We were having some crazy weather of late, heavy rain and random thunderstorms, which meant the electricity kept cutting out. I’d been halfway through styling my hair when the flat went dark and I heard Alexis swear loudly from her bedroom.
“Bloody hell! Now I’m going to miss the end of Coronation Street,” she moaned, and I tried not to laugh.
“You can catch the repeat when they show the Omnibus,” I called to her.
“This was the Omnibus!” she shouted back. “Now I’ll never know what happens.”
A second later, the lights came back on and Alexis let out a hoot of triumph. I shook my head and finished doing my hair. Once I was ready, I called a cab so I could go meet Reya & Co. I was sitting in the back seat when my phone lit up with a message.
Lee: Could you see the lightning at your place?
Karla: No, I missed it :-(
Lee: It was HUGE.
I chuckled.
Karla: Oh, really? Tell me more.
Lee: Dirty girl.
Karla: Can’t talk now. I’m on my way out.
Lee: Anywhere fancy?
Karla: Just meeting a friend at a club called The Evil Beetle. Don’t ask.
Lee: I know the place. Didn’t take you for a Goth.
Karla: It wasn’t my choice. My friend’s a music student. Pretentious muso clubs come with the territory.
Lee: Ah, got ya. Have a fun night. Xxx.
Karla: You too :-)
I stared at his last message, frowning. After two weeks of correspondence, this was the first time he’d sent me kisses. They made my throat feel weird and scratchy, and the fact of the matter was, I missed him. I wanted to see him in person, because although I enjoyed talking to him through texts, it was no substitute for how he made me feel in person. How his eyes followed my every movement and how his closeness gave me tingles.
Thankfully, I didn’t have too much time to ponder this further, as the taxi stopped outside the club. I paid the driver, got out, and walked down the line, searching for Reya. I found her about midway down, wearing a purple hippy dress under a long navy coat. Her friend Ingrid was blonde and wore a lot of eye-liner, while her other friend, Gina, had a pixie haircut and wore a number of studded belts around the waist of her skinny jeans. I felt slightly overdressed, but I wasn’t too bothered about it.
The four of us made small talk until we reached the door and were immediately let through by the bouncer. Heavy rock music blared as a DJ with blue dreads spun the decks. I went straight to the bar, ordering in a round of drinks for everyone. I wasn’t exactly flash with the cash, but since I was with three starving students, I decided to be generous.
Not surprisingly, Gina and Ingrid nodded eagerly when I asked them if they wanted a drink. We found a table in a dark corner where it was just about impossible to carry out a conversation, but we gave it a go anyway. At this rate, I was going to have tinnitus by morning.
An hour or so went by, during which I’d had three more drinks. We were currently on the dance floor, dancing to Guns n R
oses’ “Night Train.” Reya grabbed my hands and swayed with me to the music, while her friends screamed the lyrics, knowing every word. It was as my eyes travelled over the sea of heads surrounding me that I thought I recognised a familiar one. The guy disappeared, and I shook it off.
Lee wouldn’t come here, would he?
There was a brief second of quiet between one song and the next when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket.
Lee: You’re a good dancer.
I gasped as I read it, swiftly typing a response.
Karla: Where are you?
My heart pounded, and my skin grew clammy with nerves as I contemplated the idea that he was here. There was something about the fact that we’d been communicating but hadn’t actually seen each other for weeks that heightened my anticipation. I felt surrounded, too hot, and my fingers shook as I waited for him to reply. The screen of my phone remained dark, and I felt Reya nudge me. Glancing up, I saw her frowning as she sent me a look that asked, What’s wrong?
Shaking my head to let her know I was fine, I slid my phone back in my pocket and tried to focus on dancing again. It was no use, though, and I found myself frantically scanning the club. After a minute I spotted him over by the bar. He was with some other guy, knocking back shots. The guy turned, and I recognised Trevor, the second-youngest Cross brother. His pretty blue eyes flashed in the darkness as he smiled at something Lee said, showing off a pair of handsome dimples.
I guessed Trevor to be about two years younger than Lee, which put him at around twenty-three. He had a very laid-back, sort of skater-boy style, and every girl who passed him by gave him a second glance. Lee had the same good looks, but despite the grin that was perennially plastered across his face, there was something harder about him, something a little bit more intimidating and unapproachable.
Almost as though he sensed me watching him, his eyes flashed to mine and held me captive. I shot him a look of irritation and pulled out my phone.
Karla: I hope you didn’t come here for me.
From across the club, I saw him looking down at his screen, reading my text before his fingers began tapping. A second later he glanced in my direction and grinned. My phone lit up in my hand.