All of my insecurities washed through me, along with all the heartache and guilt. My inability to go to her and confess my sins had resulted in me completely losing the life I wanted. And while I wasn’t the only one at fault here, I was the one who’d set this rollercoaster in motion.
What kind of prick was I? The damn, fucking asshole kind, apparently.
It was several long minutes before Aubrey’s sobs subsided. Pulling away, she wiped at her eyes. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to lose it like that.”
“Baby, you have nothing to be sorry over. This is my fault. It’s entirely my fault. If I hadn’t pushed you to sleep with me, or if I’d have stayed in Montana, all of this would’ve worked out fine. I wish I’d never come here.”
“Please don’t talk like that. I wanted to have sex with you. It was my choice. You let me say when. That day was one of the best of my life. I’ve relived it so many times during these lonely years.” She glanced up at me. “You were all I ever wanted. I’ve dated a few other people, but I could never get over you. I’ve never even slept with anyone else.”
Those words shocked me almost as much as her previous revelation. “You haven’t had sex in ten years?” I stared at her incredulously.
Giving a weak smile, she shook her head. “Not until tonight—which was pretty damn amazing by the way.”
“Shit.” I’d fucked her hard tonight, and now I realized she was still practically at virgin status. “I’m so sorry, Aubrey,” I apologized again. “I would’ve taken it easier on you had I known.”
“I didn’t want you to take it easy on me. Tonight is the first time in ten years I’ve felt completely alive.” Fresh sobs came with these words. “How pitiful is that?”
“It’s not pitiful at all—or we’re both pitiful then, because I feel exactly the same way.” I lifted her face back to mine and bent to kiss her forehead. “Please tell me what I can do to make this right between us. I’ve made such a horrible mess with everything.”
Giving a wry laugh, she shrugged. “I’m not the person to ask. I’m just as confused as you are.”
“Well, we need to figure something out, before we go and complicate things further.”
“I know. I’ll speak to Dr. Bentley tomorrow and see if he can assign you a new nurse.”
“I don’t want a new nurse,” I complained.
“Well, you have to get one. I’m already in danger of being fired when this is found out. I need this job. I need to be able to support Dustin properly. This job means everything to us.”
“You have my word that money will never be an issue for you again. Everything I have is yours now, as far as I’m concerned.”
Eyes staying locked with mine, her lips quivered. “I could never accept that. But thank you for offering.”
“Offering? Are you listening to yourself? You’re the mother of my son! You’re my family.”
“Really?” She seemed surprised. I needed to set the record straight with her.
“Don’t you get it? All this chaos going on in my life right now is because of you. I’ve spent all these years trying to find a way to get over you, only it never worked. No matter what I did, it never erased you from my mind. I’ve thought about you every single day.”
“Then why didn’t you ever come for me?” More tears, dammit. She was ripping my heart to shreds.
“Because you deserve so much better. I convinced myself that you hated me, once I never heard from you again. I hated myself.”
“I only hated you because I wanted you so badly—even after I knew you hadn’t been faithful to me. I kept dreaming that someday you’d come rescue me.”
“This is so fucked up. I don’t know what else to say.”
“It’s okay. Neither do I. And don’t feel bad. This taught me to be strong and to learn to rely on myself.”
“You shouldn’t have had to go through it alone, though.” Silence fell between us once more. I simply held her as I stroked her damp hair and tried to assimilate everything she’d told me. “What does Dustin look like?” I asked, finally, wanting to know everything she could tell me about my child.
She laughed this time, and the sound was music to my ears. “Exactly like you. I couldn’t have forgotten you even if I wanted to. I see you in him every single day.” Straightening, an excited look crossed her face. “Where’d I put my clutch? I have a picture of him!”
“I think it got dropped by the window with the rest of your clothing.”
Jumping up, she scurried over to where we’d first had sex, digging through the pile of clothes and retrieving the small purse. She reached inside and pulled out her phone, quickly flipping through the screen before pausing.
I watched as her face changed as she stared at the image. A soft smile spread across her face and her eyes lit up with all the love in the world. Taking a finger she stroked the screen before glancing up at me.
My breath caught. It was like seeing straight into her soul and I had no doubt—no doubt—that our son was what kept her going all these years. It was clear that she adored him.
Moving next to me, she held the phone out. “This is our son.”
Our son. The words filled my soul like nothing else I’d ever heard, making my heart swell with joy. I couldn’t imagine anything better than having a child with Aubrey.
Accepting it from her, I stared at the sandy brown haired youngster, taking in everything about him from his bright blue eyes to his wide smile. He looked happy and healthy, and almost identical to grade school pictures of my own. If I had any doubt about this being my child, which I didn’t, this photo would’ve been proof enough for me. There was no way I wasn’t the father.
Something protective flooded through me. I needed to know this boy—I wanted to know him. I wanted my family. At the same time it scared me more than I’d ever been scared in my life. I couldn’t fuck things up this time—and my past track record wasn’t looking too promising on that front. Not to mention I had no idea if Aubrey would ever be able to fully trust me ever again.
“Can I meet him?” I asked, my voice choked with emotion.
“I’d like that,” she said, her eyes tearing up some more. “I’d like that a lot. But I don’t want to confuse him either, Zane. He’s lived all this time without you. We need to do this gently.”
“I’ll do anything you want me to do, Aubrey, anything. I just hope you can forgive me and let me be a part of your lives.” I was wearing my heart on my sleeve here. It was hers to embrace, or destroy, as she desired.
“I’d like that, too.” She smiled at me, a soft sob escaping her lips. “You have no idea how much.”
“When can we go?” I asked, feeling suddenly impatient.
“Let’s talk to Dr. Bentley and Dr. Wilson in the morning. We’ll tell them the truth about us and see where they recommend we go from here.”
Disappointment flooded me. If I had my way I’d jump in one of my cars and go straight to meet my son this very moment. Of course that would most likely traumatize him if a stranger were to awaken him in the night—even if I was with Aubrey. “Is he with your parents?”
She nodded. “Yes. He’s staying the night with them. Since my phone hasn’t been ringing off the hook and I have no text messages, I’m assuming my parents still have no idea that I’m out with you tonight. I told them it was a work thing, since I didn’t have permission from you to tell them you were in rehab yet.”
“They must fuckin’ hate me,” I said sadly, fondly remembering the couple who’d become my surrogate parents. I owed so much to them, yet I’d abandoned them, too.
She gave a half laugh. “That’s putting it mildly. It won’t be easy, Zane. My dad even threatened to do you bodily harm if he ever saw you again.”
“Well, tell him to do his worst. I deserve every bit of whatever he has to give me.”
I didn’t care what I had to do. I was going to make up my past mistakes to this family, even if it killed me.
“BEST DRESSED: Z McCartney Mystery
Date Wows Crowds in Stunning Dominic Florin Gown!”
~Entertainment Daily~
Chapter Fifteen
Aubrey
Standing at the door to Dr. Bentley’s office, I felt restless. Checking my watch for the umpteenth time, I pushed away from the wall, running a hand through my straight hair, feeling positive I looked like a complete mess. I was wearing one of Zane’s t-shirts and a pair of his sweatpants that were double knotted at my waist to keep them from falling off. I wasn’t wearing any makeup since we’d showered together and my eyes were totally red and swollen from crying.
“Aubrey, calm down. Everything is going to work out. I promise.”
Glancing over to where Zane casually leaned against the wall with his arms folded, I wondered how he could possibly seem so relaxed. I felt like my whole world was being turned upside down, and I was scared stiff that I was about to lose my job in a few minutes, once the truth of my behavior came out.
“I want to. I just don’t know how,” I replied honestly.
Dr. Bentley and Dr. Wilson chose that moment to turn the corner, heading in our direction. They were both dressed casually, as they had the weekends off as well, and other staff doctors came in to take care of things. Since they were the doctors in charge of Zane’s care, and my bosses, I’d called them in for an emergency meeting.
“Good morning,” Dr. Bentley said with a smile, pausing to shake both of our hands. If he noticed anything odd about my appearance, he didn’t comment. Neither did Dr. Wilson, who also greeted us warmly.
Removing his keys, Dr. Bentley placed them in the door. “Shall we go inside?”
I glanced at Zane before checking the hallway. “We’re also waiting for some of Zane’s people to arrive.”
“Here they are,” Zane added, moving to greet Penelope and the lawyer, whose name I still couldn’t seem to remember, and another guy I hadn’t met before. I assumed this was his agent, Luke Haywood. He’d told me about him when he’d placed the phone call to him earlier.
After all the greetings and reintroductions—the lawyer's name was Mike—we moved into the office.
“I guess I’ll turn the floor over to you, Aubrey, since you’re the one who called this emergency meeting,” Dr. Bentley said as he sat at his desk.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm my nerves as I moved to a place where I could see the faces of everyone seated in the room. My eyes fell on Zane and he flashed me a nod of encouragement. Just knowing I had his support made me feel stronger.
“First of all, I apologize for dragging you all here on your days off, but Zane and I feel this is a time sensitive situation and it couldn’t wait until Monday.”
“Not a problem,” Dr. Wilson spoke up. “We’re always happy to help out.”
“Thank you. I hope you will still feel that way after you hear what I have to say.”
Immediately, puzzled expressions passed over everyone’s faces, and I hurried on.
“I haven’t been totally honest with everyone—”
“And neither have I,” Zane interrupted. Standing, he came to join me, slipping his hand into mine and lacing our fingers together. Several sets of eyes perked up at that action, but he didn’t pause. “I picked this facility because I knew Aubrey worked here.” He glanced between Dr. Wilson and Dr. Bentley. “Aubrey was my girlfriend in high school. She’s the one I’ve been talking to you about in our sessions, Dr. Wilson. You see, I made a terrible mistake when I first moved here. I cheated on Aubrey and was too much of a coward to confess my sins to her. Instead of facing her, I left her behind and never told her why. I’ve been self-medicating and acting out ever since, trying to forget about her. It didn’t work, obviously.” He squeezed my hand, glancing briefly at me and smiled.
“Last night,” I continued on with the story, “was the first time Zane and I really had a chance to sit down and talk since he came here. I’ve been trying to keep him at arm's length, due to that fact that he’s a patient here—and due to the fact that I’ve been hiding a secret from him for ten years.”
He took over again. “Apparently I got Aubrey pregnant before I left Montana. I just found out I have a nine year old son.”
Everyone in the room shifted, glancing around in surprise, looking as if they didn’t know what to say. If Zane noticed, he didn’t care, instead raising my hand to his lips and kissing it, before turning his attention back to everyone else.
“I’ve never stopped loving Aubrey, so though her news is a shock to me, I couldn’t be happier. However, the press was all over her last night and I promise everyone is out there digging around today trying to find out who she is. They’re going to find out she has a son—who happens to look exactly like me. This is going to cause a media frenzy. If they find out she works here, it’s going to lead them right to me.”
“And then there’s the matter of our son,” I added. “Zane wants to meet him, but he’s in rehab right now. How can he continue weeks of care without meeting his son? I don’t think that’s fair to either of them.”
“I can see why you’re worried,” Dr. Bentley said, sighing, a concerned expression on his face. “There’s a lot we need to discuss it appears.”
“Wait. There’s more,” I said, feeling terrible about dumping so much on them. “Zane and I also rekindled our relationship last night.” I faltered for a moment. “I mean we slept together.”
“We definitely have a lot to talk about then,” Dr. Bentley said, seeming alarmed. “This could have legal ramifications if it ever got out. We can’t allow the institute to get a bad name because one of our nurses is sleeping with her patient.”
Hearing him say it like that made it sound so sordid and sleazy. I hated it.
“Just to be clear, I want you to know that Aubrey was against all this from the beginning. From the first moment she found out I was her patient, she said she was having my care transferred to a different nurse because it was unethical.”
Dr. Bentley opened the chart on the desk in front of him, flipping through a few pages of Zane’s file. “I don’t see that a request was ever made.”
“It wasn’t,” I said, weakly. “I changed my mind.”
“But only because I begged her not to. Even then she hardly spoke to me, except when she was doing her routine rounds. There was never any inappropriate contact while she was at work.”
“She was working last night when she went with you to the event,” Mike reminded.
“Yes, but I’m the one who was paying those wages, so she still wasn’t technically working for Sunnybrook. She’d been employed by me to keep me on the straight and narrow.”
“And how did that go?” Dr. Wilson asked.
“He did very well,” I replied.
“No I didn’t,” Zane spoke up. “When I first found out she’d been keeping my son from me for all these years I was angry. I opened my fridge and reached for a beer. Of course there weren’t any in there, since Penelope had poured them all down the sink before I was admitted. Still, I reached for it all the same. It was the first thing I turned to for help.
“That’s also why Aubrey was afraid to tell me about our son. She didn’t want to jeopardize my treatment.” Fixing a stare in Dr. Bentley’s direction, he sighed, shaking his head. “Please don’t fire her. I swear I pressed her hard—practically coerced her into everything—even the sex. She kept telling me we needed to talk and there were lines that couldn’t be crossed. I refused to listen. I was determined to do whatever necessary to get her back into my life. I’ve missed her for so long.” He glanced at me again. “I love her with all my heart and I have a lot of making up to do.”
“I love you, too,” I whispered back. His words making me feel so happy that it helped to greatly relieve some of my anxiety.
“You two come take a seat so we can sort this all out,” Dr. Bentley said, gesturing to the chairs and Zane led me over to sit. “First off, I guess I need to ask if there is anything your people need to take care of with this revelation?”
r /> Zane glanced over at his team and raised an eyebrow. “What do you think?”
“I say we sit on this for as long as we possibly can and see if the press sniffs out the story,” Penelope suggested. “We don’t need to volunteer any information. As long as they’re out hunting, it gives us more time to work with. I’ll also start working on an official press release for when the story breaks.” Penelope glanced at me apologetically before looking back at Zane. “Are you sure this child is yours?”
“That’s my question, too,” Mike spoke up. “We need to get a paternity test done to verify the claims.”
“There will be no paternity test,” Zane said firmly. “I trust Aubrey’s word. She was a virgin when I slept with her, I can personally attest to that. Besides, the kid looks exactly like me.” Turning to me, he added. “Show them the picture.”
I did as he asked and apparently it was enough to satisfy everyone for the moment, because no one else pressed the matter any further.
“So what do you want the press release to say?” Penelope asked Zane.
“Tell them I’m happy to announce that I’ve recently reconnected with the love of my life and am thrilled to find out we share a son together. I ask that everyone please respect our privacy and allow us the time to become acquainted as a family.”
“I’m on it,” Penelope said, quickly jotting down notes into her phone. “What are you thinking about things, Mike? Any concerns?”
“If he’s wanting to acknowledge his son I see no problem with that,” Mike replied. “We’ll just need to get together and discuss some future financial decisions with the management team—like will Dustin be added to the will, or is there going to be a trust set up for him, but those are all things we can address down the road.”
“And the answer to that is, yes, by the way,” Zane spoke up. “So start looking into getting the paperwork going on that, right away.”
As I listened to them rattle things off, it amazed me how many people were involved in running Zane’s life. He honestly had a team of people at his beck and call. It was hard for me to wrap my head around it. Listening to the way he ordered people about made me realize that despite how long he’d struggled with addiction, his people still respected him and his decisions. He was still in charge of the show when it boiled down to everything. Without him, they had nothing—no product to sell. I changed my mind. He wasn’t in charge of the show—he was the show. It was kind of incredible to watch. I’d never really had anyone step forward to fight my battles before, like he was doing. It was hard for me to not think of him as that white knight on the charger—the one I’d always hoped would come find me. Hope bloomed in my chest.