* * *
JESSICA BACKED HER Miata out of Cal’s driveway and headed home. She caught herself tapping her fingers on the steering wheel and forced herself to stop.
Now she was really confused. She’d come over assuming that Cal wanted to make amends for the change in his behavior. That he’d explain whatever had been bothering him. As it turned out, that had been wishful thinking on her part. He’d been pleasant enough. Certainly appreciative of her part in getting him back together with Haley—and she was thrilled for him. But other than showing his appreciation, he’d been nothing more than a cordial and pleasant host. There’d been no personal connection, not the slightest indication that he was interested in her. And there’d been nothing of the sort for more than three weeks now.
In fact, if she hadn’t known better, she would’ve guessed that Cal was encouraging his brother to...to what? Be interested in her? Was that what tonight was all about? To set her up with his brother?
Andrew was a sweet guy, but that was not happening.
She’d been seriously thinking about abandoning her plan to leave the country and work with Care Across Continents. So seriously that she’d been struggling with what she’d do in San Diego if not provide patient care.
But now she wondered if she’d misinterpreted all along the signals she’d been receiving from Cal. She thought back and tried to pinpoint again when and what had caused the apparent change in Cal. Even now, the only thing she could come up with was his return to work. Tonight had made it abundantly clear; she felt his withdrawal. He was not interested in her in a romantic way.
Turning the matter over and over in her mind on the drive home, she kept coming back to the conclusion that she’d just been a convenience to Cal while he was recuperating.
Jessica let herself into her house and slipped out of her sandals in the hallway. Unaccustomed to wearing high heels, she rubbed one sore foot, then the other.
She couldn’t hold back a sound of frustration, almost a muffled scream.
The only decision she could come to was that Cal didn’t reciprocate her feelings. And if she was wrong?
Before she made any drastic decisions, she had to confront Cal—initiate a discussion between just the two of them—to make sure. The opportunity hadn’t presented itself that evening. But if she was correct that he really didn’t care about her, at least not in the way she craved, she was better off away from him.
And that eliminated the one obstacle that would keep her from following through with an assignment for Care Across Continents.
By the time she’d drifted off to sleep, she’d decided to accept the job.
CHAPTER TWENTY
CAL WAS VERY grateful to Jessica for her idea and for the encouragement that made his reconciliation with Haley possible. He had his daughter back in his life. Maybe he’d received a less than hopeful response to his adoption application for Kayla, but he hadn’t given up on that. Drew, for one, had assumed that with his relationship with Haley reestablished, he would abandon his adoption efforts.
It annoyed Cal that his brother didn’t know him well enough to realize that his desire to adopt Kayla wasn’t simply to fill the void left by Haley’s absence in his life. Nothing and no one could ever have done that. Nor did he consider Drew’s assumption to be respectful enough of Kayla—whom he’d never met—and how Cal felt about her. She was a remarkable child dealing with unimaginable circumstances and she deserved a loving home.
And Cal could provide it. The girl had no one. She knew him and felt comfortable with him. As outgoing as she was with him, he’d seen how she reacted to hospital and group home staff she was unfamiliar with. There was a shyness, a definite reserve. Putting a timid little girl in an entirely unknown domestic situation had to be hard on her. Of course, the family who’d eventually foster her would be caring and well-screened by the agency. In due course, Kayla would warm up to them. But in the meantime?
He was more than willing to adopt her; he wanted to do it.
He’d even broached the subject with Anna. Now that he was seeing Haley, and he and Anna were on speaking terms, he felt it would be best if he asked for her support. He knew Social Services would be calling Anna as part of the background check, and he didn’t want her to be surprised by the call. Or worse, be unpredictable in her statements.
Their conversation went remarkably well. She sounded incredulous at first, but when he explained his rationale and outlined Kayla’s circumstances, Anna relented. Cal wondered if her encouraging attitude had anything to do with the fact that she’d recently become engaged to the guy she’d been living with. Whatever the reason, the only thing that mattered to him was that she’d be an important ally in his efforts to get the adoption granted.
With both Jessica and Anna supporting his efforts to adopt, making Kayla his daughter could be a real possibility.
* * *
JESSICA WAS IN her office, sitting in front of her computer. She was staring at the screen but oblivious to the figures in the spreadsheet before her.
She’d received the offer the day before. The job was exactly as Raymond had outlined—except for one thing. They wanted her to head up their team in Honduras. It was a professional honor.
She’d taken the letter home. She weighed the pros and cons all evening.
Eventually, she decided she couldn’t pass up the opportunity. There was too much at stake, and there were too many reasons in favor of accepting, including the fact that she wanted to make a real difference in a country that desperately needed it. But she’d also finally resolved that she wasn’t cut out for the kind of medicine she’d been practicing. Her emotions invariably got wrapped up with each patient she spent any appreciable time with, not just children. It was just more pronounced with them. She didn’t trust her decision-making under those circumstances.
Working for Care Across Continents made it unlikely that she’d develop any attachments, and her work would predominantly involve more routine, non-life-threatening treatments. The one reason she would have stayed in San Diego...well, it was a moot point.
She’d come to accept that she’d developed strong feelings for Cal, but she couldn’t ignore the emotional distance he’d put between them ever since he’d returned to work.
If things had been different with Cal, would she have made a different decision? Yes. She answered her own question. If she’d felt there could be a future for her with Cal, she wouldn’t have considered leaving San Diego.
Moot point, she thought again, and signed her name to the agreement, slipped the document back in the envelope and placed it in her bag to mail on her way home.
Now that she was accepting the Care Across Continents offer, she had to tell Cal that she’d be leaving San Diego. No matter what the current circumstances were between them, she had to be honest.
* * *
“I HOPE I’M not disturbing you.” Jessica jumped and pressed a hand to her heart as she swiveled toward the doorway at the familiar sound of the deep male voice.
“Oh, not really. I was just...” What had she been doing? Other than thinking about him.
She glanced at her screen. “I was reviewing the month’s report on patient outcomes.” She felt a threatening sting behind her eyes and a constriction in her throat. Anyone who saw Cal standing in her doorway right now would never know he’d been injured. He looked healthy, vital and so very handsome.
She wanted to go to him. To hold him and be held by him. But if she did, she knew she’d fall apart, and probably reconsider the decision she’d already made.
There was no point. She’d only get hurt again.
“I won’t keep you. I was here for my final checkup. I just wanted to let you know in person that with your support and Anna’s, my lawyer thinks I have a reasonable chance of adopting Kayla.”
Jessica’s mouth wa
s dry and she struggled with what to say. “That’s wonderful news,” she finally managed. “I’m very happy for both of you. I hope it goes through smoothly.” She was astonished that her voice sounded so normal, when everything inside her was so tumultuous.
His eyes narrowed and he stared at her, unsmiling. “Well, I just wanted to say thanks. I’d better get to work now.”
As he turned to leave, he almost bumped right into Marcia. He reflexively steadied her and murmured an apology before he headed off.
“Here are the files you wanted.” Marcia walked into the office and handed them to Jessica. “Wasn’t he the one who brought you those flowers a couple of weeks ago? Good-looking guy.”
Jess glanced up. “Flowers?”
“Yes. A huge bouquet. You don’t remember? He came to see you and had all those flowers. I asked if he wanted me to take them for you, but then something seemed to distract him and he left.”
“When was that?”
“Oh...wait...it was the Monday before last! I remember because you were at your interview for Care Across Continents.”
“It wasn’t an interview,” she murmured. “It was just an exploratory meeting then.”
Marcia waved that away with one hand. “Well, whatever, but I’m sure that was the day, because I told him you’d be back shortly and he could wait for you if he wanted.”
“And he just left?”
“Yes. He seemed to be very cheerful when he arrived. But, like I said, something seemed to bother him because he didn’t seem too happy when he left.”
“Did you tell him where I was?” Jessica was getting an uneasy feeling.
“I don’t think so. Why would I?” Marcia frowned. “It was such a hectic day. I was trying to juggle at least a dozen things when he showed up. But he seemed very nice and he had that huge bunch of flowers for you. Maybe I did say something.” She looked contrite. “Shouldn’t I have? You haven’t made a secret of it around here. I’m sorry, I don’t remember...”
* * *
“I CAN’T BELIEVE we’ve hit another snag,” Cal complained to his lawyer. “You’d think Social Services was trying to prevent kids from finding happy homes rather than facilitating it.”
He could hear the frustration in Stephanie Lindquist’s voice over the phone. “It’s complex,” his lawyer began. “And not made any easier by you being single and...well, let’s acknowledge the elephant in the room...male. And a male with an allegation of...”
“That allegation was frivolous and vexatious, to use your legal jargon.” His anger boiled over. “It was cleared up. Dismissed. My ex-wife—the person who made the allegation to begin with—is acting as a reference for me in the adoption proceedings. I thought we’d been through all this already.”
“Take it easy, Cal,” Stephanie said. “We have to face reality. Even with the support of Dr. Jessica Hansen and your ex-wife, the authorities feel that Kayla would be best placed in a two-parent home. She’s never had that stability in her life, and she’s never had a father figure.”
Cal rubbed his forehead. “Isn’t that all the more reason for her to have one now?”
“I made that argument.”
He sat down on his sofa and rested his head against the back. “What do we do now?”
“There’s nothing more we can do at this stage. It’s in their hands. We wait and see what they come back with.”
Cal’s response was a long, drawn-out sigh.
“We’ve done everything we can,” Stephanie told him. “Let’s hope for the best and trust that the system will work as it should.”
But Cal wasn’t optimistic.
After the depressing discussion with his lawyer, Cal wasn’t in the mood for company, but Jessica had called and asked to see him. When he’d tried to make excuses, she said it was important and assured him she wouldn’t take up too much of his time. She’d sounded remote and perfunctory on the phone. It would be easier to resist her this way, but he couldn’t help missing the warm and vivacious doctor he’d fallen for.
Well, of course, he had something to do with her demeanor. He’d been keeping her at arm’s length for a couple of weeks now. He couldn’t blame her if she’d withdrawn. It was for the best, anyway, if she was leaving. There wouldn’t be any long, heart-wrenching goodbyes.
His feelings for Jessica weren’t diminishing, but the undercurrent of resentment remained. It was a major decision affecting them both and—just like Anna—she’d never given him the opportunity to weigh in on it, or to set right whatever wasn’t working for them.
Cal had to admit that his emotional wounds were deep and her action had rubbed them raw again. He might have married her, given the chance.
And although that shocked him, it had likely been simmering under the surface for some time.
But he’d misjudged her and it was out of the question now. Thank God he’d never raised the possibility with her. He didn’t have to deal with the rejection; he didn’t know if he could have.
Yes, he was renewing his relationship with Haley and he was still determined to adopt Kayla, but if Jessica had leveled with him about her desire to work overseas—if the job was so important to her—he might have figured out a way to accompany her.
Good grief! He didn’t realize that had even been lurking in his mind. He had no idea how it would have worked, since he had to consider Haley, Kayla and, of course, Scout.
They were two mature, intelligent adults. They should’ve been able to come up with a solution that suited all of them. But the opportunity hadn’t been presented.
He groaned.
He might be old-fashioned, but he’d always seen himself as the kind of guy who married once, for life. That hadn’t worked out so well for him. Yet, now he seemed willing to make the commitment again—with Jessica—and that was a sobering thought.
But even if she’d given him the choice, could he have left Haley and Scout and, if all went well, Kayla?
Impossible questions. No good answers.
Forget marriage. With Jessica, with anyone.
If he had love to give, it would all have to be directed at Haley and, hopefully, Kayla. He’d be the best father he could.
But he missed Jessica and the way they’d been together. He pictured her moving about his home and remembered how he’d liked having her there.
No, he wasn’t going to cancel seeing her. Besides, it might help to see her and get his frustrations out, instead of keeping them penned up. If she didn’t broach the subject, he would.
He showered, changed, fed Scout and took him for a short walk. He was ready just before she was due to arrive.
Jessica showed up on time, as she usually did when it wasn’t directly after work. Seeing her gave him that little jolt he’d come to expect. She was wearing a white shirt and jeans, her hair straight and loose, one side tucked behind her ear. She had on some faint shimmery lip gloss that made her lips shine, but her mouth was unsmiling when he opened the door.
He brushed his lips across her cheek. He couldn’t resist. He offered her a drink as they walked into the living room; she asked for a soda.
No, he couldn’t deny his feelings for Jessica, sitting here with her, when all he wanted to do was take her in his arms. Cal realized how much he missed the relationship they’d been forging. When Jessica finally said something about the hospital, it opened the door for Cal to prod her about what was bothering him most.
“How are things at work?”
His comment coaxed a smile out of her. “As well as can be expected.”
He forced a smile. “So it’s still a good place to work?”
Jessica raised her eyebrows. “Our patient outcomes are among the best. And I have tremendous respect for my colleagues and the hospital administration.”
He’d done enough interrogations as a po
lice officer to know the signs to watch for. Not that he was interrogating Jessica, but he’d been scrutinizing her reaction and he saw the slight narrowing of her eyes at his question. “So you’re happy there?”
“Yes.”
This time he didn’t have to watch for subtle clues. Anyone would’ve been able to read her. She threw up her hands and frustration was written all over her face. “What’s this about, Cal?”
He’d been hoping she’d confide in him. That clearly wasn’t going to happen. Should he evade or barrel through? He’d been dancing around it since the day he went to see her at the hospital and learned of her plans from that nurse.
If he expected her to be direct, maybe it was time for him to do the same. “I understand you’re considering a job that would require you to leave San Diego.”
She’d been lifting her glass to her lips, but her hand stilled and her face paled. Ice rattled in her glass as she replaced it on the coaster. With a slow, deliberate motion she linked her fingers together, resting them on her lap. “I’m not just considering,” she said emphatically. “I’ve accepted the job and I’ll be leaving San Diego.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CAL FELT AS if he’d been sucker-punched, even though he expected it. “When are you leaving?” he asked.
Jessica looked at him, wide-eyed. “Sometime in the next couple of months. But that’s all you have to say?”
“Because I already knew. Well, suspected. I didn’t know you’d made the decision.”
“How did you...?” Then she remembered the discussion she’d had with Marcia about the flowers, and how Marcia couldn’t remember what she’d told Cal. “Marcia? The trauma nurse?” she clarified.
Cal nodded. He kept his expression inscrutable, what he thought of as his cop look. But his voice was hard. “It’s not the way I would’ve hoped to learn about something this important. I’ve been...” He was going to say falling in love with you, but stopped himself. Darned if he’d make an even bigger fool of himself. Instead, he went on the offensive. “Can you understand how I feel? That you didn’t think you needed to share something this important with me?” He waited, so she’d know it wasn’t a rhetorical question. While he did, Scout came over to lie by his feet.