"I'll do the cooking the rest of the day," I said. "You just sit on the couch and rest, okay?"
He didn't like it much but finally agreed. Still he was groaning and mumbling at the table, complaining about the pain. Sune was acting grouchy as well. He hardly looked at me or even spoke to me. The air between us was tense and it made me eat more than I needed.
"So when are we going to build that snowman?" Julie whined. "You guys are taking forever to eat."
"In a minute, honey," I said and grabbed some pastry and poured another cup of coffee. I couldn't say I was looking forward to hours in the freezing cold. I was tired and cranky and really wanted to just lie on the sofa with the newspaper and a box of chocolates. The wind was pulling the trees outside the windows, the sky had grown grey and the clouds were heavy with snow.
"I guess we better hurry up," Sune said. "It is going to snow in less than an hour. It looks like it could last all day."
I swallowed my pastry and flushed it down with coffee. Julie and Tobias started putting on boots and winter suits.
"Come on, Mom. Jeez. You heard Sune. I really want to build this snowman today. You promised."
I swallowed hard then drank some more coffee. "I'm coming, I'm coming," I said and got up from my chair. I looked at Dad. His face was torn in restraint. "Promise me you'll leave all this on the table. I'll clean it up later, okay?"
He nodded with his eyes closed. I sighed and found some pills to kill the pain in a cupboard and handed them to him with a glass of water. "They'll make you feel better for a little while," I said. I kissed his forehead. "Try and get some sleep."
He nodded slowly and kissed me back.
Sune opened the door and the kids ran out with high-pitched screams. The wind hitting me from the open door felt like needles on my skin. I shivered and ran to get my winter jacket.
"I'll be outside with the kids," Sune said. His eyes were still hurt and distanced. He was barely looking at me.
"Sune ... I," I said and stepped forward with my jacket in my hand.
He shook his head. "Save it. I can't deal with this right now." Then he followed the kids outside. I heard then whine and laugh as they threw snowballs at Sune and he grabbed Julie and rolled her in the snow. I sighed as I watched them make snow-angels. This was supposed to be a happy day, a joyful time and vacation. But as usual I had destroyed everything. What was wrong with me? Why did I keep doing this? If things didn't work out with Sune and me it would kill Julie. She loved him and she loved Tobias even more. But the thought that I couldn't give Sune what he really wanted and dreamt about killed me. I just really couldn't see it in my future. I couldn't picture myself having another baby. I really didn't want to. I wasn't prepared to do it just to make him happy, either. That was unfair to the baby.
After all having a baby was a huge thing in your life. I remembered having Julie and being surprised how hard it really was, how much it changed everything. Not that I ever regretted having her, I never did, but looking back at my life it had been a rough journey. I wasn't prepared to go down that road again. Not at my age.
Julie spotted me watching them through the window. She signaled that I should join them.
"Come on, Mom," I heard her yell from the other side.
I exhaled and nodded. "I'm coming!" Then I put on the jacket, my scarf and a pair of gloves. I looked at Sune when I opened the door. He threw a snowball in my direction and I managed to duck just as it was supposed to hit me in my face. I laughed. He laughed back. Then I grabbed some snow and shaped a ball and threw it at him. It hit him right in the middle of his face. Tobias and Julie squealed with delight. So did I, and soon Sune accompanied us.
We built the largest snowman anyone ever had built. At least that's what I told the kids. It had to be the world's largest snowman. No doubt about it. We managed to make it inside just as the snow began to fall again. We laughed and took off all our big winter clothes and threw them all in a pile on the floor. Then Sune started the fire while I went to the kitchen to prepare hot chocolate. My fingers and cheeks were hurting from the cold and soon they started to burn. I smiled while I watched Sune in action trying to get the fire in the fireplace started. I really liked him, I thought. I really didn't want to blow this. I went towards him and put my hand on his back. He looked up. His eyes seemed milder now. He chuckled, then he leaned over and kissed me on my lips. I blushed when I realized the children were watching us.
"Ew! Gross," Julie exclaimed causing me to blush even more. I felt like I had been caught in doing something wrong.
"Grown-ups are so disgusting," Tobias said.
I looked at Sune. Then we burst into laughter.
"Who is up for hot chocolate?" I said.
"I am. I am!" they both yelled one louder than the other. I looked at Dad afraid that they would wake him up. He was still sleeping on the couch. He didn't move.
"Okay," I whispered. "Let's go get some in the kitchen."
"Yay!" they yelled again and ran towards the kitchen.
Afraid they had woken him up I turned to look at my father again, but he still didn't move. I felt a pinch in my stomach. Usually he woke by the slightest sound. He was a light sleeper just like Julie and I. I stared at him from a distance, examining him. He suddenly looked very pale to me. Almost grey. Was his chest moving at all? Was he breathing?
Fearful I stepped towards him and placed a hand on his chest. I still couldn't feel it move. My heart was racing in my chest. Then I placed two fingers on his neck to check his pulse. It took a couple of terrifying seconds before I found it. It was there. A feeling of great relief came over me and calmed me a little. But the pulse seemed weak. Too weak even for someone sleeping. Another wave of fear rushed in over me and I started shaking him.
"Dad, wake up."
Sune stopped what he was doing and walked towards him. "Is there something wrong?" he asked.
"I can't wake him up. I think something is wrong. His pulse is weak and he is all pale."
Sune stepped in front of me and felt the pulse. Then he sighed. "It does seem a little weak," he said. "I think we need to call for an ambulance."
A panic started to grow inside of me. Not now, I thought while tears were piling up behind my eyes. I can't bear to lose him yet. Julie came up behind me and grabbed my hand. "Is something wrong with Grandpa?" she asked. I detected fear in her small voice. I pulled her closer while Sune found his phone and called for an ambulance.
"He'll be fine," I said. "I'm sure he'll be just fine. Don't worry."
I knew my words weren't convincing.
CHAPTER 19
JULIE AND I got to ride in the ambulance with Dad. The paramedics had him hooked up to all kinds of things but he was still not conscious when we arrived at the hospital. Fear was growing in my stomach making me feel sick and nauseous. I remembered losing my mother a little too well and I wasn't ready to go through this again.
"Please don't take Dad, God," I mumbled again and again while we waited for any news.
Sune and Tobias joined us soon after. They brought a bag filled with books and toys and Tobias managed to make Julie forget for a while why she was there. I wondered why we didn't all just remain children for the rest of our lives. They knew it didn't help anything to worry. Why did we as adults insist on torturing ourselves like this over all kinds of things, most of the times silly stuff? Life was so short. Still I couldn't escape the anxiety. It was in all of my body, in every cell now and made me feel sick. Sune brought me water, coffee, sodas and chocolate bars that I swallowed like I was in a hurry. He held my hand.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to put all this on you. I really didn't."
"It's not your fault. You can't help it if you feel the way you do," I said and stroke his cheek gently. "You're so young. Of course you want more children."
He bit his lip and nodded. "I just never considered the fact that maybe you didn't," he said. "It was selfish of me."
"I'm the one who has been selfish," I said.
Sune lifted my hand and kissed it. "Let's never fight again," he said. "I really don't like it."
I chuckled. "Me either. But I'm afraid it's very often a part of grown-up life and relationships."
Sune looked at me with a grin. "Then let's not be grown-ups. Let's never ever grow up."
"Like Peter Pan?" I asked with a smile. Sune was so sweet.
"Exactly. Let's make our life and home like Neverland."
I laughed. Sune smiled. "Then I want to be Tinkerbelle," I said. "At least she’s not dirty like all those boys. Plus she’s skinny and can fly."
"Deal," Sune said.
I chuckled lightly. Sune always had a way of making me feel better whenever I was down.
"By the way I heard on the radio on my way here that another person died in the camp," he said.
I gasped. "The screams last night. I completely forgot about them. What happened?"
Sune shrugged. "They said the police were investigating it, but it looks just like the first death. He was throwing up and just being really sick and then he died."
"Wow. That sounds horrible. Who was it this time?"
"Some member of the church. We read his statement last night. Hans Christian Bille. Not a public figure or anyone that people know. Probably wouldn't even have been mentioned if it wasn't because he was the second person in two days dying at that camp. Something weird is definitely going on up here."
"You can say that again. But they didn't say what they thought it was, what could have caused it?" I asked.
He shook his head again. "I guess they don't know."
"But don't they have the autopsy from the first death?"
Sune shrugged. "I don't know."
"It all sounds really weird. Could they be hiding something? They must have some theory as to what could have killed two people living in the same camp. Could they have eaten something? I hope it's not some disease that we all could be infected with."
Sune smiled.
"What? Why are you smiling?" I asked.
"You're worrying again. You worry way too much."
"Well then you tell me what you think this is," I said slightly offended.
He shrugged again. "Probably just the end of the world. Like Isabella Dubois said. It's the devil trying to take over and kill us all."
"Well if that's all then there’s nothing to be afraid of," I said.
Sune chuckled. "We just need to drive the demon out. Command it to leave," he said and made a scary face.
I chuckled lightly. Then I went quiet thinking about Dad again. I spotted a doctor headed in our direction. I tried to analyze his face to see if he brought good or bad news. His face was like a stone. It had to be bad news, I thought and felt a huge pinch in my stomach. Please let it be good news, I thought. Please!
"Miss Rebekka Franck?" he asked as he approached us.
I stood up. Julie and Tobias stopped playing. I felt Sune's hand in mine. "Yes?"
"Your dad is stable now. We don't know what caused this, but he is still unconscious. His pulse is weak but he seems to be breathing on his own. He suffered a minor blood clot in his leg."
I exhaled deeply. "So he is going to be alright?"
"We're keeping him here for a couple of days just in case and to run some more tests, but yes. He'll need some rehabilitation over the coming weeks. I'll arrange for that. He'll need all the support he can get from his family. He had a stroke a few years ago, right?"
I nodded. "He fell from the stairs. That's why he uses a cane now."
"Good. These kinds of attacks are tough on the body. Take good care of him and don't let him get stressed out. If you could get him to cut down on the fat and salt in his diet it would help a great deal."
"I'll try. I have actually tried for years now."
"You can see him in half an hour," the doctor said. "A nurse will come and get you."
When the doctor left Sune put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close.
"What a scare," he said.
"You can say that again." I exhaled deeply and sat in the chair.
Julie came up and hugged me for a long time. "Is Grandpa alright?" she asked.
I smiled and kissed her. "He'll be fine. But he needs to stay here a couple of days and we need to do a little more work around the house, so Grandpa doesn't get so tired and worn out, okay?"
"Okay," she said like it was the most natural thing in the world. "I'll start doing the dishes and bring out the trash." Then she jumped down from my lap and went back to play with Tobias. Just like that. It was that easy when you were a child. I on the other hand felt ripped apart on the inside, devastated. Was this my fault? Had I let him do too much work? Well that part was about to change. That was certain. I would start cooking and cleaning some more, or hire help to do the cleaning so we didn't have to worry about it. I was going to make sure of that as soon as we got back from this awful place. Suddenly I had no desire to stay here for the rest of my vacation. I wanted to go home. This place was horrible and had too many bad memories already. But Dad had to stay, the doctor had told us. That meant we had to stay too. Until he was better and ready to be transported the long way home. It was after all a long drive. I sighed and held Sune's hand. Some vacation, I thought. I was the one who was supposed to relax and not get stressed out. Now I felt more stressed than ever.
CHAPTER 20
METTE GRITHFELDT WAS scared. She had always been a worrisome and anxious type, but right now she was more afraid than ever. She was walking in circles in her room at the camp where she had lived for twenty-seven years. Twenty-seven years in this room, at this camp where nothing changed and everything stayed the same. Suddenly her entire life had drastically changed within only two days. Her world had literally turned upside down. She was losing it, she thought to herself walking on the hard tiles. Finally her parents were right. They always told her she was crazy and tried several times to have her locked up in an institution, forcing her to leave "The Way" and the man she loved so dearly. Now she felt like she was about to give in and just go crazy once and for all. She paced the floors all night and morning ever since the police had talked to her and taken her statement after the second death in two days at the camp which she had witnessed.
Both of the deaths were devastating to her. First her great love of twenty-seven years had died before her very eyes without her being able to do anything, then her good friend Hans Christian. With him it wasn't so much that he had faded away in front of her that had scared her, no it was what he had done in his dying moments. He had looked at her. Just before life finally disappeared from his eyes, they had looked at her. Then he lifted his finger and pointed at her and his last words had been for her. She could still hear them over and over again in her mind, no matter how hard she tried she couldn't escape them.
"... you ... you," he said. What was that supposed to mean? That he had a message for her from beyond the grave, from the pit of hell? Did the devil want to tell her that she was next? Was it time to pay for all of her sins?
Mette Grithfeldt grabbed a book from her dresser and stroked it gently. She turned and looked at the picture of the Priest on the back. He was smiling at her like he used to do when they were together. She recalled the stolen looks during meetings or in the dining hall, stolen kisses in the corridors, passionate sex in his chambers when everyone else were asleep. This was the book he had written just before Mette met him. He had handed it to her and whispered in her ear that this contained all the answers, that she should read it every day, meditate on the words, let them linger in her soul and change herself from the inside out. She had done exactly that and he had been right. The book had changed her life, her way of thinking, her way of looking at the world, at her own life and who she really was. The book had taught her to be a servant, to be obedient and it had saved her life.
See, Mette Grithfeldt was a mess before she met the Priest. At eighteen she ran away from home and met the wrong people who introduced her to drugs and parties. She had
sex with so many different partners she couldn't even recall all of their faces. Just to get more drugs. Her father had looked for her, even put up a reward to anyone who could help find her. But Mette didn't want to go back to the mansion in Hellerup, north of Copenhagen where she had lived with her parents, where she grew up just waiting for the day when she would be old enough to get out of there. She hated that place and she loathed her parents and all their money and rich high-society friends. Yes, her dad was a very significant figure in the country, even friends with the Queen with whom he played secret card-games every third month along with other important people Mette never knew because it had to be all so secret. Oh how she loathed her parents and all they stood for. Buying people, exploiting people to make more money, to get more power. They had decided everything in her life. They had put her in the most expensive private school money could buy, they had bought her a horse to give her a healthy interest to attend to after school, they had hired a private teacher to teach her table manners and how to address people properly, how to speak like a lady to a gentleman and even to royalty since they expected her to be accepted as part of that circle and hang out with the two princes who were close to her in age. They found the right friends for her; they even made a plan for her education and career to keep on the family business. They had done all the right things a wealthy family would do for their child, they had just made one big mistake.
They never asked Mette what she wanted.
So on her eighteenth birthday Mette packed a backpack with clothes and some money she had hidden and left the oceanfront mansion on Hambros Allé after dark without looking back. She had taken the S-train into Copenhagen and laughed all the way enjoying her first time using public transportation like normal people did. In Copenhagen she had exited the train on the Central Station in the center of the city and never felt more alive. She had taken the exit towards Vesterbro and as soon as she stepped out on the street someone had approached her. A guy who had asked her if she was looking to have some fun.