CHAPTER NINE
What Alice Sees
Alice feels as if someone is toying with her as she stumbles about—it’s as if someone is shifting the ground beneath her feet.
She blinks as she looks at the mushroom. “That can’t be right,” she mumbles, as she stares at it in alarm, for it now seems to be floating in the air upside down. She remembers that often when you invert things, it causes them to become evil. “So is that an evil mushroom?”
She glances at the Caterpillar, then does a double-take, because where the Caterpillar once was, there is now a cocoon. The hookah hose is slithering away like a snake, pulling part of the hookah with it.
She notes that there’s much too much bright blue and red in the things she sees, and everything seems to blur and shift.
“Why, this must be a…a…uh…hallucination! Well, time for me to return to my regular size.”
She grabs a piece of the right side of the mushroom, taking a guess, because she doesn’t know if it being upside down causes its left to become right, and vice versa.
She begins nibbling. She feels her head begin to expand first.
The cocoon is wriggling. It cracks open while Alice is growing. A black butterfly unfurls its wings then flutters off.
“Finally! He seemed to have been stuck in perpetual adolescence! But he grew up way too fast.” She giggles. “As am I!” She stops nibbling because she is normal size now.
She stares wide-eyed, because standing in front of her is Humpty Dumpty, but he looks cracked all over like a boiled egg that’s been tapped all about by a spoon. She notices he’s wonkily-shaped now, not very round, almost cubicle.
Alice says, “Weren’t you just a round—”
He scowls. “I’ve been around, yes, no thanks to you! You stay away from me! The king and his men put me together again, and I’m starting all over again. I’m building a brand new wall I am, in an entirely different spot I am, away from you!”
“But I’m right here! You really couldn’t have chosen a worse spot.”
“Technicalities. Don’t bother me with them.” He produces a brick in one hand. “I shall build my wall brick by brick.” He sets the brick on the ground then stands on top of it, which proves quite difficult as demonstrated by his teetering and waving and whirling of his arms.
“Whoooa…I’m…whoa…I’m Humpty dum…whoa…Dumpty here on my wall… Ack!…I’m Humpty…whoa…Dumpty and I cannot fall!”
“Why that’s not a proper wall. That’s just a brick.” She suddenly notices that the brick is set on a railroad track. Why hadn’t she noticed that before?
“I shall…whoa…build…ack…the wall…higher later.”
“And wider too, I should think. By the way, did you know you are standing on railroad tracks? That really is quite a bad location for your wall. What if a train comes?”
“Hush. I’m balancing!”
Suddenly she notices that some distance away, behind Humpty Dumpty, the March Hare and the White Rabbit stand several yards away from each other, facing each other—each is holding a large carrot in their arms.
The White Rabbit shouts at the hare, “I’ve had enough of you! There’s only room for one rabbit in Wonderland!”
The Hare shouts back, “I’m not a rabbit, I’m a hare, you scoundrel!”
They begin hopping toward each other, holding the carrots out like javelins. Both carrots strike true, impaling them both.
Alice cheers, shouts, “Eat your veggies!”
The rabbit and hare, still impaled and bleeding, are shaking hands and bowing after their respectable duel.
Humpty Dumpty says, “What’s all that ruckus? Please…whoa…be quiet. I’m trying to balance here.”
Alice looks at Humpty Dumpty just in time to see the black butterfly land on the tip of Humpty’s nose and rest there.
Humpty’s face takes on a comical look of alarm. “Shoo! You!” He is looking down, cross-eyed at the butterfly, which isn’t moving.
Alice hears the sound of the train’s horn.
She turns to see it in the distance, but it is rapidly approaching, much faster than seems possible.
The March Hare and the White Rabbit are hugging awkwardly, despite the huge carrots stuck in their bodies.
I must knock Humpty Dumpty from the wall so he doesn’t get hit by the train! Because I want to be the one who breaks him…again!
The train has almost arrived. The butterfly finally flits off.
Humpty doesn’t appear to see the train in his side vision, because of how he has to stand on the brick. “What is that racket? Distracting. I must concentrate on my…whoa…balance!”
“I will break you!” With a howl, Alice runs, jumps up with both feet in front of her, sailing through the air like she is sitting in a chair, knocking Humpty from the wall. He explodes into shimmering swirling confetti sparkles.
She turns her head in midair to see the train slamming right into her.
All of a sudden, she’s lying on the ground on her back as if none of that happened. She looks around. She sees the little mushroom, right side up, and the little dead caterpillar next to his hookah.
She stands, dusts herself off, then staggers toward the Mad Hatter’s table.