He stared at me, eyes hard, and for a moment we were locked in a standoff, a silent battle of wills. The silence was broken when somebody’s footsteps crunched along the grass and I turned to see Marina approach, Pierre ambling alongside her as she carried a stack of flyers in her arms.
“Ah, just the two able-bodied young people I wanted to see,” she said, smiling innocently like she hadn’t a clue about the argument we’d just been having. Jack’s gaze cut to her, and it was far from welcoming. Marina barely gave his hostility a second glance, and I wished I could have even half her impassivity when dealing with him.
“I need you two to head into town and leave some of these advertisements in the shops. We didn’t sell as many seats as usual last night, so we need the extra publicity boost.”
“Kind of busy at the moment, Marina,” Jack grunted as I walked to her and took the flyers out of her hands.
“I can do it. I wasn’t feeling well last night and couldn’t make it to the show. This can be my way of paying you back. Jack doesn’t need to help.”
“You won’t be able to manage it alone,” said Marina. “Jack will help you.”
There was a steeliness to her voice that brooked no argument, and Jack let out a grunt of annoyance before coming and taking the last of the flyers. Seeming satisfied, Marina sauntered off with Pierre, leaving us alone again. I was having a hard time looking at Jack, but I could feel him practically boring a hole into my skull.
“Our conversation isn’t over,” he called after me as I went inside the camper to grab a bag for the flyers. When I emerged, he stood there, all cranky and foreboding, and I hated that he still looked sexy as you fucking please. Christ, I was going to have to tell him about Julie, wasn’t I? I mean, if nothing else, she couldn’t just be left to run around kicking the crap out of her love rivals. I had to summon some courage and be brave. Yes, I was going to tell him.
Just…not right this second.
With a heavy silence between us, I followed Jack to a bus stop just outside the campsite, and we stood a few feet apart as we waited for one to come by. Thankfully, it only took a few minutes. Not so thankfully, each of those minutes felt like an hour. I could feel him watching me, studying me, trying to figure me out. When the bus finally arrived, there weren’t any seats available. I stood beside a window while Jack hovered close to me, his arm raised up and holding on to a bar above my head. An electricity hummed between us, but not a word was spoken. Minutes went by, his attention on me like a physical touch. His smell filled my nose, and it was so divine it took all of my willpower not to rest my head on his shoulder and breathe him in.
“Last night you said you were sick when you weren’t, and today you’re avoiding me like the plague,” Jack said, keeping his voice low so the other people on the bus couldn’t hear. “I take it you’ve had more time to think about being with me, and decided it’s not what you want.” A sadness tinged his words, and guilt seized my chest. “I can’t say I’m surprised. I knew the truth would change how you saw me.”
No, no, no, my mind screamed, while on the outside I didn’t know what to say. I placed my hand on his arm, half to comfort him and half for balance. “That’s not it at all.”
“What is it, then?” he asked, a flicker of hope flashing as his eyes scanned my face.
Before I could answer, the bus shuddered to a halt, and it was time for us to get off. My head was dizzy all of a sudden as I stepped onto the busy city street. I had to stumble to a nearby wall to steady myself. The spot where Julie had struck me was giving me trouble, and I wondered if I was having some sort of delayed concussion. I remembered that you weren’t supposed to sleep after being hit on the head and inwardly cursed myself, because I’d gone straight to bed after. What an idiot.
Warm hands covered my shoulders. “Lille, are you all right? You’ve gone pale.”
I breathed deeply and righted myself. “I’m fine. Standing on the bus just made me a little bit dizzy.”
“Do you want to sit down for a minute?”
A twinge of pain hit me again, and I nodded. “Yes, please, just for a minute.”
Slipping his arm around my waist, Jack led me to the nearest café and lowered me into a seat. He went up to the counter, and before I knew it, a sandwich and a glass of fresh juice was in front of me. That was it. My blood sugar was low because I’d missed lunch, and, combined with my recent blow to the head, my sudden bout of illness was totally understandable.
Jack slid into the booth next to me and gestured for me to eat the sandwich. I took an eager bite and almost groaned at how good it was. Ham and melted cheese.
“When was the last time you ate?”
I scratched my head. “Um, last night. I forgot breakfast…and lunch. I’ve had a lot on my mind.”
His mouth formed a sad little frown, and he looked out the window, all broody. God, did that come out wrong or what? He thought I meant him. That he was the lot I had on my mind. It couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, when all was said and done, my feelings for Jack were quite simple. It was everything else that was complicated.
He flexed his hand as I ate, forming a fist, and I recognised this as a sign that he was on edge.
“Like I said on the bus,” he started to say, “I understand. Shit, if I were you, I’d be running a mile.”
I placed my hand on his before he had the chance to form a fist again. “You’re wrong. That’s not what this is about. I’m worried about my mother trying to find me, and well, I’ve been having trouble with someone on the campsite.”
The moment the words left my mouth, he turned his entire body to face me as he tilted his head at an angle. Those thick, dark eyebrows drawing together made his expression a little unsettling. “What do you mean? Has someone been hassling you? Was it that little Brazilian twat again?”
“No, no,” I breathed, placing my hands against his chest. “It wasn’t Pedro. It’s…it’s…well, it’s Julie.”
His eyes widened a tiny bit in surprise. “What did she say?”
“It wasn’t so much what she said as what she did.”
He didn’t breathe a word, but he didn’t have to. His face said it all. He wanted to know what she’d done, and he wanted to know now.
“Yesterday when I was out looking for Bea, Julie followed me to the back of the tent. There was nobody around, and she had this plank of wood she must have gotten off one of the cargo trucks. I didn’t even know she was there until she clocked me with it.”
“She what?” Jack eyes flared black murder.
“She hit me with it, then tried to choke me out,” I said, tentatively tugging down the collar of my T-shirt and wiping away the makeup to show him my bruises. “She really hurt me. And honestly, I think she needs help. I mean, giving me evils in the gazebo is one thing, but attacking me is another entirely. She’s off her rocker, Jack. She told me you two were together and warned me to stay away from you. She said if I told anyone what she did, she’d cut out my tongue. That’s why I didn’t say anything last night. I was in too much shock.”
He absorbed my words and my bruises with a scary intensity. “She’ll regret this.” His hands went to my head, searching for the wound she’d inflicted with the wood. He hissed when he found it, and I winced. I felt squeamish just thinking about the mushy lump.
Pulling my body close to his, he clenched his jaw, and I could tell he was having a hard time with all this. It made me melt just a little so see how angry someone hurting me made him, and I regretted not telling him as soon as it happened. A long time passed before he pulled away and looked at me, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
“We travel great distances. However, sometimes living in close quarters with so many people can be stifling. I love the circus, but this life can make people go a little odd. I’ve spent a couple of nights with Julie, but those nights were spread over months, and I never gave her any reason to believe there was anything other than sex between us. Saying that, I really shouldn’t
have touched her in the first place. She’s always been a wild card.”
I absorbed his words, our faces close as we spoke quietly. The sandwich I’d just eaten, alongside the idea of Jack and Julie together, started to make my stomach feel a little queasy. “Did you ever, you know…burn her?”
Hesitation flickered in his gaze before he answered, “Once, but it didn’t work out. Julie is more suited to being the one doing the burning. She doesn’t like to be made weak. Being with her was like masturbation, Lille, staving off a need, that’s all.”
I glanced away, cheeks heating. He took my chin in his fingers and turned me to face him again. “The first thing we do after we leave here is go to the police station and report her. I’ve had enough of letting shit go, and the fact that the prick who attacked Lola is still out there makes me want to break something. Then we’ll do the flyers. Then we go home. If you see Julie, you will not, I repeat, you will not act like you’re staying away from me. You’ll hold my fucking hand and show her she’s not winning. The police can deal with the rest. I also want you to stay at my place for the next few days. She won’t dare touch you again with me around.”
His plan was a good one…especially the suggestion I stay with him in his van. But still, the idea of reporting Julie, of causing drama for the circus, made me nervous. I was only just beginning to feel like a part of the community, and now I might end up alienating myself. I looked at the dark, brooding man sitting next to me, though, and knew it could be worse. At least in this scenario I got to have Jack.
He ordered another sandwich and shared it with me, but he ate most of it. I wondered absently just how much a big guy like him had to eat every day. I bet it was a lot. If he were a dog, he’d be a malamute or a German shepherd. And those things packed away the grub like nobody’s business.
Even though I had to do most of the talking, I never felt alone while we were at the police station. Jack was close to me through it all, giving me subtle touches or looks to show his support. It struck me that I felt so much stronger when he was with me. He’d worried that being with him would be bad for me, when really the opposite was true.
By the time we left the station, I was exhausted, but we still had to do the flyers. We started on a street with lots of little boutique-style shops. Most of them employed women, and most of those women practically wet themselves when they saw Jack. It began to grate on my nerves, having to suffer through them flirting with him, and in broken English at that. One blonde in her mid-twenties seemed to be fluent, though, and that was the most uncomfortable of all.
“Would you mind if we left some of these with you?” Jack asked, handing her a stack of flyers. “We’re with the circus just outside of town.”
She leaned across the counter and fluttered her eyelashes, her V-neck shirt showing a healthy dose of cleavage. I didn’t even think she realised I was there, standing by the door, uncomfortably holding my jealous/awkward girl of the year award.
“Of course not, mon cher, you look tired. Have you been on your feet all day? Come and sit down — I’ll make you some coffee.” When she reached for his arm, Jack moved out of the way.
“There’s no need. We can’t stop. We have more shops to visit, and it looks like the weather’s turning.”
The woman pursed her lips, and at his mention of “we,” she suddenly became aware of my presence. Her narrow-eyed look wasn’t too different from the ones Julie had been giving me of late, and I wondered if this was what I’d have to contend with from now on. Women hating me because I was with Jack.
Was I with him? It felt like we’d come to some sort of mutual understanding, but neither one of us had put into words what we were or what we were doing.
Jack was right about the weather. I glanced out the window to see some dark clouds forming, blocking out the sun, and I knew were in for some kind of storm, heavy rain at the very least.
After we finished visiting each shop on the street, we went to some of the local public spaces, and Jack stapled flyers to any free signage boards we could find. Man, he looked hot when he hammered a stapler into cork board. I think I might have drooled a little just from watching him.
The next time we stepped outside, I felt a drop of rain hit the top of my head. Moments later, it was pouring down. Jack took my hand in his and pulled me along, but we still got drenched. It was summer in France, and neither one of us was wearing a coat. Stupid unpredictable weather. Running didn’t stop us from getting soaked, and our clothes were saturated when Jack tugged me under a bus shelter with him, both our chests heaving as we tried to catch our breaths.
His long sleeved T-shirt was glued to his chest, and I had a hard time looking away. I glanced up at him for a second and caught him smirking. A small, nervous giggle escaped me, and he laughed softly, looking across the street and brushing his long, wet hair away from his face. I actually thought he looked a little bit shy for a second. It made him seem so young.
“How old are you?” I blurted, and he gave me a sideways glance.
“Twenty-six.” He must have seen the surprised look on my face as he continued, brow arching, “How old did you think I was?”
“You know what, I’m actually not sure. Sometimes you seem young, then other times you seem really wise and, I don’t know, sort of unreachable.”
He stared at me for a long time but didn’t say anything.
I shivered in my damp clothes as the rain continued to pound down on the roof of the shelter, and I knew, I just knew by the way Jack’s gaze was growing heated that my nipples were peeking through my top. I couldn’t even bring myself to look, so I simply folded my arms across my chest to hide my embarrassment. An old lady came and stood under the shelter, lowering her umbrella and shaking out the rain. She peered at us and muttered something in French about us catching our death with no coats on. Because she looked a little bit like my Gran, my mind wandered and I imagined her looking down on me, proudly watching my circus adventure unfold.
A moment later Jack was in front of me, his hands, which were surprisingly warm, cupping my neck, his thumbs massaging into my throat.
“Sorry you got wet,” he said, and his words dripped with sexual undertones.
I shrugged, trying to play off how his expression alone was practically drying all my clothes. His eyes scorched, and I couldn’t stop staring at his mouth, silently begging for his sensual lips to kiss me. An engine sounded to our left, and I turned to see a bus approach.
“Will this one take us back to the campsite?” I asked.
Jack nodded and laced his fingers through mine, pulling me onto the bus. The driver seemed annoyed that we were dripping water everywhere, but Jack just stared at him, unconcerned, and paid both our fares. He tugged me down to sit on his lap, and his arms went around my waist, his face pressing into my shoulder as he exhaled. His breath was hot, warming up my skin through the fabric, and a pleasurable shiver danced along my spine. My wet jeans were starting to itch. Add that to my urgent need for Jack simmering between my thighs, and I was about ready to combust.
I reached up and began running my fingers through his wet hair, trying to get out some of the tangles. He seemed to melt into my touch, and I savoured the simple act of grooming him. When his eyes met mine again, they were full of affection, and I thought he liked me touching his hair. I made a mental note to do it often.
It was still raining when the bus dropped us off at the campsite. Startling me, Jack scooped me up and deftly swung me onto his back. I wrapped my arms tight around his neck as he ran fast, and even with me on his back, it felt effortless. The rain sailed past us, or was it us sailing past the rain? With Jack, I felt like even the laws of physics could be broken.
My heart beat wildly. There was something intoxicating about being so close to him, being cared for by him, because I got the feeling Jack had never been like this with a girl before. It made it all the more significant, made my heart feel sore and not sore all at once. I suspected Jack’s encounters with women in the past
had been unemotional and quick. All about the sex. The shame he felt about the desires he held and what they arose from had kept him from getting too close to anyone.
I wanted to wash away that shame, show him that though things could be born of darkness, with the right person you could make them light.
When we reached his camper, he pushed open the door and stepped in, gently lowering his body so I could climb off his back. I looked around, unsure what my next move should be, when all of a sudden he bent to one knee and began carefully untying my laces. As I watched him, the air left my lungs and my heart felt fuller.
I was falling.
“There are towels in the bathroom that you can use. The water should be warm,” he said, and then stood once he’d relieved me of my shoes and socks. He wanted me to take a shower. Wordlessly, I went inside his bathroom, which was larger than the one in Violet’s camper. Well, it was still small, but at least here I didn’t keep knocking off the sink when I tried to get to the toilet. I could hear him moving around outside as I shut the door, and my pores tingled as I stripped out of my sodden jeans and top. Jack’s proximity to my naked skin made me clench my thighs together with longing. I yearned to see him totally bare so I could kiss and lick and suck every corner of his glorious body.
I turned the shower on and waited for the water to get hot, and when I stepped under the spray, my throat felt tight as I silently wished for him to come inside and join me. I felt like I’d been waiting forever, but the door never budged. Sighing in disappointment, I wrapped up in one of the clean, dry towels that hung from a rack and stepped out into the living area. Having used the shampoo and shower gel in his bathroom, I now smelled like him. I breathed it in, and it smelled like home.
I stopped when I saw him by the sink, using some paper towels to dry his face. God, even with the burn scar, his back was perfect, all broad and muscled, his skin deeply tanned. All he had on was his boxer shorts, his clothes discarded.
He turned when he heard my footsteps on the floor, and his eyelids grew hooded as he took me in.