CHAPTER THREE
The Cheshire Cat
Tra la la la la la la.
She hops and skips wickedly.
Things are definitely different with me.
Why, just yesterday, my black dress symbolized my brooding melancholy and now it shows my malevolence and duplicity.
She’s smugly satisfied with the words she had chosen—they were quite impressive in their number of syllables.
They show how much smarter I am than the average girl.
She stops when she hears the familiar purr in her right ear.
The Cheshire Cat.
“Kill yourself,” he whispers, as usual. He swoops out to face her, floating in front of her.
He’s a floating, grinning cat head with no body.
Alice tries her best not to glare him down evilly. She puts on the meek face she usually greets him with.
The Cheshire Cat says, “You’ve thought of my offer, I can tell.”
Yes, his offer. His offer is this: he will provide her with a pistol, if only she agrees to shoot herself in the head with it.
She never accepted though and the cat knows if she ever did accept she would follow through, for all the creatures of Wonderland know she is incapable of lying.
That is, I was until today.
The pistol pops into view, floating, glowing in the air next to the cat’s head. It is a single shot, flintlock pistol, with an ivory handle and a single lead ball bullet inside—a dueling pistol. “Why not take it?” he says.
She ignores his offer, offers instead, “I’m searching for something that was just stolen from me. Have you heard anything about it?”
“No, I’ve heard nothing. What was stolen?”
It’s best for others to still think she’s sweet and caring she thinks, so she says, “I don’t want to say exactly what. I just want to know if you know anything about it? Do you know who might have it?”
He just grins that stupid grin. “You’re teasing me. But I forgive you because you’re so pretty.”
Her shoulders slump. “Thank you.”
“Awww. If I help you get this thing back, will you kill yourself as my reward?”
“Yes.” She nods and nods eagerly. She’d never really lied before today. It feels somehow thrilling. Had she been missing this feeling all her life?
“Such a pretty girl, so pretty on the inside too. I would love to see your brains.”
“Thank you.” She decides to lie even more. “I tell you what, if you let me have the pistol, I promise I’ll shoot myself very soon if I can’t find the object I’m looking for. But if I do get the object back, I’ll be so happy that I’ll kill myself so I can die happy. So can I have the gun, pleeeeaaase?”
The cat looks at her suspiciously. “Well…why do you need it? I’ll just give it to you when the time comes.”
“Awwww Mister Puss Puss. Don’t you trust me?”
Everyone trusts Alice, or the old one with her heart intact.
“Well, everyone knows you can’t lie. It’s a weakness of yours. As long as you promise me…”
She looks at him innocently and protrudes her bottom lip. “I pwomise, cross my heart and hope to die, I’ll kill myself very soon, if you just give me the pistol.”
He relaxes and his grin edges up again. “Okay, but promise not to do it without letting me watch okay?”
She gives him thumbs up. “Promise!”
The cat giggles. “I’m so glad you finally decided to give in. Here’s the pistol. It’s a single shot dueling pistol, so aim carefully so you don’t miss.” He laughs. “That’s a little joke. I’m implying you have a tiny brain.”
Alice smiles to keep from scowling. “Very funny.”
“Yes, it was. Well, here you go.”
He mouths her the pistol. “Now, I must be off, because I’m bored with talking to you. Oh, I get bored so easily.”
He vanishes.
She slips the pistol into her dress. It could come in very handy for her mission.